What Is Bea Watching This Television Season?

...Because I know you were all wondering. It's the question on everyone's (no one's) minds! Believe it or not, I don't feel like I watch a lot of television. I despise having shows meted out to me on a weekly basis and then pulled for months at a time. IT ANNOYS ME A LOT. I really prefer to mainline a show on DVD, but then I miss out on discussing it with with everyone else and reading reviews and articles, etc.

Returning Shows

• The Walking Dead. Dude. Zombies. Come on. I agree with everyone else who says that season one had an pretty awesome pilot and then the rest...kinda...sucked? It was very uneven. There were parts that were cool (the zombie attack on the camp, the showdown at the CDC) and parts that sucked (Um. The rest), but I was still curious enough to pop in for season two. It's better that the first season. I know that seems like faint praise, but it really is better. Some of the existing problems from season one are still around, like the pacing issues (Either kill Sophia off or fucking find her. LIKE, YESTERDAY), they still don't really know how to handle the Lori/Shane/Rick triangle (Lori and Shane need to come clean - they aren't really at fault, they truly thought Rick was dead and who could blame them - and then they have a threeway relationship. Shit. It's the zombie apocalypse. Have a threeway. Who cares?), and I still don't feel like they've really found their own internal logic and rules for their particular zombie apocalypse. They sure don't treat it like a biological contagion, what with everyone unconcernedly getting zombie goo on them all the time, but it's clearly communicable through bites, so what the fuck? SO. ANYWAY. The Walking Dead: better than last season, for real. The Shane twist was pretty great and I'm hoping it gets that character (who has potential and I like the actor) out of that rut (PUN SO INTENDED) that he's been in. The show needs to figure out some cool shit to do with Glenn, and either do something with Andrea or kill her off. While she's got a point re: Dale's paternalism, her incessant whinging about it drives me crazy. (The show, in general, kind of doesn't know what do with women. Are there any women on that writing staff? If not, fucking hire some.) Of course, I also watch The Talking Dead, because I love Chris Hardwick.
  
• Criminal Minds. I slacked off last season because the firing of 66.6666667% of the female cast members REALLY pissed me off. And apparently it pissed everyone else off because, OH LOOK! They brought Emily and JJ back because the most important thing about this show is the chemistry of the cast! Imagine that! So, I'm back. Spencer Reid is still pretty.
• Sons of Anarchy. Oh God, I hated the Ireland story last season SO MUCH. I, um, didn't watch the last three or so episodes because it was so painfully annoying. It's better this season. (Sensing a theme? Heh.)
• Community. I'm not a regular watcher. I pop in from time to time, mostly to see if Joel McHale will take his shirt off or if a piano will fall on Chevy Chase. ...What?

New (To Me) Shows

• Parks & Recreation. Oh, this is such a gem of a show, you guys. I love it! It's so...good-natured. Every time I wait for it to get awkward and cringe-inducing (like The Office), it almost never does! I love all the characters SO much. Leslie Knope! Is there another character like her on television? AND I LOVE RON SWANSON. RON. I AM DARK-HAIRED AND NOT-ENTIRELY-UNATTRACTIVE AND CAN PREPARE YOU BREAKFAST FOODS!!! MARRY ME.

New Shows

• Homeland. This is a really, really great show. Damian Lewis and Claire Danes are AMAZING in their roles and the supporting cast is awesome too. I like how unflinching and harsh it is. I love that I'm never entirely sure what's going on, who I can believe, if I can ever accept what I see in flashbacks. So. Great.
  
• American Horror Story. It's...just..so...INCREDIBLY BATSHIT B-A-N-A-N-A-S INDULGENTLY CRAZY. And I love that about it. I know a lot of people were put off by the pilot (and I don't entirely blame them) but I was strangely flattered by how over-the-top it was. "Aw, show! You really want me to like you! It's like a first date and you've brought flowers AND candy AND perfume! Aww. You've thrown dead babies, adultery, bare asses, a guy in a shiny gimp suit, Dead!Fake!Weasley twins, and Jessica Lange acting like she's a lost Tennessee Williams heroine. You get another episode!" I love Lange, Connie Britton, Taissa Farmiga and the kid who plays Tate. It's not...good, but BOY, is it entertaining. Do I think it's going to crash and burn? Probably. But it sure is fun while it lasts.
  
