YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

So, I'm sitting at my desk this morning, sipping my coffee, listening to NPR, and organizing the day's events and I get a text from my most amiable geeky companion Sorsha: "JULY 12TH RELEASE FOR A DANCE WITH DRAGONS!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And then there were more texts and later, when I got home, tweets from Dan Mac and others and the entire internet was like, wall-to-wall GEORGE R. R. MARTIN. It was AWESOME.

I'm so excited! I did this and then this and then this is what my office looked like all day today. (Instead of Doctor Who geeks, picture me doing a happy dance and a lot of confused social service workers. Good times.) And I know, I don't deserve to be excited. I only just read A Game of Thrones and am only halfway through A Clash of Kings. I haven't SUFFERED like the rest of you. I am aware of my privilege, ok? But my wait for the last two books will be just as long as yours now. WE WILL PINE TOGETHER.

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. I just went looking for the new trailer for the miniseries that went live during the Academy Awards and found a NEW NEW TRAILER! Holy shit, you guys! It's like today is GEEK CHRISTMAS. The Wall! A glimpse of the Others! MORE JAIME. Um. Soooo...Robb? Kind of hot, yeah?

I can't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!!!

Rants of Ice and Fire: Oh, HELL No

Hey Sorsha, remember when I recommended that podcast to you, Podcast of Ice and Fire? Yeah, well, I'm rescinding my recommendation. I enjoyed the first episode and part of the second one I listened to (I texted you a quote) but immediately after that, one of the women on the 'cast treated the listeners to a lecture about Catelyn Stark and how she's not a strong character because she's a wife and mother.

...No, really. That was it. I'm on record as not being a huge Catelyn fan. Mostly because I find her boring and think she was a bitch to Jon Snow, whom I adore. (Though I can sort of understand her reasoning. Well. As much as I can understand why anyone would be mean to a little kid, even if he IS your husband's illegitimate kid of TOP SECRET maternity.) But I certainly don't think she's weak. And I think she left "traditional" femininity behind when she hopped on her horse to go rally the Tullys and gather evidence against the Lannisters for booting her son out the window. And then arresting Tyrion. And the way she handled the arrest was pretty fucking masterful. And she seems extra tough when you compare her to her miserable sister. Ugh.

Yeah, she raised five kids. Hell, six, if you count Jon Snow. (Are we to think she completely ignored him? I'm unclear on this. I guess it doesn't matter much.) She was a dutiful and loving wife to Ned and mistress of Winterfell. None of these things make her weak. Motherhood's a fucking tough job, I'm pretty sure. Especially when you don't have things like, you know, epidurals, antibiotics, diapers, pacifiers and soap. And unlike that gorgon Cersei (To whom she was being compared unfavorably), she doesn't: 1. Fuck her brother 2. Murder her husband 3. Have any Damien-Omen kids.

I'm mostly just really offended by the notion that if you don't try to act like a man, you're weak. Like I said in my ridiculously impassioned defense of Sansa: not everyone can be Arya or Dany. If you put a sword in my hand, I'd probably be all, "Um. This is heavy. I'm just gonna put this down over here before I drop it on my foot" and then I'd go read a book. Or knit something. Or bake something. In fact, I'm looking up brownie recipes as we speak. ...Type. And I'd (GASP!) like to get married and have babies someday. !!!!!!!!! Whatever. I GUESS I'M JUST TOO WEAK/BORING/USELESS TO LIVE.

So, back to the podcast...I'll be unsubscribing. Which sucks because I loved being able to listen to something Westeros-related at work. It's the NEXT BEST THING to reading the novels. But I don't need that kind of misogynistic bullshit.

AND NO BROWNIES FOR YOU, PODCAST OF ICE AND FIRE.

ETA: Oh, there was other stuff, too. This was just the bit I was ranty about.

Well, There Goes the Rest of My Spare Time For the Forseeable Future...

I visited my local used book store yesterday to see if they had book two of A Song of Ice and Fire in stock and guess what?! They had all three! The bookseller was quite delighted with my purchases; he seemed to be a big fan of the series. He warned me ominously that it's been years since the last book came out and that No One Knows when book five will be out. I assured him that I was aware of the risk and was willing to fling myself headlong into book-related heartbreak.* The best part is that they only cost me $10! YAAAY! (All three at Amazon was going to set me back $30, which had me squawking in indignation, but I was still totally going to pay it.)

Also, Sorcha and I may need to have a mild throwdown over Sansa Stark. Only mild because I can see her point of view, but I have all this empathy for Sansa.

*Hey, it was, like, twelve years between the releases of the fourth and fifth Earth's Children novels. Wait. Bad example. Book Five of that series, Shelters of Stone, suuuuuucked. Like, a lot.

Mini Review of Book-In-Progress: "A Game of Thrones"

Sorsha has been after me for months in her gentle way (No, really. She doesn't pressure. She knows better. Almost no one manipulates me better than her) to start reading the first book in A Song of Ice and Fire series, A Game of Thrones.

