What Is Bea Watching This Television Season?

...Because I know you were all wondering. It's the question on everyone's (no one's) minds! Believe it or not, I don't feel like I watch a lot of television. I despise having shows meted out to me on a weekly basis and then pulled for months at a time. IT ANNOYS ME A LOT. I really prefer to mainline a show on DVD, but then I miss out on discussing it with with everyone else and reading reviews and articles, etc.

Returning Shows

• The Walking Dead. Dude. Zombies. Come on. I agree with everyone else who says that season one had an pretty awesome pilot and then the rest...kinda...sucked? It was very uneven. There were parts that were cool (the zombie attack on the camp, the showdown at the CDC) and parts that sucked (Um. The rest), but I was still curious enough to pop in for season two. It's better that the first season. I know that seems like faint praise, but it really is better. Some of the existing problems from season one are still around, like the pacing issues (Either kill Sophia off or fucking find her. LIKE, YESTERDAY), they still don't really know how to handle the Lori/Shane/Rick triangle (Lori and Shane need to come clean - they aren't really at fault, they truly thought Rick was dead and who could blame them - and then they have a threeway relationship. Shit. It's the zombie apocalypse. Have a threeway. Who cares?), and I still don't feel like they've really found their own internal logic and rules for their particular zombie apocalypse. They sure don't treat it like a biological contagion, what with everyone unconcernedly getting zombie goo on them all the time, but it's clearly communicable through bites, so what the fuck? SO. ANYWAY. The Walking Dead: better than last season, for real. The Shane twist was pretty great and I'm hoping it gets that character (who has potential and I like the actor) out of that rut (PUN SO INTENDED) that he's been in. The show needs to figure out some cool shit to do with Glenn, and either do something with Andrea or kill her off. While she's got a point re: Dale's paternalism, her incessant whinging about it drives me crazy. (The show, in general, kind of doesn't know what do with women. Are there any women on that writing staff? If not, fucking hire some.) Of course, I also watch The Talking Dead, because I love Chris Hardwick.
  
• Criminal Minds. I slacked off last season because the firing of 66.6666667% of the female cast members REALLY pissed me off. And apparently it pissed everyone else off because, OH LOOK! They brought Emily and JJ back because the most important thing about this show is the chemistry of the cast! Imagine that! So, I'm back. Spencer Reid is still pretty.
• Sons of Anarchy. Oh God, I hated the Ireland story last season SO MUCH. I, um, didn't watch the last three or so episodes because it was so painfully annoying. It's better this season. (Sensing a theme? Heh.)
• Community. I'm not a regular watcher. I pop in from time to time, mostly to see if Joel McHale will take his shirt off or if a piano will fall on Chevy Chase. ...What?

New (To Me) Shows

• Parks & Recreation. Oh, this is such a gem of a show, you guys. I love it! It's so...good-natured. Every time I wait for it to get awkward and cringe-inducing (like The Office), it almost never does! I love all the characters SO much. Leslie Knope! Is there another character like her on television? AND I LOVE RON SWANSON. RON. I AM DARK-HAIRED AND NOT-ENTIRELY-UNATTRACTIVE AND CAN PREPARE YOU BREAKFAST FOODS!!! MARRY ME.

New Shows

• Homeland. This is a really, really great show. Damian Lewis and Claire Danes are AMAZING in their roles and the supporting cast is awesome too. I like how unflinching and harsh it is. I love that I'm never entirely sure what's going on, who I can believe, if I can ever accept what I see in flashbacks. So. Great.
  
• American Horror Story. It's...just..so...INCREDIBLY BATSHIT B-A-N-A-N-A-S INDULGENTLY CRAZY. And I love that about it. I know a lot of people were put off by the pilot (and I don't entirely blame them) but I was strangely flattered by how over-the-top it was. "Aw, show! You really want me to like you! It's like a first date and you've brought flowers AND candy AND perfume! Aww. You've thrown dead babies, adultery, bare asses, a guy in a shiny gimp suit, Dead!Fake!Weasley twins, and Jessica Lange acting like she's a lost Tennessee Williams heroine. You get another episode!" I love Lange, Connie Britton, Taissa Farmiga and the kid who plays Tate. It's not...good, but BOY, is it entertaining. Do I think it's going to crash and burn? Probably. But it sure is fun while it lasts.
  
• Revenge. I do really like Revenge but it's up against about a million other things. I usually catch up with it on Hulu. It's everything that Ringer SHOULD be, but isn't: super-fun and soapy and trashy.
  

Shows That I Have Broken Up With

• Glee. I would probably keep watching Glee if they ONLY sang and danced. I realized that I found every character (Except for Kurt and Blaine) hugely annoying anytime they actually spoke.
• Supernatural. This was awhile ago, but ugh. I just got sick of its bullshit.
  
• True Blood. The show that I want it to be is not the show that it is. And the show that it is isn't one I'm really very interested in watching.
• Dexter. I still really like this show, I just got too far behind (I missed all of last season). Maybe I'll catch up on DVD.
  
• Ringer. I only lasted two episodes. Sorry, Sarah Michelle Gellar. I love you, but I kind of hated this show.
  