• Revenge. I do really like Revenge but it's up against about a million other things. I usually catch up with it on Hulu. It's everything that Ringer SHOULD be, but isn't: super-fun and soapy and trashy.
  

Shows That I Have Broken Up With

• Glee. I would probably keep watching Glee if they ONLY sang and danced. I realized that I found every character (Except for Kurt and Blaine) hugely annoying anytime they actually spoke.
• Supernatural. This was awhile ago, but ugh. I just got sick of its bullshit.
  
• True Blood. The show that I want it to be is not the show that it is. And the show that it is isn't one I'm really very interested in watching.
• Dexter. I still really like this show, I just got too far behind (I missed all of last season). Maybe I'll catch up on DVD.
  
• Ringer. I only lasted two episodes. Sorry, Sarah Michelle Gellar. I love you, but I kind of hated this show.
  

Shows I Intend To Keep Watching

• The Wire. SOMEDAY, YOU GUYS. I have to get through seasons four and five.
• Fringe. I tried to jump into season four, not having watched season three. And. Um. No. Not possible. I'm DVRing season four to watch after I grab the last season on DVD.
• Sherlock. WHEN WILL I GET MORE? I neeeed it, you guys.
  
• Game of Thrones. Though the second season should be called A Clash of Kings. /pedant
• Breaking Bad. I'm hoping to use the year's hiatus before the final season to catch up on the whole thing.
  
• Mad Men. Whenever it comes back.
  

What are you watching this season? What are you NOT watching?

An Open Letter To Certain Male Geeks

Greetings, geeks! My name is Bea. I'm (as of last week-ish) 32 years old. I'm a college graduate. I work in social services. I bake. I knit. I read (a lot). I vote Democrat. I occasionally sparkle. I enjoy the works of Jane Austen, thunderstorms, the Oxford comma, and the laughter of children.

Oh, I'm also a geek. I've been a geek since I was a tiny little girl and I had a Dune coloring book. This Dune coloring book, actually. I also had a glow-in-the-dark He-Man sword when I was itty-bitty that I had to take in the bathroom to watch glow because I was never awake when it was dark outside. Because I was four. Later, I was a huge She-Ra fan and literally subscribed to her newsletter. I loved Star Wars, Blade Runner, The Terminator, Wonder Woman, The Incredible Hulk, The V miniseries (both of them!), Legend, The Dark Crystal, The NeverEnding Story, Dune (the Lynch version, NEVER the Sci-Fi version, though that was much later), Labyrinth, and Conan the Barbarian. The 80s were fun, weren't they?

I was a gamer girl in the late 80s and early 90s. Look. You think it's tough being a gamer girl now? (It is, I'm sure.) Try it then. I was LITERALLY the only girl I knew who played video games. Ever. I don't play anymore but I can still fuck you up at Super Mario Bros. 1-3. My parents took me and my brother to a Nintendo Convention in Valley Forge, PA as a birthday gift. I'm guessing it was 1990 or 1991. Whatever year Super Mario Bros. 3 came out. I remember because I smoked some dude at a demo of the game. He clearly wasn't expecting that from a little girl. It was AWESOME.

I've watched The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, Space: Above and Beyond, VR-5, Harsh Realm, Dead at 21, Love and Curses, Forever Knight, Beauty and the Beast, Dark Shadows (the old 60s soap AND the early 90s remake), Mystery Science Theater 3000, Twin Peaks, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Farscape, The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, Heroes, Roar, Dark Angel, Supernatural, Fringe, Roswell, Alias, Earth 2, Dark Skies, Millennium, Kindred: The Embraced, and SeaQuest DSV.

I've read Heinlein and Herbert. I've read all the Lord of the Rings books. I own the extended editions of all the movies AND the Trivial Pursuit game.

Sorsha and I have a zombie apocalypse plan and seriously. It's awesome. It's getting better by the day.

