SUDDENLY...A HAND COMES OUT OF THE GRAVE OF YOUR DEAD AND DEFILED FAKE SISTER.

Ha ha ha, so, um, HI. We haven't blogged in AWHILE. We've been, um, busy. I got married and then got pregnant and then had a miscarriage. Mame got divorced and has a new beau. But we're fine! We just started doing other things and let our blog sadly fade.

BUT THEN, THEY STARTED MAKING A BUNCH OF V.C. ANDREWS MOVIES. FUCK YEAH CAPSLOCK!!!

Texts between Mame and myself today:

Me: THEY'RE MAKING A MY SWEET AUDRINA MOVIE!!!

Mame: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! BECAUSE IF YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME, IT'S NOT FUNNY.

Me: No. Totally serious. And If There Be Thorns and Seeds of Yesterday.

Me: I...think we need to revive the blog.

Mame: I think you're damn right.

Me: This is one of the best days of my life.

Mame:  Life is good, old friend. Damn good.

Me: We live in exciting times.

Sooo...we're going to try to be back! Honestly, a lot of my blogging energy goes into other forms of social media like Tumblr and Twitter, but I do miss this blog. And it's like the universe is BEGGING us to start writing about incest and ballet and revenge again! See you soon, maybe?

Our New Addition!

I've been so busy! We got a new dog!!!! She's a six year-old, Border Collie, rescue named Pebbles. She's so well trained and adorable!



Also, we had a baby :-) May 19 - 8lbs, 8 oz 21.5 inches long. For the purposes of this blog, he shall be called Spike.

More later loves!

Wherein the Reader Learns That the Narrator is Batshit Crazy or Disasters I've Obsessed Over and Related Media

So, I'm pretty neurotic, right? Given toward anxiety and borderline OCD-ish tendencies. Not quite diagnosable for either Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (I looked it up in the DSM-IV. At work. Several times), but close. I'm a lot better than I used to be, actually. I spend fewer nights in a tangle of panic-ridden insomnia. I don't have actual panic attacks. Pong used to call me a "ninny" when we were dating and I'd spin off on some tangent about how the bus driver on my route would think I'd cheated him because he'd let me on the bus without paying because I'd told him I was going to buy a monthly bus pass but then the store was SOLD OUT of bus passes and it's not like I'd ASKED him to let me on the bus for free! He offered! I couldn't help it!

See? That's how I am. A ninny.

But you know what doesn't help my ninny-like nature? My attraction to media involving disasters and disastrous things. If it could conceivably send a tickle of pure horror down my spine, I'M THERE. I WANT TO READ ABOUT IT/WATCH THAT DOCUMENTARY, ETC. This is not good. This is not conducive to my mental health/serenity/zen whatever. IT GENERALLY REALLY DAMAGES MY CALM. But I am powerless to stop. I totally get this from my mother, who also loves hearing about a good disaster. The woman lulls herself to sleep with forensic shows, ok? But the thing is, she doesn't freak out! I DO. You know who is my co-pilot on this trip to Panicville, Population: 2? Sorsha. You know who constantly is trying to stop me from boarding the S.S. Freakout? Mame. And EGT.

Mame and I have been friends for like, 17 years? Something like that? Our friendship is a high school student, at any rate. She has always tried to stop me when my obsessions reach peak levels. She tries to grab books about disasters out of my hands. She tells me I'm not allowed to watch anymore documentaries about Mt. Everest. If EGT could, she would break into my house and install internet controls on my laptop. Not to keep me from reading porn, she's fine with that. No, to keep me from reading about school shootings. Or extinction level events (PRIONS! ASTEROIDS! CLIMATE CHANGE! KRAKENS!). Or watching British Cold War PSAs. (NO, SERIOUSLY. DON'T WATCH THOSE.) I don't listen to them, but I appreciate their efforts. It makes me feel loved.

