What Is Bea Watching This Television Season?

...Because I know you were all wondering. It's the question on everyone's (no one's) minds! Believe it or not, I don't feel like I watch a lot of television. I despise having shows meted out to me on a weekly basis and then pulled for months at a time. IT ANNOYS ME A LOT. I really prefer to mainline a show on DVD, but then I miss out on discussing it with with everyone else and reading reviews and articles, etc.

Returning Shows

• The Walking Dead. Dude. Zombies. Come on. I agree with everyone else who says that season one had an pretty awesome pilot and then the rest...kinda...sucked? It was very uneven. There were parts that were cool (the zombie attack on the camp, the showdown at the CDC) and parts that sucked (Um. The rest), but I was still curious enough to pop in for season two. It's better that the first season. I know that seems like faint praise, but it really is better. Some of the existing problems from season one are still around, like the pacing issues (Either kill Sophia off or fucking find her. LIKE, YESTERDAY), they still don't really know how to handle the Lori/Shane/Rick triangle (Lori and Shane need to come clean - they aren't really at fault, they truly thought Rick was dead and who could blame them - and then they have a threeway relationship. Shit. It's the zombie apocalypse. Have a threeway. Who cares?), and I still don't feel like they've really found their own internal logic and rules for their particular zombie apocalypse. They sure don't treat it like a biological contagion, what with everyone unconcernedly getting zombie goo on them all the time, but it's clearly communicable through bites, so what the fuck? SO. ANYWAY. The Walking Dead: better than last season, for real. The Shane twist was pretty great and I'm hoping it gets that character (who has potential and I like the actor) out of that rut (PUN SO INTENDED) that he's been in. The show needs to figure out some cool shit to do with Glenn, and either do something with Andrea or kill her off. While she's got a point re: Dale's paternalism, her incessant whinging about it drives me crazy. (The show, in general, kind of doesn't know what do with women. Are there any women on that writing staff? If not, fucking hire some.) Of course, I also watch The Talking Dead, because I love Chris Hardwick.
  
• Criminal Minds. I slacked off last season because the firing of 66.6666667% of the female cast members REALLY pissed me off. And apparently it pissed everyone else off because, OH LOOK! They brought Emily and JJ back because the most important thing about this show is the chemistry of the cast! Imagine that! So, I'm back. Spencer Reid is still pretty.
• Sons of Anarchy. Oh God, I hated the Ireland story last season SO MUCH. I, um, didn't watch the last three or so episodes because it was so painfully annoying. It's better this season. (Sensing a theme? Heh.)
• Community. I'm not a regular watcher. I pop in from time to time, mostly to see if Joel McHale will take his shirt off or if a piano will fall on Chevy Chase. ...What?

New (To Me) Shows

• Parks & Recreation. Oh, this is such a gem of a show, you guys. I love it! It's so...good-natured. Every time I wait for it to get awkward and cringe-inducing (like The Office), it almost never does! I love all the characters SO much. Leslie Knope! Is there another character like her on television? AND I LOVE RON SWANSON. RON. I AM DARK-HAIRED AND NOT-ENTIRELY-UNATTRACTIVE AND CAN PREPARE YOU BREAKFAST FOODS!!! MARRY ME.

New Shows

• Homeland. This is a really, really great show. Damian Lewis and Claire Danes are AMAZING in their roles and the supporting cast is awesome too. I like how unflinching and harsh it is. I love that I'm never entirely sure what's going on, who I can believe, if I can ever accept what I see in flashbacks. So. Great.
  
• American Horror Story. It's...just..so...INCREDIBLY BATSHIT B-A-N-A-N-A-S INDULGENTLY CRAZY. And I love that about it. I know a lot of people were put off by the pilot (and I don't entirely blame them) but I was strangely flattered by how over-the-top it was. "Aw, show! You really want me to like you! It's like a first date and you've brought flowers AND candy AND perfume! Aww. You've thrown dead babies, adultery, bare asses, a guy in a shiny gimp suit, Dead!Fake!Weasley twins, and Jessica Lange acting like she's a lost Tennessee Williams heroine. You get another episode!" I love Lange, Connie Britton, Taissa Farmiga and the kid who plays Tate. It's not...good, but BOY, is it entertaining. Do I think it's going to crash and burn? Probably. But it sure is fun while it lasts.
  
• Revenge. I do really like Revenge but it's up against about a million other things. I usually catch up with it on Hulu. It's everything that Ringer SHOULD be, but isn't: super-fun and soapy and trashy.
  

Shows That I Have Broken Up With

• Glee. I would probably keep watching Glee if they ONLY sang and danced. I realized that I found every character (Except for Kurt and Blaine) hugely annoying anytime they actually spoke.
• Supernatural. This was awhile ago, but ugh. I just got sick of its bullshit.
  
