Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Wherein the Reader Learns That the Narrator is Batshit Crazy or Disasters I've Obsessed Over and Related Media

So, I'm pretty neurotic, right? Given toward anxiety and borderline OCD-ish tendencies. Not quite diagnosable for either Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (I looked it up in the DSM-IV. At work. Several times), but close. I'm a lot better than I used to be, actually. I spend fewer nights in a tangle of panic-ridden insomnia. I don't have actual panic attacks. Pong used to call me a "ninny" when we were dating and I'd spin off on some tangent about how the bus driver on my route would think I'd cheated him because he'd let me on the bus without paying because I'd told him I was going to buy a monthly bus pass but then the store was SOLD OUT of bus passes and it's not like I'd ASKED him to let me on the bus for free! He offered! I couldn't help it!

See? That's how I am. A ninny.

But you know what doesn't help my ninny-like nature? My attraction to media involving disasters and disastrous things. If it could conceivably send a tickle of pure horror down my spine, I'M THERE. I WANT TO READ ABOUT IT/WATCH THAT DOCUMENTARY, ETC. This is not good. This is not conducive to my mental health/serenity/zen whatever. IT GENERALLY REALLY DAMAGES MY CALM. But I am powerless to stop. I totally get this from my mother, who also loves hearing about a good disaster. The woman lulls herself to sleep with forensic shows, ok? But the thing is, she doesn't freak out! I DO. You know who is my co-pilot on this trip to Panicville, Population: 2? Sorsha. You know who constantly is trying to stop me from boarding the S.S. Freakout? Mame. And EGT.

Mame and I have been friends for like, 17 years? Something like that? Our friendship is a high school student, at any rate. She has always tried to stop me when my obsessions reach peak levels. She tries to grab books about disasters out of my hands. She tells me I'm not allowed to watch anymore documentaries about Mt. Everest. If EGT could, she would break into my house and install internet controls on my laptop. Not to keep me from reading porn, she's fine with that. No, to keep me from reading about school shootings. Or extinction level events (PRIONS! ASTEROIDS! CLIMATE CHANGE! KRAKENS!). Or watching British Cold War PSAs. (NO, SERIOUSLY. DON'T WATCH THOSE.) I don't listen to them, but I appreciate their efforts. It makes me feel loved.

Ah, but Sorsha. I met Sorsha at work and we had a lot in common right away. We both are snarky and excitable and have a wide streak of geekiness. You know how the first time you hang out with someone from work, it's a delicate dance, almost like a date? You know, you have to sort of feel them out for how weird you can reveal yourself to be? Or...is that just me? 'K, then. The first time Sorsha and I hung out, we talked for 6 hours about: Lord of the Rings, Buffy, Doctor Who and all kinds of other geeky things. Then somehow, we turned to...disasters. And how we both LOVE READING ABOUT THEM. I told her about crowd crushing. She told me about rogue waves. I told her about Mt. Everest and how it wants to kill you for climbing it. She told me about how the Canary Islands might fall into the ocean and cause a mega-tsunami. Then we talked about serial killers. It was SO much fun. Her poor sainted husband sat and listened for awhile, eyebrows raised. And then he said, and I quote, "Dear God, there's another one of you" and stomped off to do something useful. Sorsha's and my bonding over disasters makes me feel accepted.

Here is a by-no-means-complete list of some of the horrible things I've obsessed about and related media:
Yeah. So...click on any of those links and never sleep again. I know this isn't good for me and it will make me anxious and sad. And yet. If I know you in real life, I'm sure I have accosted you at some point and detailed some terrifying incident in excited yet wary tones. And I'm sorry for that. But hey, you did learn that four people per square meter is minimum safe distance in a crowd, right? IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

8 comments:

EGT said...

Porn is safer for you than the stuff that you read!! You are such a crazy person!!!

Although I'm glad that Boston got a shout-out.

I love that we are both freaked out by things like that, and that my solution to this problem is that I can't watch any medical or true crime shows because I'll think that I'm dying from either an odd disease or a freaky serial killer breaking into my house, and your solution is to gobble it all up with a spoon and a cherry on top. Ah, dear.

Dr. Fabulous said...

I. LOVE. YOU!!! ... I shall now proceed to attempt to pass the 13 security check points necessary in order for this comment to post here.

Sorsha Ni said...

My public apologies to EGT and Mame. You are such nice people. But I cannot help but eat from the neurotic sundae of disaters with Bea. I've tried to abstain, but I am wretchedly addicted. They tried to make me go to rehab...no no no! :>)

Anonymous said...

Your title suggests that there may be people that don't already know that you are batshit crazy!?!?
And might I add that you could have gotten worse traits from me...
Mom

Doug Jeffreys said...

"The Hot Zone" scared the bajesus out of me. I'm going to check out some of those links for some entertaining reading.

Doug Jeffreys said...

I sure hope that Coyote ate that guys tongue BEFORE he ate that elks ass!

Sorsha Ni said...

OMG! BLAZARS aka Cosmic Monster Galaxy Eaters! We are all toast people. Toast, I say!

http://imagine.gsfc.nasa.gov/docs/features/exhibit/cgro_blazars.html

:>)

docsmartypants said...

It has been days--DAYS--since I read this blog post and I am STILL obsessing over the Dyatlov Pass Incident.