I've had the damn book for over a year. I bought it at a used book store when she first started talking about it and I'd heard about the series from my fellow geeks online. Mostly, they were bitching about the next book not being out. And then Neil Gaiman told them to shut up about it and that was fun. So, I picked up the book, took one look at all the characters with the crazy names and put it back down. I'd look at it longingly on occasion, but went on to other things. But I really wanted to get it read before the HBO miniseries with the AWESOME cast came on. In April. I think I've got time. But you know. Time gets away from you. And then there was this preview.

Yeah. I need to get on that.

So, I started it this week. DETERMINED.

After numerous texts to Sorsha (And pouncing on her at work), visits to the IMDB page (Sometimes it helps if I can get mental pictures of the characters in my mind) and the Wikipedia page (Careful there if you're spoiler-averse) and I've mostly got my brain wrapped around the thirty or so primary and secondary characters and the "rules" of the world they live in.

And it's so fucking awesome. It's like a really mean, dirty (Both in sexual terms and like, grime) Middle Earth. Everyone is complex and layered and morally ambiguous. My favorite character is still Daenerys, nicknamed Dany, a thirteen-year-old deposed princess married off by her asshole brother to a warlord so he (The asshole brother) can build his army and get his throne back. She's terrified (And who wouldn't be?) but eventually comes to like her scary husband (Jason Momoa is playing him in the mini, if that tells you anything) and, more importantly, realizes that she needs to toughen the fuck up if she's going to survive. And she DOES and it's AWESOME. Also, that picture of her from IMDB immediately made me think of the Jungle Queen from The Maxx. 90s nostalgia!

So, reading continues and I need to order the next three books off of Amazon. WOOOO!!!

P.S. Three guesses as to why I used the Flowers in the Attic tag. Hee.

ALSO.

I need to talk about Sherlock. DON'T THINK I WON'T. But I'm tired right now. But it is SO. AWESOME. If you haven't watched it, you need to. If you have, tell me in the comments how it is your favorite thing ever.

I'll write a full review soon. VERY. SOON.

But for you ladies (and gents!), a round of Marry, Cliff, Shag from Sherlock!

Marry, Cliff, Shag: Sherlock, John, Lestrade. GO!

Oh, It's ON...

I think Sorsha and I are going to have an epic throwdown over the superior Sherlock Holmes portrayer: Jeremy Brett or Basil Rathbone. Watch this space for VICTORIAN THUNDERDOME. (I should have Six the Laptop back from my computer-fixer-guy next week!)

Chime in, Dear Readers...who's your favorite Holmes? You know I LOVE Robert Downey Jr. but he's my #2 Holmes. BRETT ALL THE WAY. HE IS THE DEFINITIVE HOLMES.

I can't speak to the quality of the new guy in the BBC series Sherlock (Because it doesn't air in the U.S. until FREAKIN' OCTOBER), but he does have the gay porniest name in all the land: Benedict Cumberbatch. Yeah.

So...What Have You Been Up To Lately?

Who, me? Well, lately I've been a bit busy. Sid and Andie had their third child at the end of last month! Another boy who we will call New Baby because that is what his older brothers Conan and Mothra call him. And I find that HILARIOUS. So, I was out there visiting them. We had fun playing Wii late at night. As ever, both Sid and Andie TROUNCED me at Tetris. But I railed them both at Mario Bros. so that was a good time. And they made me watch several episodes of Blackadder and I fell in LOVE with the show and um...Rowan Atkinson. No one told me that he is stone-cold foxy in the second series of that show. It was quite shocking!

Mame has some delightful news for you all, but I'll let her tell you when she gets a chance!

I've been devouring movies, television and books lately. Here's a quick round-up (Another blog post concerning my most recent obsession will follow shortly):

• Iron Man 2: loved it. I thought it was better than the first film! I'm not notably a Scarlet Johansson fan but that scene where she walks down that hallway, KICKING ASS almost had me in tears at it's awesomeness.
  
• The Ghost Writer: it was fine. A nifty, well-crafted little thriller. Ewan McGregor showed his ass, AS USUAL. If you can square it with your conscience to go see a Roman Polanksi film, check it out.
  
• Twilight and New Moon with the RiffTrax commentary. OH MY GOD. HILARITY. I highly, highly recommend them. I watched it with Sorcha and a bunch of friends and my stomach hurt from laughing.
• Just read the latest Sookie Stackhouse book, Dead in the Family and it was awesome as usual. Could have been filthier though. Alas. I can't wait for the next season of the show.
  
• I'm currently reading an awesome zombie book called Feed by Mira Grant. Love, love, LOVE it. I'm about halfway through and if you like zombies, and really. Who doesn't? Check it out.
  
• Treme, Justified and Doctor Who continue to be great.
• Michael Sheen continues to be hot.

What have you been watching/reading/devouring lately?

Book/Movie Review: "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

I kept hearing about this book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, on NPR, in Entertainment Weekly, pretty much anywhere that might conceivably talk about books. So, I hopped onto my local library's website and reserved it. ...And was like, #74 in line for it. I think I waited two months!