I read comic books. I go to cons. Got my picture taken with Michael Berryman. I saw The Dark Knight in the theater four times. I have the Iron Man Mr. Potato Head, Tony Starch sitting on top of my television. I have a Matchbox-sized replica of the Metallicar on my desk. My mousepad features a kingly Aragorn. I'm currently knitting a Gryffindor scarf.

As you can see from the above exhaustive list, I will watch/read/consume ANYTHING sci-fi/horror/fantasy-related. Regardless of quality as you can also see from the above list. Heh. I can authoritatively nerd out on a variety of subjects. And I do. Often. And I do all of these things despite the INCREDIBLE HANDICAP OF A PAIR OF BREASTS. SHOCKING, RIGHT?!

But seriously, you guys. (And not ALL geek guys, of course.) Can you please stop acting like you own the field of geekery all on your own? Aren't we past this? Seriously? Are we really still OMG STUNNED when a woman enjoys nerdy pursuits? I don't do these things because my boyfriend reads comics and I want him to like me.

For example, I listen to The Nerdist podcast every week. Twice a week if it's on twice. I love it. It's awesome. It's my favorite podcast. I love Chris Hardwick. He's hilarious. But Chris. Dude. I AM NOT THE ONLY WOMAN WHO LISTENS TO YOUR SHOW. THERE ARE FEMALE GEEKS. IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU'RE DATING ONE. So why do you keep making comments about how no women listen to your show or how your nerdiness is losing you female viewers. Um. We do and it's not. KNOCK IT OFF. My ovaries do not "dry up" when James Gunn and Jonah Ray get into a nerd fight over whether or not 28 Days Later qualifies as a zombie film. That was AWESOME. (My opinion: it does count as a zombie movie.)

I was listening today to a review of the Game of Thrones miniseries. (3 days, you guys!!!!) And the reviewer made a comment about it possibly being a turn-off for women because it's all male-dominated, bloody and full of ultra-violence. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Because Dany and Arya and Catelyn and Sansa are just standing around, looking pretty. (Well, ok, Sansa is.) Because women can't stand watching male characters. (If we felt that way, we wouldn't watch anything, ever.) Because women don't like to watch dudes with swords fuck shit up. Especially because women don't enjoy a complex, well-told story. Mmm-hmmm.

Oh for Christ's sake, Terrance Zdunich: YES. GIRLS DO READ COMIC BOOKS. I even bought your creepy comic book about cockroaches.

I guess I'm mostly just tired of being told I don't exist.

ETA: This. Thanks, Sorsha. WHATEVER.

Rants of Ice and Fire: Oh, HELL No

Hey Sorsha, remember when I recommended that podcast to you, Podcast of Ice and Fire? Yeah, well, I'm rescinding my recommendation. I enjoyed the first episode and part of the second one I listened to (I texted you a quote) but immediately after that, one of the women on the 'cast treated the listeners to a lecture about Catelyn Stark and how she's not a strong character because she's a wife and mother.

...No, really. That was it. I'm on record as not being a huge Catelyn fan. Mostly because I find her boring and think she was a bitch to Jon Snow, whom I adore. (Though I can sort of understand her reasoning. Well. As much as I can understand why anyone would be mean to a little kid, even if he IS your husband's illegitimate kid of TOP SECRET maternity.) But I certainly don't think she's weak. And I think she left "traditional" femininity behind when she hopped on her horse to go rally the Tullys and gather evidence against the Lannisters for booting her son out the window. And then arresting Tyrion. And the way she handled the arrest was pretty fucking masterful. And she seems extra tough when you compare her to her miserable sister. Ugh.

Yeah, she raised five kids. Hell, six, if you count Jon Snow. (Are we to think she completely ignored him? I'm unclear on this. I guess it doesn't matter much.) She was a dutiful and loving wife to Ned and mistress of Winterfell. None of these things make her weak. Motherhood's a fucking tough job, I'm pretty sure. Especially when you don't have things like, you know, epidurals, antibiotics, diapers, pacifiers and soap. And unlike that gorgon Cersei (To whom she was being compared unfavorably), she doesn't: 1. Fuck her brother 2. Murder her husband 3. Have any Damien-Omen kids.