Shows I Intend To Keep Watching

• The Wire. SOMEDAY, YOU GUYS. I have to get through seasons four and five.
• Fringe. I tried to jump into season four, not having watched season three. And. Um. No. Not possible. I'm DVRing season four to watch after I grab the last season on DVD.
• Sherlock. WHEN WILL I GET MORE? I neeeed it, you guys.
  
• Game of Thrones. Though the second season should be called A Clash of Kings. /pedant
• Breaking Bad. I'm hoping to use the year's hiatus before the final season to catch up on the whole thing.
  
• Mad Men. Whenever it comes back.
  

What are you watching this season? What are you NOT watching?

An Open Letter To Certain Male Geeks

Greetings, geeks! My name is Bea. I'm (as of last week-ish) 32 years old. I'm a college graduate. I work in social services. I bake. I knit. I read (a lot). I vote Democrat. I occasionally sparkle. I enjoy the works of Jane Austen, thunderstorms, the Oxford comma, and the laughter of children.

Oh, I'm also a geek. I've been a geek since I was a tiny little girl and I had a Dune coloring book. This Dune coloring book, actually. I also had a glow-in-the-dark He-Man sword when I was itty-bitty that I had to take in the bathroom to watch glow because I was never awake when it was dark outside. Because I was four. Later, I was a huge She-Ra fan and literally subscribed to her newsletter. I loved Star Wars, Blade Runner, The Terminator, Wonder Woman, The Incredible Hulk, The V miniseries (both of them!), Legend, The Dark Crystal, The NeverEnding Story, Dune (the Lynch version, NEVER the Sci-Fi version, though that was much later), Labyrinth, and Conan the Barbarian. The 80s were fun, weren't they?

I was a gamer girl in the late 80s and early 90s. Look. You think it's tough being a gamer girl now? (It is, I'm sure.) Try it then. I was LITERALLY the only girl I knew who played video games. Ever. I don't play anymore but I can still fuck you up at Super Mario Bros. 1-3. My parents took me and my brother to a Nintendo Convention in Valley Forge, PA as a birthday gift. I'm guessing it was 1990 or 1991. Whatever year Super Mario Bros. 3 came out. I remember because I smoked some dude at a demo of the game. He clearly wasn't expecting that from a little girl. It was AWESOME.

I've watched The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, Space: Above and Beyond, VR-5, Harsh Realm, Dead at 21, Love and Curses, Forever Knight, Beauty and the Beast, Dark Shadows (the old 60s soap AND the early 90s remake), Mystery Science Theater 3000, Twin Peaks, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Farscape, The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, Heroes, Roar, Dark Angel, Supernatural, Fringe, Roswell, Alias, Earth 2, Dark Skies, Millennium, Kindred: The Embraced, and SeaQuest DSV.

I've read Heinlein and Herbert. I've read all the Lord of the Rings books. I own the extended editions of all the movies AND the Trivial Pursuit game.

Sorsha and I have a zombie apocalypse plan and seriously. It's awesome. It's getting better by the day.

I read comic books. I go to cons. Got my picture taken with Michael Berryman. I saw The Dark Knight in the theater four times. I have the Iron Man Mr. Potato Head, Tony Starch sitting on top of my television. I have a Matchbox-sized replica of the Metallicar on my desk. My mousepad features a kingly Aragorn. I'm currently knitting a Gryffindor scarf.

As you can see from the above exhaustive list, I will watch/read/consume ANYTHING sci-fi/horror/fantasy-related. Regardless of quality as you can also see from the above list. Heh. I can authoritatively nerd out on a variety of subjects. And I do. Often. And I do all of these things despite the INCREDIBLE HANDICAP OF A PAIR OF BREASTS. SHOCKING, RIGHT?!

But seriously, you guys. (And not ALL geek guys, of course.) Can you please stop acting like you own the field of geekery all on your own? Aren't we past this? Seriously? Are we really still OMG STUNNED when a woman enjoys nerdy pursuits? I don't do these things because my boyfriend reads comics and I want him to like me.

For example, I listen to The Nerdist podcast every week. Twice a week if it's on twice. I love it. It's awesome. It's my favorite podcast. I love Chris Hardwick. He's hilarious. But Chris. Dude. I AM NOT THE ONLY WOMAN WHO LISTENS TO YOUR SHOW. THERE ARE FEMALE GEEKS. IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU'RE DATING ONE. So why do you keep making comments about how no women listen to your show or how your nerdiness is losing you female viewers. Um. We do and it's not. KNOCK IT OFF. My ovaries do not "dry up" when James Gunn and Jonah Ray get into a nerd fight over whether or not 28 Days Later qualifies as a zombie film. That was AWESOME. (My opinion: it does count as a zombie movie.)

I was listening today to a review of the Game of Thrones miniseries. (3 days, you guys!!!!) And the reviewer made a comment about it possibly being a turn-off for women because it's all male-dominated, bloody and full of ultra-violence. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Because Dany and Arya and Catelyn and Sansa are just standing around, looking pretty. (Well, ok, Sansa is.) Because women can't stand watching male characters. (If we felt that way, we wouldn't watch anything, ever.) Because women don't like to watch dudes with swords fuck shit up. Especially because women don't enjoy a complex, well-told story. Mmm-hmmm.