I finally got my grubby little hands on the book, started it...and was promptly bored senseless. The first three to four chapters of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo are really kinda boring. IT GETS A LOT BETTER, FOR REAL. Once you meet the titular tattooed girl, Lisbeth Salander, you're hooked. The book starts with several chapters about the libel trial of journalist Mikael Blomkvist. He's going down in a pretty big way, but it's also pretty boring because you don't know shit about him to start and also. Libel? Unless it's scandalous (and this isn't, it's like corporate financial shit), it's pretty fucking dull. So, whatever. He's a decent guy though and needs to find a new job because he's lost about all his journalistic cred. When he gets out of prison, a rich man, Henrik Vanger (And yes, I totally had to use my copy of the book to correctly spell all these names, ok?) hires Blomkvist to look into the disappearance and probable murder of his beloved niece Harriet 40 years ago. At first, Blomkvist is like, "...No," but then figures he really doesn't have anything better to do and takes the job. And starts digging into the past and trying to unravel the mystery of Harriet's disappearance and along the way, learning just how FUCKED UP the Vanger family is. 'Cause...damn.

So, ok, that's the A storyline, for the most part. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT LISBETH SALANDER. SHE IS SO GREAT. She is tiny and mean and brilliant and pierced and tattooed and fierce and utterly vicious when crossed. She is a great character. As soon as she showed up, I was like, "HELLO. NOW WE'RE TALKING." Salandar is an awesome ass-kicking heroine and I am a girl who appreciates such things. NOW. NO MORE ABOUT THE PLOT. THERE ARE TWISTS AND MYSTERIES AND I SHAN'T GIVE THEM AWAY.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is part of the Millenium trilogy. The second book The Girl Who Played with Fire is already out and has been devoured by me. (I liked it, but I liked the first one better!) And the third book The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest will be out in May. (ALREADY OUT IN OTHER COUNTRIES INCLUDING BRITAIN. AND IF YOU THINK I DIDN'T CONSIDER ORDERING IT FROM AMAZON UK, YOU ARE SORELY MISTAKEN. Ahem.) The author Stieg Larsson apparently had plans for a 10-book epic series but died of Mysterious Circumstances after finishing book three. HMMMM. "Mysterious Circumstances" because he was a journalist who did a lot of investigating and writing into asshole neo-Nazi groups and was a relatively young man who randomly dropped dead. Draw your own conclusions there, people.

Mom and I both really enjoyed the books so when we heard there was a well-received film make of the first book, we were so there!

Ok, allow me to rant: The ONLY reason that I heard about the film adaptation was because I listen to BBC radio. It has not been advertised at ALL in the U.S. and barely talked about by film reviewers here. Ebert reviewed it, the print version of Entertainment Weekly did not (though I just cancelled my subscription because that magazine is total bullshit and has been for years now), my beloved Peter Travers of Rolling Stone did (I can't link it because the website is being weird) and I saw no previews for it on television. Not even on BBC America. This is total bullshit. I know there's an American remake in the works but I have no interest in it. This original Swedish version is so awesome. I know, I sound like an Annoying Douchebag Hipster who's all, "Welll, I like the FOREIGN FILM BETTER, YOU PLEBE. You just don't appreciate REAL CINEMA." But the assumption that people from the U.S. don't want to watch foreign/subtitled films BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. With a good subtitled film, you totally forget that it's subtitled. Your brain starts to put the dialogue and subtitles together and you don't even notice it after awhile. And The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is very, very good. It gets all the important elements of the book*, condenses the rest and the performances are AWESOME.

*However, be warned: both the book AND the movie contain some pretty graphic scenes of sexual violence. In the film, it goes on so long I started looking off to the side of the screen and hoping for a fade-to-black. If that kind of things upsets you, take a bathroom break, for real.

Happy Holidays, Y'all!

I hope all our readers who haven't fled out of disinterest had a wonderful holiday season! If you did flee out of disinterest, well, you aren't reading this anyway, so who cares?

Things I've been doing lately:

• Baking many, many cookies, especially snickerdoodles. Snickerdoodles are the BEST.
  
• Watching lots of British televison, particularly North and South (No, not the awful Civil War one. The U.K. one with the delectable Richard Armitage. If you like swoony period dramas, this is TOTALLY for you!) and MI-5, a twisty spy show. Which will soon star the delectable Richard Armitage but I'm not up to his season yet. But I can console myself with Matthew MacFadyen and Rupert Penry-J0nes.
  
• Reading The Hunger Games trilogy. Like dystopian science fiction aimed at young adult readers? No? Read this anyway. You won't be sorry.
  
• Reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire. Just like with The Hunger Games, it's a trilogy of which the first two books are available. AWESOME.
  
• Listening to Adam Lambert and Lady GaGa. I KNOW. When did I turn into like, a 14-year-old raver? Or whatever the kids are calling it these days. I don't even know!
• Just saw Sherlock Holmes. Loved it to little pieces. Mark Strong: super hot or superDUPER hot?

Things have been busy, but fun. Mostly, with some noteable exceptions. I promise, one of my New Year's resolutions will be to blog more often! Also, Mame has some big news and I'm sure she'll be about to share it!

It's Banned Books Week -- Go Piss Someone Off With A Book!

Hey babies, it's Banned Books Week! I LOVE Banned Books Week! Because I can feel like a revolutionary just by curling up with a cup of tea and a copy of Harry Potter. HAHAHA! Plus, this blog is named after a flagship banned book Flowers in the Attic. So, naturally, the topic is dear to my and Mame's hearts.

