Monday, June 1, 2009
Mtv Movie Awards....or God I'm Old...or Twilight Fandom Part Two
When did I get so old? I remember rolling my eyes when my mom didn't get Fartman, or when Jim Carrey donned a ZZ Top-esque wig and beard and announced that there needed to be more Foghat. It made me a little sad. I liked Twilight (kinda), so I was excited by the premiere of the New Moon preview, and I *heart* Andy Samburg, so his little digital spoofs made me happy. But I don't get the Miley Cyrus thing, or the High School Musical thing. I don't think I ever will. I thought that just meant that I had taste, but it's an apparent sign that I'm getting older.
I got a little teary when Denzel Washington came out with his daughter to announce an award because his costar (my beloved, John) just couldn't do it. I was more upset by his absence than whoever won that award. I'm definitely loosing touch with the cool side of me.
I guess I could always don my emo-goth look and go with Bea to a My Chemical Romance concert to get in touch with my youth, but like I said "I have taste" and I'm fairly certain that concert would do more to throw me back to my rock 'n roll and 80's ballads more than anything else. Any ideas?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Marry, Cliff, Shag -- Round One
So, let's play! Let's get some Marry, Cliff, Shag up in this bitch! I'll call out a few regular blog readers with choices, but if you challenge me (Or Mame!) in the comments, we shall challenge back! You can use celebrities, fictional characters, politicians, historical figures, whatever you like! If it would be more fun, feel free to explain your reasoning. I once won a particularly memorable round with Mame and her husband Beau when I chose to shag Tucker Carlson, cliff Newt Gingrich and marry Bill O'Reilly so that I could make every day of his life a living hell. Now THAT was a good game!
Here we go:
Mame -- Marry, Cliff, Shag: John Travola, Leland Chapman, Paul Rudd
Two of Hearts -- Marry, Cliff, Shag: All V.C. Andrews "heroes:" Christopher from Flowers in the Attic, Jimmy from Dawn, Arden from My Sweet Audrina
Sorcha -- Marry, Cliff, Shag: Hugh Jackman, Ryan Reynolds, James Marsden (It's the all X-Men round!)
EGT -- Marry, Cliff, Shag: the Top Gear boys: Richard Hammond, Jeremy Clarkson, James May (With current hair, as that may influence your decision)
Anyone and everyone who wants to play, take it to the comments!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
In Honor (Honour) of our Bicenntenial Blog Entry - - WHICH BEA HAS NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED BY THE WAY
Here's how it works: You are supposed to write a note with 10 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you, so here it goes: 10 random things about Auntie Mame.
- I have an obsession with John Travolta. I own his shoes, a scrapbook of pictures that I collected as a kid, all kinds of stuff. When other little girls were swooning over Leonardo DiCaprio in Tiger Beat, I was clipping out pictures from Reader's Digest of John.
- My favorite movie of all time is Saturday Night Fever. Possibly because of my previously mentioned love of John Travolta, but in all seriousness I can relate to a lot of the movie and the main characters.
- Whenever I get lonely for the "good old days" I listen to the soundtrack of Empire Records, Counting Crows August and Everything After, Gin Blossoms New Miserable Experience and Alanis Morresette's Jagged Little Pill. Each of those CDs, in entirety, remind me of very special days in my teenage years.
- I could eat bake at home pizza or Mexican food every day of the week and be perfectly happy for the rest of my life.
- The movie 40 Year Old Virgin rescued me from post-pardum depression. I watched it every day for weeks. I owe my sanity to Paul Rudd and Steve Carrell.
- I represent my three oldest, and best friends in my mind by three bands: Journey, Air Supply, and Chicago. They know which is which.
- The best job I have ever had was as a music manager at Borders. If I were to chose retail as a career, I could have stayed there forever. We had a great time.
- I have an obsession with stand up comedy. I can identify a comedian by a line from their bit, their physical description, or on of their appearances.
- I'm a fairly good artist. Mostly cartoonish stuff, but it's good! I make "movie posters" for all the stories that my students read.
- In junior high/high school I created a collage on my closet doors of favorite magazine clippings, quotes, pictures, etc. It was amazing! One night in a fit of rage after some boyfriend problems, I'm sure, I ripped it down. It took years to create. It's a big regret.
Friday, July 27, 2007
50 Questions about Mame or Why I Am Easily Led and Will Probably End Up In a Damn Cult or Something
Ok, just for symmetry:
1) What's their name? She's goes by Auntie Mame after one of her favorite play/movies. We're very literary and klassy, you know.
2) Does he or she have a boyfriend/girlfriend? She's MARRIED. To a MAN. Who actually is pretty awesome. If she had to marry anyone, he's the one. I'm sure they're thrilled to have my approval. Heh.
3) How old is the person? We are OLD, yo.
4) Has he/she ever cooked for you? She's totally made me Stouffer's french bread pizza. Remember that summer where that was pretty much ALL we ate? The rooves of our mouths were permanantly scarred, I think!