• True Blood. The show that I want it to be is not the show that it is. And the show that it is isn't one I'm really very interested in watching.
• Dexter. I still really like this show, I just got too far behind (I missed all of last season). Maybe I'll catch up on DVD.
  
• Ringer. I only lasted two episodes. Sorry, Sarah Michelle Gellar. I love you, but I kind of hated this show.
  

Shows I Intend To Keep Watching

• The Wire. SOMEDAY, YOU GUYS. I have to get through seasons four and five.
• Fringe. I tried to jump into season four, not having watched season three. And. Um. No. Not possible. I'm DVRing season four to watch after I grab the last season on DVD.
• Sherlock. WHEN WILL I GET MORE? I neeeed it, you guys.
  
• Game of Thrones. Though the second season should be called A Clash of Kings. /pedant
• Breaking Bad. I'm hoping to use the year's hiatus before the final season to catch up on the whole thing.
  
• Mad Men. Whenever it comes back.
  

What are you watching this season? What are you NOT watching?

Countdown to (Potential!) AWESOMENESS!

Putting aside my prickliness and various complaints about jerks on the internets: LESS THAN ONE HOUR UNTIL GAME OF THRONES!!!!!

Sorsha and my Gentleman Caller are coming over to flail with me! Well. More likely, Sorsha and I will flail with glee while GC and my mom roll their eyes.

It's gonna be GREAT.

Do you have Game of Thrones plans?

Television Review: "Fringe," Season One

I've been sick all week. Missed three days of work because my doctor put me out due to "an upper respiratory infection and possible strep." WebMD said that I may have anthrax. AWESOME, RIGHT? Anyway, I felt like doody and had a lot of time on my hands.

Luckily, my boss Snowflower had just lent me her season one DVD of Fringe. I'd tried watching Fringe when the pilot originally aired and I didn't care for it and I haaaated the second episode so much that I gave up and never watched it again. (The second episode featured icky violence against women and notably, one of the few things I full-stop cannot watch: violence against a pregnant woman. Out like shout.) Also, I kept thinking, "You know, I saw this show the FIRST time, when they called it The X-Files" and that show broke my heart. In short, Fringe just didn't "take." But I am notoriously finicky about television shows. Catch me in the wrong mood and try to show me The Wire and I might tell it to piss off. Catch me in the RIGHT mood and I'll love the show and probably yell at you for not telling me about it sooner.

It's very difficult being me, ok?

ANYWAY. All my favorite geeks watch this show and I don't really HAVE a favorite show right now. At least, not until A Game of Thrones airs. THEN IT'S ON, BABIES.

**Possible spoilers through the beginning of season 2 of Fringe**

So, for three days, I sat/laid in bed watching the entire first season, only getting up to make more tea and change DVDs. (Makers of the Fringe DVD sets: put more episodes per disc. Two episodes per disc is BULLSHIT.) I still didn't like the pilot all that much and I liberally fast-forwarded through the bits of episode two I didn't like. I'm perusing through the episode guide trying to see the episode that really GOT me. Because I liked it enough to keep watching (Though, really, I had nothing better to do) but wasn't really WILD about. I liked the characters, particularly Walter and Astrid but, you know. Whatever. And it was episodes ten and eleven, "Safe" and "Bound." The one where the guy gets stuck through a wall while trying to rob a bank and the one where Olivia is kidnapped by mad scientists and IS TOTALLY AWESOME AND KICKS FUCKING ASS. Ahem. Excuse me.

So, yeah. That took awhile. But the second half of the season is WAY better than the first. Once they get started on their whole mytharc and the characters really take shape, it ROCKS. And all the actors are great. John Noble (I remember him mostly as the drive-mad-by-Sauron King Denethor from The Return of the King) is SO awesome as Walter, a loopy yet brilliant scientist loosed from a mental institution to help the FBI. I love Walter very, very much. Jonathan Jackson is surprisingly good as Peter Bishop, Walter's underachieving genius rascal son. I, sadly, remember him from Dawson's Creek. Don't look at me like that. I was in college in the late 90s. We all watched that shit. He's much better here, I promise. And Astrid! Astrid is so great and sometimes I think she deserves better coworkers (They're always abandoning her and leaving her to Walter-sit!), but then I wouldn't have the delight of her many WTF faces. And I love those.

Olivia Dunham, you guys. I wasn't sure about her at first, but I LOVE HER. She is so badass. Tough and smart and warm and just AWESOME. There's a storyline where this asshole from Homeland Security who Olivia had previously put away for rape is trying to shut down the Fringe Division (They did a great job casting this character. I hated his face INSTANTLY). And he's trying to be all looming and intimidating and she's just looking at him like, "Whatev." And then I said aloud, "Dude. You will NEVER break her." And then I realized I must be in love with her. Heh. Plus, she has REALLY great hair. No, really. Look how pretty.

