What Is Bea Watching This Television Season?

...Because I know you were all wondering. It's the question on everyone's (no one's) minds! Believe it or not, I don't feel like I watch a lot of television. I despise having shows meted out to me on a weekly basis and then pulled for months at a time. IT ANNOYS ME A LOT. I really prefer to mainline a show on DVD, but then I miss out on discussing it with with everyone else and reading reviews and articles, etc.

Returning Shows

• The Walking Dead. Dude. Zombies. Come on. I agree with everyone else who says that season one had an pretty awesome pilot and then the rest...kinda...sucked? It was very uneven. There were parts that were cool (the zombie attack on the camp, the showdown at the CDC) and parts that sucked (Um. The rest), but I was still curious enough to pop in for season two. It's better that the first season. I know that seems like faint praise, but it really is better. Some of the existing problems from season one are still around, like the pacing issues (Either kill Sophia off or fucking find her. LIKE, YESTERDAY), they still don't really know how to handle the Lori/Shane/Rick triangle (Lori and Shane need to come clean - they aren't really at fault, they truly thought Rick was dead and who could blame them - and then they have a threeway relationship. Shit. It's the zombie apocalypse. Have a threeway. Who cares?), and I still don't feel like they've really found their own internal logic and rules for their particular zombie apocalypse. They sure don't treat it like a biological contagion, what with everyone unconcernedly getting zombie goo on them all the time, but it's clearly communicable through bites, so what the fuck? SO. ANYWAY. The Walking Dead: better than last season, for real. The Shane twist was pretty great and I'm hoping it gets that character (who has potential and I like the actor) out of that rut (PUN SO INTENDED) that he's been in. The show needs to figure out some cool shit to do with Glenn, and either do something with Andrea or kill her off. While she's got a point re: Dale's paternalism, her incessant whinging about it drives me crazy. (The show, in general, kind of doesn't know what do with women. Are there any women on that writing staff? If not, fucking hire some.) Of course, I also watch The Talking Dead, because I love Chris Hardwick.
  
• Criminal Minds. I slacked off last season because the firing of 66.6666667% of the female cast members REALLY pissed me off. And apparently it pissed everyone else off because, OH LOOK! They brought Emily and JJ back because the most important thing about this show is the chemistry of the cast! Imagine that! So, I'm back. Spencer Reid is still pretty.
• Sons of Anarchy. Oh God, I hated the Ireland story last season SO MUCH. I, um, didn't watch the last three or so episodes because it was so painfully annoying. It's better this season. (Sensing a theme? Heh.)
• Community. I'm not a regular watcher. I pop in from time to time, mostly to see if Joel McHale will take his shirt off or if a piano will fall on Chevy Chase. ...What?

New (To Me) Shows

• Parks & Recreation. Oh, this is such a gem of a show, you guys. I love it! It's so...good-natured. Every time I wait for it to get awkward and cringe-inducing (like The Office), it almost never does! I love all the characters SO much. Leslie Knope! Is there another character like her on television? AND I LOVE RON SWANSON. RON. I AM DARK-HAIRED AND NOT-ENTIRELY-UNATTRACTIVE AND CAN PREPARE YOU BREAKFAST FOODS!!! MARRY ME.

New Shows

• Homeland. This is a really, really great show. Damian Lewis and Claire Danes are AMAZING in their roles and the supporting cast is awesome too. I like how unflinching and harsh it is. I love that I'm never entirely sure what's going on, who I can believe, if I can ever accept what I see in flashbacks. So. Great.
  
• American Horror Story. It's...just..so...INCREDIBLY BATSHIT B-A-N-A-N-A-S INDULGENTLY CRAZY. And I love that about it. I know a lot of people were put off by the pilot (and I don't entirely blame them) but I was strangely flattered by how over-the-top it was. "Aw, show! You really want me to like you! It's like a first date and you've brought flowers AND candy AND perfume! Aww. You've thrown dead babies, adultery, bare asses, a guy in a shiny gimp suit, Dead!Fake!Weasley twins, and Jessica Lange acting like she's a lost Tennessee Williams heroine. You get another episode!" I love Lange, Connie Britton, Taissa Farmiga and the kid who plays Tate. It's not...good, but BOY, is it entertaining. Do I think it's going to crash and burn? Probably. But it sure is fun while it lasts.
  
• Revenge. I do really like Revenge but it's up against about a million other things. I usually catch up with it on Hulu. It's everything that Ringer SHOULD be, but isn't: super-fun and soapy and trashy.
  

Shows That I Have Broken Up With

• Glee. I would probably keep watching Glee if they ONLY sang and danced. I realized that I found every character (Except for Kurt and Blaine) hugely annoying anytime they actually spoke.
• Supernatural. This was awhile ago, but ugh. I just got sick of its bullshit.
  
• True Blood. The show that I want it to be is not the show that it is. And the show that it is isn't one I'm really very interested in watching.
• Dexter. I still really like this show, I just got too far behind (I missed all of last season). Maybe I'll catch up on DVD.
  
• Ringer. I only lasted two episodes. Sorry, Sarah Michelle Gellar. I love you, but I kind of hated this show.
  

Shows I Intend To Keep Watching

• The Wire. SOMEDAY, YOU GUYS. I have to get through seasons four and five.
• Fringe. I tried to jump into season four, not having watched season three. And. Um. No. Not possible. I'm DVRing season four to watch after I grab the last season on DVD.
• Sherlock. WHEN WILL I GET MORE? I neeeed it, you guys.
  
• Game of Thrones. Though the second season should be called A Clash of Kings. /pedant
• Breaking Bad. I'm hoping to use the year's hiatus before the final season to catch up on the whole thing.
  
• Mad Men. Whenever it comes back.
  

What are you watching this season? What are you NOT watching?

YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

So, I'm sitting at my desk this morning, sipping my coffee, listening to NPR, and organizing the day's events and I get a text from my most amiable geeky companion Sorsha: "JULY 12TH RELEASE FOR A DANCE WITH DRAGONS!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And then there were more texts and later, when I got home, tweets from Dan Mac and others and the entire internet was like, wall-to-wall GEORGE R. R. MARTIN. It was AWESOME.