I just don't understand the mentality of banning books. It's a BOOK. It already exists. Banning it doesn't poof it into the ether. If you don't want your kid to read it, TELL your kid he or she can't read it. If you don't want anyone else to read it, fuck you. We grown-ups can all decide for ourselves what we can and can't read.

I can think of exactly three books that my mother told me I wasn't allowed to read when I was a kid: The World According to Garp, the uncut version of The Stand and My Sweet Audrina. She told me I would be allowed to read them when I was 13 or so. I did read them when I was 13. She was right. They were above my maturity level, even then. You know what? The parts that I didn't understand went riiiight over my sweet little head. When I reread them as an adult, I kind of went, "Oh. OHHH. WOW. OK."

So, I pulled up the list of the 100 Most Frequently "Challenged" Books from 1990-1999, the era when I was pretty much under my own supervision as far as books went. My mom wasn't at all into censoring my reading but once I hit my teens, I could read whatever. And did! Here are some of my favorites from the list:

• Earth's Children (series) by Jean M. Auel; You know, The Clan of the Cave Bear, etc. Heh, I love these books. Except for the last one, Shelters of Stone. That one kind of sucked. I remember the conversation thread about these books on the sadly defunct yet fondly remembered Fametracker forums. Someone made the comment that these books could "provide QUITE the sexual education." HA. SO. TRUE. I guess that's why they're frequently banned!
  
• A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. I...have no idea why this book would be banned. It's a story about how love and friendship can overcome any obstacle. That's bad because...why? I may be a bit biased because it's one of my favorite books EVER, but I just don't get it.
• Go Ask Alice by "Anonymous." AHAHAHAHA. This terrible book! I can't believe it gets banned. Doesn't this seem like EXACTLY the kind of book that people who ban books would want kids to read? All about the evils of sex, drugs, rock and/or roll music and not listening to your parents! Plus, it's a total fake.
• The Bluest Eye and Beloved by Toni Morrison. Riiight. Because these aren't important works of literature or anything. One is a book about child abuse and racism and the other is about slavery. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DISTURBING.
  
• Ordinary People by Judith Guest. Uh, do kids read that book? Seriously?
• Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. Yes, God forbid that young girls be aware of what's going on with their bodies. SHOCKING.
  
• The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Yeah, everyone needs to read this book. No one should ever watch the movie. But the book? Totally.
• The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Ok, this book isn't literature or anything. But it's very readable and still connects with kids today. It was written in 1967! Now THAT'S longevity and it obviously still has something to say. Plus, the movie is a total gift to the Kevin Bacon Game. (Tom Cruise was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. You're welcome.)

So, tell us about your favorite banned books!

Yet Another Catch-Up Post

Hi everyone! Mame and I have been fairly busy lately! She's trying to buy a house and not lose her damn mind, both of which are full time jobs. I've been trying to be supportive by finding new and interesting ways to call her a whore on her voicemail. Don't you wish I was your best friend? I bet you do!

I've been travelling all over the place! Well, up and down the east coast. Sort of. Mom and I went to my baby cousin Brianna's baby shower at the beginning of the month. Ah, family. That's all I really need to say about that, isn't it? Also, I will never again set foot in a church with a house band. Ok? Ok.

Then I spent an AWESOME weekend in Boston, visiting EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. The planets aligned and allowed for all the Email Girls to converge in the city for a brief window of time. There was like, fairy dust and shit. So, The World Traveller, Chicklet and Agent Mascara joined us and a good time was had by all. And I really mean it! We had a BLAST. There was boozing, cake-eating, Criminal Minds, Doctor Who and Blackpool-watching (EGT: "The scene where David Tennant sings 'Should I Stay' is the best scene ever committed to film." Email Girls: "AGREED."). Action figures of the Master and the Tenth Doctor went to the prom together. It was very touching. Cardboard!David Tennant ate some cake. Season 4 of Doctor Who was compared to lupus. Dr. Smarty-Pants made commemorative buttons that we all wore with pride. In other news, we are giant dorks, but we have fun. Agent Mascara and I were loosed, unsupervised, in Boston, where we did not get lost or trip over something and then die. If you know Agent Mascara or me, you know this was quite the accomplishment. We were quite proud.

Next, I'm heading to Pittsburgh to visit Sid, Andie, Mothra and Conan, who is now ONE YEAR OLD. WOOOOO!!!! I'll also meet up with Dr. Fabulous.

My life is rather full just now and I'm feeling quite content!

Also, enjoy these brief reviews of the following media I've consumed recently:

• District 9: I'm not as in love with it as everyone else seemed to be. It was interesting and smart, which is a nice change for a summer movie. But the depiction of the Nigerian drug lords made me rather uncomfortable, especially in a film that is ostensibly about racism. Hmm. It is nice to see an indie film rake in the bank. However, please do not make a sequel. PLEASE.
  
