Ah January

So I've been MIA for awhile, and for that I apologize.* It's been a crazy few weeks (or months...wait, has it been that long?) as I get adjust to people calling me "30" and the basketball that is my stomach getting in the way of just about everything I do.
Quick recap of my start of 2010:

• We're having another Boy! Glow Bug will have a brother; I have decided that we'll refer to him as "Spike" on this blog. So far Spike is progressing well: kicking and spinning regularly and causing me only minor discomfort. Although my stomach has taken on a basketball quality that I don't remember happening with Glow Bug, but then again that was four years ago so I maybe just don't remember.
• The Mame family is happily living in our own condo after 17 months of living with my in-laws. It's a quaint little place, and will do for the time being.

So that's about it. I guess it's not that much to write about, but it's been busy nevertheless. OK, I'm going to write a separate entry about my favorite things from 2009 because I like to be like Oprah and because my students are testing today and I have a ton of time on my hands. More later!!

*is it just me, or do most of my posts begin with apologies for not being more consistent in my blogging? Huh.

It's Banned Books Week -- Go Piss Someone Off With A Book!

Hey babies, it's Banned Books Week! I LOVE Banned Books Week! Because I can feel like a revolutionary just by curling up with a cup of tea and a copy of Harry Potter. HAHAHA! Plus, this blog is named after a flagship banned book Flowers in the Attic. So, naturally, the topic is dear to my and Mame's hearts.

I just don't understand the mentality of banning books. It's a BOOK. It already exists. Banning it doesn't poof it into the ether. If you don't want your kid to read it, TELL your kid he or she can't read it. If you don't want anyone else to read it, fuck you. We grown-ups can all decide for ourselves what we can and can't read.

I can think of exactly three books that my mother told me I wasn't allowed to read when I was a kid: The World According to Garp, the uncut version of The Stand and My Sweet Audrina. She told me I would be allowed to read them when I was 13 or so. I did read them when I was 13. She was right. They were above my maturity level, even then. You know what? The parts that I didn't understand went riiiight over my sweet little head. When I reread them as an adult, I kind of went, "Oh. OHHH. WOW. OK."

So, I pulled up the list of the 100 Most Frequently "Challenged" Books from 1990-1999, the era when I was pretty much under my own supervision as far as books went. My mom wasn't at all into censoring my reading but once I hit my teens, I could read whatever. And did! Here are some of my favorites from the list:

• Earth's Children (series) by Jean M. Auel; You know, The Clan of the Cave Bear, etc. Heh, I love these books. Except for the last one, Shelters of Stone. That one kind of sucked. I remember the conversation thread about these books on the sadly defunct yet fondly remembered Fametracker forums. Someone made the comment that these books could "provide QUITE the sexual education." HA. SO. TRUE. I guess that's why they're frequently banned!
  
• A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. I...have no idea why this book would be banned. It's a story about how love and friendship can overcome any obstacle. That's bad because...why? I may be a bit biased because it's one of my favorite books EVER, but I just don't get it.
• Go Ask Alice by "Anonymous." AHAHAHAHA. This terrible book! I can't believe it gets banned. Doesn't this seem like EXACTLY the kind of book that people who ban books would want kids to read? All about the evils of sex, drugs, rock and/or roll music and not listening to your parents! Plus, it's a total fake.
• The Bluest Eye and Beloved by Toni Morrison. Riiight. Because these aren't important works of literature or anything. One is a book about child abuse and racism and the other is about slavery. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DISTURBING.
  
• Ordinary People by Judith Guest. Uh, do kids read that book? Seriously?
• Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. Yes, God forbid that young girls be aware of what's going on with their bodies. SHOCKING.
  
• The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Yeah, everyone needs to read this book. No one should ever watch the movie. But the book? Totally.
• The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Ok, this book isn't literature or anything. But it's very readable and still connects with kids today. It was written in 1967! Now THAT'S longevity and it obviously still has something to say. Plus, the movie is a total gift to the Kevin Bacon Game. (Tom Cruise was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. You're welcome.)

So, tell us about your favorite banned books!

It's My Birthday And Apparently, I *Will* Cry If I Want To.