I'm so excited! I did this and then this and then this is what my office looked like all day today. (Instead of Doctor Who geeks, picture me doing a happy dance and a lot of confused social service workers. Good times.) And I know, I don't deserve to be excited. I only just read A Game of Thrones and am only halfway through A Clash of Kings. I haven't SUFFERED like the rest of you. I am aware of my privilege, ok? But my wait for the last two books will be just as long as yours now. WE WILL PINE TOGETHER.

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. I just went looking for the new trailer for the miniseries that went live during the Academy Awards and found a NEW NEW TRAILER! Holy shit, you guys! It's like today is GEEK CHRISTMAS. The Wall! A glimpse of the Others! MORE JAIME. Um. Soooo...Robb? Kind of hot, yeah?

I can't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!!!

Rants of Ice and Fire: Oh, HELL No

Hey Sorsha, remember when I recommended that podcast to you, Podcast of Ice and Fire? Yeah, well, I'm rescinding my recommendation. I enjoyed the first episode and part of the second one I listened to (I texted you a quote) but immediately after that, one of the women on the 'cast treated the listeners to a lecture about Catelyn Stark and how she's not a strong character because she's a wife and mother.

...No, really. That was it. I'm on record as not being a huge Catelyn fan. Mostly because I find her boring and think she was a bitch to Jon Snow, whom I adore. (Though I can sort of understand her reasoning. Well. As much as I can understand why anyone would be mean to a little kid, even if he IS your husband's illegitimate kid of TOP SECRET maternity.) But I certainly don't think she's weak. And I think she left "traditional" femininity behind when she hopped on her horse to go rally the Tullys and gather evidence against the Lannisters for booting her son out the window. And then arresting Tyrion. And the way she handled the arrest was pretty fucking masterful. And she seems extra tough when you compare her to her miserable sister. Ugh.

Yeah, she raised five kids. Hell, six, if you count Jon Snow. (Are we to think she completely ignored him? I'm unclear on this. I guess it doesn't matter much.) She was a dutiful and loving wife to Ned and mistress of Winterfell. None of these things make her weak. Motherhood's a fucking tough job, I'm pretty sure. Especially when you don't have things like, you know, epidurals, antibiotics, diapers, pacifiers and soap. And unlike that gorgon Cersei (To whom she was being compared unfavorably), she doesn't: 1. Fuck her brother 2. Murder her husband 3. Have any Damien-Omen kids.

I'm mostly just really offended by the notion that if you don't try to act like a man, you're weak. Like I said in my ridiculously impassioned defense of Sansa: not everyone can be Arya or Dany. If you put a sword in my hand, I'd probably be all, "Um. This is heavy. I'm just gonna put this down over here before I drop it on my foot" and then I'd go read a book. Or knit something. Or bake something. In fact, I'm looking up brownie recipes as we speak. ...Type. And I'd (GASP!) like to get married and have babies someday. !!!!!!!!! Whatever. I GUESS I'M JUST TOO WEAK/BORING/USELESS TO LIVE.

So, back to the podcast...I'll be unsubscribing. Which sucks because I loved being able to listen to something Westeros-related at work. It's the NEXT BEST THING to reading the novels. But I don't need that kind of misogynistic bullshit.

AND NO BROWNIES FOR YOU, PODCAST OF ICE AND FIRE.

ETA: Oh, there was other stuff, too. This was just the bit I was ranty about.

Well, There Goes the Rest of My Spare Time For the Forseeable Future...

I visited my local used book store yesterday to see if they had book two of A Song of Ice and Fire in stock and guess what?! They had all three! The bookseller was quite delighted with my purchases; he seemed to be a big fan of the series. He warned me ominously that it's been years since the last book came out and that No One Knows when book five will be out. I assured him that I was aware of the risk and was willing to fling myself headlong into book-related heartbreak.* The best part is that they only cost me $10! YAAAY! (All three at Amazon was going to set me back $30, which had me squawking in indignation, but I was still totally going to pay it.)

Also, Sorcha and I may need to have a mild throwdown over Sansa Stark. Only mild because I can see her point of view, but I have all this empathy for Sansa.

*Hey, it was, like, twelve years between the releases of the fourth and fifth Earth's Children novels. Wait. Bad example. Book Five of that series, Shelters of Stone, suuuuuucked. Like, a lot.

Mini Review of Book-In-Progress: "A Game of Thrones"

Sorsha has been after me for months in her gentle way (No, really. She doesn't pressure. She knows better. Almost no one manipulates me better than her) to start reading the first book in A Song of Ice and Fire series, A Game of Thrones.

I've had the damn book for over a year. I bought it at a used book store when she first started talking about it and I'd heard about the series from my fellow geeks online. Mostly, they were bitching about the next book not being out. And then Neil Gaiman told them to shut up about it and that was fun. So, I picked up the book, took one look at all the characters with the crazy names and put it back down. I'd look at it longingly on occasion, but went on to other things. But I really wanted to get it read before the HBO miniseries with the AWESOME cast came on. In April. I think I've got time. But you know. Time gets away from you. And then there was this preview.

Yeah. I need to get on that.

So, I started it this week. DETERMINED.

After numerous texts to Sorsha (And pouncing on her at work), visits to the IMDB page (Sometimes it helps if I can get mental pictures of the characters in my mind) and the Wikipedia page (Careful there if you're spoiler-averse) and I've mostly got my brain wrapped around the thirty or so primary and secondary characters and the "rules" of the world they live in.

And it's so fucking awesome. It's like a really mean, dirty (Both in sexual terms and like, grime) Middle Earth. Everyone is complex and layered and morally ambiguous. My favorite character is still Daenerys, nicknamed Dany, a thirteen-year-old deposed princess married off by her asshole brother to a warlord so he (The asshole brother) can build his army and get his throne back. She's terrified (And who wouldn't be?) but eventually comes to like her scary husband (Jason Momoa is playing him in the mini, if that tells you anything) and, more importantly, realizes that she needs to toughen the fuck up if she's going to survive. And she DOES and it's AWESOME. Also, that picture of her from IMDB immediately made me think of the Jungle Queen from The Maxx. 90s nostalgia!