5) Is this person older than you? Eight months younger than I.
6) When was the last time you talked to this person? I received a text like, 15 minutes ago, demanding that I check my email. And here I am.
7) When was the last time you thought about them? Obviously, thinking about her now!
8) Are you related to this person? Could they cram THAT much dysfunction into ONE family? I hope not!
9) Do you have pictures of this person on your Myspace? That I do! But she totally doesn't have one of me. That was a lie.
10) Do you think they will repost this? No, 'cause that would be silly.
11) Could you live with this person? Sure, but her husband might get jealous/annoyed. Heh.
12) Why is this person your BFF? Because she makes me laugh harder than anyone ever has, she knows me really well and still likes me, because we can spazz at each other and be fine two minutes later and even hundreds of miles apart, she knows what I'm thinking.
13) Have you seen this person cry? Sure.
14) Have you ever been to the mall with this person? Dude. We're from freakin' Jersey. Didn't we used to LIVE at the mall?
15) Have you ever had a sleepover with this person? Many, many times.
16) If you ever moved away, would you miss this person? YES! I miss her all the time!
17) Have you ever given this person something? Of course! I just sent her a Fruit Smoothie car freshener so she can get high off of it.
18) Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person? Heh, everything we do is stupid. Illegal, hmmm...probably not. I'm a rule-follower. Is plotting to marry hot, famous people illegal?
19) Do you know everything about this person? I'm sure I don't. Like Walt, she contains multitudes. But I know a lot.
20) Does this person have you listed as their BFF? Yes. I'll have it listed on my tombstone. YOU HAPPY?!
21) Have you and your BFF fought before? Yes, I don't like to think about it, actually.
22) Is your BFF on drugs? Yes, I'm usually on speakerphone while she's having her trials and tribulations with the bitches at her local CVS.
23) Have you and your top person kissed? No. And we're not going to. Sorry! I'll hug you, though!
24) Has this person ever seen you dance? Yes. She's been witness to my many dances.
25) Have you ever heard this person sing? Of course! She and her husband serenade me, frequently. It rules.
26) Do you and this person have a saying? Too many to name! (GOD, She always WINS! Stop picking it UP!)
27) Do you know this person's Myspace password? No, but I could probably guess it, it I wanted to, which I don't.
28) Do you know this person's siblings? Yes! Dolly rules! We three spent a very entertaining evening going through her parents attic. It was like I Love the 80s come to life! Sadly, without Michael Ian Black.
29) Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight that lasted? Yes. See question #28.
30) Does this person have a dog? No, cats that crack me up.
31) Have you and this person went clubbing? Um, no. We make our own fun. And LOTS of it.
32) Do you know how to make this person feel happy? Yes, it's easy; if I'm just as ridiculous as possible, she'll cheer up.
33) Do you and this person talk a lot? Constantly! Do we ever have a thought that we don't verbalize/text/email/IM to each other?
34) Have you licked this person? It's...possible. We've had some odd methods of retaliation. I know I've licked food so she couldn't have it. Didn't stop her, though.
35) Has this person yelled at you? When AREN'T we yelling?
36) Have you and this person got into a fist fight? No, but she KNOCKED ME DOWN IN A VIDEO STORE.
37) Do you like this person? I love her more than my laptop!
38) What would their name be if s/he married their favorite star? It would totally be Auntie Mame Travolta. This has been going on since high school. She will not be dissuaded. Though, if anyone could get him out of this whole Scientology thing, it's Mame. SAVE HIM!!! FREE THE TRAVOLTA!!11!!
39) Where was the last restaurant or fast food place you ate out at together? NO! It was from WENDY'S. We went out and got crappy fast food so Beau could be alone to read his book, free of our babbling for ten damn minutes! And also, we went to the Sev.
40) If your BFF were a vehicle, what would they be? I don't know cars. Something reliable, but flashy. With a really good stereo system. But stubborn. It might stall out on you if you were insolent.
41) What was the last argument you had? Heh, luckily, we don't really fight seriously anymore, but we squabble constantly. The last was probably over my stubborn refusal to watch something that she wanted me to watch.
42) What do you want to be different in your BFF's life by this time next year? She and Beau and Glowbug would move closer!
43) What is your favorite thing about your BFF? Of the many things, how she almost always understands me.
44) What is probably under your BFF's bed? Heh, socks, probably one of the cats and possibly Glowbug.
45)What CD is in their car stereo right now? The Rent soundtrack and also, Veggie Tales! Heh.
46)If they could be any animal, what would they be? I dunno, a bitchy cat or something. I'm not good at these questions.
47) What was the longest you've ever gone without talking? It was a long fucking time.
48) Describe your BFF in one word: Kind
49) If your BFF won $10,000 today, what would they spend it on? Bling. DUH.
50) Watch the movie or read the book? It depends on the story. Bitch STILL hasn't finished the Harry Potter series! I KNOW! Please, everyone, yell at her.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Celebrity Boyfriends…or why most people are amazed to find out I am married.