• The Time Traveler's Wife: No, seriously. Read the book.
• The Inglorious Bastards: I refuse to misspell the title. Anyway...OH MY GOD! LOVED IT! Quentin Tarantino is one of my very favorite filmmakers and I adored this movie. I'd see it again immediately. Also, Eli Roth? Call me. You are hot.
• Into The Wild (book): Very good book. Didn't do much to change my opinion of Christopher McCandless, but I don't really want to speak ill of the dead. I actually enjoyed Jon Krakauer's digressions and I seem to be in the minority about that. You should probably go read it and Into Thin Air, also by Krakauer. Now I want to see the film version. Has anyone else checked it out and can give it a yay or nay?
• And I Don't Want To Live This Life: Ok, it's a biography of Nancy Spungen, girlfriend of Sid Vicious who was murdered by him in 1978. My grandmother used to have quite the selection of pulpy trash novels from the 1970s and I read this one when I was 12 or 13. I'd never even heard of the Sex Pistols when I first read it, so I decided to snag it from the library and give it another go. The book is written by her mother and while I'm not sure I'm buying everything she's selling, it's appalling how Spungen is still vilified. Um, everyone in the punk scene was an asshole, not just her. That's the POINT of the punk scene. I'd recommend it if you are interested in that particular scene or era.
• Being Human: a Brit import about a werewolf, a ghost and a vampire sharing a flat and struggling with their various supernatural issues. It sounds sort of stupid, but it's very funny and cute and smartly written. And let me introduce you to Mitchell, the vampire and my new boyfriend. Behold. He often wears fingerless gloves. For some reason, I find this insanely hot.
• System Of A Down: Um. Where have I been? These guys are awesome and, as usual, I am the last to know. See, what happens, if you're me, is that you watch a documentary on the Armenian Genocide (Don't ask.) and they're all over it! They you're frantically downloading their music and moping over the fact that you will never seem them perform live. GRRR.
  
• Mad Men: Are you still not watching it? Get on that, would you? "I'm Peggy Olson and I want to smoke some marijuana." HA!

HEE! This post was repeatedly kicked back by Blogger for having too many tags!

A Haiku About The Film Adaptation of One of My Favorite Books: "The Time Traveler's Wife"

Rachel McAdam's
Pretty. You see Eric Bana's ass.
Read the book instead.

Brief, Flammable Dispatch From Vacation

So, I'm currently on vacation with some of my family in North Carolina. It's going great, we're all having fun and getting along (Not that I really expected an issue there, though we miss you, uncle V!). I finally saw The Big Lebowski. It was pretty great. And I've pretty much gotten my entire family to watch True Blood. SCORE.

One of the things that we traditionally do on vacation is take turns cooking dinner each night and making a themed cocktail for each meal. It saves money because there are too many of us to reasonably eat in a restaurant and many members of my family enjoy cooking. We all get into it and have fun with it. My cousin Brianna and I were on dinner duty on Wednesday night. We were making this recipe with some alterations (We added chicken and omitted pine nuts. And doubled the recipe. And forgot the parsley.). Bri and I are not really cooks (Clearly!), we're both more bakers, but we were game to try. So, it all went well at first; Bri cooked the chicken, I made a giant salad. Then I put a huge pot of water on the boil for the orzo and sat down to read my book and wait. Then the following happens:

Bri: [in a bored tone] Fire. On the stove. Fire.

I look up, sure there can't be an actual fire because wouldn't that call for like, a sense of urgency? Or alarm? But sure enough, there are FLAMES coming up from under the pot. I RUN over and turn off the burner. Doesn't help. My mom comes sauntering in calmly, because she heard Bri and doesn't think there's a fire either. I'm all, "!!!" and my mom's all, "PUT A POT LID ON THE FIRE!" and I do and it works and everything's fine. Also, Bri's in the background calmly telling us, "I don't know how to work a fire extinguisher. Sorry."

So, that's how Bri and I burned water.

Books, Books and More Books!

I am currently swarmed with books. And that is just the way I like it! I have, after 25 years of borrowing from the library, just recently figured out how to go online and renew and reserve books. Yes, I really am that stupid. So, every week of so, I get a phone call from the robot at the library telling me that they have my book. Yaaay!

Books I have from the library:

• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies -- I have been waiting for this book for at least a month. I'm SO excited! Two of my favorite things: Jane Austen and zombies! Also, ninjas! Excerpt: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession brains must be in want of more brains. HA!
  
• Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer and The Climb by Anatoli Boukreev, dueling accounts of the same disastrous expedition to Mt. Everest. I've started Into Thin Air and it's very good. I know nothing about Mt. Everest or climbing it, so I'm learning all sorts of things.
  
• Patient Zero by Jonathan Maberry, a novel about terrorism and zombism. Uncle V, you should probably check this one out!
• Coraline by Neil Gaiman since I loved the movie so much. And I just sort of adore Neil Gaiman generally.
• Stargazer by Claudia Gray. It's a teen-y vampire series, MUCH better than Twilight, not that that is a ringing endorsement or anything. If you like that sort of thing, I recommend this series.

My lovely co-blogger Mame sent me a delightful care package for my birthday! (A month and a half late, inspiring this conversation:
Mame: I just mailed your birthday package!
Bea: Ha ha ha, dude, why didn't you just wait to bring it with you when you come out in June?
Mame: Because then it would be TWO months late and that's just tacky.) She sent me The Friday Night Knitting Club, The Little House Guidebook (!!!) and How To Survive A Horror Movie (Useful!).

And THEN, the faithful EGT mailed me The Complete Sherlock Holmes after I'd mentioned in an email that the trailer for the new Holmes movie made me curious about other Holmes stories. Since I'd only read The Hound of the Baskervilles and that was in high school. Yaaay!