So, reading continues and I need to order the next three books off of Amazon. WOOOO!!!

P.S. Three guesses as to why I used the Flowers in the Attic tag. Hee.

Christmas, Christmas Time Is Here!

Ah, a December Saturday evening...I'm tucked up in my warmest jimjams with a cup of tea and an English muffin preparing to do one of my favorite lame seasonal activities: watching Christmas episodes of television shows on DVD. And if you think I'm SUPER lame for doing this...well. Sustained, I guess. But I AM super lame and this blog generally documents my lamitudes and you find that delightful, DON'T YOU? Ahem.

ANYWAY.

I'm starting with My So-Called Life,"So-Called Angels." I'm about 30 seconds in and oh, Ricky. I started here because I've been listening to the Extra Hot Great podcast (And if you're not, you should be. And the Pop Culture Happy Hour. Seriously. They both bring me much glee at work. And really, who couldn't use more glee at work? You could. I know you could) and they were talking about MSCL and it made me remember how much I love that show. (Also, 10 minutes in and I remember how much I loathe Angela's sister Danielle. Shut UP, Danielle, GOD.)

So here's what I've got on deck (Literally, I have a pile of DVDs sitting next to me):

• Gilmore Girls, "Forgiveness and Stuff," season 1, episode 10. Everyone is still mad at everyone after Rory and Dean stayed out all night after her first dance. The Richard goes to the hospital with chest pains and they get over it. Oh, season one Gilmore Girls. How much you did not suck! Remember when I you didn't want to slap Rory?
  
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Amends," season 3, episode 10. The one where The First Evil makes its, um, first appearance and tries to corrupt Angel. And Willow tries to seduce Oz in an adorable fashion. I know most people don't like this episode but it's full of angst delicious angst and I love it.
  
• Joan of Arcadia, "The Uncertainty Principle," season 1 episode 11. This one fudging a little because it's not a terribly Christmasy episode but it revolves around the winter dance. God tells Joan to go to the dance with a troubled boy (Who played Andrew Schillinger on Oz and it weirded me out to see him here) and things get all dramatic. I always get the chills during the last five minutes of this episode.
  
• Veronica Mars, "An Echolls Family Christmas," season 1, episode 10. Veronica is hired to find out who stole the winnings from a 09er poker game and Keith investigates a famous actor's stalking. There's a shanking. It's pretty awesome.
  
• Doctor Who, "The Christmas Invasion," series 2, episode 1. God, I love this episode. David Tennant's first episode as the Tenth Doctor and he totally kicks ass. I got annoyed with Ten toward the end (SHUT UP WITH YOUR EMO MAN PAIN, FOR REAL!) but I adored him when he first started.
  
• The West Wing, "In Excelsis Deo," season 1, episode 20 and "Noel," season 2, episode 10. The first is when a homeless veteran dies wearing a coat that Toby donated to Goodwill and Toby arranges a military funeral for him. The second is the one where Josh has PTSD and is my second favorite episode of TWW EVER (My first favorite, like everyone else ever, is "Two Cathedrals").
  
• The Office, "Christmas Party, season 2, episode 16. Yaaaankee swap and Jim gets Pam a teapot. (I also hate Michael Scott.)
  
• Scrubs, "My Own Personal Jesus," season 1, episode 11. The gang deliver a baby in a park. Dr. Cox is grinchy.
  

So...what's YOUR favorite Christmas episode? Something I didn't mention? Do you hate Danielle Chase as much as I do?

ALSO.

I need to talk about Sherlock. DON'T THINK I WON'T. But I'm tired right now. But it is SO. AWESOME. If you haven't watched it, you need to. If you have, tell me in the comments how it is your favorite thing ever.

I'll write a full review soon. VERY. SOON.

But for you ladies (and gents!), a round of Marry, Cliff, Shag from Sherlock!

Marry, Cliff, Shag: Sherlock, John, Lestrade. GO!

Bad Day Rehab: Celebrity Boyfriends

Hmmm...rough day at work today, babies. Well. Let's be honest, it's been a rough MONTH at work, babies. I try not to talk about my job on my blog because I don't want to get FIRED or otherwise compromised. But I don't think the little fact that it's been a suck-ass month will be too problematical. But whatev, let's talk about something that will cheer me up: my ever-revolving parade of celebrity boyfriends. I know, Gentle Readers, that you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and gasp, "WHO IS IN BEA'S TOP 5 LIST OF CELEBRITY BOYFRIENDS THIS WEEK!?!?!?" Well, in the interests of everyone getting a proper night's rest, I'll tell you. I'm a humanitarian.

1. Robert Downey Jr. Neither I nor EGT understand Tumblr, but that site makes me laugh. A lot. Mame and I are eagerly anticipating Due Date. During my studies of Downey's career, I've found this to be a very useful resource. For each film of his they ask "Dies/Gay/Villain?" My favorite answer is for Sherlock Holmes: "No/Vaguely/No." HA!
   
2. Dr. Spencer Reid. He may be fictional, but he still the prettiest.
   
3. Benedict Cumberbatch. Yes. I still think his name sounds like a gay porn star. Or, as the Nerdist dude pointed out, like a teacher from Hogwarts. But he's super hot. And he has a damn fine coat. And a sexy voice. So...SOLD. Also, he may not be human but I'm not letting that get in my way.
   
4. Michael Sheen. He's adorable and sometimes makes good movies: The Queen, Frost/Nixon, and The Damned United. And not-so-good movies: Twilight: New Moon, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, and Tron: Legacy. (Damn you, Michael. Now I have to see that piece of shit. But the Daft Punk soundtrack does make me feel a bit better about the whole thing.) Also, why all the colons, Michael? And he surprise!presented at the Oscars, thrilling me (and EGT) beyond belief. That was a pretty bad day for me, so I choose to think it was a special gift from him. Shhhhh...don't try to reason with me. He's a really, really good actor and also does music videos. I like that in a celebrity boyfriend.
5. Terrance Zdunich. Seriously. Have you not seen Repo! The Genetic Opera yet? Get on that, will you? (If you don't like camp and gore, you'll hate it. Luckily, I love both.) This dude emailed me. Because I ordered a comic book from his website. The fit I threw could not be documented. Lucky Sorsha was there to witness it! I'm a challenging friend. (P.S. The comic was really good! I haven't gotten around to ordering the rest of the series, but I did like it. Despite the fucking cockroaches.)
   