Oh for Christ's sake, Terrance Zdunich: YES. GIRLS DO READ COMIC BOOKS. I even bought your creepy comic book about cockroaches.

I guess I'm mostly just tired of being told I don't exist.

ETA: This. Thanks, Sorsha. WHATEVER.

Christmas, Christmas Time Is Here!

Ah, a December Saturday evening...I'm tucked up in my warmest jimjams with a cup of tea and an English muffin preparing to do one of my favorite lame seasonal activities: watching Christmas episodes of television shows on DVD. And if you think I'm SUPER lame for doing this...well. Sustained, I guess. But I AM super lame and this blog generally documents my lamitudes and you find that delightful, DON'T YOU? Ahem.

ANYWAY.

I'm starting with My So-Called Life,"So-Called Angels." I'm about 30 seconds in and oh, Ricky. I started here because I've been listening to the Extra Hot Great podcast (And if you're not, you should be. And the Pop Culture Happy Hour. Seriously. They both bring me much glee at work. And really, who couldn't use more glee at work? You could. I know you could) and they were talking about MSCL and it made me remember how much I love that show. (Also, 10 minutes in and I remember how much I loathe Angela's sister Danielle. Shut UP, Danielle, GOD.)

So here's what I've got on deck (Literally, I have a pile of DVDs sitting next to me):

• Gilmore Girls, "Forgiveness and Stuff," season 1, episode 10. Everyone is still mad at everyone after Rory and Dean stayed out all night after her first dance. The Richard goes to the hospital with chest pains and they get over it. Oh, season one Gilmore Girls. How much you did not suck! Remember when I you didn't want to slap Rory?
  
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Amends," season 3, episode 10. The one where The First Evil makes its, um, first appearance and tries to corrupt Angel. And Willow tries to seduce Oz in an adorable fashion. I know most people don't like this episode but it's full of angst delicious angst and I love it.
  
• Joan of Arcadia, "The Uncertainty Principle," season 1 episode 11. This one fudging a little because it's not a terribly Christmasy episode but it revolves around the winter dance. God tells Joan to go to the dance with a troubled boy (Who played Andrew Schillinger on Oz and it weirded me out to see him here) and things get all dramatic. I always get the chills during the last five minutes of this episode.
  
• Veronica Mars, "An Echolls Family Christmas," season 1, episode 10. Veronica is hired to find out who stole the winnings from a 09er poker game and Keith investigates a famous actor's stalking. There's a shanking. It's pretty awesome.
  
• Doctor Who, "The Christmas Invasion," series 2, episode 1. God, I love this episode. David Tennant's first episode as the Tenth Doctor and he totally kicks ass. I got annoyed with Ten toward the end (SHUT UP WITH YOUR EMO MAN PAIN, FOR REAL!) but I adored him when he first started.
  
• The West Wing, "In Excelsis Deo," season 1, episode 20 and "Noel," season 2, episode 10. The first is when a homeless veteran dies wearing a coat that Toby donated to Goodwill and Toby arranges a military funeral for him. The second is the one where Josh has PTSD and is my second favorite episode of TWW EVER (My first favorite, like everyone else ever, is "Two Cathedrals").
  
• The Office, "Christmas Party, season 2, episode 16. Yaaaankee swap and Jim gets Pam a teapot. (I also hate Michael Scott.)
  
• Scrubs, "My Own Personal Jesus," season 1, episode 11. The gang deliver a baby in a park. Dr. Cox is grinchy.
  

So...what's YOUR favorite Christmas episode? Something I didn't mention? Do you hate Danielle Chase as much as I do?

A Study In Our Friendship...

Welcome friends and readers to part one of what I believe will end up being an eight part series that examines the complexities that exist in Bea and my friendship. In today's entry I will be showing the odd differences between our real-world love life versus the far more interesting and (don't tell Bea) imaginary love life.


The Real World

Auntie Mame

You may find this hard to believe dear readers, but as a teenager your beloved Auntie Mame was, for all intents and purposes, was a whore. My sister (Dolly) will attest that I had what she liked to refer to as the "boy of the month" club; I had a new boyfriend that I fawned all over at the beginning of the month and then tossed aside and complained about by the month's end. I dated everyone from computer nerds to metal rockers with a few preps and jocks thrown in the mix for good measure. I didn't really develop a "type" until my senior year in high school when I realized I should be a little more selective with the boys I swapped saliva with.

"Lady" Bea

Any consistent readers of this blog will not be surprised to learn that dear Bea was a bit conservative* during our formative teenage years. It wasn't until college that all my corrupting finally sunk in and she began to even notice those once "icky" boys. Her relationships with the opposite sex are usually monogamous and lengthy - lasting well over my one month cap. She was picky and overly selective in who she shared a dinner table with.


Our Imaginary (and Far Better) World

Auntie Mame

I have been in love with John Travolta since I was only a few months old. Being born in late 1979 meant that reruns of the Emmy award winning (it won like nine right?) Welcome Back, Kotter had started to air nightly. Since my parents were Joan and what's-his-name I was put to bed after the rerun of Vinny Barbarino saying "Up your nose wit a rubba hose" was over. I've loved John Travolta with a very weird passion every since.