And Lance Reddick! From The Wire! LOVE that guy! Daniels was one of my favorites on that show! (And Kima and Lester!) I was dubious about Broyles at first because he's kind of a jerk, but he turns that around. He has such a great voice. He should narrate things. Also? He should take his shirt off more often. I know, I know, he's a serious actor. He's excellent. But Lance also has a smokin' hot body under those trench coats. I know this from The Wire, OK. So my integrity is in place. (Sort of.) I tried to find you a picture, Dear Readers, but alas. I turned up shirtless pictures of Gerard Butler and that politician who just resigned for taking camera phone pictures of himself.

I like Kirk Acevedo and I liked him as Charlie but I thought his character was sort of superfluous, so I wasn't surprised that he was killed off. Though the manner in which he was offed surprised me. I thought it would be a whole huge drama with him dying in Olivia's arms or something, not secretly killed and incinerated by a shape-shifter. I was sorry to see him go, but that was pretty awesome.

And I loooooove Nina Sharp. I don't trust her at ALL, but I find her delightfully cagey and I love her robot arm. And I'm obsessed with finding The Observer in every episode. This website was helpful in enabling me. I really like Michael Cerveris; I saw him a few years ago in Sweeney Todd and he was GREAT. I'm always weirdly proprietary with actors I've seen in plays. Heh.

I DON'T like the storyline with Olivia's sister and niece. BORING. Also, it never works out well for the heroine's sister, ok? Just ask Melissa Scully, Nadia Santos, Maddy Ferguson (Ok, she was a cousin. An IDENTICAL cousin, though), and Beth March. Just, no. I like the actress who plays Rachel, Ari Graynor. She's hilarious in general, though toned down on Fringe. I adore her in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. (P.S. If you ever wanted to know what I was like in high school and college - and of course you do! - watch this movie. I was totally Norah. Mame pointed this out to me and made me watch it and wow.)

The finale! OMG! Leonard Nimoy! Alternate worlds! David Robert Jones! Craziness!

So, you know, Fringe. Good stuff! Instead of being an X-Files rip-off, it's more like a cross between Alias and The X-Files, with most of the good things of both and less of the bad. I've been supplied with season two and I've started DVRing season three so I can catch up.

Christmas, Christmas Time Is Here!

Ah, a December Saturday evening...I'm tucked up in my warmest jimjams with a cup of tea and an English muffin preparing to do one of my favorite lame seasonal activities: watching Christmas episodes of television shows on DVD. And if you think I'm SUPER lame for doing this...well. Sustained, I guess. But I AM super lame and this blog generally documents my lamitudes and you find that delightful, DON'T YOU? Ahem.

ANYWAY.

I'm starting with My So-Called Life,"So-Called Angels." I'm about 30 seconds in and oh, Ricky. I started here because I've been listening to the Extra Hot Great podcast (And if you're not, you should be. And the Pop Culture Happy Hour. Seriously. They both bring me much glee at work. And really, who couldn't use more glee at work? You could. I know you could) and they were talking about MSCL and it made me remember how much I love that show. (Also, 10 minutes in and I remember how much I loathe Angela's sister Danielle. Shut UP, Danielle, GOD.)

So here's what I've got on deck (Literally, I have a pile of DVDs sitting next to me):

• Gilmore Girls, "Forgiveness and Stuff," season 1, episode 10. Everyone is still mad at everyone after Rory and Dean stayed out all night after her first dance. The Richard goes to the hospital with chest pains and they get over it. Oh, season one Gilmore Girls. How much you did not suck! Remember when I you didn't want to slap Rory?
  
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Amends," season 3, episode 10. The one where The First Evil makes its, um, first appearance and tries to corrupt Angel. And Willow tries to seduce Oz in an adorable fashion. I know most people don't like this episode but it's full of angst delicious angst and I love it.
  
• Joan of Arcadia, "The Uncertainty Principle," season 1 episode 11. This one fudging a little because it's not a terribly Christmasy episode but it revolves around the winter dance. God tells Joan to go to the dance with a troubled boy (Who played Andrew Schillinger on Oz and it weirded me out to see him here) and things get all dramatic. I always get the chills during the last five minutes of this episode.
  
• Veronica Mars, "An Echolls Family Christmas," season 1, episode 10. Veronica is hired to find out who stole the winnings from a 09er poker game and Keith investigates a famous actor's stalking. There's a shanking. It's pretty awesome.
  
• Doctor Who, "The Christmas Invasion," series 2, episode 1. God, I love this episode. David Tennant's first episode as the Tenth Doctor and he totally kicks ass. I got annoyed with Ten toward the end (SHUT UP WITH YOUR EMO MAN PAIN, FOR REAL!) but I adored him when he first started.
  
• The West Wing, "In Excelsis Deo," season 1, episode 20 and "Noel," season 2, episode 10. The first is when a homeless veteran dies wearing a coat that Toby donated to Goodwill and Toby arranges a military funeral for him. The second is the one where Josh has PTSD and is my second favorite episode of TWW EVER (My first favorite, like everyone else ever, is "Two Cathedrals").
  