Well. That was fun, wasn't it? Tell me about YOUR celebrity boyfriends/girlfriends! There's no shame (or dignity!) here.

"Iron Man" vs. "The Dark Knight" or Bea Is An Embarrassingly Huge Geek, Feel Free To Mock Her

I was listening to the Culturetopia podcast at work today. Culturetopia's Pop Culture Happy Hour is one of my favorites, it's kind of hysterical. Anyway. One of the...podcasters? whatever was talking about comic book movies and said that they thought that Iron Man was as good, if not better than, The Dark Knight. Of course, I squawked in indignation. But, then I thought about it.

...Huh. Is Iron Man as good a movie as The Dark Knight? And why has this geek Thunderdome question never occurred to me before? I'm frankly disappointed in myself. Whatever. So, let's lay out the facts here...First, let me say that I am not a superhero comic book geek. I'm more a graphic novel kind of girl and I don't really read superhero comics at all. Except for the odd Batman book here and there. Secondly, I have a giant crush on Robert Downey Jr. right now and that could bias my answers just a taaad.

• Best Superhero: Hmm. I like Batman better. Iron Man is fine and all but basically, he's a dude in a suit. I mean, he's smart and good with, you know, physics and stuff, but he's a spoiled playboy in a big metal suit. Batman? TRAINED BY NINJAS. You can't beat that with an M.I.T. degree. No way.
  
• Best Alter Ego: Oh my God, Tony Stark all the way. SHUT UP, BRUCE WAYNE. NO, SHUT UP SOME MORE. GO GET SOME THERAPY. Tony Stark has daddy issues, but does he whinge about them all the time and fantasize about bats? No. No, he does not. I mean, sure, he sluts it up and drinks like a fish but he doesn't WHINE. And then he gets kidnapped and tortured and he turns his PTSD into something positive! So there. Sure, Bruce Wayne fakes the whole spoiled and slutty playboy thing, but Tony? Not faking. And he's hilaarious.
  
• Best Special Lady Friend: Pepper Potts is so much awesomer than anyone but she is particularly awesomer than Rachel Dawes, who kind of sucks. There is no character in the Marvel 'verse that is more important to me than Pepper Potts. (Seriously, if she's not in the Avengers movie, I'll cut someone. Not kidding. [Kidding. I'm a Quaker. No cutting.]) Pepper is smart, ladylike, competent but doesn't take any bullshit. Particularly from Tony. She'll reach into his chest and change his glowy-heart-thing (Yes, I know what it's called) and dismiss his one night stands in the morning for him, but she is not going to let him talk dirty at her or put up with any nonsense. Can you tell that I'm a HUGE Tony/Pepper fan? Heh. Ugh, Rachel Dawes. I went on at some length in my review of The Dark Knight concerning the problems I have with Ms. Dawes. Seriously, a girl doesn't have to have superpowers or be ass kickin' or a villain or hero to be awesome. She can just be...awesome. See also: Ross, Betty or if we're talkin' books, Everdeen, Katniss.
  
• Best Villains: The Dark Knight, no question. Can you get better villains that Heath Ledger's Joker and Aaron Eckhart's Two-Face? And I think Iron Man villains tend to be kind of weak. Obadiah Stane was pretty meh. I mean, he had a good scene with Gwyneth Paltrow when she's trying to get the files off of Tony's computer and he's subtly menacing her but whatever. One scene. Heath Ledger basically OWNED The Dark Knight.
  
• Best Sidekicks/Friends: This also goes to The Dark Knight. I think Lucius, Alfred and Gordon are much more awesome than Happy and Rhodey. Though Tony Stark has some cool robots.
• Lead Actors: I really love both Christian Bale and Robert Downey Jr. They're two of my favorite actors. I much prefer what Downey does with Tony Stark to what Bale does with Bruce Wayne/Batman. I find Downey more nuanced. I'm not entirely wild about Bale's gravelly Batman voice. The way Downey interacts with Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper and how he quietly plays Tony's return after his kidnapping is really excellent. I can name a dozen little things that Downey does that makes his performance as Tony memorable but I can't name a single one that Bale does besides being looming and muscley.
  
• Miscellaneous: I prefer the look of The Dark Knight and the grim, goth vibe. I really like the music in The Dark Knight. Though I know a lot of people haaaaated it, I LOVED the use of the Black Sabbath song "Iron Man" over the end credits of that movie. I laaaaughed.

Man. Even after laying it out like that, I'm still not sure! I think I enjoy Iron Man more. It's definitely more fun. When I have a bad day, I'm going to come home and watch Iron Man. But I think The Dark Knight is a better film.

Oh, It's ON...

I think Sorsha and I are going to have an epic throwdown over the superior Sherlock Holmes portrayer: Jeremy Brett or Basil Rathbone. Watch this space for VICTORIAN THUNDERDOME. (I should have Six the Laptop back from my computer-fixer-guy next week!)

Chime in, Dear Readers...who's your favorite Holmes? You know I LOVE Robert Downey Jr. but he's my #2 Holmes. BRETT ALL THE WAY. HE IS THE DEFINITIVE HOLMES.

I can't speak to the quality of the new guy in the BBC series Sherlock (Because it doesn't air in the U.S. until FREAKIN' OCTOBER), but he does have the gay porniest name in all the land: Benedict Cumberbatch. Yeah.

My Recent Trip Down Robert Downey Jr. Lane

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me In Real Life or is a reader of this blog that I go through celebrity boyfriends like most people change their sheets. You know, a new one every week or so, a little longer if I get lazy. I mean, this summer alone, I've gone through like, four. Whatever, I like variety. Because what I do is, I find someone to obsess over and then I rent every one of their movies I can find and watch them all. And then when I've viewed all the media I can find concerning them, I get bored and move on. I mean, by the time I got sick of Christopher Eccleston, I'd watched his entire season of Doctor Who AND all the DVD extras and every one of his movies. Including Jude. Which made me suicidal. Goddamn, that movie is depressing.