Then came the movie, Beetlejuice and with it a love for the quirky lead actor in his black and white, plaid, flannel shirt. This was right before my father, What's-His-Face, discovered a little movie called the Hunt for Red October and I was smacked in the face with a love for the classic good looks of one Alec Baldwin. He's the kind of crazy that reminds me of my extended family, and there's something cozy and familiar about that.

As time grew on, my love for John never wained.

Yes, even when he gave us this

When I feel the need to get away from it all, it is to one of these two men whose arms I run (figuratively speaking). When I'm in a dramatic, angry mood: I like to pretend that Alec and I have explosive, public arguements and then explosive, public sex to make up. When I'm feeling sad and down on myself: I pretend that John is there being the sweet and comforting man he's known to be. Anyway, that's the way it's always been: me and John, or me and Alec, depending on my mood. Yes, occasionally there have been other actors that have caught my attention, but never in the same way. I've seen every movie John has ever made, and if they are available on DVD, I own it (including the made-for-TV-movie, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble), and every Thursday I obsess over my darling Alec in 30 Rock.

"Lady" Bea

She's as loose in her Hollywood life as she is reserved and scared in her real life. Bea changes her pretend love life as often as I changed my real one (back in the day of course, I'm a happily married woman now). Despite what she'd like us all to believe, she's not overly particular in her Hollywood adorations - she once told me about a dirty crush on Billy Bob Thorton - and she spends her nights doing what it took me a lifetime to do: watching every movie, TV show, and B-rated musical they had ever been in. It's hard for me to keep track of who's who honestly; Is Jensen Ackles the guy from Doctor Who? Is David Tennet the comic book writer? I can't keep them straight. If she were better on the computer, I'm sure she'd create a flow chart to explain all this to me, but, well, you know.

read : prude

Music Review: Godspeed You! Black Emperor, "f#a# (infinity symbol)"

So. One of my favorite movies EVER is 28 Days Later. It scared the shit out of me in the theater, great storyline, great performances, Christopher Eccleston AND Cillian Murphy, an awesome heroine in Selena, post-apocalyptic zombies...I mean, really. That's like catnip for me. Anyway, for some reason, I've been really into the soundtrack lately. I own it and haven't listened to it in years, but dug it out the other day. But then I remembered that my favorite musical interlude from the film isn't on the official soundtrack and I didn't know why. And if there's thing I love to do, it's unraveling bullshit trivia like that.

My favorite bit is the music that plays over the scene where Jim is wandering around the deserted city. It's from the Canadian band Godspeed You! Black Emperor's album "f#a# (infinity symbol)" [Ed. Actual infinity symbol. I just don't know how to do that. And don't care that much.] from the second...movement, I guess you'd call it, "East Hastings." Huh. I had never, ever heard of that band. And of course, when I check on the dark mother iTunes, each track is "album only." Same situation on Amazon. Grrrr. I posted about it on Facebook all, "Uh, anyone every heard of this band? Do the suck? WTF?" and as I was hoping, one of my much-hipper-than-me, musically inclined friends answered and made some suggestions.

So, I headed to Youtube where I listened to the entire album.

...Whoa. The album consists of three long, instrumental sections: "The Dead Flag Blues," "East Hastings" and "Providence." The first track opens with a long, ominous tone and a spoken word monologue about...I don't know. The end of the world or something. IT'S REALLY FUCKING CREEPY. But also incredibly compelling. Each section sort of builds on itself. I could hear echoes of the section I liked so much from "East Hastings" in the earlier track. Throughout the album is the use of ambient noises and spoken word and many different musical influences from a country/bluegrass twang to straight up rock and a smoother, more classical sound.

It was, oddly, a really emotionally visceral experience. I was creeped out and sort of felt like I was going to cry at several points. Not because the music was sad. I guess because it was so complex and evoked so many contradictory emotions. I don't know, I think I'm sounding really pretentious here and not meaning to. Heh.

When I got to "East Hastings," I was all psyched because I'd found the first section so interesting. It was aaaaawesome. (Except for the end. I hated that part, but more on that later.) That rock bit is just so slammin' it's like I can't hold my body still when I hear it. I have to MOVE. Though the section ended with a long section of static. I hate that. The sound of static just really, really wigs me out. I think I blame The Ring, but whatever.

I know nothing about the culture surrounding this band, I don't know if they're like, a pretentious hipster band or whatever. But I really liked this album. Yaaaaay!

So...What Have You Been Up To Lately?

Who, me? Well, lately I've been a bit busy. Sid and Andie had their third child at the end of last month! Another boy who we will call New Baby because that is what his older brothers Conan and Mothra call him. And I find that HILARIOUS. So, I was out there visiting them. We had fun playing Wii late at night. As ever, both Sid and Andie TROUNCED me at Tetris. But I railed them both at Mario Bros. so that was a good time. And they made me watch several episodes of Blackadder and I fell in LOVE with the show and um...Rowan Atkinson. No one told me that he is stone-cold foxy in the second series of that show. It was quite shocking!

Mame has some delightful news for you all, but I'll let her tell you when she gets a chance!