• The Office, "Christmas Party, season 2, episode 16. Yaaaankee swap and Jim gets Pam a teapot. (I also hate Michael Scott.)
  
• Scrubs, "My Own Personal Jesus," season 1, episode 11. The gang deliver a baby in a park. Dr. Cox is grinchy.
  

So...what's YOUR favorite Christmas episode? Something I didn't mention? Do you hate Danielle Chase as much as I do?

ALSO.

I need to talk about Sherlock. DON'T THINK I WON'T. But I'm tired right now. But it is SO. AWESOME. If you haven't watched it, you need to. If you have, tell me in the comments how it is your favorite thing ever.

I'll write a full review soon. VERY. SOON.

But for you ladies (and gents!), a round of Marry, Cliff, Shag from Sherlock!

Marry, Cliff, Shag: Sherlock, John, Lestrade. GO!

Bad Day Rehab: Celebrity Boyfriends

Hmmm...rough day at work today, babies. Well. Let's be honest, it's been a rough MONTH at work, babies. I try not to talk about my job on my blog because I don't want to get FIRED or otherwise compromised. But I don't think the little fact that it's been a suck-ass month will be too problematical. But whatev, let's talk about something that will cheer me up: my ever-revolving parade of celebrity boyfriends. I know, Gentle Readers, that you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and gasp, "WHO IS IN BEA'S TOP 5 LIST OF CELEBRITY BOYFRIENDS THIS WEEK!?!?!?" Well, in the interests of everyone getting a proper night's rest, I'll tell you. I'm a humanitarian.

1. Robert Downey Jr. Neither I nor EGT understand Tumblr, but that site makes me laugh. A lot. Mame and I are eagerly anticipating Due Date. During my studies of Downey's career, I've found this to be a very useful resource. For each film of his they ask "Dies/Gay/Villain?" My favorite answer is for Sherlock Holmes: "No/Vaguely/No." HA!
   
2. Dr. Spencer Reid. He may be fictional, but he still the prettiest.
   
3. Benedict Cumberbatch. Yes. I still think his name sounds like a gay porn star. Or, as the Nerdist dude pointed out, like a teacher from Hogwarts. But he's super hot. And he has a damn fine coat. And a sexy voice. So...SOLD. Also, he may not be human but I'm not letting that get in my way.
   
4. Michael Sheen. He's adorable and sometimes makes good movies: The Queen, Frost/Nixon, and The Damned United. And not-so-good movies: Twilight: New Moon, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, and Tron: Legacy. (Damn you, Michael. Now I have to see that piece of shit. But the Daft Punk soundtrack does make me feel a bit better about the whole thing.) Also, why all the colons, Michael? And he surprise!presented at the Oscars, thrilling me (and EGT) beyond belief. That was a pretty bad day for me, so I choose to think it was a special gift from him. Shhhhh...don't try to reason with me. He's a really, really good actor and also does music videos. I like that in a celebrity boyfriend.
5. Terrance Zdunich. Seriously. Have you not seen Repo! The Genetic Opera yet? Get on that, will you? (If you don't like camp and gore, you'll hate it. Luckily, I love both.) This dude emailed me. Because I ordered a comic book from his website. The fit I threw could not be documented. Lucky Sorsha was there to witness it! I'm a challenging friend. (P.S. The comic was really good! I haven't gotten around to ordering the rest of the series, but I did like it. Despite the fucking cockroaches.)
   

Well. That was fun, wasn't it? Tell me about YOUR celebrity boyfriends/girlfriends! There's no shame (or dignity!) here.

Oh, It's ON...

I think Sorsha and I are going to have an epic throwdown over the superior Sherlock Holmes portrayer: Jeremy Brett or Basil Rathbone. Watch this space for VICTORIAN THUNDERDOME. (I should have Six the Laptop back from my computer-fixer-guy next week!)

Chime in, Dear Readers...who's your favorite Holmes? You know I LOVE Robert Downey Jr. but he's my #2 Holmes. BRETT ALL THE WAY. HE IS THE DEFINITIVE HOLMES.

I can't speak to the quality of the new guy in the BBC series Sherlock (Because it doesn't air in the U.S. until FREAKIN' OCTOBER), but he does have the gay porniest name in all the land: Benedict Cumberbatch. Yeah.

So...What Have You Been Up To Lately?

Who, me? Well, lately I've been a bit busy. Sid and Andie had their third child at the end of last month! Another boy who we will call New Baby because that is what his older brothers Conan and Mothra call him. And I find that HILARIOUS. So, I was out there visiting them. We had fun playing Wii late at night. As ever, both Sid and Andie TROUNCED me at Tetris. But I railed them both at Mario Bros. so that was a good time. And they made me watch several episodes of Blackadder and I fell in LOVE with the show and um...Rowan Atkinson. No one told me that he is stone-cold foxy in the second series of that show. It was quite shocking!