Ah, but Sorsha. I met Sorsha at work and we had a lot in common right away. We both are snarky and excitable and have a wide streak of geekiness. You know how the first time you hang out with someone from work, it's a delicate dance, almost like a date? You know, you have to sort of feel them out for how weird you can reveal yourself to be? Or...is that just me? 'K, then. The first time Sorsha and I hung out, we talked for 6 hours about: Lord of the Rings, Buffy, Doctor Who and all kinds of other geeky things. Then somehow, we turned to...disasters. And how we both LOVE READING ABOUT THEM. I told her about crowd crushing. She told me about rogue waves. I told her about Mt. Everest and how it wants to kill you for climbing it. She told me about how the Canary Islands might fall into the ocean and cause a mega-tsunami. Then we talked about serial killers. It was SO much fun. Her poor sainted husband sat and listened for awhile, eyebrows raised. And then he said, and I quote, "Dear God, there's another one of you" and stomped off to do something useful. Sorsha's and my bonding over disasters makes me feel accepted.

Here is a by-no-means-complete list of some of the horrible things I've obsessed about and related media:

• Anthrax and smallpox: The Demon in the Freezer, Richard Preston (I also read The Hot Zone by the same author.)
  
• Rogue waves/mega-tsunamis (There is an alarming lack of media about this sort of thing!)
• Crowd crushing (ALSO an alarming lack! This is a public safety issue! If you really want to freak out, read about the Hillsborough Stadium Disaster. *shudder*)
• People who leave their kids in hot cars: hyperthermia
• Various man-made disasters
• The Boston Molasses Disaster (No, that's not an experimental 80s band.)
  
• The Dyatlov Pass Incident (This one FREAKS ME OUT! It's like an X-Files episode!)
• Too many true crime novels to count
  

Yeah. So...click on any of those links and never sleep again. I know this isn't good for me and it will make me anxious and sad. And yet. If I know you in real life, I'm sure I have accosted you at some point and detailed some terrifying incident in excited yet wary tones. And I'm sorry for that. But hey, you did learn that four people per square meter is minimum safe distance in a crowd, right? IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Really, Elisabeth Hasselback, REALLY?

I do not watch "The View." I liked the concept of the show when it began some 10 years ago: women of varied backgrounds getting together to discuss "hot topics" and take a fresh approach to interviews. In those years a lot has changed and I haven't watched since its premiere season.
One of the main reasons I abhor this show in recent years is the introduction of one Elisabeth Hasselback - a woman who rose to fame A) by being on Survivor and B) for marrying a semi-famous, not very good, pro-football player. She has a degree in Fine Arts and is about 33 years old.

Now that you know the background, let me tell you what I just read that absolutely floored me:

"Host Elisabeth Hasselbeck criticized Andrews — who has faced two separate stalking incidents in the past year — for dressing inappropriately on Dancing [with the Stars].
“In light of what happened and as a legal [matter] — and as inexcusable as it was for that horrific guy to go in and try to peep on her in her hotel room,” Hasselbeck said. “I mean, in some way if I’m him, I’m like, ‘Man! I just could’ve waited 12 weeks and seen this — a little bit less — without the prison time!’”

Really? Let's break this down.

1) The outfits worn on dancing shows (like Dancing with the Stars) are always skimpy -I'm not sure why. LONG before DWTS Two of Hearts and I would watch hours of competitive ballroom dancing and no matter the age, the dance, or the ethnicity of the couple, the female outfits were short, had cutouts, and very skimpy. Another point about the actual outfits: they are approved by the channel's standards guy - that's his job.

2) "...try to peep on her hotel room" isn't accurate. The man charged with stalking Erin Andrews figured out her hotel room, adjusted the peep hole on her room door, set up cameras through said peep hole, recorded her changing, and then posted them on the Internet. He didn't "try to peep" he DID and quite a bit more.

3) Hasselback is clearly blaming the victim here. She is trying to say that because Erin Andrews is wearing a certain outfit she is inviting men to stalk her. Erin is one of five (I think, I don't watch DWTS) women who wear skimpy outfits and dance around. Are they inviting people to hurt them? If I wear a miniskirt and get raped, was I "asking for it"?

Living in West Virginia During the Mine Tragedy...again...

Be forewarned: this is a rambling rant, but I'm angry and this is what happens when I get angry. You may not like me when I'm angry. I don't care.

As if you couldn't tell from the title of this blog, I'm a Jersey girl; however, my beloved is a West Virginian and we all now live here; I love this state and the people here. All that being said, I'd like to give you, dear readers, a glimpse into just why the coal mining tragedy is such a huge deal to every person here.