I've been devouring movies, television and books lately. Here's a quick round-up (Another blog post concerning my most recent obsession will follow shortly):

• Iron Man 2: loved it. I thought it was better than the first film! I'm not notably a Scarlet Johansson fan but that scene where she walks down that hallway, KICKING ASS almost had me in tears at it's awesomeness.
  
• The Ghost Writer: it was fine. A nifty, well-crafted little thriller. Ewan McGregor showed his ass, AS USUAL. If you can square it with your conscience to go see a Roman Polanksi film, check it out.
  
• Twilight and New Moon with the RiffTrax commentary. OH MY GOD. HILARITY. I highly, highly recommend them. I watched it with Sorcha and a bunch of friends and my stomach hurt from laughing.
• Just read the latest Sookie Stackhouse book, Dead in the Family and it was awesome as usual. Could have been filthier though. Alas. I can't wait for the next season of the show.
  
• I'm currently reading an awesome zombie book called Feed by Mira Grant. Love, love, LOVE it. I'm about halfway through and if you like zombies, and really. Who doesn't? Check it out.
  
• Treme, Justified and Doctor Who continue to be great.
• Michael Sheen continues to be hot.

What have you been watching/reading/devouring lately?

Yet Another Catch-Up Post

Hi everyone! Mame and I have been fairly busy lately! She's trying to buy a house and not lose her damn mind, both of which are full time jobs. I've been trying to be supportive by finding new and interesting ways to call her a whore on her voicemail. Don't you wish I was your best friend? I bet you do!

I've been travelling all over the place! Well, up and down the east coast. Sort of. Mom and I went to my baby cousin Brianna's baby shower at the beginning of the month. Ah, family. That's all I really need to say about that, isn't it? Also, I will never again set foot in a church with a house band. Ok? Ok.

Then I spent an AWESOME weekend in Boston, visiting EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. The planets aligned and allowed for all the Email Girls to converge in the city for a brief window of time. There was like, fairy dust and shit. So, The World Traveller, Chicklet and Agent Mascara joined us and a good time was had by all. And I really mean it! We had a BLAST. There was boozing, cake-eating, Criminal Minds, Doctor Who and Blackpool-watching (EGT: "The scene where David Tennant sings 'Should I Stay' is the best scene ever committed to film." Email Girls: "AGREED."). Action figures of the Master and the Tenth Doctor went to the prom together. It was very touching. Cardboard!David Tennant ate some cake. Season 4 of Doctor Who was compared to lupus. Dr. Smarty-Pants made commemorative buttons that we all wore with pride. In other news, we are giant dorks, but we have fun. Agent Mascara and I were loosed, unsupervised, in Boston, where we did not get lost or trip over something and then die. If you know Agent Mascara or me, you know this was quite the accomplishment. We were quite proud.

Next, I'm heading to Pittsburgh to visit Sid, Andie, Mothra and Conan, who is now ONE YEAR OLD. WOOOOO!!!! I'll also meet up with Dr. Fabulous.

My life is rather full just now and I'm feeling quite content!

Also, enjoy these brief reviews of the following media I've consumed recently:

• District 9: I'm not as in love with it as everyone else seemed to be. It was interesting and smart, which is a nice change for a summer movie. But the depiction of the Nigerian drug lords made me rather uncomfortable, especially in a film that is ostensibly about racism. Hmm. It is nice to see an indie film rake in the bank. However, please do not make a sequel. PLEASE.
  
• The Time Traveler's Wife: No, seriously. Read the book.
• The Inglorious Bastards: I refuse to misspell the title. Anyway...OH MY GOD! LOVED IT! Quentin Tarantino is one of my very favorite filmmakers and I adored this movie. I'd see it again immediately. Also, Eli Roth? Call me. You are hot.
• Into The Wild (book): Very good book. Didn't do much to change my opinion of Christopher McCandless, but I don't really want to speak ill of the dead. I actually enjoyed Jon Krakauer's digressions and I seem to be in the minority about that. You should probably go read it and Into Thin Air, also by Krakauer. Now I want to see the film version. Has anyone else checked it out and can give it a yay or nay?
• And I Don't Want To Live This Life: Ok, it's a biography of Nancy Spungen, girlfriend of Sid Vicious who was murdered by him in 1978. My grandmother used to have quite the selection of pulpy trash novels from the 1970s and I read this one when I was 12 or 13. I'd never even heard of the Sex Pistols when I first read it, so I decided to snag it from the library and give it another go. The book is written by her mother and while I'm not sure I'm buying everything she's selling, it's appalling how Spungen is still vilified. Um, everyone in the punk scene was an asshole, not just her. That's the POINT of the punk scene. I'd recommend it if you are interested in that particular scene or era.
• Being Human: a Brit import about a werewolf, a ghost and a vampire sharing a flat and struggling with their various supernatural issues. It sounds sort of stupid, but it's very funny and cute and smartly written. And let me introduce you to Mitchell, the vampire and my new boyfriend. Behold. He often wears fingerless gloves. For some reason, I find this insanely hot.
• System Of A Down: Um. Where have I been? These guys are awesome and, as usual, I am the last to know. See, what happens, if you're me, is that you watch a documentary on the Armenian Genocide (Don't ask.) and they're all over it! They you're frantically downloading their music and moping over the fact that you will never seem them perform live. GRRR.
  