Mame has some delightful news for you all, but I'll let her tell you when she gets a chance!

I've been devouring movies, television and books lately. Here's a quick round-up (Another blog post concerning my most recent obsession will follow shortly):

• Iron Man 2: loved it. I thought it was better than the first film! I'm not notably a Scarlet Johansson fan but that scene where she walks down that hallway, KICKING ASS almost had me in tears at it's awesomeness.
  
• The Ghost Writer: it was fine. A nifty, well-crafted little thriller. Ewan McGregor showed his ass, AS USUAL. If you can square it with your conscience to go see a Roman Polanksi film, check it out.
  
• Twilight and New Moon with the RiffTrax commentary. OH MY GOD. HILARITY. I highly, highly recommend them. I watched it with Sorcha and a bunch of friends and my stomach hurt from laughing.
• Just read the latest Sookie Stackhouse book, Dead in the Family and it was awesome as usual. Could have been filthier though. Alas. I can't wait for the next season of the show.
  
• I'm currently reading an awesome zombie book called Feed by Mira Grant. Love, love, LOVE it. I'm about halfway through and if you like zombies, and really. Who doesn't? Check it out.
  
• Treme, Justified and Doctor Who continue to be great.
• Michael Sheen continues to be hot.

What have you been watching/reading/devouring lately?

Really, Elisabeth Hasselback, REALLY?

I do not watch "The View." I liked the concept of the show when it began some 10 years ago: women of varied backgrounds getting together to discuss "hot topics" and take a fresh approach to interviews. In those years a lot has changed and I haven't watched since its premiere season.
One of the main reasons I abhor this show in recent years is the introduction of one Elisabeth Hasselback - a woman who rose to fame A) by being on Survivor and B) for marrying a semi-famous, not very good, pro-football player. She has a degree in Fine Arts and is about 33 years old.

Now that you know the background, let me tell you what I just read that absolutely floored me:

"Host Elisabeth Hasselbeck criticized Andrews — who has faced two separate stalking incidents in the past year — for dressing inappropriately on Dancing [with the Stars].
“In light of what happened and as a legal [matter] — and as inexcusable as it was for that horrific guy to go in and try to peep on her in her hotel room,” Hasselbeck said. “I mean, in some way if I’m him, I’m like, ‘Man! I just could’ve waited 12 weeks and seen this — a little bit less — without the prison time!’”

Really? Let's break this down.

1) The outfits worn on dancing shows (like Dancing with the Stars) are always skimpy -I'm not sure why. LONG before DWTS Two of Hearts and I would watch hours of competitive ballroom dancing and no matter the age, the dance, or the ethnicity of the couple, the female outfits were short, had cutouts, and very skimpy. Another point about the actual outfits: they are approved by the channel's standards guy - that's his job.

2) "...try to peep on her hotel room" isn't accurate. The man charged with stalking Erin Andrews figured out her hotel room, adjusted the peep hole on her room door, set up cameras through said peep hole, recorded her changing, and then posted them on the Internet. He didn't "try to peep" he DID and quite a bit more.

3) Hasselback is clearly blaming the victim here. She is trying to say that because Erin Andrews is wearing a certain outfit she is inviting men to stalk her. Erin is one of five (I think, I don't watch DWTS) women who wear skimpy outfits and dance around. Are they inviting people to hurt them? If I wear a miniskirt and get raped, was I "asking for it"?

Mini-Television Review: "Treme"

I watched Treme, the new David Simon show about post-Katrina New Orleans. IT WAS MOST EXCELLENT. I was pretty sure it would be, of course, since Simon did The Wire and that's the best show in the history of ever.

It's got a great cast: John Goodman, Kim Dickens, Khandi Alexander, Melissa Leo, Steve Zahn and from The Wire, Wendell Pierce (Bunk) and my favorite, Clarke Peters (Freamon). And! AND! If you saw Spike Lee's documentary, When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts (And if you haven't, you SHOULD. It's a fantastic film. I am not a huge Lee fan but this is superb), remember that awesome lady, Phyllis Montana-LeBlanc? She's in the show! I was THRILLED to discover that when I was listening to an NPR interview last week.

Anyway, I really, really liked it and can't wait to see more. Great music! Snappy dialogue! Sad in an understated way that brought tears to my eyes! As you can tell from all the exclamation points, I am very excited about this show.

In Response to "A Short Play Concerning Motherhood, Woes and WebMD"

As proof that I'm not the lone craze in this tangeld web of friendship, I offer the following story:


About six months ago I was a [relatively] normal and would make [slightly] rational decisions. That all changed the day that Lady Bea called me up using her hyper-excited voice and told me to turn on "Criminal Minds" a show that I don't usually watch. Despite my groanings that the only TV I watch is stupid comedies, I was convinced to turn it on with promises of "Jaaaammmeessss Vaaaannn Der Beeeeeeek" - done; I started to watch.