Comic-wise, I've got Maus I & II on deck and the next installments in Gerard Way's Umbrella Academy series.

And THEN, my email girls and I were tossing around the idea of doing a Harry Potter re-read this summer.

Most excellent!

OMG

I've never in my life been so excited about a piece of technology, and I am including the invention of the iPod and my Nick Manning replica.

This is the most amazing idea that I have ever seen. It's being called an ATM for books, and it makes me all tingly. Much like the aforementioned Nick Manning replica. It's not just an idea either, it is a working machine that has been installed at Blackwell's bookstore on London's Charing Cross Road, perhaps the bookiest corner of one of the world's bookiest cities.

Dolly has a Kindle (named Sookie) and loves it. I love the idea - being able to access any book I want at any time without having to go to the store or library, but I love my books. I love the feel of the worn cover of my copy of The Handmaid's Tale or the copious underlines and notes I wrote in Tuesdays with Morrie; those are things that I can't have with a Kindle. Don't get me wrong, Kindles have their place. When I get money I'll buy the new one that will read to me whenever I want (hello car trips!!), because I don't keep every book I've read. Some of my trashy beach novels (of which I am writing one) don't need to be kept and put in my collection next to my 150 year-old copies of Dickens. But the peace I feel when I am sitting in my own little library reading a book that will one day go on my shelf, or rereading a favorite that smells of my old house and memories can't be put on a computer chip.

Granted, the books spit out of the book ATM machine won't have the beautiful covers and cover art of the originals (shout out to Two of Hearts!). But for a hard to find book, or even an out of print work, it's a gem. And don't get me started on not having to wait a week because the bookstore sold its last copy of something I want. I'm so excited!! Seriously, this is the BEST!!

This Is Turning Into A Knitting Blog, Isn't It?

...Maybe. Ok, not really. I'm supposed to go the movies this weekend and see Wolverine AND Star Trek, so you know, it'll be all geeky movie reviews pretty soon. And surely there will be something new for me to whine about. And I have an entry cooking about terrible American remakes of awesome British shows and I need to hassle you all about how you should watch Criminal Minds and how it hurts me in my heart when you don't.

So, back to knitting. I've mastered casting on and the knit stitch. And I know how to purl. FUCK YOU, PURL STITCH. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU. You are the evil twin of the perfectly fun knit stitch!!! HAAAAAAATE.

And I've switched knitting books. I was using Knitting for Dummies, but I was finding it frustrating. Not enough pictures of what things should look like, directions that weren't terribly clear, boring patterns. It got some bad reviews on Amazon and my friend The World Traveller recommended Stitch 'N Bitch*. So I got that and like it much better. It has some SUPER CUTE patterns, including two very easy-looking (easy to make, not slutty) scarves that I am going to attempt as soon as I learn that binding off step and buy the yarn.

YARN. WHY IS YARN SO EXPENSIVE AND WEIRD? Ok, there are no craft stores that are very close to me. They are all out-of-the-way and inconvenient. (You get totally spoiled living in N.J. because everything is really close to you. If a store is 10 miles away, it's unbearably inconvenient. Or maybe that's just me.) Walmart, aside from being soul-sucking and evil, has really ugly colors of yarn. And damn it, if I'm going to fuck up some yarn with my bad stitching, at least it can be PRETTY when I do it. And there is a really cute privately-owned yarn store near my work, but I went in there today and DAMN. I can't afford that! I would love to patronize an independent store but I can't be paying $8 a skein. (It's not that I don't appreciate quality, I totally do. But my knitting is not up to quality yarn. I'd rather make some practice projects that won't cost a ton of money while I learn, you know?) And the knitter ladies all hanging around in a circle eating butter cookies and knitting impossibly complicated projects intimidated me, I'm sorry to say. So, it's back to the craft store for me, I guess. Grrr. Anyone have any secrets for cheap, non-ugly yarn?

*HA. So, I got the Stitch 'N Bitch book from the library. I'd requested it a few days ago and went to pick it up, along with a freakisly eclectic selection of other books. I go to the sweet, prim little librarian and tell her that they are holding a book for me but I'm not sure which one. (True, at any given time, I have 4-5 holds going. I'm greedy.) The sweet, prim little librarian looks in the system and her face tightens and she says, "Yes, it's...a book on knitting." (Usually the tell you the title.) I start giggling on the inside and consider trying to make her say the title out loud by asking, "Which one?" but that's probably mean. She hands it to me, "Interesting title, " she sniffs disapprovingly.

Heh. Who says knitting isn't scandalous?

Boston, Genre Novels and This American Life

Since I've received reports that my repeated rounds of Marry, Cliff, Shag are appalling my Uncle Volstaag (I didn't even know that was possible!), let's talk about something else, shall we?

I just got back from a rockin' trip to Boston to visit EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. (Not to be confused with Dr. Fabulous. I know lots of doctors, ok?) I'd never been to Boston before, so I was quite excited. Of course, I hurt my back again right before the trip and spent the days before in a flurry of muscle relaxers and chiropractics. I was taking the train and it's a 6-hour ride. I wasn't sure how well this would go, as sitting is especially uncomfortable. But it turned out ok, I could walk up and down the aisles when my back got too stiff. The people in the car with me probably thought I was really weird, but whatever. I am really weird and it's not like I'd ever see them again. Generally, I love taking the train; it's my favorite way to travel. I read and listened to NPR podcasts on Frank the iPod. I discovered that if it appears that you are reading gay porn no one will sit next to you. Even on a crowded train car. HA!

