My Recent Trip Down Robert Downey Jr. Lane

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me In Real Life or is a reader of this blog that I go through celebrity boyfriends like most people change their sheets. You know, a new one every week or so, a little longer if I get lazy. I mean, this summer alone, I've gone through like, four. Whatever, I like variety. Because what I do is, I find someone to obsess over and then I rent every one of their movies I can find and watch them all. And then when I've viewed all the media I can find concerning them, I get bored and move on. I mean, by the time I got sick of Christopher Eccleston, I'd watched his entire season of Doctor Who AND all the DVD extras and every one of his movies. Including Jude. Which made me suicidal. Goddamn, that movie is depressing.

Hey, a girl has to have a hobby, right? So, this summer the lucky new obsessee seems to be...Robert Downey Jr. I know, I know. That's almost...normal, right? He's like, traditionally handsome and an actual movie star! I know. I'm disappointed too. But whatever. At least he's got lots of movies to choose from, many of which I've already seen and liked. Here's what I've watched so far:

• Iron Man and Iron Man 2: Duh. Any self-respecting geek has already seen and loved these. They're really great adaptations and Downey is great in them. And I think I love Iron Man 2 even more because I have a SEVERE hate-on for Terrance Howard. I hated Hustle & Flow and I resent everyone who was involved with that shit-ass movie. HATE. So, the fact that he was replaced by Don Cheadle, whom I ADORE, just made it all the better. Love Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper and I LOVE Pepper and Tony. They are so cute.
• Sherlock Holmes: Saw it when it came out, of course. Loved it then. Dragged EGT to see when she came to visit. Still loved it. I just watched it recently and aside from the actual DVD refusing to play on my PS2 (Fuck you, Warner Bros copy guard), I loved it even more upon rewatching. Downey is really great as Holmes, smart and bitchy and funny. One of the best things about Downey as an actor is that he's always thinking, always doing something interesting, even when not much is going on. I LOVE the scene at the end on the scaffolding with Holmes, Irene Adler (The lovely Rachel McAdam) and the bad guy, Blackwhatever. And Blackwhatever is about to push Irene off the edge and Downey does this subtle, begging headshake and bad guy shoves her off the edge and twirls his mustache and Downey shouts a clipped, "NO!" before he can stop himself. It's SO GREAT. And I love Jude Law as Watson. I am not notably a Law fan, but boy, was he fun in this movie.
• Chaplin: Ugh, sorry guys. I thought this was really boring. I don't usually like biopics because they usually suuuuuck. Downey was good in this and so was Kevin Kline (He's ALWAYS good) but ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
• A Scanner Darkly: I have this from the library and am watching it now. Hee. This shit is crazy.
  

And the movie that prompted this post was Less Than Zero, which the lovely Sorsha loaned to me and also blogged about. She is such a shameless enabler. I didn't really like the movie. I'd heard it wasn't very good but that RDJ was fantastic in it. I mostly agree with this statement. My first problem: I don't usually like movies about drug addicts. Second problem? I don't give a shit about rich people and how miserable they all are. Seriously, go dry your tears on your money. (Class issues? Me? NO. SURELY NOT.) Third problem? I hate Andrew McCarthy. I didn't like him in Pretty in Pink. I didn't like him in Mannequin. I do not like him in a house, I do not like him with a mouse. He has a high voice. It weirds me out.

So, with all these strikes against it, I watched the damn movie. Ugh. Whatever. It was ok. I think McCarthy and Jami Gertz are both pretty bad in it. I liked Gertz fine in both Lost Boys and Solarbabies (WHAT? I LIKE THAT MOVIE. IT'S NOT A CRIME, OK?) [It sort of is] but I didn't think she was too great here. Probably they just both looked really bad next to really fabulous performances by Robert Downey Jr. and James Spader.