So, my 30th birthday is fast approaching. I'm not a big birthday person, I'm of the Patton Oswalt "We need to conserve cake and paper" opinion about them. I don't really care about turning 30 either. I'm pretty sure I'll be the same geeky weirdo who enjoys age-inappropriate pop culture who went to bed 29 years old and woke up 30. Still a Twilight fan? Check. Still rockin' out to My Chemical Romance? Check. Reading comics? Yup. Powerpuff Girls? Uh-huh. Watching "Gossip Girl?" You betcha. Fuck putting away childish things. What fun would that be? I still want that tattoo and nose piercing and maybe this is the year I'll woman up and do it!

The past few years as my birthday approaches, I always remember a birthday that was especially significant for me. No, not my 18th. I don't even remember that one, really. (No, I wasn't drunk. I just don't remember how I celebrated it) Not my 19th, which I would still rate as my best birthday. And definitely not my 21st, which was, of course, spent in a bar. There was that momentary thrill of "Oooh, now I can drink LEGALLY!" but that passed and drinking lost most of its already limited appeal once it was no big thing. For me, the most important birthday (so far!) was my 23rd. I know, right? Who gives a shit about 23 years old?

Lemme 'splain...no, no, there's too much. Lemme sum up.

I was living in Grim City the year after I graduated from college. I'd had the bright idea that it would be SUPER AWESOME to move in with my college boyfriend and live in this city and go to grad school. Well, grad school plans fell through (Due to poor planning on my part and lack of funds) and I had a shitty job that I hated. Well, I had two jobs, one shitty that I hated where my boss couldn't stand me and treated me poorly but worked me like crazy and one that was totally fun but paid very little. The awesome job was working nights and weekends in an indie video store. Seriously, that job and the people I worked with there kept me smiling. That, and the Powerpuff Girl puppets that I made. (No, really, they were adorable) At this particular time, Mame and I were not on speaking terms, which totally blew. (Clearly, we got over that. Yay!) [We do not SPEAK of that time, BEA! -Mame] I haaaaaated Grim City. I missed my family and my college friends. And my relationship went south in a really long, drawn-out and miserable fashion. Oh, but the best part? We still had to live together. Yeah, that ruled. GREAT PLANNING, BEA. I was the Dramatic Girl Who Is In A Bad Relationship. I cried a lot and pretty much everyone in my life was sick to death of hearing about it. I was sick to death of it and I knew I had to get over myself but I had very little idea of how to do that.

Now that we're all caught up...it was my birthday. I was hundreds of miles away from my family and most of my friends. My closest Grim City friends, Josephine and Sweet were out of town. I couldn't be in the same room as Ex, let alone expect any kind of birthday wishes from him. (Seriously, if he'd gotten me a cake or something, I would have had had it tested for poison and/or bodily fluids)

So, I'm trudging home from work, miserable and self-pitying and griping to myself about none of my friends being around and blah blah, being a huge baby. And then I had an epiphany. IT WAS NO ONE'S RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE ME HAPPY BUT MY OWN. It wasn't Sweet's or Josie's job to make sure I was entertained on my birthday nor was it anyone else's. If I was miserable, that was my own fault. So, I sat down for a bit and thought about what I would like to do with my evening. Sadly, this took some thinking. Most of my time lately had been spent at work, on my way to or from work, crying, complaining or having pointless, painful conversations with Ex. I decided I wanted to go to the library and then get takeout from this awesome Mexican restaurant that was around the block from my apartment. (I'd been avoiding that place because Ex and I used to like to go there. Yeah, really.) And that's what I did. Then I came home, watched some tv, messed around with my scrapbooking stuff and read. It was a good night.

Don't get me wrong, I was still a fucking wreck for a long while after that. But that was an important lesson. Even though I look back at that particular time in my life and cringe until I almost break my spine, I probably wouldn't change a thing. If I could hop in the Tardis, I'd leave it all the same. Because I learned. I always thought that Eleanor Roosevelt quote about no one being able to make you feel inferior without your consent was victim-blaming. I still kind of do. Sometimes people are just dicks and being around people who are dicks makes you feel like shit. (There's a Team America: World Police joke here, but I can't quite get to it...) But there's some truth to it. If you let people treat you badly, that's what they'll do. If you define yourself by someone else's reactions to or feelings about, you, well. There you go.

These days, I have a quietly pleasant life. I have an awesome family and great friends. I have a job that I like and find satisfying. I have hobbies and things I like to do and I mostly don't care what anyone thinks about it. I haven't had a screaming fight that ended with me throwing a chair in years.

So, hey. Happy fucking birthday to me, right? (Seriously, though. We don't want to run out of cake and paper!)