Hey, a girl has to have a hobby, right? So, this summer the lucky new obsessee seems to be...Robert Downey Jr. I know, I know. That's almost...normal, right? He's like, traditionally handsome and an actual movie star! I know. I'm disappointed too. But whatever. At least he's got lots of movies to choose from, many of which I've already seen and liked. Here's what I've watched so far:

• Iron Man and Iron Man 2: Duh. Any self-respecting geek has already seen and loved these. They're really great adaptations and Downey is great in them. And I think I love Iron Man 2 even more because I have a SEVERE hate-on for Terrance Howard. I hated Hustle & Flow and I resent everyone who was involved with that shit-ass movie. HATE. So, the fact that he was replaced by Don Cheadle, whom I ADORE, just made it all the better. Love Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper and I LOVE Pepper and Tony. They are so cute.
• Sherlock Holmes: Saw it when it came out, of course. Loved it then. Dragged EGT to see when she came to visit. Still loved it. I just watched it recently and aside from the actual DVD refusing to play on my PS2 (Fuck you, Warner Bros copy guard), I loved it even more upon rewatching. Downey is really great as Holmes, smart and bitchy and funny. One of the best things about Downey as an actor is that he's always thinking, always doing something interesting, even when not much is going on. I LOVE the scene at the end on the scaffolding with Holmes, Irene Adler (The lovely Rachel McAdam) and the bad guy, Blackwhatever. And Blackwhatever is about to push Irene off the edge and Downey does this subtle, begging headshake and bad guy shoves her off the edge and twirls his mustache and Downey shouts a clipped, "NO!" before he can stop himself. It's SO GREAT. And I love Jude Law as Watson. I am not notably a Law fan, but boy, was he fun in this movie.
• Chaplin: Ugh, sorry guys. I thought this was really boring. I don't usually like biopics because they usually suuuuuck. Downey was good in this and so was Kevin Kline (He's ALWAYS good) but ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
• A Scanner Darkly: I have this from the library and am watching it now. Hee. This shit is crazy.
  

And the movie that prompted this post was Less Than Zero, which the lovely Sorsha loaned to me and also blogged about. She is such a shameless enabler. I didn't really like the movie. I'd heard it wasn't very good but that RDJ was fantastic in it. I mostly agree with this statement. My first problem: I don't usually like movies about drug addicts. Second problem? I don't give a shit about rich people and how miserable they all are. Seriously, go dry your tears on your money. (Class issues? Me? NO. SURELY NOT.) Third problem? I hate Andrew McCarthy. I didn't like him in Pretty in Pink. I didn't like him in Mannequin. I do not like him in a house, I do not like him with a mouse. He has a high voice. It weirds me out.

So, with all these strikes against it, I watched the damn movie. Ugh. Whatever. It was ok. I think McCarthy and Jami Gertz are both pretty bad in it. I liked Gertz fine in both Lost Boys and Solarbabies (WHAT? I LIKE THAT MOVIE. IT'S NOT A CRIME, OK?) [It sort of is] but I didn't think she was too great here. Probably they just both looked really bad next to really fabulous performances by Robert Downey Jr. and James Spader.

McCarthy plays Clay, who has just come home from college at Christmas to see his ex-girlfriend Blair (I think it's Blair. Maybe it's Blake. Whatever, I'm not looking it up, I just won't mention her name again. PROBLEM SOLVED) whom he'd dumped at Thanksgiving because he caught her and his best friend Julian boning. Whatever. I can't fault her taste. It's all very dramatic, with a bouquet of flowers being pegged at their post-coital heads. HA. Downey plays Julian, the wacky best friend who's become seriously addicted to drugs. Cocaine, I think. I don't know, something snorty. Like any addict, Julian is, by turns, charming, needy, aggressive, affectionate, nasty and desperate. Downey is really great at switching him back and forth. It's a really painful performance to watch especially when you know that later it mirrored real life. Sometimes Julian is so vulnerable you can barely stand to look at him (Something I also noticed with Downey's performance in Chaplin) and other times he's so cocky, you just want to bitch-slap him. The scene with Julian and his dad sort-of reconciling had me in tears. I texted Sorsha and she laughed at me. NICE, RIGHT?

James Spader, my favorite douchebag, plays Rip (No, I'm not kidding you with that name), the drug dealer who convinces Julian that the best way to work off his debt is as a rentboy. Spader is really nasty and sleazy and great in his manipulation of the increasingly stupid Julian. It's pretty masterful. God, I love James Spader. Heh. I'm sure the sight of Downey on his knees in a day-glo hotel room was pretty shocking for the 80s but I wasn't very impressed. And I could have done without all the puking, thanks. And memo to 80s Downey: It's called Chapstick. Get you some.

Also, Mame would like you all to know that she had a crush on Robert Downey Jr. in the late 90s when she made me watch Two Girls and a Guy. I bitched the entire time. TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE movie. But Mame was right. That guy is hot. (Um, I urge you all to head over to the IMDB entry for that movie. Look at the plot keywords. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

ETA: DUDE. I forgot Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang, basically the BEST MOVIE EVER. Ugh, I fail at my own blog. It's a great movie, Downey is great in it and so is Val Kilmer. Yes, THAT Val Kilmer. He's awesome. And it's written by Shane Black, who writes great action movies. Go rent it.

Our New Addition!

I've been so busy! We got a new dog!!!! She's a six year-old, Border Collie, rescue named Pebbles. She's so well trained and adorable!



Also, we had a baby :-) May 19 - 8lbs, 8 oz 21.5 inches long. For the purposes of this blog, he shall be called Spike.

More later loves!

Movie Review: "Repo! The Genetic Opera"

So. It's probably well-known 'round these parts that I develop these single-minded obsessions about movies, books, tv shows, bands and then devour them and drive everyone around me crazy nattering on and on about them.

Yeah. Sorry about that. Whatever. Look, I'm annoying, but I'm self-aware. At least I don't do drugs, right? RIGHT?!