I'm mostly just really offended by the notion that if you don't try to act like a man, you're weak. Like I said in my ridiculously impassioned defense of Sansa: not everyone can be Arya or Dany. If you put a sword in my hand, I'd probably be all, "Um. This is heavy. I'm just gonna put this down over here before I drop it on my foot" and then I'd go read a book. Or knit something. Or bake something. In fact, I'm looking up brownie recipes as we speak. ...Type. And I'd (GASP!) like to get married and have babies someday. !!!!!!!!! Whatever. I GUESS I'M JUST TOO WEAK/BORING/USELESS TO LIVE.

So, back to the podcast...I'll be unsubscribing. Which sucks because I loved being able to listen to something Westeros-related at work. It's the NEXT BEST THING to reading the novels. But I don't need that kind of misogynistic bullshit.

AND NO BROWNIES FOR YOU, PODCAST OF ICE AND FIRE.

ETA: Oh, there was other stuff, too. This was just the bit I was ranty about.

Well, There Goes the Rest of My Spare Time For the Forseeable Future...

I visited my local used book store yesterday to see if they had book two of A Song of Ice and Fire in stock and guess what?! They had all three! The bookseller was quite delighted with my purchases; he seemed to be a big fan of the series. He warned me ominously that it's been years since the last book came out and that No One Knows when book five will be out. I assured him that I was aware of the risk and was willing to fling myself headlong into book-related heartbreak.* The best part is that they only cost me $10! YAAAY! (All three at Amazon was going to set me back $30, which had me squawking in indignation, but I was still totally going to pay it.)

Also, Sorcha and I may need to have a mild throwdown over Sansa Stark. Only mild because I can see her point of view, but I have all this empathy for Sansa.

*Hey, it was, like, twelve years between the releases of the fourth and fifth Earth's Children novels. Wait. Bad example. Book Five of that series, Shelters of Stone, suuuuuucked. Like, a lot.

"Iron Man" vs. "The Dark Knight" or Bea Is An Embarrassingly Huge Geek, Feel Free To Mock Her

I was listening to the Culturetopia podcast at work today. Culturetopia's Pop Culture Happy Hour is one of my favorites, it's kind of hysterical. Anyway. One of the...podcasters? whatever was talking about comic book movies and said that they thought that Iron Man was as good, if not better than, The Dark Knight. Of course, I squawked in indignation. But, then I thought about it.

...Huh. Is Iron Man as good a movie as The Dark Knight? And why has this geek Thunderdome question never occurred to me before? I'm frankly disappointed in myself. Whatever. So, let's lay out the facts here...First, let me say that I am not a superhero comic book geek. I'm more a graphic novel kind of girl and I don't really read superhero comics at all. Except for the odd Batman book here and there. Secondly, I have a giant crush on Robert Downey Jr. right now and that could bias my answers just a taaad.

• Best Superhero: Hmm. I like Batman better. Iron Man is fine and all but basically, he's a dude in a suit. I mean, he's smart and good with, you know, physics and stuff, but he's a spoiled playboy in a big metal suit. Batman? TRAINED BY NINJAS. You can't beat that with an M.I.T. degree. No way.
  
• Best Alter Ego: Oh my God, Tony Stark all the way. SHUT UP, BRUCE WAYNE. NO, SHUT UP SOME MORE. GO GET SOME THERAPY. Tony Stark has daddy issues, but does he whinge about them all the time and fantasize about bats? No. No, he does not. I mean, sure, he sluts it up and drinks like a fish but he doesn't WHINE. And then he gets kidnapped and tortured and he turns his PTSD into something positive! So there. Sure, Bruce Wayne fakes the whole spoiled and slutty playboy thing, but Tony? Not faking. And he's hilaarious.
  