Being from NJ, when I tell you that I'm from a working-class family I mean that I am from a family of postal workers, school teachers, and engineers; you know - Bruce Springsteen song kinda stuff. My Beau is from WV. Although his family is now considered 'well-off' (hello - a moat!!), he too is from a working class family. But in WV a working class family is something totally different from (quite literally) anywhere else in America. Beau is from coal miners and farmers as is everyone else; every person whose family has lived in WV for more than two generations is tied to coal somehow. Beau's grandmother, although in no way related to any of the persons affected by the recent tragedy was devastated by the events because her husband, seventy years ago, was a miner. Her father was a miner and she proudly has the hard hat and headlamp he used. These deaths brought back the fears and worry that she had daily; her heart was broken for these women and children whose worst fears came true.

It took about two hours from the announcement of the mine explosion before I witnessed the two churches visible from my front porch to start gathering in order to organize their collecting of food and money for the people affected; two hours and we live 90 minutes away! People are running to their churches and other nonprofit organizations to donate what they can for these people because everyone in some way, is tied to the coal industry here.

I am continually amazed at how many people are tied to the coal industry and despite how dangerous the working conditions and the job's history of violence, these people are proud of their job and the people they work with. I'm not even a native here, but my blood boils when people in DC and the entertainment industry try to step in to our state and tell us how we're doing things wrong.

People are quick to make fun of and criticize West Virgina, but the reality is that 8 out of 1o Americans don't use their minds enough to realize that West Virginia is a state, not just western Virginia.

I've Got Nothing to Blog About...

I'm bored. I've got nothing to blog about, but it's been a few days since I've posted so I figured it was a good thing to do. Snowmaggedon didn't quite happen here; living in chemical valley has its upsides! Glow Bug has taken to spending entire weekends with his grandparents (who only live about 2 miles away) so my weekends have become pretty boring - it's not like I can go out drinking and whoring. Well I suppose I could, but then I would be nothing more than a sad, sad stereotype of pregnant women in West Virginia wouldn't I?

Being pregnant is not fun. Don't get me wrong, the end product (by which I mean baby) is worth it, but for the 10 months that I've become a human-incubator it's just no fun. I tried to watch Labyrinth yesterday and was crying hysterically within the first seven minutes. In case you don't remember, the whole plot starts with her infant brother crying in his crib and the lead girl basically yelling at him as she tells a story. The idea of a baby crying and not being comforted hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to turn it off.

I find myself crying a lot. Sometimes I cry because I can't pick up my four year-old and carry him around anymore. This may be because he's getting bigger, but I swear it's because of the beach ball belly and then I guilt trip myself because Glow Bug won't be 'carrying' size for much longer and then I get all emotional. Writing all this down I see how crazy it is, but it's the hormones. I also found my first few grey* hairs the other day and realized that I can't just dye my hair to get rid of them. Well, not for the next three months at least. I've seen What's Love Got to Do With It? when Tina Turner's hair falls out because she dyes her hair while pregnant. Not gonna happen to this chunky monkey. Hells no.

Well, as I stated in the first sentence, I don't have anything to discuss/write here, so I'll end this now. I'll write more when I'm more inspired. Hopefully the inspiration comes sooner rather than later.

*for all you Brit loving readers out there: notice that I spelled this color using the Queen's English.

These are a few of my favorite things...

2009 was a year of ups and downs for me and my family. In an effort to focus on the positive, I've compiled a list of things that I've discovered during 2009 that quickly became some of my most favorite things. Hope you check them out and enjoy them as much as I did/do:

1. The BBC television series, "The IT Crowd" a sitcom about a woman (Jen) who lies hopelessly on her resume in order to get a great job, only to fool the boss so much that he makes her manager of the IT department. The IT "department" consists of two guys, Moss and Roy who quickly discover how hopeless Jen is about computers. The show continues when Moss and Roy allow Jen to stay because she can act as a "Relationship Manager" and help them interact with the upper floors. I wish I could explain in detail how funny this show is, but honestly it would take the entire blog, not just this entry. Each episode is consistently hilarious and very, very witty. The DVDs are available on Netflix and Netflix on demand (you can watch via the Internet or even Xbox Live) and they are shown on the Independent Film Channel.


2. "Words 4 Free" app on iPhone and iTouch. It's Scrabble that you can play with anyone who has an iPhone or iTouch. Dolly and I have epic battles that last for days until someone wins and then we start again. It's a totally free app (there are some ads between turns that you have to deal with) but other than that it's a free way to entertain yourself when you're bored at work (like I am right now).
   