McCarthy plays Clay, who has just come home from college at Christmas to see his ex-girlfriend Blair (I think it's Blair. Maybe it's Blake. Whatever, I'm not looking it up, I just won't mention her name again. PROBLEM SOLVED) whom he'd dumped at Thanksgiving because he caught her and his best friend Julian boning. Whatever. I can't fault her taste. It's all very dramatic, with a bouquet of flowers being pegged at their post-coital heads. HA. Downey plays Julian, the wacky best friend who's become seriously addicted to drugs. Cocaine, I think. I don't know, something snorty. Like any addict, Julian is, by turns, charming, needy, aggressive, affectionate, nasty and desperate. Downey is really great at switching him back and forth. It's a really painful performance to watch especially when you know that later it mirrored real life. Sometimes Julian is so vulnerable you can barely stand to look at him (Something I also noticed with Downey's performance in Chaplin) and other times he's so cocky, you just want to bitch-slap him. The scene with Julian and his dad sort-of reconciling had me in tears. I texted Sorsha and she laughed at me. NICE, RIGHT?

James Spader, my favorite douchebag, plays Rip (No, I'm not kidding you with that name), the drug dealer who convinces Julian that the best way to work off his debt is as a rentboy. Spader is really nasty and sleazy and great in his manipulation of the increasingly stupid Julian. It's pretty masterful. God, I love James Spader. Heh. I'm sure the sight of Downey on his knees in a day-glo hotel room was pretty shocking for the 80s but I wasn't very impressed. And I could have done without all the puking, thanks. And memo to 80s Downey: It's called Chapstick. Get you some.

Also, Mame would like you all to know that she had a crush on Robert Downey Jr. in the late 90s when she made me watch Two Girls and a Guy. I bitched the entire time. TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE movie. But Mame was right. That guy is hot. (Um, I urge you all to head over to the IMDB entry for that movie. Look at the plot keywords. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

ETA: DUDE. I forgot Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang, basically the BEST MOVIE EVER. Ugh, I fail at my own blog. It's a great movie, Downey is great in it and so is Val Kilmer. Yes, THAT Val Kilmer. He's awesome. And it's written by Shane Black, who writes great action movies. Go rent it.

Wherein the Reader Learns That the Narrator is Batshit Crazy or Disasters I've Obsessed Over and Related Media

So, I'm pretty neurotic, right? Given toward anxiety and borderline OCD-ish tendencies. Not quite diagnosable for either Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (I looked it up in the DSM-IV. At work. Several times), but close. I'm a lot better than I used to be, actually. I spend fewer nights in a tangle of panic-ridden insomnia. I don't have actual panic attacks. Pong used to call me a "ninny" when we were dating and I'd spin off on some tangent about how the bus driver on my route would think I'd cheated him because he'd let me on the bus without paying because I'd told him I was going to buy a monthly bus pass but then the store was SOLD OUT of bus passes and it's not like I'd ASKED him to let me on the bus for free! He offered! I couldn't help it!

See? That's how I am. A ninny.

But you know what doesn't help my ninny-like nature? My attraction to media involving disasters and disastrous things. If it could conceivably send a tickle of pure horror down my spine, I'M THERE. I WANT TO READ ABOUT IT/WATCH THAT DOCUMENTARY, ETC. This is not good. This is not conducive to my mental health/serenity/zen whatever. IT GENERALLY REALLY DAMAGES MY CALM. But I am powerless to stop. I totally get this from my mother, who also loves hearing about a good disaster. The woman lulls herself to sleep with forensic shows, ok? But the thing is, she doesn't freak out! I DO. You know who is my co-pilot on this trip to Panicville, Population: 2? Sorsha. You know who constantly is trying to stop me from boarding the S.S. Freakout? Mame. And EGT.

Mame and I have been friends for like, 17 years? Something like that? Our friendship is a high school student, at any rate. She has always tried to stop me when my obsessions reach peak levels. She tries to grab books about disasters out of my hands. She tells me I'm not allowed to watch anymore documentaries about Mt. Everest. If EGT could, she would break into my house and install internet controls on my laptop. Not to keep me from reading porn, she's fine with that. No, to keep me from reading about school shootings. Or extinction level events (PRIONS! ASTEROIDS! CLIMATE CHANGE! KRAKENS!). Or watching British Cold War PSAs. (NO, SERIOUSLY. DON'T WATCH THOSE.) I don't listen to them, but I appreciate their efforts. It makes me feel loved.