The episode (well, episodes because it was a two-parter) was about a computer tech (James VanDerBeek) who would help people with computer issues and then start watching them via their webcam and, of course, go and murder them when they did something "ungodly".

Flashforward about four months to me sending help-request emails to the makers of LeapFrog because Glow Bug's Leapster 2 isn't working. It took about a week, but the helpdesk discovered that the toy had a defective part. It was at this point that I received this email:

Ms. Dennis:

In response to your problem, our analysis confirms that the SD card on your Leapster2 is not formatted correctly. Please provide your mailing address and a replacement will be shipped to you immediately.

Beau was excited: what great customer service! They identified the problem and were willing to fix it for free. I, however, had the realization that this was a bit too much like a certain episdode of Criminal Minds and therefore had a much different reaction.

Beau: Well, that's pretty cool. Now we don't have to buy anything.

ME: Yeah, but....they want our home address.

Beau: Yeah, that's generally how how the postal service works.

ME: But...

Beau: But what?

ME: What if this is some sort of creep who's going to take our addess and then stalk and kill us?

Beau: ...

ME: Omigod, we have a webcam! BEAU!! (at this point I disappear to the tool closet to get electric tape)

Beau: Babe, what the hell are you doing?

ME: Covering up the webcam lens!! Oh my God! He could be watching us right now!!

Beau (mutes the TV and turns to face me): Seriously?

ME: Look, Bea and I watched this show...

Beau: Oh, here it comes...

ME: ...and this computer help desk guy would get customer's information and then KILL THEM

Beau: Oh that's realistic

ME: It was!!!! I'm putting down your mother's address.

Beau: No you're not. Put down ours, but use my name rather than yours. Did the boogie man on TV kill men, too?

ME: I don't remember. Probably. Did I mention that this killer was played by Dawson?

Beau: ....

ME: James VanDerBeek!!

Beau: Yeah, I got that. I'm just waiting for you to hear yourself.



Long story short (too late!) I used Beau's name and in 7-10 business days the package came. The killer, however, did not. Yet.

Happy Holidays, Y'all!

I hope all our readers who haven't fled out of disinterest had a wonderful holiday season! If you did flee out of disinterest, well, you aren't reading this anyway, so who cares?

Things I've been doing lately:

• Baking many, many cookies, especially snickerdoodles. Snickerdoodles are the BEST.
  
• Watching lots of British televison, particularly North and South (No, not the awful Civil War one. The U.K. one with the delectable Richard Armitage. If you like swoony period dramas, this is TOTALLY for you!) and MI-5, a twisty spy show. Which will soon star the delectable Richard Armitage but I'm not up to his season yet. But I can console myself with Matthew MacFadyen and Rupert Penry-J0nes.
  
• Reading The Hunger Games trilogy. Like dystopian science fiction aimed at young adult readers? No? Read this anyway. You won't be sorry.
  
• Reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire. Just like with The Hunger Games, it's a trilogy of which the first two books are available. AWESOME.
  
• Listening to Adam Lambert and Lady GaGa. I KNOW. When did I turn into like, a 14-year-old raver? Or whatever the kids are calling it these days. I don't even know!
• Just saw Sherlock Holmes. Loved it to little pieces. Mark Strong: super hot or superDUPER hot?

Things have been busy, but fun. Mostly, with some noteable exceptions. I promise, one of my New Year's resolutions will be to blog more often! Also, Mame has some big news and I'm sure she'll be about to share it!

Brief Thoughts Upon Viewing the Season Premiere of "Dexter"

Uh, a dude who will uncomplainingly get up in the middle of the night with the crying baby? I don't care if he IS a serial killer. Fucking sold!

Mini-Television Review: "Flashforward"

Well, Flashforward, you've got my attention. At the very least.

John Cho and Joseph Fiennes -- you are both so, so pretty. But Joseph! WHY WON'T THEY LET YOU BE BRITISH? It makes me sad when hot British men are not allowed to be their hot British selves.

Mini-Television Review: "Sons of Anarchy"

Why did none of you tell me that I needed to watch Sons of Anarchy*? WHYYY? BW alerted me to the fact that Henry Rollins** has joined the cast. So, naturally, I tuned into the season premiere reairing tonight. Oh, Henry. Another role where you play a rapist? Why? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? AND TO MAME? AND YOU'RE A WHITE SUPREMACIST TOO? WHYYYYYY!?

Ahem.

So, it seems like a decent show. Damn, Katey Sagal looks good for her age. Go Katey! And hellooo, Charlie Hunnam and Charlie Hunnam's ass! What a great cast! I think I'll tentatively pick this show up for the season.

*I'm fully aware of the fact that my brother, my dad, possibly my Uncle V, Dan Mac (I think? Didn't you?) and the guy I chat with at the library about movies have all told me that I really should watch Sons of Anarchy and I ignored them for a year. Bygones.