3. This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Trooper. It's a novel about a man whose father dies just as his entire life falls apart. To honor his father's last wish, the family agrees to sit Shiva - a Jewish tradition where the immediate family of the deceased stay together for seven days and accept visitors every night. What sounds like a sad, depressing romp through a fictional characters midlife crisis is actually pretty damn hilarious with the family is as dysfunctional as it gets and the main character a guy who doesn't take himself or any of them too seriously. It's a quick read and worth the buy.
   
4. Mint flavored, chocolate coated Oreos. O.M.G. These are only available until the end of January so stock up. I usually don't go for flavors with my chocolate, but I'll make an exception this time. If you don't either, just take the pregnant woman's advice and try them. So good you guys. So Good.
   
5. My new "Green Canteen" water bottle. So apparently I missed the episode of Oprah when Dr. Oz told everyone that drinking out of plastic water bottles isn't healthy and these metal cylinders were the way to go, but he did and this was the 'hot item' of our family for Christmas. Again, I usually turn away from fads like this, but we have three of them so I figured I'd give it a shot. They are amazing. First, your water stays cold all day; second, it reminds me of drinking out of a canteen like I'm some big camper; third it really is better for the budget...er...the environment. We have a big water pitcher at our house and use that to fill up the bottles so it's much more cost effective then buying plastic bottles to take to work, etc.
   
6. The movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. This was one of my favorite books as a child, so I did not go and see it when it came to the theater because there was no way it could follow the storyline of the book. My mother (Joan) bought the DVD for Glow bug and I watched it grudgingly. It's really very, very cute. Nothing like the book, well, except that huge food falls from the sky, but it's so funny and really easy to watch as a grown up.
   
7. Glow Bug's new Leapster 2. It's a handheld game (much like the Gameboy of my youth) that they can play educational games on. Best of all, ALL LEAPFROG GAMES work with ALL LEAPFROG systems so there are a TON of games to choose from! When he outgrows the Leapster 2 (it's for ages 4-8) he can use the games in whatever other Leapfrog system he gets. Glow bug loves Spiderman and the comic heroes currently and sure enough there is a math game with them. Beau and I go out with friends for dinner a lot and this is a great way to keep him occupied while we wait for a seat, or on long car trips. You can recharge the battery pack, and you can plug the system into the computer and track your child's progress and what games he or she likes best. I love this game.

Ah January

So I've been MIA for awhile, and for that I apologize.* It's been a crazy few weeks (or months...wait, has it been that long?) as I get adjust to people calling me "30" and the basketball that is my stomach getting in the way of just about everything I do.
Quick recap of my start of 2010:

• We're having another Boy! Glow Bug will have a brother; I have decided that we'll refer to him as "Spike" on this blog. So far Spike is progressing well: kicking and spinning regularly and causing me only minor discomfort. Although my stomach has taken on a basketball quality that I don't remember happening with Glow Bug, but then again that was four years ago so I maybe just don't remember.
• The Mame family is happily living in our own condo after 17 months of living with my in-laws. It's a quaint little place, and will do for the time being.

So that's about it. I guess it's not that much to write about, but it's been busy nevertheless. OK, I'm going to write a separate entry about my favorite things from 2009 because I like to be like Oprah and because my students are testing today and I have a ton of time on my hands. More later!!

*is it just me, or do most of my posts begin with apologies for not being more consistent in my blogging? Huh.

Big News, Ya'll

It's been 17 long months, but I am so excited to say that Beau and I (and Glow Bug) are moving out! It's been quite the adventure, but Lord and Lady have bought some townhouses, and Beau and I are moving in to one of them while we save up some extra money for a down payment on an even bigger house than we had planned.
Why do you need a bigger house, Mame? Oh yeah, 'cuz I'm pregnant :-) So uber excited! Just like with Glow Bug I didn't even realize I was preggo until I started to get all weepy for no reason. And, just like with Glow Bug, my morning sickness reserves itself for only one day a week (Thursdays with G.B., Tuesdays with this one).
I've been staying in a lot more and getting caught up on my shows. I've been kicking myself because I missed the last season of The Office, but I got to watch Jim and Pam's wedding! I cried like the fat, pregnant lady I am the entire time. There was the perfect amount of cringe-worthy-ness, coupled with a wedding fit for the insanity that is Michael Scott's office.
Is it weird that I'm announcing such life changing events alongside a television show? huh. Whatev.