New "Battlestar Galactica" and A Trip For Some Culture NOT Found In Yogurt

Ok, so, the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica has started! Yay! FINALLY. It's been almost a YEAR people, not counting the Razor tv movie, which I don't because it doesn't suit my complaining purposes. So there. OMG, IT WAS REALLY GOOD. It ended like most BSG episodes end, on a big cliffhanger with me yelling, "Oh, FUCK YOU!" at the screen. That's how you know it was good.

Today, my mom and I headed to the art museum to check out the Frida Kahlo exhibit. I adore Frida. I really don't know that much about art, but I love her stuff. So, I was pretty excited. It was an AMAZING exhibit. They had all these photographs from her personal collection and you get the nifty little headphones so you can hear these mini art lectures about particularly significant paintings. (My only quibble was that I would have preferred the photographs AFTER the art. I can see why they placed the photos first, but I still think it would have been more coherent to see them after seeing her paintings.) It was crowded as all hell, but people were actually well-behaved! No one was a huge art hog. By "art hog," I mean, a giant asshole who plants his or herself RIGHT IN FRONT OF A PAINTING, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE, so no one else can fucking see it. This is particularly epidemic in front of works that are discussed in the recordings. It makes me want to punch people in the back of the head. PEOPLE! Stand off to the side! Turn your body a little sideways so you take up less space! Everyone else wants to see too! It's why we're here! We went to see the Salvatore Dali exhibit a few years ago and SO MANY people were total dicks, being art hogs and loud. This time, not so much. Perhaps Frida Kahlo fans are more reasonable. Although, I did spend a considerable amount of time in front of this painting: "Moses." But come on, wouldn't you? But I did find this out later, as mom and I were talking about the exhibit:

Me: People were pretty well-behaved this time, weren't they?
Mom: Yeah, except for that one girl. She was TOTALLY up your ass while you were looking at one of the paintings.
Me: Really? I didn't notice!
Mom: I thought she was going to shiv you!

Then we went to Borders, where I bought the latest issue of Supernatural magazine (Oh whatever, don't judge me.) and copies of The Secret Garden and Alice in Wonderland. I've never read Alice and have been wanting to reread Garden. So, yay! I had to pick through to find just the right covers. I would have really preferred to get them used, because then maybe I could've had a cover from the 60s or something, but I don't have a good used book store near me, more's the pity. I definitely judge a book by it's cover. (See also: Andrews, V.C., Original Covers of.) When dealing with classic novels, I prefer old covers. If that can't be achieved, I prefer the cheapest possible edition of the book. Not because I actually AM cheap, (though, kind of.) but because classic literature should totally be available cheaply. I LOVE the series that Barnes and Noble has of classic novels for like $5-or-less a pop. And they are ALWAYS having buy-two-get-one sales. And if possible, I ALWAYS want the Penguin editions, which is a publishing company specifically for making literature available at affordable prices. And they always print lesser-known, weird authors, which is fun. So, I ended up with the Signet edition of Alice, for $3.95 and the Puffin edition of Garden, which cost $6, but had a good cover. (Puffin is the kid's branch of Penguin.) Lovely! I DESPISE when covers of classic novels are "updated" with a modern photograph. UGH. As much as I loved the Keira Knightley film version of Pride and Prejudice, I would eat glass before I would purchase a copy of the book with a cover from the film. *gag* I think I bought my copy of P&P for like, a dollar at the used book store where I went to college. BOOK COVERS ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS, OK?

And if anyone is still reading after THAT boring diatribe, we then went to LUSH, which is probably my favorite store in the world. I am trying to cut down on the amount of weird chemicals that go in and around my body and LUSH is awesome for that. (I can cut down on the amount of chemicals in my toiletries so I can still eat at Taco Bell. God only knows what's in that food but mmmmm...)

Finally, we went for tea! We had the Royal Tea, which was scones and shortbread with cream and lemon curd, tea sandwiches: chicken salad, egg salad, seafood salad, cucumber and salmon and various cookies and pastries. AWESOME! Also, there was champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries. I don't drink champagne, so I took a sip, made a face and gave it to my mom, who was only TOO HAPPY to take it. Heh. I drank four cups of tea, so I was a bit wired and prone to peeing for the rest of the afternoon. Will SOMEONE please invent a kind of tea that isn't a total diuretic? SERIOUSLY.