Ah, but Sorsha. I met Sorsha at work and we had a lot in common right away. We both are snarky and excitable and have a wide streak of geekiness. You know how the first time you hang out with someone from work, it's a delicate dance, almost like a date? You know, you have to sort of feel them out for how weird you can reveal yourself to be? Or...is that just me? 'K, then. The first time Sorsha and I hung out, we talked for 6 hours about: Lord of the Rings, Buffy, Doctor Who and all kinds of other geeky things. Then somehow, we turned to...disasters. And how we both LOVE READING ABOUT THEM. I told her about crowd crushing. She told me about rogue waves. I told her about Mt. Everest and how it wants to kill you for climbing it. She told me about how the Canary Islands might fall into the ocean and cause a mega-tsunami. Then we talked about serial killers. It was SO much fun. Her poor sainted husband sat and listened for awhile, eyebrows raised. And then he said, and I quote, "Dear God, there's another one of you" and stomped off to do something useful. Sorsha's and my bonding over disasters makes me feel accepted.

Here is a by-no-means-complete list of some of the horrible things I've obsessed about and related media:

• Anthrax and smallpox: The Demon in the Freezer, Richard Preston (I also read The Hot Zone by the same author.)
  
• Rogue waves/mega-tsunamis (There is an alarming lack of media about this sort of thing!)
• Crowd crushing (ALSO an alarming lack! This is a public safety issue! If you really want to freak out, read about the Hillsborough Stadium Disaster. *shudder*)
• People who leave their kids in hot cars: hyperthermia
• Various man-made disasters
• The Boston Molasses Disaster (No, that's not an experimental 80s band.)
  
• The Dyatlov Pass Incident (This one FREAKS ME OUT! It's like an X-Files episode!)
• Too many true crime novels to count
  

Yeah. So...click on any of those links and never sleep again. I know this isn't good for me and it will make me anxious and sad. And yet. If I know you in real life, I'm sure I have accosted you at some point and detailed some terrifying incident in excited yet wary tones. And I'm sorry for that. But hey, you did learn that four people per square meter is minimum safe distance in a crowd, right? IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

IT'S THE SNOWMAGEDDON!!!11!!

Today was the second (or was it third?) HUGE snow storm that we've gotten here in NJ. Gotta love global warming, right?

I did not go to work because there weather dot com told me I would be in "life-threatening peril" if I left my house. No doubt from polar bears and walruses and ice weasels. I spent the day downloading music and watching the first two Underworld movies. With commentary. Come, let me tell you about the HUGE, WEIRD CRUSH I have on Michael Sheen. Or as Sorsha calls it, my "Michael Sheen Pathology." And she's a mental health professional. She would know.

The first and third Underworld movies are delightfully terrible, just the thing to watch with friends and mock. The second one: Underworld: Evolution? Was an absolute TRIAL to get through and Sheen in in the damn thing for LITERALLY 10 seconds. Awesome. It's a dreadful movie. And I like Scott Speedman as much as the next heterosexual woman with a working optic nerve (TEAM BEN ALL THE WAY!!!), but even his sex scene was lousy. I'm sure glad that the director mentioned in the commentary that the latex suit Kate Beckinsale was wearing smelled like a giant condom. Because that's all I could think of. GREAT.

While I wouldn't exactly call the Underworld franchise a feat of feminist filmmaking, I do enjoy that no one seems to bat an eye at Beckinsale's Selene kicking ass and taking names AND being a girl. They never even mention it. I mean, she's not a human woman, she's a vampire so it's not like she's striking a blow for the average woman. And she's wearing a shiny catsuit that looks like they spraypainted it on her, but still. I'll take my tiny victories where I can get them.

Foiled Again! (No, I Haven't Been Fencing.)

I am a huge music fan. I buy a lot of music, mainly from iTunes. Unless I want the whole CD, then I'll buy the whole thing. But I am a huge addict for buying a song here and there from iTunes. But sometimes, just sometimes, the songs I WANT aren't AVAILABLE. Then I have a tantrum. Here are the top 5 songs that I want to download that iTunes doesn't have:

• "Backwater" by The Meat Puppets. There's a bunch of OTHER Meat Puppets stuff on iTunes. But not "Too High To Die," the album with this song. Come on! It takes me straight back to early high school! But in a good way!
  