• Mad Men: Are you still not watching it? Get on that, would you? "I'm Peggy Olson and I want to smoke some marijuana." HA!

HEE! This post was repeatedly kicked back by Blogger for having too many tags!

Summer Movie Round-Up

I've been inspired by the lovely, ginger and only occasionally rude Sorcha's driveby post of summer movie reviews. This has been a great summer for movies! I've seen a million already!

• Star Trek: LOVED IT. I was never a huge fan of the television show, I liked The Next Generation but that was it. More of a Battlestar Galactica girl over here, you know? But this is a terrific movie. Awesome cast, great script, fun storyline. The "twist" they use to differentiate this iteration of films from the original series is nothing short of brilliant. If this ends up being Leonard Nimoy's final appearance as Spock, I think that's ok. It's a lovely, intelligent, dignified performance. (I know people were bummed about Shatner not having a role in the new film, but seriously. I don't see him showing up and being dignified. Do you?) I plan to drag Mame and BW to see it this weekend even though neither of them like sci fi. Also, I wept through the first 10 minutes. For the next movie, however? MORE SIMON PEGG. ALWAYS MORE SIMON PEGG.
  
• X-Men Origins: Wolverine: A decent movie. Good action sequences, fun performances from everyone. I didn't expect a whole lot and was pleasantly surprised. I loved Ryan Reynolds, but then I ALWAYS love his smartass schtick. And Hugh Jackman is truly a humanitarian. These are troubled times and the only way he can help is by removing his shirt. And he does. A lot. And the slightest provocation. And the world is a better place for it. Thanks, Hugh!
• Terminator Salvation: Loved it. Saw it twice. Apparently, I'm the only one, but that's ok. Christian Bale was pretty great and a total BAD ASS. And I loved Bryce Dallas Howard's steely Earth mama routine. And helloooo Sam Worthington. I didn't think anyone was allowed to be hotter than Christian Bale but I stand corrected! And I adored Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese and that's no small feat. Kyle Reese was my first love and I am VERY protective of him. And Yelchin was pretty great in Star Trek as well. Good for him! (My epic Terminator post is still in the works, I promise!)
  
• Drag Me To Hell: HA! This was a ton of fun. It was pure, old school Sam Raimi and I loved every second. It was completely disgusting and hilarious and made me jump out of my seat and screech more times that I can count.
  
• Up: I think I've made my thoughts on this movie clear. The most wonderful movie ever.
• The Hangover: SO. GODDAMN. FUNNY. Zach Galifinakis is practically a national treasure* and Bradley Cooper needs to show up to decorate every movie. Mame, BW and I have been quoting this movie at each other for weeks now.
  
• Away We Go: Lovely, lovely movie. Funny and sweet and full of great performances. I want you all to know that Mame cried. (Mame! The dad with all the adopted kids was played by the same guy who played Lawyer Ted on Six Feet Under. That's where we knew him from!)

What movies have you seen so far this summer?

*Why isn't "Between Two Ferns" a real show? I'd watch it every week! Though Mame will be amused to know that I still found the one with Michael Cera too uncomfortable to watch a second time. I tried! I couldn't do it! STOP TICKLING HIM.

Boston, Genre Novels and This American Life

Since I've received reports that my repeated rounds of Marry, Cliff, Shag are appalling my Uncle Volstaag (I didn't even know that was possible!), let's talk about something else, shall we?

I just got back from a rockin' trip to Boston to visit EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. (Not to be confused with Dr. Fabulous. I know lots of doctors, ok?) I'd never been to Boston before, so I was quite excited. Of course, I hurt my back again right before the trip and spent the days before in a flurry of muscle relaxers and chiropractics. I was taking the train and it's a 6-hour ride. I wasn't sure how well this would go, as sitting is especially uncomfortable. But it turned out ok, I could walk up and down the aisles when my back got too stiff. The people in the car with me probably thought I was really weird, but whatever. I am really weird and it's not like I'd ever see them again. Generally, I love taking the train; it's my favorite way to travel. I read and listened to NPR podcasts on Frank the iPod. I discovered that if it appears that you are reading gay porn no one will sit next to you. Even on a crowded train car. HA!

So, I got to Boston and EGT and I attend a very elegant cocktail party that Dr. Smarty-Pants is hosting. (Martinis with marshmallow Peeps in them. I must get the recipe) It was SO much fun. I can be fairly reserved around people I don't know, but everyone at this party was so awesome and smart and funny and welcoming and I had a great time. In spite of a near-death experience with a flying champagne cork and getting my ass kicked at Wii Tetris, a good time was had by all.

EGT, Dr. Smarty-Pants and I went on a tour of Boston the next day. I saw Harvard! And other stuff! I bought my mother a postcard of whatever stadium the Red Sox play in just to annoy her. (It worked!) EGT pointed out various historical sites. Either she is very well-versed on her local history or she is very gifted at making up plausible-sounding historical lies. Probably the former. She also pointed out every alley that we saw because I made her watch one episode of Criminal Minds because it was set in Boston and she was appalled by the lack of locational accuracy, particularly the oversized alleys.