Anyway, Pong has been spamming me for weeks with clips from some movie he wants me to watch. And I've been sort of ignoring him because I'm a bitch, whatever. But he IMs me a clip one night and says, "Look! It's Giles from Buffy singing!" and I'm like, "*sigh* Fiiiiiiiiiine. I'll watch it" and it was the song "Night Surgeon" from the movie Repo! The Genetic Opera.

WHERE HAS THIS MOVIE BEEN ALL MY LIFE?

Honestly, I can't figure out why I hadn't heard of it until now! It's a HORROR MOVIE MUSICAL starring Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, only my favorite show EVER. Let me say that again: A HORROR MOVIE MUSICAL. I love horror movies! I love musicals! I turned Sorcha on to it because I knew it was her kind of thing. Actually, I watched the movie when I was home sick with a really bad cold. I lost my voice and this didn't stop me. I stalked Sorcha at work (we work together) and handed her a note that said, "Repo! The Genetic Opera. Seen it?" and that was all it took!

So, Repo! is a total cult film sent in a Blade Runner-esque future where massive organ failures have decimated the human race. A company, GeneCo, offers organ transplants but if you miss too many payment, they send a Repo Man to take back their property. Probably killing you dead. One of our main characters is a young girl named Shilo (Yes, that is the little girl from Spy Kids). Her father, played by Giles, is the aforementioned Repo Man, but she doesn't know this, of course. Shilo is sheltered due to a vague but apparently life-threatening illness but yearns to escape. There's an awesome drug dealer, GraveRobber, who is my new movie boyfriend, I don't care HOW grody he might be. Paris Hilton plays a spoiled, plastic-surgery addicted tramp. And she's really good in the role, make of that what you will... Sarah Brightman of Phantom of the Opera fame plays a blind opera singer. And it all comes to a wonderfully bloody conclusion!

So, yeah, eclectic cast. And it's GORY. DELIGHTFULLY GORY. I LOVE IT SO. And funny! And LUDICROUS. And hilariously goth and aware of its own ridiculousness but fully embracing it. The music is rockin', I downloaded the soundtrack and listen to it constantly. Heh. So, I appreciate it on a camp level but I also love it unironically. I enjoy what I see as the film's criticism of large corporations and the need for healthcare reform. I am moved by Shilo's feminist awakening in her realization that she needs to make her own way in the world and her overprotective father is keeping her down. The lyrics of her last song in the film "Genetic Emancipation" almost bring me to tears: "I've mistaken for destiny/but the truth is my legacy is not up to my genes/Though the imprint is deep in me/It will always be up to me." *sob*

So, yeah. Good stuff. Highly recommended!

Book/Movie Review: "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

I kept hearing about this book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, on NPR, in Entertainment Weekly, pretty much anywhere that might conceivably talk about books. So, I hopped onto my local library's website and reserved it. ...And was like, #74 in line for it. I think I waited two months!

I finally got my grubby little hands on the book, started it...and was promptly bored senseless. The first three to four chapters of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo are really kinda boring. IT GETS A LOT BETTER, FOR REAL. Once you meet the titular tattooed girl, Lisbeth Salander, you're hooked. The book starts with several chapters about the libel trial of journalist Mikael Blomkvist. He's going down in a pretty big way, but it's also pretty boring because you don't know shit about him to start and also. Libel? Unless it's scandalous (and this isn't, it's like corporate financial shit), it's pretty fucking dull. So, whatever. He's a decent guy though and needs to find a new job because he's lost about all his journalistic cred. When he gets out of prison, a rich man, Henrik Vanger (And yes, I totally had to use my copy of the book to correctly spell all these names, ok?) hires Blomkvist to look into the disappearance and probable murder of his beloved niece Harriet 40 years ago. At first, Blomkvist is like, "...No," but then figures he really doesn't have anything better to do and takes the job. And starts digging into the past and trying to unravel the mystery of Harriet's disappearance and along the way, learning just how FUCKED UP the Vanger family is. 'Cause...damn.

So, ok, that's the A storyline, for the most part. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT LISBETH SALANDER. SHE IS SO GREAT. She is tiny and mean and brilliant and pierced and tattooed and fierce and utterly vicious when crossed. She is a great character. As soon as she showed up, I was like, "HELLO. NOW WE'RE TALKING." Salandar is an awesome ass-kicking heroine and I am a girl who appreciates such things. NOW. NO MORE ABOUT THE PLOT. THERE ARE TWISTS AND MYSTERIES AND I SHAN'T GIVE THEM AWAY.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is part of the Millenium trilogy. The second book The Girl Who Played with Fire is already out and has been devoured by me. (I liked it, but I liked the first one better!) And the third book The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest will be out in May. (ALREADY OUT IN OTHER COUNTRIES INCLUDING BRITAIN. AND IF YOU THINK I DIDN'T CONSIDER ORDERING IT FROM AMAZON UK, YOU ARE SORELY MISTAKEN. Ahem.) The author Stieg Larsson apparently had plans for a 10-book epic series but died of Mysterious Circumstances after finishing book three. HMMMM. "Mysterious Circumstances" because he was a journalist who did a lot of investigating and writing into asshole neo-Nazi groups and was a relatively young man who randomly dropped dead. Draw your own conclusions there, people.

Mom and I both really enjoyed the books so when we heard there was a well-received film make of the first book, we were so there!

Ok, allow me to rant: The ONLY reason that I heard about the film adaptation was because I listen to BBC radio. It has not been advertised at ALL in the U.S. and barely talked about by film reviewers here. Ebert reviewed it, the print version of Entertainment Weekly did not (though I just cancelled my subscription because that magazine is total bullshit and has been for years now), my beloved Peter Travers of Rolling Stone did (I can't link it because the website is being weird) and I saw no previews for it on television. Not even on BBC America. This is total bullshit. I know there's an American remake in the works but I have no interest in it. This original Swedish version is so awesome. I know, I sound like an Annoying Douchebag Hipster who's all, "Welll, I like the FOREIGN FILM BETTER, YOU PLEBE. You just don't appreciate REAL CINEMA." But the assumption that people from the U.S. don't want to watch foreign/subtitled films BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. With a good subtitled film, you totally forget that it's subtitled. Your brain starts to put the dialogue and subtitles together and you don't even notice it after awhile. And The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is very, very good. It gets all the important elements of the book*, condenses the rest and the performances are AWESOME.