It was a great day.

And, if anyone can recommend a good biography of Frida Kahlo, that would be great. I've seen the movie and liked it. Mame? You know one? What with your obsession with celebrity bios? I mean, I'm sure it would be no Marlon Brando's Songs My Mother Taught Me, but really, what IS?

Where've you been all my life...

...said the one month old with a laptop and an inkling for crude humor.

Well here is what I have been up to these last few weeks:

• Thanksgiving in West Virginia. It snowed! Be jealous.
• Agnes had a kidney stone and it might as well have rained fire and brimstone for the way my extended family reacted. The whole world stopped. I, of course, did not, but was heavily criticised under many people's breath. Newsflash: I don't care.
• December has come, and with it comes everyone that I love's birthday. Dolly, Stewie (her son), Glow Bug, and of course - my own. Oh. And Jesus.
• Beau and I have decided to have Christmas in our own home this year because we never have before. This means that a lot of family are coming in to visit which means that Beau and I are cleaning, a lot. Through out the year, despite many attempts to behave differently, we are pack rats. Now as the season of giving (and receiving!) approaches we are going room by room and decluttering. We've done three rooms and so far have given more to Goodwill than I think anyone could believe. We're talking truckloads. The house looks great, but it makes me think what it looks like the rest of the year. Dolly has made fun of me for starting "Now?" to clean for an event two weeks away; if only she knew!
• I have once again renewed my anger at the local "All Christmas Music All the Time" radio station for playing that ridiculous song about a little child at a drug store trying to buy his mother a pair of shoes or a cure for cancer or some shit like that. I'll be honest I don't really listen, because I'm either sobbing or angrily lunging for the 'off' button. I can't stand songs that are sad just to be sad. A sweet love song that makes me cry? Fine. A ballad of a significant event with weird underlying sexual tones? OK by me. But sad just to make you cry? F that. Unless you're talking about "In the Ghetto" by Elvis. But c'mon, that's Elvis.
• Old 1950's Christmas movies that I loved as a child and can now mock openly about the blatant sexism, homo-eroticism, and other unpolitically correctness. It makes for a fun hour every night. Thank you, ABC Family!!

Other than that, I've been busily planning Lady Bea's trip for New Year's Eve, and working.

More to come as the month passes me by.

Movie Review: "300" and "Blades of Glory"

My dad, Homer, and I went to see "300" a couple of weeks ago. (I always want to put a "the" in front of that title. I love grammar.) Homer and I always go see comic book adaptations. I was psyched about this one because I dig historical epics and Gerard Butler. It was pretty good. Seriously, they should show it in anatomy classes, it was such a tribute to the human form. I'm fairly sure I saw muscles that I didn't even know existed. Hey, I love to learn! I have no inkling of it's historical accuracy and frankly, don't care. I dunno, something about the Spartans and how tough they are and fighting against Persian hordes. Whatever. There were oracles, massive battles, unbeatable odds, more facial piercings than a gang of goth kids and everyone was scantily clad. I just can't stress enough just how close to naked EVERYONE is in this movie.

I've heard a lot of bitching about how "300" is some kind of ra-ra for the Iraq war. And...I'd be totally dense if I didn't admit to seeing some resemblances. You can't say the phrase "freedom isn't free" or any variations of it, without calling up Bush flashbacks and also making me giggle madly while singing songs from "Team America." But that's me. I'm 12. But it's not really a thinly-veiled metaphor or anything. Am I missing throngs of Iraquis trying to take over the country, kill our mostly naked menfold and enslave us American women and children? Yeah, didn't think so. Are there many naked, stoned girls foretelling the future in the U.S. Senate? (Wait, don't answer that.) It's an entertaining movie. Chill. Gerard Butler is really good in it and nice to look at. David Wenham (Who played my favorite character from the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy -- Faramir) gives a good performance and does a nice job narrating. Dominic West gets to be British for once and play a total sleazeball. And thanks to my BrotherWDWMTTAHOMB, I have a WHOLE NEW AND GROSS interpretation of one of the sex scenes. Thanks, bro. And I spent a good chunk of the movie DYING TO KNOW who was playing Stelios (the crazy Spartan. Yeah, THAT narrows it down.) and I finally got home and IMDB'd him. Hee. He played Azazeal on "Hex," a crappy British "Buffy" knock-off that I had a brief fling with over the summer. He's cute, in a dirty, psycho way. Mame would like him. Hon, go look him up. His real name is Michael Fassbender. Have fun!