Then we watched hours and hours of Doctor Who and geeked out about it the way only DW fans can. Well, maybe Buffy or Veronica Mars fans. They can get pretty enthusiatic. And then we made the folly of ignoring warnings from The Gods of Takeout Food and ended up ordering Chinese food from three different places, only to be foiled twice and then end up with the Worst. Chinese. Food. Ever. And no fortune cookies! (Says EGT the next morning: "Why didn't we just eat cereal?" Bea & Dr. Smarty-Pants: "...") I made them watch the season four finale of DW, "Journey's End" because I hadn't seen it and I thought there was no way it could be as bad as they'd said it was. OH MY GOD, IT WAS. I felt guilty for inflicting it on them. They were very forgiving and we cleansed our palates with John Simm's turn as The Master. (I can't stop watching either of those clips. They crack me up. I...may have problems)

It was a really fun trip. (Still sorry about "Journey's End," you guys!)

So, Mame has been devouring the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Mom and I already burned our way through them, so I've been enjoying her up-to-the-minute text messages, phone calls and IMs as she progresses through the series. HA. Examples: "OH MY GOD, ERIC!!!" "BILL, WTF?!?!" "QUIIIIIINNN!!" "I LOVE SOOKIE!!11" The next book is out in May and we are eagerly anticipating it. You guys, the show and the books are awesome and you should check out both of them. Join us in the insanity! It's fun over here and we have cookies!

I've just started the Harry Dresden series and I like it quite a bit. I'm only on book two, but it's pretty great. Anyone else read them? (My, I'm linky in this post!)

The book I was reading on the train that was possibly gay porn was Corambis, book four on the Doctrine of Labyrinth series. I blogged awhile ago about my adoration of the first two books in the series, Melusine and The Virtu. The third book, The Mirador, was pretty good. But I LOVED Corambis. It's probably my favorite of the series. It's not nearly as tawdry as the cover would suggest, but really well-written and Monette even manages to introduce a new character (The guy in chains on the cover) and get me invested in and care about him. That's no mean feat as I was really desparate to know what was going to happen to Felix and Mildmay. I zipped through it in three days and can't wait for it to come out in paperback so I can buy it. (I hate buying hardcovers and I want my books in the series to "match." I know, I know, I'm weird)

Mom and I recently attended the live show of This American Life and it was AWESOME. They filmed it, I think, in New York City and beamed it to movie theaters. Ira Glass is so cute, you guys. Mike Birbiglia (Who I LOVE) gave one of his funny/cringey routines about a car accident, Starlee Kines did a bit about therapy and killing your parents (...figuratively!) and Dan Savage talked about his mom's death and his quasi-return to Catholicism. It was really funny and touching and might have made me cry. I'm hot/cold on his sex column, but his writing is pretty excellent. There was a very strange cartoon about a cat head and an abusive mouse and Joss Whedon sang a song from the musical commentary of Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. I quashed the urge the yell, "WHY DOES DOLLHOUSE SUCK?!?" but his performance was very fun. I think they're doing a second airing in early May and I HIGHLY recommend going.

So, that was really long. What have you been up to? Mame, any news you want to share?

Movie Review: "Twilight"

Ok, I have now stopped laughing long enough to write my Twilight review. It took awhile. Now, don't get me wrong. I liked the movie. Quite a bit, actually. FAR more than I thought I would. But it was often ridiculous and overwrought, you know, much like teenage romance. I actually think the movie is better than the book. And that almost never happens. I saw the movie with my mom and we both read all four books and enjoyed them, mostly. One of my favorite things to do is to tell unsuspecting people what happens in book four. (You ever see Alien? It's JUST like that! Only not as good! And WAY more gory!) I spent equal time laughing hysterically and leaning forward in my seat making goo-goo eyes at the lovestruck teenagers. It took until halfway through the movie for Mom and I to stop giggling whenever Robert Pattison and his hair came onscreen. (At his first appearance, I cracked up and Mom exclaimed, "His eyebrows are trapezoids!" Don't you wish you'd been sitting behind us?)

Quick and dirty plot synopsis: Seventeen-year-old Bella Swann moves to some rainy town in Washington (Or is it Oregon? Whatever) to live with her dad because, blah, no one cares. She meets some kids at school, including the BEAUTIFUL AND MYSTERIOUS CULLEN FAMILY. All the other Cullen kids are paired up pseudo-incestuously with other Cullens except for the wild-haired Edward. Oh, the Cullens are vampires. SHHHH. It's a (poorly kept) secret! But they're nice vampires, they don't eat people. Only wildlife. Edward totally wants to eat/have awkward sex with Bella. Ah, young love. Bella is down with either because she's stupid. Blah blah blah, longing looks, sparkling, vampire baseball, evil vampire trio, plot, plot, plot, VAMPIRE FIGHT, WRIST-SUCKING, prom, kissing, THE END.

Things I liked:

• The script. Given the source material, Twilight has a very good script. It's structured better than the book (I liked how the vampire killings are shown from the beginning of the movie. That way it's not like, "SURPRISE! EVIL VAMPIRE AMBUSH!!" when they appear later.), the characters, particularly Bella's classmates, are better drawn and it had FAR less padding than the book. The novel is at least 100 pages too long. Pages and pages of adolescent whining and repetition.
  