*However, be warned: both the book AND the movie contain some pretty graphic scenes of sexual violence. In the film, it goes on so long I started looking off to the side of the screen and hoping for a fade-to-black. If that kind of things upsets you, take a bathroom break, for real.

I *heart* Tina Fey

For absolutely no reason at all (other than the fact that I am bored at work and this makes me smile no matter what), I present to you my favorite Tina Fey quote.

"I hate to judge a person's character based on appearance, but when your body looks like a dirt bag's binder cover from high school metal shop, it doesn't bode well for you." on alleged Jesse James mistress, Michelle "Bombshell" McGhee

In Response to "A Short Play Concerning Motherhood, Woes and WebMD"

As proof that I'm not the lone craze in this tangeld web of friendship, I offer the following story:


About six months ago I was a [relatively] normal and would make [slightly] rational decisions. That all changed the day that Lady Bea called me up using her hyper-excited voice and told me to turn on "Criminal Minds" a show that I don't usually watch. Despite my groanings that the only TV I watch is stupid comedies, I was convinced to turn it on with promises of "Jaaaammmeessss Vaaaannn Der Beeeeeeek" - done; I started to watch.

The episode (well, episodes because it was a two-parter) was about a computer tech (James VanDerBeek) who would help people with computer issues and then start watching them via their webcam and, of course, go and murder them when they did something "ungodly".

Flashforward about four months to me sending help-request emails to the makers of LeapFrog because Glow Bug's Leapster 2 isn't working. It took about a week, but the helpdesk discovered that the toy had a defective part. It was at this point that I received this email:

Ms. Dennis:

In response to your problem, our analysis confirms that the SD card on your Leapster2 is not formatted correctly. Please provide your mailing address and a replacement will be shipped to you immediately.

Beau was excited: what great customer service! They identified the problem and were willing to fix it for free. I, however, had the realization that this was a bit too much like a certain episdode of Criminal Minds and therefore had a much different reaction.

Beau: Well, that's pretty cool. Now we don't have to buy anything.

ME: Yeah, but....they want our home address.

Beau: Yeah, that's generally how how the postal service works.

ME: But...

Beau: But what?

ME: What if this is some sort of creep who's going to take our addess and then stalk and kill us?

Beau: ...

ME: Omigod, we have a webcam! BEAU!! (at this point I disappear to the tool closet to get electric tape)

Beau: Babe, what the hell are you doing?

ME: Covering up the webcam lens!! Oh my God! He could be watching us right now!!

Beau (mutes the TV and turns to face me): Seriously?

ME: Look, Bea and I watched this show...

Beau: Oh, here it comes...

ME: ...and this computer help desk guy would get customer's information and then KILL THEM

Beau: Oh that's realistic

ME: It was!!!! I'm putting down your mother's address.

Beau: No you're not. Put down ours, but use my name rather than yours. Did the boogie man on TV kill men, too?

ME: I don't remember. Probably. Did I mention that this killer was played by Dawson?

Beau: ....

ME: James VanDerBeek!!

Beau: Yeah, I got that. I'm just waiting for you to hear yourself.



Long story short (too late!) I used Beau's name and in 7-10 business days the package came. The killer, however, did not. Yet.

IT'S THE SNOWMAGEDDON!!!11!!

Today was the second (or was it third?) HUGE snow storm that we've gotten here in NJ. Gotta love global warming, right?

I did not go to work because there weather dot com told me I would be in "life-threatening peril" if I left my house. No doubt from polar bears and walruses and ice weasels. I spent the day downloading music and watching the first two Underworld movies. With commentary. Come, let me tell you about the HUGE, WEIRD CRUSH I have on Michael Sheen. Or as Sorsha calls it, my "Michael Sheen Pathology." And she's a mental health professional. She would know.

The first and third Underworld movies are delightfully terrible, just the thing to watch with friends and mock. The second one: Underworld: Evolution? Was an absolute TRIAL to get through and Sheen in in the damn thing for LITERALLY 10 seconds. Awesome. It's a dreadful movie. And I like Scott Speedman as much as the next heterosexual woman with a working optic nerve (TEAM BEN ALL THE WAY!!!), but even his sex scene was lousy. I'm sure glad that the director mentioned in the commentary that the latex suit Kate Beckinsale was wearing smelled like a giant condom. Because that's all I could think of. GREAT.

While I wouldn't exactly call the Underworld franchise a feat of feminist filmmaking, I do enjoy that no one seems to bat an eye at Beckinsale's Selene kicking ass and taking names AND being a girl. They never even mention it. I mean, she's not a human woman, she's a vampire so it's not like she's striking a blow for the average woman. And she's wearing a shiny catsuit that looks like they spraypainted it on her, but still. I'll take my tiny victories where I can get them.

It's Banned Books Week -- Go Piss Someone Off With A Book!

Hey babies, it's Banned Books Week! I LOVE Banned Books Week! Because I can feel like a revolutionary just by curling up with a cup of tea and a copy of Harry Potter. HAHAHA! Plus, this blog is named after a flagship banned book Flowers in the Attic. So, naturally, the topic is dear to my and Mame's hearts.

I just don't understand the mentality of banning books. It's a BOOK. It already exists. Banning it doesn't poof it into the ether. If you don't want your kid to read it, TELL your kid he or she can't read it. If you don't want anyone else to read it, fuck you. We grown-ups can all decide for ourselves what we can and can't read.

I can think of exactly three books that my mother told me I wasn't allowed to read when I was a kid: The World According to Garp, the uncut version of The Stand and My Sweet Audrina. She told me I would be allowed to read them when I was 13 or so. I did read them when I was 13. She was right. They were above my maturity level, even then. You know what? The parts that I didn't understand went riiiight over my sweet little head. When I reread them as an adult, I kind of went, "Oh. OHHH. WOW. OK."