Yet Another Catch-Up Post

Hi everyone! Mame and I have been fairly busy lately! She's trying to buy a house and not lose her damn mind, both of which are full time jobs. I've been trying to be supportive by finding new and interesting ways to call her a whore on her voicemail. Don't you wish I was your best friend? I bet you do!

I've been travelling all over the place! Well, up and down the east coast. Sort of. Mom and I went to my baby cousin Brianna's baby shower at the beginning of the month. Ah, family. That's all I really need to say about that, isn't it? Also, I will never again set foot in a church with a house band. Ok? Ok.

Then I spent an AWESOME weekend in Boston, visiting EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. The planets aligned and allowed for all the Email Girls to converge in the city for a brief window of time. There was like, fairy dust and shit. So, The World Traveller, Chicklet and Agent Mascara joined us and a good time was had by all. And I really mean it! We had a BLAST. There was boozing, cake-eating, Criminal Minds, Doctor Who and Blackpool-watching (EGT: "The scene where David Tennant sings 'Should I Stay' is the best scene ever committed to film." Email Girls: "AGREED."). Action figures of the Master and the Tenth Doctor went to the prom together. It was very touching. Cardboard!David Tennant ate some cake. Season 4 of Doctor Who was compared to lupus. Dr. Smarty-Pants made commemorative buttons that we all wore with pride. In other news, we are giant dorks, but we have fun. Agent Mascara and I were loosed, unsupervised, in Boston, where we did not get lost or trip over something and then die. If you know Agent Mascara or me, you know this was quite the accomplishment. We were quite proud.

Next, I'm heading to Pittsburgh to visit Sid, Andie, Mothra and Conan, who is now ONE YEAR OLD. WOOOOO!!!! I'll also meet up with Dr. Fabulous.

My life is rather full just now and I'm feeling quite content!

Also, enjoy these brief reviews of the following media I've consumed recently:

• District 9: I'm not as in love with it as everyone else seemed to be. It was interesting and smart, which is a nice change for a summer movie. But the depiction of the Nigerian drug lords made me rather uncomfortable, especially in a film that is ostensibly about racism. Hmm. It is nice to see an indie film rake in the bank. However, please do not make a sequel. PLEASE.
  
• The Time Traveler's Wife: No, seriously. Read the book.
• The Inglorious Bastards: I refuse to misspell the title. Anyway...OH MY GOD! LOVED IT! Quentin Tarantino is one of my very favorite filmmakers and I adored this movie. I'd see it again immediately. Also, Eli Roth? Call me. You are hot.
• Into The Wild (book): Very good book. Didn't do much to change my opinion of Christopher McCandless, but I don't really want to speak ill of the dead. I actually enjoyed Jon Krakauer's digressions and I seem to be in the minority about that. You should probably go read it and Into Thin Air, also by Krakauer. Now I want to see the film version. Has anyone else checked it out and can give it a yay or nay?
• And I Don't Want To Live This Life: Ok, it's a biography of Nancy Spungen, girlfriend of Sid Vicious who was murdered by him in 1978. My grandmother used to have quite the selection of pulpy trash novels from the 1970s and I read this one when I was 12 or 13. I'd never even heard of the Sex Pistols when I first read it, so I decided to snag it from the library and give it another go. The book is written by her mother and while I'm not sure I'm buying everything she's selling, it's appalling how Spungen is still vilified. Um, everyone in the punk scene was an asshole, not just her. That's the POINT of the punk scene. I'd recommend it if you are interested in that particular scene or era.
• Being Human: a Brit import about a werewolf, a ghost and a vampire sharing a flat and struggling with their various supernatural issues. It sounds sort of stupid, but it's very funny and cute and smartly written. And let me introduce you to Mitchell, the vampire and my new boyfriend. Behold. He often wears fingerless gloves. For some reason, I find this insanely hot.
• System Of A Down: Um. Where have I been? These guys are awesome and, as usual, I am the last to know. See, what happens, if you're me, is that you watch a documentary on the Armenian Genocide (Don't ask.) and they're all over it! They you're frantically downloading their music and moping over the fact that you will never seem them perform live. GRRR.
  