So, I got to Boston and EGT and I attend a very elegant cocktail party that Dr. Smarty-Pants is hosting. (Martinis with marshmallow Peeps in them. I must get the recipe) It was SO much fun. I can be fairly reserved around people I don't know, but everyone at this party was so awesome and smart and funny and welcoming and I had a great time. In spite of a near-death experience with a flying champagne cork and getting my ass kicked at Wii Tetris, a good time was had by all.

EGT, Dr. Smarty-Pants and I went on a tour of Boston the next day. I saw Harvard! And other stuff! I bought my mother a postcard of whatever stadium the Red Sox play in just to annoy her. (It worked!) EGT pointed out various historical sites. Either she is very well-versed on her local history or she is very gifted at making up plausible-sounding historical lies. Probably the former. She also pointed out every alley that we saw because I made her watch one episode of Criminal Minds because it was set in Boston and she was appalled by the lack of locational accuracy, particularly the oversized alleys.

Then we watched hours and hours of Doctor Who and geeked out about it the way only DW fans can. Well, maybe Buffy or Veronica Mars fans. They can get pretty enthusiatic. And then we made the folly of ignoring warnings from The Gods of Takeout Food and ended up ordering Chinese food from three different places, only to be foiled twice and then end up with the Worst. Chinese. Food. Ever. And no fortune cookies! (Says EGT the next morning: "Why didn't we just eat cereal?" Bea & Dr. Smarty-Pants: "...") I made them watch the season four finale of DW, "Journey's End" because I hadn't seen it and I thought there was no way it could be as bad as they'd said it was. OH MY GOD, IT WAS. I felt guilty for inflicting it on them. They were very forgiving and we cleansed our palates with John Simm's turn as The Master. (I can't stop watching either of those clips. They crack me up. I...may have problems)

It was a really fun trip. (Still sorry about "Journey's End," you guys!)

So, Mame has been devouring the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Mom and I already burned our way through them, so I've been enjoying her up-to-the-minute text messages, phone calls and IMs as she progresses through the series. HA. Examples: "OH MY GOD, ERIC!!!" "BILL, WTF?!?!" "QUIIIIIINNN!!" "I LOVE SOOKIE!!11" The next book is out in May and we are eagerly anticipating it. You guys, the show and the books are awesome and you should check out both of them. Join us in the insanity! It's fun over here and we have cookies!

I've just started the Harry Dresden series and I like it quite a bit. I'm only on book two, but it's pretty great. Anyone else read them? (My, I'm linky in this post!)

The book I was reading on the train that was possibly gay porn was Corambis, book four on the Doctrine of Labyrinth series. I blogged awhile ago about my adoration of the first two books in the series, Melusine and The Virtu. The third book, The Mirador, was pretty good. But I LOVED Corambis. It's probably my favorite of the series. It's not nearly as tawdry as the cover would suggest, but really well-written and Monette even manages to introduce a new character (The guy in chains on the cover) and get me invested in and care about him. That's no mean feat as I was really desparate to know what was going to happen to Felix and Mildmay. I zipped through it in three days and can't wait for it to come out in paperback so I can buy it. (I hate buying hardcovers and I want my books in the series to "match." I know, I know, I'm weird)

Mom and I recently attended the live show of This American Life and it was AWESOME. They filmed it, I think, in New York City and beamed it to movie theaters. Ira Glass is so cute, you guys. Mike Birbiglia (Who I LOVE) gave one of his funny/cringey routines about a car accident, Starlee Kines did a bit about therapy and killing your parents (...figuratively!) and Dan Savage talked about his mom's death and his quasi-return to Catholicism. It was really funny and touching and might have made me cry. I'm hot/cold on his sex column, but his writing is pretty excellent. There was a very strange cartoon about a cat head and an abusive mouse and Joss Whedon sang a song from the musical commentary of Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. I quashed the urge the yell, "WHY DOES DOLLHOUSE SUCK?!?" but his performance was very fun. I think they're doing a second airing in early May and I HIGHLY recommend going.

So, that was really long. What have you been up to? Mame, any news you want to share?

Finally some news...or, crap it has been awhile

Well first the good news: tomorrow we might get an offer on the house. Our realtor called and told us that a man made an appointment with her to specifically write up an offer. I hope it A) doesn't fall through and B) isn't a shitty offer. Granted this damn house has been on the market forever, but there's only so far I can lower the price before I'm still paying a damn mortgage, ya know? For those who don't know: in July the fam and I moved to WV (where Beau is from) and into Beau's parent's house. Our house was put on the market and we went about our lives expecting the house to sell sometime in October. Look at your calendars; it's April and we're just now getting a bid (well, not yet, but PRAY WE DO). It's been a long, hard road. We've been living in the little apartment/attic area over my in-laws garage and I've been trying to maintain my sanity without the use of recreational drugs.
Other thangs going on:

• I coach a middle school softball team that is now 4-1!! We rock!! It's a fun job, and the girls are so sweet; however, it is the reason I am never online anymore and can hardly find time to shower and shit each day.
• Beau and I saw Adventureland yesterday. It was cute. I wouldn't call it a comedy in the sense that it starred Kristin Wiig and therefore I was expecting some SNL-slapstick-nish, it was more like Juno comedy or Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I loved all those movies, so I enjoyed it.
• On the recommendation of many, I've started to read the Sookie Stackhouse books that the HBO series "True Blood" is based on. They are hilarious and wonderful all at the same time. It makes me long (even more) for when I have my own house and can watch whatever the hell I want on HBO. I'm about a third of the way through the first book, and I've had a hard time putting it down. It's an easy read and very entertaining.
• I showed my class the newest Anne Frank movie starring Ben Kingsley as Otto Frank. It is BY FAR the best version of not only Anne's diary, but her biography I've ever seen. It had every student in every class crying at the end, and I teach some big, redneck boys, and some mean-looking footballers. Kingsley's portrayal of a father broken was so moving I almost called my own father to tell him I loved him. It was amazing. I highly recommend this movie to EVERYONE who is willing to listen to me, and that is a chore I don't take on easily.
• Beau got our Xbox Live back!! I can now watch my Netflix on demand movies!! I've discovered "The Whitest Kids U'Know" and I've finished the series "Head Case" both of which are so hilarious they deserve their own entry (forthcoming, promise!).

Looking ahead:

• More rain in lovely West Virginia, so a lot of the softball games have been cancelled. Maybe I'll have more time to write!!
• Glow and I are traveling up to Jersey to be with Joan, et. al. during Easter. We're making an adventure of it and driving up to visit "Two of Hearts" and then going the rest of the way the next day. Glow is a good traveller, we'll see how it goes.

Keeping the ideas featured in "The Secret":

• OUR HOUSE WILL SELL TOMORROW!!

UPDATE: FITA

Also, still working on my review of Flowers in the Attic. I have total writer's block on it. I think I'm just intimidated because Mame's was so awesome. THANKS, MAME. GOD.

Also, Happy Inauguration Day! (They keep saying "balls" on MSNBC. I keep cracking up! Why am I so 12 years old?)

DVDs What I Got For Christmas And Other Assorted Items

So, delightfully, I received many awesome DVDs as Christmas gifts. I have a rockin' Amazon Wishlist with so many divergent items on it that a friend of mine deemed it "schizophrenic." Heh.

• The Dark Knight; I might have the teeniest obsession with this movie. It had the audacity to come out on DVD in December. Grr! I don't buy DVDs, CDs or books during November or December because you know, it's the holidays. But I did make the pronouncement that if I did not get The Dark Knight for Christmas that I would buy it on December 26th. But yay! My brother BW got it for me! He got me the super-duper, extra-chocolaty, 2-disc edition. Um. The extras suck! They suck! No commentary! No deleted scenes! In fact, no interviews with the actors at all! I mean, I respect the filmmakers not wanting to like, exploit Heath Ledger's miserably tragic death but come on. It's a glaring omission not to talk to ANY of the very fine actors in this film. There is one interesting little featurette about composing the music in the film, particularly the Joker's theme. That said, the movie is still AWESOME and I've watched it at least six times since I got it. Hi, I'm a geek, have we met?
• The Nightmare Before Christmas; Also from BW, it's the 2-disc special edition! I haven't watched it yet, because I'm watching The Dark Knight over and over, but I will! Soon! I love this movie! Love the songs! Love Jack the Pumpkin King! Love Sally the Rag Doll! In fact, the next time I go to a costume party, I'm totally dressing up as her. I'd make an excellent Sally, I think...
• Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie; My gift from Mame! This is our favorite show and one of our very favorite movies. We (and our dysfunctional little group of friends) used to quote it incessantly. Every time I sign for a package, in my head I say, "Wiiiilt Chaaamberlin."
  
• Mad Men, season 1; We do a gift exchange for our extended family and my Pap had my name this year and this is what he got me! Awesome! Now I can finish watching and BW doesn't have to wait for my slow ass to get it from Netflix. Jon Hamm RULES.
• Empire Records; I love this movie! It's one of the few movies I can tolerate Renee Zellwegger in! (The other two are Chicago and Cold Mountain) It has a great soundtrack and it's really funny. Stupid-funny but that's my kind of humor. I know it's not great, but it holds good memories for me and it's lots of fun. Besides, how can a movie go wrong when it brought us Rex Manning Day?
  
• Panic At The Disco: Live in Chicago DVD/CD: Oh, shut up. Technically, I bought this for myself but I paid for it with a Barnes and Noble gift card given to me by my stepsister, so yeah. Whatever, I like Panic At The Disco, it's not a crime.
  

I also got the third book in the Lenore comic series and I got my mom the Sookie Stackhouse series, the books on which the HBO show True Blood that we LOVED is based. Since I'd already read the first book, she's letting me zip through the series while she reads book one. Heh, I'm already on book five. I never said I wasn't self-serving, ok? It's a pretty great series and I highly recommend it. Also, my mom is cooler than yours. It's time you accepted it. Sorry!

What did you get for [insert appropriate winter holiday here]?