**Mame and I have a long-standing crush on Henry Rollins. We looooooooove him. We want to maaaaarry him. We want to have 10,000 of his baaaaaaaabies. We've sat through Johnny Mnemonic, Morgan's Ferry and many tapes of his spoken word shows (But those are actually GOOD). Our love is pure, ok? But he was in Lost Highway and that makes up for a lot.

Thursday Night TV...WOOO!

A brief conversation between my and my brother, BW:

BW: Dude. You aren't watching The Vampire Diaries, are you?
Me: Yes! HAHAHA! I hope it's terrible!
BW: Yeah, I think you'll get your wish...

(So far, it's pretty bad and bearing almost NO resemblance to the books. Bah. Blatant Twilight rip-off, which is just...sad. And I think I despise the girl playing Elena.)

Also, tonight is the season premiere of Supernatural! I stumbled over this Open Letter to Eric Kripke last night and...OH MY GOD, DO I AGREE. Seriously, Supernatural writers, try to be less douchy. I love your show but I'm tired of feeling guilty about it because of the consistent racism and misogyny. Enough already. I know you all aren't stupid and you really can't pretend that you don't KNOW that you're doing it. And even if you weren't aware, more discerning fans have been pointing it out for years. STOP. REALLY. I'd like my eye candy and my horror homages and my dark plot twists to be less RAGE-INDUCING. Thanks!

Also, how much am I going to go see Fame? HA. SO MUCH. I absolutely adore a good peforming arts high school drama! I even rented that one with Hillary Duff...which lasted about 10 minutes because it was TERRIBLE. And Center Stage is one of my favorite movies! HA.

Dude.

Mame and I are on the phone, watching Conan O'Brien and giggling together. You know. As you do. And Stephen Moyer from our very favoritest show ever True Blood is on. (Bill! He plays Bill!)

He's BRITISH in real life, people. Which we knew. But we'd never heard him speak. It's...disconcerting, to say the least. Also, hot. And he's ridiculously charming. And then he started morphing back and forth into different kinds of British accents and then to his southern Bill voice. Weird!

EGT! It was like that time that we discovered that Chuck Bass was really British In Real Life and I dug up that Youtube clip of him just being English at everyone. And we were like o_O.

Who else is Secretly British In Real Life? Because it just makes them more attractive.

Things That Are Awesome: The Wire: Season 4

My brother BW and I are currently embroiled in season 4 of The Wire. IT'S SO GOOD, YOU GUYS. I think this one might be my favorite so far. Each season has focused on different aspects of the drug trade. Season 1 was mostly about the cops and the dealers and their various machinations. (Here, have this video of one of my very favorite S.1 scenes as D'Angelo Barkesdale lays out the game.) Season 2 featured, you know, more drugs but also the stevedores at the harbor and how their jobs are falling off and life sucks for everyone. (At one point, I said to BW, "Um. Will I *CARE* about Polish dockworkers at some point?" Cue to 10 episodes later when I'm weeping over Polish dockworkers.) Season 3 was more drugs and the mayoral campaign. (Season 3 was probably my least favorite season so far. But that's like choosing my least favorite kind of chocolate. No such thing!)

But, oh, Season 4, with your focus on the crumbling school districts of Baltimore. YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART. BW assures me that I'll be weeping by the end. Gee, can't wait!

Seriously, everyone should watch this show. Volstaag, you would totally like it. Dan Mac, are you still watching?

Confidential to the email girls: Ring, ring!

TV Review: Glee

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. You all have to watch this show. I might have been watching American Idol (Don't judge me!) and then there was this show about a high school glee club. It is HILARIOUS. I called Mame halfway through and DEMANDED that she watch as well and she flipped it on, missed the beginning and STILL fell in love with it. Glee is going to be Our Show.

First, a bit about me: I was a HUGE choir nerd from elementary school through college. I have a CD from my college choir where we toured and wore robes. AND DICKEYS. I loved choir, it was awesome but also completely dorky.

So, this show absolutely KNOWS choir kids. My favorite part was the girl who ALWAYS sings "On My Own." HA! Every choir has at least one girl who will sing that song obsessively at auditions. There's usually another who sings "I Dreamed A Dream." Fucking Les Miz.

ALSO. Jane Lynch! I love her SO much; she's completely hilarious. Every word out of her mouth in Role Models had Mame and I in tears of laughter. Plus, she's Spencer Reid's mom and who doesn't love that?

And then! AND THEN. The choir performs "Don't Stop Believin'!" At this point, Mame and I were like, "Best. Show. Ever." I think you can see the pilot episode on the Fox website like, all summer. And you should. It's awesome.

Boston, Genre Novels and This American Life

Since I've received reports that my repeated rounds of Marry, Cliff, Shag are appalling my Uncle Volstaag (I didn't even know that was possible!), let's talk about something else, shall we?