• "The Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel. Oh sure, it's available for download on iTunes...if you want to pay $9.99 and get the whole "Shall We Dance" soundtrack. And I sure don't. Grrr. This song was used to lovely effect on the Scrubs finale. I linked it there. Mame will weep. Don't worry, dear Mame. It made me cry too.
  
• "Ruins" by George Is Jones. This song was used on the Everwood* finale, oh so many years ago. I've never been able to find it, nor heard much from that band. All I could find was an emo fanvid about Amy Abbott. So...enjoy that.
  
• "Safe and Sound," Kyosuke Himuro featuring Gerard Way. Yes, Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance, otherwise known as my favorite band that I take no ending of mockery for. Whatever, can't get the song. Himuro's website says that I can but this is a lie. A vicious lie.
  
• "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want," by The Dream Academy. It's an instrumental cover of The Smiths' song. It's the song playing in Ferris Bueller's Day Off when they're in the museum. Gorgeous rendition of an already awesome song.

If any of our devoted readers do know where I can get any of these songs (Legally!), feel free to let me know!
*Shut it, Andie. Everwood was an awesome show and you just don't GET IT. Neener.

Marry, Cliff, Shag -- The "Star Trek" Edition

Ok, you guys, I just saw Star Trek for the second time. Whatever, I'm a geek, this isn't exactly news. But goddamn is everyone hot in that movie! So, let's play another rousing edition of Marry, Cliff, Shag. All of these choices are, of course, the incarnations from the new movie. (If there's interest, we can, of course, do a round from the original series. Or The Next Generation. Seriously, this game. It just keeps on giving!) Aaaaaand...GO!

Round One: James T. Kirk, Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Hikaru Sulu

Round Two: Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy, George Kirk (Jim's hot, self-sacrificing dad)

Round Three (For the straight gentlemen and any secret lesbian readers we may have. Also, welcome!): Uhura, her green roomate Gaila, James T. Kirk* (Whatever, everyone should get a shot at Kirk!)

*Clearly, not enough women in Star Trek. If you can't even have a respectable straight guy/lesbian round of Marry, Cliff, Shag, more female characters are needed. Get on that, JJ. You can do better.

What is WRONG with me?!

Today I gave my coworker Corey a tutorial of which Jonas brother is which and how old they are. While holding up the copy of Seventeen* magazine that features them on the cover.

I...WHY DO I KNOW THIS? WHYYYYYYY?!?!? I feel like I can somehow blame Perez Hilton for this.

I feel sure of it.

*We get it at the office. I don't have a subscription, I swear. Seventeen used to be a great magazine for teenage girls. You know, back when I was a teenager. I remember they used to have great articles about things like abortion rights, sexual harassment and drugs. They used to have that great "Sex and Your Body" column. Yeah, not so much anymore. It's all Jonas brothers and makeup tips. And New and Different Ways to Hate Your Body. Sorry, current teenage girls. Sucks to be you.

Mtv Movie Awards....or God I'm Old...or Twilight Fandom Part Two

I stayed in last night (I'll wait while your surprise wears off) and watched the last half hour of the Mtv Movie Awards. I used to live for this show, but as I watched this year I found myself confused and realized that I just don't get it. I don't get the cool 'inside jokes' featured. OK, Sacha Baron Cohen dropping out of the sky and landing on Emenim was hilarious, Forrest Whittaker singing "Dick in Box" like "La Bohem" was very original, and the girls from My Sister's Keeper referring to Cameron Diaz's work as "Adult Films" made me chuckle (PS...wasn't there some controversy a few years back because Diaz WAS in an adult film? I know I'm not making that up). But the musical acts were good, but I'm not all to familiar with them, and the quips that the stars shared with each other and their fans I didn't get.

When did I get so old? I remember rolling my eyes when my mom didn't get Fartman, or when Jim Carrey donned a ZZ Top-esque wig and beard and announced that there needed to be more Foghat. It made me a little sad. I liked Twilight (kinda), so I was excited by the premiere of the New Moon preview, and I *heart* Andy Samburg, so his little digital spoofs made me happy. But I don't get the Miley Cyrus thing, or the High School Musical thing. I don't think I ever will. I thought that just meant that I had taste, but it's an apparent sign that I'm getting older.