So, I pulled up the list of the 100 Most Frequently "Challenged" Books from 1990-1999, the era when I was pretty much under my own supervision as far as books went. My mom wasn't at all into censoring my reading but once I hit my teens, I could read whatever. And did! Here are some of my favorites from the list:

• Earth's Children (series) by Jean M. Auel; You know, The Clan of the Cave Bear, etc. Heh, I love these books. Except for the last one, Shelters of Stone. That one kind of sucked. I remember the conversation thread about these books on the sadly defunct yet fondly remembered Fametracker forums. Someone made the comment that these books could "provide QUITE the sexual education." HA. SO. TRUE. I guess that's why they're frequently banned!
  
• A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. I...have no idea why this book would be banned. It's a story about how love and friendship can overcome any obstacle. That's bad because...why? I may be a bit biased because it's one of my favorite books EVER, but I just don't get it.
• Go Ask Alice by "Anonymous." AHAHAHAHA. This terrible book! I can't believe it gets banned. Doesn't this seem like EXACTLY the kind of book that people who ban books would want kids to read? All about the evils of sex, drugs, rock and/or roll music and not listening to your parents! Plus, it's a total fake.
• The Bluest Eye and Beloved by Toni Morrison. Riiight. Because these aren't important works of literature or anything. One is a book about child abuse and racism and the other is about slavery. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DISTURBING.
  
• Ordinary People by Judith Guest. Uh, do kids read that book? Seriously?
• Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. Yes, God forbid that young girls be aware of what's going on with their bodies. SHOCKING.
  
• The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Yeah, everyone needs to read this book. No one should ever watch the movie. But the book? Totally.
• The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Ok, this book isn't literature or anything. But it's very readable and still connects with kids today. It was written in 1967! Now THAT'S longevity and it obviously still has something to say. Plus, the movie is a total gift to the Kevin Bacon Game. (Tom Cruise was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. You're welcome.)

So, tell us about your favorite banned books!

Brief Thoughts Upon Viewing the Season Premiere of "Dexter"

Uh, a dude who will uncomplainingly get up in the middle of the night with the crying baby? I don't care if he IS a serial killer. Fucking sold!

Yet Another Catch-Up Post

Hi everyone! Mame and I have been fairly busy lately! She's trying to buy a house and not lose her damn mind, both of which are full time jobs. I've been trying to be supportive by finding new and interesting ways to call her a whore on her voicemail. Don't you wish I was your best friend? I bet you do!

I've been travelling all over the place! Well, up and down the east coast. Sort of. Mom and I went to my baby cousin Brianna's baby shower at the beginning of the month. Ah, family. That's all I really need to say about that, isn't it? Also, I will never again set foot in a church with a house band. Ok? Ok.

Then I spent an AWESOME weekend in Boston, visiting EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. The planets aligned and allowed for all the Email Girls to converge in the city for a brief window of time. There was like, fairy dust and shit. So, The World Traveller, Chicklet and Agent Mascara joined us and a good time was had by all. And I really mean it! We had a BLAST. There was boozing, cake-eating, Criminal Minds, Doctor Who and Blackpool-watching (EGT: "The scene where David Tennant sings 'Should I Stay' is the best scene ever committed to film." Email Girls: "AGREED."). Action figures of the Master and the Tenth Doctor went to the prom together. It was very touching. Cardboard!David Tennant ate some cake. Season 4 of Doctor Who was compared to lupus. Dr. Smarty-Pants made commemorative buttons that we all wore with pride. In other news, we are giant dorks, but we have fun. Agent Mascara and I were loosed, unsupervised, in Boston, where we did not get lost or trip over something and then die. If you know Agent Mascara or me, you know this was quite the accomplishment. We were quite proud.

Next, I'm heading to Pittsburgh to visit Sid, Andie, Mothra and Conan, who is now ONE YEAR OLD. WOOOOO!!!! I'll also meet up with Dr. Fabulous.

My life is rather full just now and I'm feeling quite content!

Also, enjoy these brief reviews of the following media I've consumed recently:

• District 9: I'm not as in love with it as everyone else seemed to be. It was interesting and smart, which is a nice change for a summer movie. But the depiction of the Nigerian drug lords made me rather uncomfortable, especially in a film that is ostensibly about racism. Hmm. It is nice to see an indie film rake in the bank. However, please do not make a sequel. PLEASE.
  
• The Time Traveler's Wife: No, seriously. Read the book.
• The Inglorious Bastards: I refuse to misspell the title. Anyway...OH MY GOD! LOVED IT! Quentin Tarantino is one of my very favorite filmmakers and I adored this movie. I'd see it again immediately. Also, Eli Roth? Call me. You are hot.
• Into The Wild (book): Very good book. Didn't do much to change my opinion of Christopher McCandless, but I don't really want to speak ill of the dead. I actually enjoyed Jon Krakauer's digressions and I seem to be in the minority about that. You should probably go read it and Into Thin Air, also by Krakauer. Now I want to see the film version. Has anyone else checked it out and can give it a yay or nay?
• And I Don't Want To Live This Life: Ok, it's a biography of Nancy Spungen, girlfriend of Sid Vicious who was murdered by him in 1978. My grandmother used to have quite the selection of pulpy trash novels from the 1970s and I read this one when I was 12 or 13. I'd never even heard of the Sex Pistols when I first read it, so I decided to snag it from the library and give it another go. The book is written by her mother and while I'm not sure I'm buying everything she's selling, it's appalling how Spungen is still vilified. Um, everyone in the punk scene was an asshole, not just her. That's the POINT of the punk scene. I'd recommend it if you are interested in that particular scene or era.
• Being Human: a Brit import about a werewolf, a ghost and a vampire sharing a flat and struggling with their various supernatural issues. It sounds sort of stupid, but it's very funny and cute and smartly written. And let me introduce you to Mitchell, the vampire and my new boyfriend. Behold. He often wears fingerless gloves. For some reason, I find this insanely hot.
• System Of A Down: Um. Where have I been? These guys are awesome and, as usual, I am the last to know. See, what happens, if you're me, is that you watch a documentary on the Armenian Genocide (Don't ask.) and they're all over it! They you're frantically downloading their music and moping over the fact that you will never seem them perform live. GRRR.
  
• Mad Men: Are you still not watching it? Get on that, would you? "I'm Peggy Olson and I want to smoke some marijuana." HA!

HEE! This post was repeatedly kicked back by Blogger for having too many tags!