I just got back from a rockin' trip to Boston to visit EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. (Not to be confused with Dr. Fabulous. I know lots of doctors, ok?) I'd never been to Boston before, so I was quite excited. Of course, I hurt my back again right before the trip and spent the days before in a flurry of muscle relaxers and chiropractics. I was taking the train and it's a 6-hour ride. I wasn't sure how well this would go, as sitting is especially uncomfortable. But it turned out ok, I could walk up and down the aisles when my back got too stiff. The people in the car with me probably thought I was really weird, but whatever. I am really weird and it's not like I'd ever see them again. Generally, I love taking the train; it's my favorite way to travel. I read and listened to NPR podcasts on Frank the iPod. I discovered that if it appears that you are reading gay porn no one will sit next to you. Even on a crowded train car. HA!

So, I got to Boston and EGT and I attend a very elegant cocktail party that Dr. Smarty-Pants is hosting. (Martinis with marshmallow Peeps in them. I must get the recipe) It was SO much fun. I can be fairly reserved around people I don't know, but everyone at this party was so awesome and smart and funny and welcoming and I had a great time. In spite of a near-death experience with a flying champagne cork and getting my ass kicked at Wii Tetris, a good time was had by all.

EGT, Dr. Smarty-Pants and I went on a tour of Boston the next day. I saw Harvard! And other stuff! I bought my mother a postcard of whatever stadium the Red Sox play in just to annoy her. (It worked!) EGT pointed out various historical sites. Either she is very well-versed on her local history or she is very gifted at making up plausible-sounding historical lies. Probably the former. She also pointed out every alley that we saw because I made her watch one episode of Criminal Minds because it was set in Boston and she was appalled by the lack of locational accuracy, particularly the oversized alleys.

Then we watched hours and hours of Doctor Who and geeked out about it the way only DW fans can. Well, maybe Buffy or Veronica Mars fans. They can get pretty enthusiatic. And then we made the folly of ignoring warnings from The Gods of Takeout Food and ended up ordering Chinese food from three different places, only to be foiled twice and then end up with the Worst. Chinese. Food. Ever. And no fortune cookies! (Says EGT the next morning: "Why didn't we just eat cereal?" Bea & Dr. Smarty-Pants: "...") I made them watch the season four finale of DW, "Journey's End" because I hadn't seen it and I thought there was no way it could be as bad as they'd said it was. OH MY GOD, IT WAS. I felt guilty for inflicting it on them. They were very forgiving and we cleansed our palates with John Simm's turn as The Master. (I can't stop watching either of those clips. They crack me up. I...may have problems)

It was a really fun trip. (Still sorry about "Journey's End," you guys!)

So, Mame has been devouring the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Mom and I already burned our way through them, so I've been enjoying her up-to-the-minute text messages, phone calls and IMs as she progresses through the series. HA. Examples: "OH MY GOD, ERIC!!!" "BILL, WTF?!?!" "QUIIIIIINNN!!" "I LOVE SOOKIE!!11" The next book is out in May and we are eagerly anticipating it. You guys, the show and the books are awesome and you should check out both of them. Join us in the insanity! It's fun over here and we have cookies!

I've just started the Harry Dresden series and I like it quite a bit. I'm only on book two, but it's pretty great. Anyone else read them? (My, I'm linky in this post!)

The book I was reading on the train that was possibly gay porn was Corambis, book four on the Doctrine of Labyrinth series. I blogged awhile ago about my adoration of the first two books in the series, Melusine and The Virtu. The third book, The Mirador, was pretty good. But I LOVED Corambis. It's probably my favorite of the series. It's not nearly as tawdry as the cover would suggest, but really well-written and Monette even manages to introduce a new character (The guy in chains on the cover) and get me invested in and care about him. That's no mean feat as I was really desparate to know what was going to happen to Felix and Mildmay. I zipped through it in three days and can't wait for it to come out in paperback so I can buy it. (I hate buying hardcovers and I want my books in the series to "match." I know, I know, I'm weird)

Mom and I recently attended the live show of This American Life and it was AWESOME. They filmed it, I think, in New York City and beamed it to movie theaters. Ira Glass is so cute, you guys. Mike Birbiglia (Who I LOVE) gave one of his funny/cringey routines about a car accident, Starlee Kines did a bit about therapy and killing your parents (...figuratively!) and Dan Savage talked about his mom's death and his quasi-return to Catholicism. It was really funny and touching and might have made me cry. I'm hot/cold on his sex column, but his writing is pretty excellent. There was a very strange cartoon about a cat head and an abusive mouse and Joss Whedon sang a song from the musical commentary of Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. I quashed the urge the yell, "WHY DOES DOLLHOUSE SUCK?!?" but his performance was very fun. I think they're doing a second airing in early May and I HIGHLY recommend going.

So, that was really long. What have you been up to? Mame, any news you want to share?