• Mad Men: Are you still not watching it? Get on that, would you? "I'm Peggy Olson and I want to smoke some marijuana." HA!

HEE! This post was repeatedly kicked back by Blogger for having too many tags!

Summer Movie Round-Up

I've been inspired by the lovely, ginger and only occasionally rude Sorcha's driveby post of summer movie reviews. This has been a great summer for movies! I've seen a million already!

• Star Trek: LOVED IT. I was never a huge fan of the television show, I liked The Next Generation but that was it. More of a Battlestar Galactica girl over here, you know? But this is a terrific movie. Awesome cast, great script, fun storyline. The "twist" they use to differentiate this iteration of films from the original series is nothing short of brilliant. If this ends up being Leonard Nimoy's final appearance as Spock, I think that's ok. It's a lovely, intelligent, dignified performance. (I know people were bummed about Shatner not having a role in the new film, but seriously. I don't see him showing up and being dignified. Do you?) I plan to drag Mame and BW to see it this weekend even though neither of them like sci fi. Also, I wept through the first 10 minutes. For the next movie, however? MORE SIMON PEGG. ALWAYS MORE SIMON PEGG.
  
• X-Men Origins: Wolverine: A decent movie. Good action sequences, fun performances from everyone. I didn't expect a whole lot and was pleasantly surprised. I loved Ryan Reynolds, but then I ALWAYS love his smartass schtick. And Hugh Jackman is truly a humanitarian. These are troubled times and the only way he can help is by removing his shirt. And he does. A lot. And the slightest provocation. And the world is a better place for it. Thanks, Hugh!
• Terminator Salvation: Loved it. Saw it twice. Apparently, I'm the only one, but that's ok. Christian Bale was pretty great and a total BAD ASS. And I loved Bryce Dallas Howard's steely Earth mama routine. And helloooo Sam Worthington. I didn't think anyone was allowed to be hotter than Christian Bale but I stand corrected! And I adored Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese and that's no small feat. Kyle Reese was my first love and I am VERY protective of him. And Yelchin was pretty great in Star Trek as well. Good for him! (My epic Terminator post is still in the works, I promise!)
  
• Drag Me To Hell: HA! This was a ton of fun. It was pure, old school Sam Raimi and I loved every second. It was completely disgusting and hilarious and made me jump out of my seat and screech more times that I can count.
  
• Up: I think I've made my thoughts on this movie clear. The most wonderful movie ever.
• The Hangover: SO. GODDAMN. FUNNY. Zach Galifinakis is practically a national treasure* and Bradley Cooper needs to show up to decorate every movie. Mame, BW and I have been quoting this movie at each other for weeks now.
  
• Away We Go: Lovely, lovely movie. Funny and sweet and full of great performances. I want you all to know that Mame cried. (Mame! The dad with all the adopted kids was played by the same guy who played Lawyer Ted on Six Feet Under. That's where we knew him from!)

What movies have you seen so far this summer?

*Why isn't "Between Two Ferns" a real show? I'd watch it every week! Though Mame will be amused to know that I still found the one with Michael Cera too uncomfortable to watch a second time. I tried! I couldn't do it! STOP TICKLING HIM.

Waiting For Godot. Or Mame. You Know. Whoever Shows Up First.

Mame will be here in Jersey tomorrow! Yaay! She called me earlier today to ask me an iPod-related question and to let me know that she and Glowbug are on their way. So I'm waiting for her. In an empty room. Sitting on the floor, flicking the light on and off. With an old rotary phone sitting next to me. (I'm Fatal Attraction AND Audition. Why am I still single?) I WON'T BE IGNORED, MAME.

Ok, I'm kidding. I'm really knitting and watching Wendy and Lucy and sipping the Victorian Rose tea that EGT sent me. I'm still working on my stripey scarf. Since I have crafting ADD, I started another scarf, a grey one, but I ripped it apart when I hopelessly lost count of my knitting and purling. That is Very Bad and makes things ugly. In other news, I am 85 years old.

That's the truth. But I think the other story is more interesting. Don't you?

Well I Never Thought I'd Be Saying This Part Two...or, Thank You, Joan

Just like the title indicated I never in my life thought I would be saying (read: writing) what I am about to. I'm pretty thankful that I grew up in the insanity that is my mother, Joan. I'm glad that she flew off the handle like a drag queen that's just had her wig ripped off about everything. I'm glad that when there was a little issue, she dug down to make not a mountain out of a mole hill, but more like a universe out of a piece of sand. Joan would flip out over anything to anybody at anytime, and although horribly embarrassing, wrong, and dysfunctional, I'm now at a point in my life that I'm a little bit thankful.