I got a little teary when Denzel Washington came out with his daughter to announce an award because his costar (my beloved, John) just couldn't do it. I was more upset by his absence than whoever won that award. I'm definitely loosing touch with the cool side of me.

I guess I could always don my emo-goth look and go with Bea to a My Chemical Romance concert to get in touch with my youth, but like I said "I have taste" and I'm fairly certain that concert would do more to throw me back to my rock 'n roll and 80's ballads more than anything else. Any ideas?

OMG

I've never in my life been so excited about a piece of technology, and I am including the invention of the iPod and my Nick Manning replica.

This is the most amazing idea that I have ever seen. It's being called an ATM for books, and it makes me all tingly. Much like the aforementioned Nick Manning replica. It's not just an idea either, it is a working machine that has been installed at Blackwell's bookstore on London's Charing Cross Road, perhaps the bookiest corner of one of the world's bookiest cities.

Dolly has a Kindle (named Sookie) and loves it. I love the idea - being able to access any book I want at any time without having to go to the store or library, but I love my books. I love the feel of the worn cover of my copy of The Handmaid's Tale or the copious underlines and notes I wrote in Tuesdays with Morrie; those are things that I can't have with a Kindle. Don't get me wrong, Kindles have their place. When I get money I'll buy the new one that will read to me whenever I want (hello car trips!!), because I don't keep every book I've read. Some of my trashy beach novels (of which I am writing one) don't need to be kept and put in my collection next to my 150 year-old copies of Dickens. But the peace I feel when I am sitting in my own little library reading a book that will one day go on my shelf, or rereading a favorite that smells of my old house and memories can't be put on a computer chip.

Granted, the books spit out of the book ATM machine won't have the beautiful covers and cover art of the originals (shout out to Two of Hearts!). But for a hard to find book, or even an out of print work, it's a gem. And don't get me started on not having to wait a week because the bookstore sold its last copy of something I want. I'm so excited!! Seriously, this is the BEST!!

Damn You, Journey!!!

Ha ha ha, sick of us yet? TODAY IS THE DAY WE POST LOTS. Enjoy that.

Anyway, I had an appointment with my chiropractor today because my back was kind of sore and I'm trying to avoid the thing where my back locks up and I walk around like Quasimodo. I mean, it's fun for everyone else, but I don't enjoy it. Plus, ow.

So, I'm lying on my stomach on the table while some...ultrasound thing is working its magic on my back. And over the radio? Comes "Don't Stop Believin'!" THIS SONG IS STALKING ME. I start giggling. The nurse pokes her head in, "Um...everything ok in here?" Because generally, chiropractics do not inspire giggles. I tell the nurse that it would be torture for me if someone played this song and told me I couldn't sing along. So, I sang along for the variously injured and their caretakers. It was fun.

Seriously, I hear that song everywhere I go. Mame and I heard it when she was visiting over Easter and we were standing in line at the Salad Works. I'm sure the crew there will never forget our rendition...

Guilty Pleasures: The Last 5 Songs You Downloaded

I thought another fun series might be the various guilty pleasures that Mame and I indulge in. (Ew, get your minds out of the gutter. Not like THAT!) One of my main vices is iTunes. I can't. Stop. Downloading. Music. And podcasts. I don't do tv shows or movies, but that's mostly because I don't have that kind of space on Frank the iPod. So, for fun, here are 5 of my most recent downloads:

1. "Don't Stop Believin'" by the cast of Glee (I think I made my fondness for this show evident and I was delighted to find that I could get their version. Yay!)
2. "Jai Ho" from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack; I recently saw this movie and only thought it was ok. Dev Patel was adorable, Freida Pinto was beautiful and the music was awesome. I found the dance sequence to this song over the credits particularly delightful.
3. "Iowa" by Dar Williams. Beautiful voice, beautiful song.
4. "Mad World" by Adam Lambert. (Whatever, don't judge me. I think he's great. And I love this song like, down to my DNA.)
5. "Great Expectations," The Gaslight Anthem; I downloaded this one on a recommendation from EGT. She rarely steers me wrong when it comes to music and television.
   

What have you downloaded recently? Care to harass me for my choices? (You can try, I'm pretty unrepentant!)

*And in case anyone is concerned (Doubtful!), I'm still working on my Terminator entry. It's rather...epic.