I love John Travolta. Honestly. I have since he was Vinnie Bobarino in Welcome Back Kotter. This is the first in a line of many, many celebrities that I have pictured marrying and having a life with although the very first was John Travolta, an obsession that lasts even to this day. My husband knows that I would drop him in a hot minute if Travolta showed up at my door.
My second love died; Jonathan Brandis was a god in my world from about 13 until - - well let’s just say well beyond the ‘normal’ age of realizing that you’re too old for a celebrity boyfriend. At 14 I had my first real life boyfriend (aw, “big lips boy”) but Jonathan remained plastered on my walls and heart. At 16, my brother-in-law made fun of me for having so many pictures up of ‘the guy from SeaQuest DSV, so I took them down – and put them on the inside of my closet.
Lady Bea and I have long winded conversations about “what things would be like” were we to marry/be with one of our many loves. It’s never sexual in nature, just living with these people and (at times) being their ‘voice of reason.’
Here is an example of a typical conversation:
Mame: Alec [Baldwin] and I are no longer talking.
Bea: Because of this whole voicemail thing?
Mame: No, I knew he was crazy when we first fell in love.
Bea: Oh, because of the whole wanting-to-leave-30 Rock thing.
Mame: Exactly.
Bea: I’m glad that you knew he was crazy to begin with. But I’d be afraid of Kim, that was a messy divorce, she might come after you.
Mame: I’m not worried. I’ll sit my ass down behind the bulletproof glass of the bay window at the front our house drinking martinis while Kim throws a fit in the driveway because I can love Alec in a way that she couldn’t.
Bea: Haha. Wait, why is there bulletproof glass in your and Alec’s home?
Mame: Because I think he and I would have some terrific fights.
Bea: Way to think ahead.
Here is a (to date) list of celebrities that I fantasize having a life with:
- John Travolta
- Alec Baldwin
- Leland Chapman (the son of Dog the Bounty Hunter. The one with the long hair, good GOD he is adorable)
- Luke Wilson (the one without the f’ed up nose)
- Jake Gyllenhall
- Orlando Bloom (but only with the blond wig from Lord of the Rings)
- Jonathan Brandis (I don’t care if he’s dead now, I could have saved him dammit!)
- Chris Farley (see above)
- Rudolph Valentino (good God, his acting, his EYES…dude…)
- Jay Mewes (of Jay and Silent Bob fame)
Thursday, April 12, 2007
So far today, I’ve gone on msn.com, yahoo.com, and even imdb.com for my routine news reports (that's right, imdb is one of my news sources) and each page had over three articles about this guy. Don’t you all see? By creating this much publicity surrounding him you are doing the exact opposite of whatever your good intentions are – you are empowering him!
If you’ve lived under a rock since the women’s basketball championship, and thus have no idea what I am talking about – stop reading now and go to one of the aforementioned websites; they will tell you everything you need to know - - I refuse to indulge in this story. However, after a discussion with my inner-city youth classroom I would like to say the following:
I love free speech. I love banned books. I love the idea that people in this country can express themselves and do not have to worry about being killed or maimed as a result. I also am a firm believer in the idea that your freedoms end where mine begin.
Having said all this, I was recently called on the carpet to explain how I felt about this whole Don Imus issue and discovered that I was at war with myself over what to say. Was I angry that this radio non-DJ whom I’ve never listened to, for being an absurd racist? Did I choose to not care because I have the choice to not listen to him and therefore he has the choice to say whatever he feels like?
Then I did what I am afraid most Americans of my age today do not do: I did some research before opening my mouth. I did not go to yahoo.com, msn.com, or imdb.com this time; however, I read various in print articles from a variety of newspapers and magazines (I tend to put more faith in the paper written word than the typed even though that is my now choice of expression - this is also not the first time that I have been a hypocrite to myself).
Turns out this guy pulls this kind of nonsense all the time. His producer has been fired twice for making racist or otherwise inappropriate comments and each time was given a penalty and forced to make an on-air apology. After which, Mr. Imus would hire him back, thus finding the loophole in the FCC rules/policies. This makes me think that this rant about the Rutgers' girls wasn’t just something that fell out of his mouth (as he claimed in his FCC letter of apology) but something that he said in order to gain a response from his audience. Therefore he is perpetuating a cycle of not only racism and hate, but also of being sneaky and being above the rules. He knows that nothing can happen to him because nothing has before. He figured out the ways around his punishments.
He should be fired, not because of his statements - as I said before he is allowed to be an idiot just as I am allowed to love John Travolta with all my heart and soul: no one has the right to tell us we are wrong. But, if I find ways to get around the laws that protect my beloved Mr. Kotter alum, and begin to stalk him as I sometimes want to – I am wrong and need to be punished for it. So if this Imus guy finds ways to make racist and inappropriate comments and still remain on the air, at some point he needs be punished for it. Take away his method of feeling ‘above the rules’ and get him off the radio.
Am I making any sense here?