• The actors. With one notable exception (JASPER!!), all the actors are excellent. They all throw themselves into their roles and inhabit them completely. The vampire family is especially well done, except for one. (JASPER. OH, WE'LL TALK ABOUT HIM LATER)
  
• The chemistry between Bella and Edward. Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart have SMOKIN' chemistry. Seriously. That kiss? Was very, very hot. You could feel the LONGING. Of course, they can't have sex because Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon, I mean, because Edward could kill Bella if he "loses control." Ah, yes, the demon that is sexuality. SCARY. (It's like in Mallrats when Brodie is wondering if Superman and Lois Lane could have sex because wouldn't his Super Sperm pierce her uterus? Just like that, only more repressed!)
  
• Everything in Twilight is very pretty to look at. Both the scenery and all the people. You could retitle it Pretty People Posing and Occasionally Hiking in Pretty Woods and Sometimes Talking. A bit wordy, but accurate.
  
• VAMPIRE FIGHT!!!
• Bella's dad. I didn't find him nearly as touching in the book as I did in the movie. He was really sweet! The actor did a really nice job with such a lightweight role.
• The trio of evil vampires. They were almost actually scary! And oddly hot.
  
• I liked that the movie does not downplay how fucking creepy Edward is. First, he stares at Bella like she's lunch and then twitches around like a freak. Then he befriends her all weirdly and possessively. Then he offers to kill people for her. (To be fair, they were like, would-be gang rapists, but still) Then he tells her that there's a chance he might kill her. You know, accidentally. Then he admits that he sneaks into her room at night...to watch her sleep. Riiiiight. Romantic! At the very least, the actor playing Edward knows what a stalky creeper he is and plays him accordingly.
• I was amused by the montages of Edward and Bella having deep conversations and seeming to connect on a level other than hormonal/sanguinary. You could never hear what they were talking about which is unfortunate because I can't imagine what a teenage girl and a 150-year-old stalker would talk about. Now we'll never know!
  

Things I Didn't Like:

• JASPER. OH MY GOD. What is WRONG with that actor? Was he in a coma? I don't think he made a single facial expression during the entire movie. Every time someone made a comment about how Jasper was feeling or something, I was like, "Um. How can you tell?" Since everyone else in the movie was fine, I'm going to have to chalk his SOCIOPATHICALLY FLAT AFFECT up to bad acting, rather than bad directing. DAMN.
• Robert Pattison's hair. Did his stylist hate him? There's a fine line between "artfully tousled" and "desperately trying to escape the earthly confines of his scalp" and that line is crossed MANY times.
  
• Bella's narration. UGH. Book-Bella is really fucking annoying. Movie-Bella is less so because we are not in her head. We don't have to listen to her whine about how Edward would never love someone like her and rain sucks and school is stupid and blah blah infinity. But then, pretentious narration!
  
• And ok, since Bella's classmates are so much more well-written in the movie than in the book, it makes Bella seem like even more of a wet blanket for ditching them for a guy who wants to make a smoothie out of her innards. They're fun, quirky kids who write the school newspaper and hang out in hippied-out vans! Add cigarettes and magnetic locker poetry and that's just like Mame's and my group of friends in high school! But no, Bella is totally bored by them. Of course, Mom pointed out that every girl who is obsessed with her boyfriend totally ditches her friends and acts like that. True, true.
• The stupid thing with Edward catching the apple. That caused me to guffaw so loudly that Mom hissed at me to behave myself. HAHAHAHA.
• THE WRIST-SUCKING. Are you KIDDING me?! Was that supposed to be serious?
  
• I was disappointed with the sparkling. I expected Edward to be WAY sparklier. I'm assuming the filmmakers were trying to avoid camp, but guys? TOO LATE. This is Twilight; less is NOT more.
• Some of the dialogue was appalling. And most of the real groaners? Came straight from the book. Guys, it was bad enough having to READ that lion/lamb shit, let alone hearing real people actually SAY it.
  
• My Chemical Romance does not appear on the soundtrack. I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS.
• I still want to send Stephenie Meyer a care package containing copies of The Gift of Fear, Backlash and Reviving Opelia, 'cause damn.
  

Still. It was great times. It was not, however, good enough to deserve a text at 2:3o in the morning opening night telling me how AWESUM!!11 it was, MY TEENAGE COUSIN BRIANNA. Ugh.

Also, I may or may not be writing this review under the influence of muscle relaxers. So, you know, keep that in mind. (TEAM JACOB ALL THE WAY, BITCHES!!!)

Fantastic!

Stolen from EGT: When you see this post, quote from Doctor Who on your [blog].

The Doctor: If I don't like your plan, it will end.

Mr. Finch: Fascinating. Your people were peaceful to the point of indolence. You seem to be something new. Would you declare war on us, Doctor?

The Doctor: I'm so old now. I used to have so much mercy. You get one warning. That was it.

[shivers]

Any New "Who" Readers of This Blog?

I think there are maybe...two of you?

DONNA NOBLE IS MADE WHOLLY OF AWESOME.

I adore her.

The End.