See, today I was flipped out on, much in the same manner I had been everyday of my young life living with Joan, and I handled it with such grace and poise that it was almost like the woman flipping out was making a rational thought. I didn't try to do it; it just came naturally: the shields went up, I remained calm, praised her for her insight, thanked her for her criticism, and defended her insane accusations without ever admitting fault or making her feel like she gained the edge.

See, most adults don't know how to handle shit like that. I do. There is no trial and error when dealing with over-protective nitwits who live in their own world of self-importance and over-inflated egos. I know this. I've had YEARS of DAILY tries to know what works and what doesn't. I've had YEARS OF WEEKLY therapy to help me realize that this is a skill, and today I wielded it like a master.

So, thank you Joan.

Same ole FITA project - New Look

Heh, it was brought to my attention that some of our loyal readers were worried that they had come upon the wrong site recently. No fears, gentle readers, we've updated our look and are continuing to 'tweak' it as we go. Or for as long as I have to sit around babysitting preteens while in front of a computer. Hope you like :-)

Mtv Movie Awards....or God I'm Old...or Twilight Fandom Part Two

I stayed in last night (I'll wait while your surprise wears off) and watched the last half hour of the Mtv Movie Awards. I used to live for this show, but as I watched this year I found myself confused and realized that I just don't get it. I don't get the cool 'inside jokes' featured. OK, Sacha Baron Cohen dropping out of the sky and landing on Emenim was hilarious, Forrest Whittaker singing "Dick in Box" like "La Bohem" was very original, and the girls from My Sister's Keeper referring to Cameron Diaz's work as "Adult Films" made me chuckle (PS...wasn't there some controversy a few years back because Diaz WAS in an adult film? I know I'm not making that up). But the musical acts were good, but I'm not all to familiar with them, and the quips that the stars shared with each other and their fans I didn't get.

When did I get so old? I remember rolling my eyes when my mom didn't get Fartman, or when Jim Carrey donned a ZZ Top-esque wig and beard and announced that there needed to be more Foghat. It made me a little sad. I liked Twilight (kinda), so I was excited by the premiere of the New Moon preview, and I *heart* Andy Samburg, so his little digital spoofs made me happy. But I don't get the Miley Cyrus thing, or the High School Musical thing. I don't think I ever will. I thought that just meant that I had taste, but it's an apparent sign that I'm getting older.

I got a little teary when Denzel Washington came out with his daughter to announce an award because his costar (my beloved, John) just couldn't do it. I was more upset by his absence than whoever won that award. I'm definitely loosing touch with the cool side of me.

I guess I could always don my emo-goth look and go with Bea to a My Chemical Romance concert to get in touch with my youth, but like I said "I have taste" and I'm fairly certain that concert would do more to throw me back to my rock 'n roll and 80's ballads more than anything else. Any ideas?

OMG

I've never in my life been so excited about a piece of technology, and I am including the invention of the iPod and my Nick Manning replica.

This is the most amazing idea that I have ever seen. It's being called an ATM for books, and it makes me all tingly. Much like the aforementioned Nick Manning replica. It's not just an idea either, it is a working machine that has been installed at Blackwell's bookstore on London's Charing Cross Road, perhaps the bookiest corner of one of the world's bookiest cities.

Dolly has a Kindle (named Sookie) and loves it. I love the idea - being able to access any book I want at any time without having to go to the store or library, but I love my books. I love the feel of the worn cover of my copy of The Handmaid's Tale or the copious underlines and notes I wrote in Tuesdays with Morrie; those are things that I can't have with a Kindle. Don't get me wrong, Kindles have their place. When I get money I'll buy the new one that will read to me whenever I want (hello car trips!!), because I don't keep every book I've read. Some of my trashy beach novels (of which I am writing one) don't need to be kept and put in my collection next to my 150 year-old copies of Dickens. But the peace I feel when I am sitting in my own little library reading a book that will one day go on my shelf, or rereading a favorite that smells of my old house and memories can't be put on a computer chip.