And THEN. Mame came to visit (cue choir of angels...) for the Easter holiday and we hauled ass to go see "Blades of Glory," starring the incomparable Will Farrell and Jon Heder. It was HILAAARIOUS. I'm pretty sure I will never be able to watch figure skating with a straight face EVER again. People, this movie is so fucking funny. GO SEE IT NOW. You won't regret it. As hysterical as Farrell and Heder are, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett STEAL the whole show as a brother/sister pairs skating team with creepy (but funny!) incestuous undertones. And for old school V.C. Andrews readers like Mame and I, this was especially delightful. It's even funnier if you know that Arnett and Poehler are married in real life. And we DO know that. Obviously. We laughed so hard that we almost aspirated our popcorn and pretzel bits lunch. Almost. It has so many quotable lines that we will be repeating FOR YEARS. I'm sure those in our everyday lives are grateful!

Also, a shout-out to Mame's sister Dolly for sending me an order of Happy Face cookies from Eat'N'Park for my birthday. SHE ROCKS!! Thanks, Dolly! Although, signing the enclosed note might have alleviated my momentary freak-out when I received anonymous cookies. Hee hee hee. I'm paranoid and have watched too many episodes of "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit." But, the "My GOD, you are a FREAK" look that Mame gave me when I asked her about it was pretty priceless. It's a look I'm used to, trust me.

Birthday Wishes, "Rome" and Why I Hate Ice. (But not in that order.)

Oh my gods, Rome last night...was aaaaaaawesome. I mean, every episode is it's own little slice of deliciousness, but last night's was something special. There was fighting, screwing, cursing, betrayal, wanton abuse of eyeliner and what was perhaps, the most graphic sex scene I've EVER seen. Ever. Involving Mr. Bingley from Pride and Prejudice. Yeah. If you aren't watching this show, you NEED to start. (But sadly, they are cancelling it! GAH. I think I'm some kind of good-show-Kryptonite. All my shows get cancelled. It HURTS me. Veronica Mars might be next. If that AND Supernatural go, I'll probably have to committ seppuku. Note: Not an actual threat.) Mame and I exchanged a giddy IM conversation before we had to close down shop for the night. Characters from Rome I love: Pullo, Vorenus, Marc Antony, Octavia, Octavian (even if he IS a reptilian-eyed sociopath. Maybe BECAUSE he is.), Livia (Octiavian's freaky wife. And I mean, FREAKY. Like, the kind you don't bring home to Mother. Unless your mother is Atia, of course.), Marc Antony, Atia, Vorena the Elder and Marc Antony. Characters from Rome that I hate: GAIA. You'll note I've mentioned almost every major character (some more than once!) under the "Love" heading and only one under the "Hate" heading. I only hate Gaia. And she's literally dead in a ditch, so all is right with the world! That's what you GET for messing with Pullo.

In other news: I hate ice. I hate driving in and on it. I hate digging my car out of it. Ice, you suck. I don't even want to put ice in my drinks anymore, I'm THAT angry at it. Lukewarm drinks for me from now on, bitches! That'll show 'em!

And now, special birthday wishes go out to my good friend, Josephine. (No, that's not her real name. We don't use real names around here. That is her supersecret blog identity. She knows why.) Her birthday is soon and so is mine and we usually celebrate together, at a classy restaurant like the Olive Garden. Hee. But (guilt trip!) NOOO...someone had to move far, far away to a red state and leave me all alone with no one to be my faux-lesbian wing man when creepy guys try to pick me up. Seriously, I attract only weirdos and freaks and Josie helps me fend them off by pretending to be my life partner. It's fun. I miss her like crazy. She's supersmart, kinda classy, an awesome listener, crazy analytical, but has one of the crudest, most immature senses of humor that I've EVER had the privilege of witnessing. The puns, MY GOD, THE PUNS. She got me into Alias, Linkin Park and took me to White Castle for Easter dinner because we'd just watched Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle and I was curious. (By the way, don't ever do that. White Castle is NASTY. Those boys must have been higher than I thought.) We terrorized our college choir together. We will never live down the "Car Wash Incident." We don't want to!

Happy birthday, Josephine! I miss you and hope you have a great day and get lots of good presents. I'd type more about how awesome you are, but my hand is getting tired...

Heh.