Granted, the books spit out of the book ATM machine won't have the beautiful covers and cover art of the originals (shout out to Two of Hearts!). But for a hard to find book, or even an out of print work, it's a gem. And don't get me started on not having to wait a week because the bookstore sold its last copy of something I want. I'm so excited!! Seriously, this is the BEST!!

So I've Decided

OK, because I'm currently babysitting 13 year-olds I've been doing a lot of self-reflection and I've come to the painful conclusion that I have no life. I really don't. To demonstrate:

1. Alarm goes off at 6:15
2. Get out of bed at 7
3. Dressed, prep and in the car by 7:15
4. Drive to work that should take 20 minutes takes about 30-40 because of traffic.
5. The traffic is where I do my hair and makeup - yeah I'm THAT girl.

GOD HELP the person who disrupts my morning routine. God Lord. It happened once when my neighbor stopped by because she saw me getting into my car and no one has heard from her since. Even I don't remember what happened to her.

1. Work by 7:50 or such, wherein I eat breakfast and begin to rant about the day ahead with my fellow teachers.
2. 8:15-3:30 I should be teaching, but lately we aren't able because testing is over and therefore we are just overseeing the kids while they pretty much go crazy. During this time I play on the computer.
3. 3:30-4ish is mostly a blur because I've zoned out to the drive home. Then I pick up Glow Bug, listen to the iPod for the rest of the drive, and talk with him about his day.
4. Whenever we get home, Glow Bug either A) strips down to only his pants and runs around outside or B) watches TV. During this time I go upstairs and nap.
5. The rest of the night is spent in front of the TV or on the laptop, with maybe a sprinkling of cleaning/housework thrown in. Before bed I prep my morning so I can get the maximum amount of sleep in the morning as humanly possible.

See y'all, I sleep way too much! My whole routine is dictated by the fact that I want to sleep in in the morning.

Yuck, seeing it all typed out like that annoys me. I want to be the girl who meditates (we have so much beautiful land where we live) when she gets home, and works out in the morning, and is talented at something other than applying the perfect liquid line during stop and go traffic. Although, let's be honest that is a talent. I should be on that show. Oh well, this rant was brought to you by the fact that it is 9 AM and I'm sitting in front of the computer because the students are writing newspapers (see above schedule). *sigh*

Farewell, Whore...

Attention, 2 Jersey Girls readers:

Mame and I would like you to know that we are retiring the "whore" tag. Because we were just now talking about which tags we've used the most and I was looking at the stats and we have used "whore"...

Wait for it...

69 times. And there is really nowhere else to go with that, is there? I don't even know why we started using it, except that it's one of our favorite insults. (And no, we don't mean it in the slut-shaming sense. We're reclaiming the term, ok?) Here are all the posts tagged "whore." They...really have nothing to do with each other. HA!

Also, we'll probably totally forget and use it anyway. We just wanted to commemorate this special time. We are all class around here, let me tell you.

Well I've Done It

Follow the link to view my novel. It's not complete, but it's long enough for me to keep ahead of you. I DARE YOU. Wow, that got creepy.
Leave feedback and find any errors (they are the main reasons I've done this). Love to all!!


http://7cyns-mywritings.blogspot.com/2009/05/chapter-one.html

TV Review: Glee

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. You all have to watch this show. I might have been watching American Idol (Don't judge me!) and then there was this show about a high school glee club. It is HILARIOUS. I called Mame halfway through and DEMANDED that she watch as well and she flipped it on, missed the beginning and STILL fell in love with it. Glee is going to be Our Show.

First, a bit about me: I was a HUGE choir nerd from elementary school through college. I have a CD from my college choir where we toured and wore robes. AND DICKEYS. I loved choir, it was awesome but also completely dorky.

So, this show absolutely KNOWS choir kids. My favorite part was the girl who ALWAYS sings "On My Own." HA! Every choir has at least one girl who will sing that song obsessively at auditions. There's usually another who sings "I Dreamed A Dream." Fucking Les Miz.

ALSO. Jane Lynch! I love her SO much; she's completely hilarious. Every word out of her mouth in Role Models had Mame and I in tears of laughter. Plus, she's Spencer Reid's mom and who doesn't love that?

And then! AND THEN. The choir performs "Don't Stop Believin'!" At this point, Mame and I were like, "Best. Show. Ever." I think you can see the pilot episode on the Fox website like, all summer. And you should. It's awesome.