• Best Special Lady Friend: Pepper Potts is so much awesomer than anyone but she is particularly awesomer than Rachel Dawes, who kind of sucks. There is no character in the Marvel 'verse that is more important to me than Pepper Potts. (Seriously, if she's not in the Avengers movie, I'll cut someone. Not kidding. [Kidding. I'm a Quaker. No cutting.]) Pepper is smart, ladylike, competent but doesn't take any bullshit. Particularly from Tony. She'll reach into his chest and change his glowy-heart-thing (Yes, I know what it's called) and dismiss his one night stands in the morning for him, but she is not going to let him talk dirty at her or put up with any nonsense. Can you tell that I'm a HUGE Tony/Pepper fan? Heh. Ugh, Rachel Dawes. I went on at some length in my review of The Dark Knight concerning the problems I have with Ms. Dawes. Seriously, a girl doesn't have to have superpowers or be ass kickin' or a villain or hero to be awesome. She can just be...awesome. See also: Ross, Betty or if we're talkin' books, Everdeen, Katniss.
  
• Best Villains: The Dark Knight, no question. Can you get better villains that Heath Ledger's Joker and Aaron Eckhart's Two-Face? And I think Iron Man villains tend to be kind of weak. Obadiah Stane was pretty meh. I mean, he had a good scene with Gwyneth Paltrow when she's trying to get the files off of Tony's computer and he's subtly menacing her but whatever. One scene. Heath Ledger basically OWNED The Dark Knight.
  
• Best Sidekicks/Friends: This also goes to The Dark Knight. I think Lucius, Alfred and Gordon are much more awesome than Happy and Rhodey. Though Tony Stark has some cool robots.
• Lead Actors: I really love both Christian Bale and Robert Downey Jr. They're two of my favorite actors. I much prefer what Downey does with Tony Stark to what Bale does with Bruce Wayne/Batman. I find Downey more nuanced. I'm not entirely wild about Bale's gravelly Batman voice. The way Downey interacts with Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper and how he quietly plays Tony's return after his kidnapping is really excellent. I can name a dozen little things that Downey does that makes his performance as Tony memorable but I can't name a single one that Bale does besides being looming and muscley.
  
• Miscellaneous: I prefer the look of The Dark Knight and the grim, goth vibe. I really like the music in The Dark Knight. Though I know a lot of people haaaaated it, I LOVED the use of the Black Sabbath song "Iron Man" over the end credits of that movie. I laaaaughed.

Man. Even after laying it out like that, I'm still not sure! I think I enjoy Iron Man more. It's definitely more fun. When I have a bad day, I'm going to come home and watch Iron Man. But I think The Dark Knight is a better film.

Movie Review: "Repo! The Genetic Opera"

So. It's probably well-known 'round these parts that I develop these single-minded obsessions about movies, books, tv shows, bands and then devour them and drive everyone around me crazy nattering on and on about them.

Yeah. Sorry about that. Whatever. Look, I'm annoying, but I'm self-aware. At least I don't do drugs, right? RIGHT?!

Anyway, Pong has been spamming me for weeks with clips from some movie he wants me to watch. And I've been sort of ignoring him because I'm a bitch, whatever. But he IMs me a clip one night and says, "Look! It's Giles from Buffy singing!" and I'm like, "*sigh* Fiiiiiiiiiine. I'll watch it" and it was the song "Night Surgeon" from the movie Repo! The Genetic Opera.

WHERE HAS THIS MOVIE BEEN ALL MY LIFE?

Honestly, I can't figure out why I hadn't heard of it until now! It's a HORROR MOVIE MUSICAL starring Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, only my favorite show EVER. Let me say that again: A HORROR MOVIE MUSICAL. I love horror movies! I love musicals! I turned Sorcha on to it because I knew it was her kind of thing. Actually, I watched the movie when I was home sick with a really bad cold. I lost my voice and this didn't stop me. I stalked Sorcha at work (we work together) and handed her a note that said, "Repo! The Genetic Opera. Seen it?" and that was all it took!

So, Repo! is a total cult film sent in a Blade Runner-esque future where massive organ failures have decimated the human race. A company, GeneCo, offers organ transplants but if you miss too many payment, they send a Repo Man to take back their property. Probably killing you dead. One of our main characters is a young girl named Shilo (Yes, that is the little girl from Spy Kids). Her father, played by Giles, is the aforementioned Repo Man, but she doesn't know this, of course. Shilo is sheltered due to a vague but apparently life-threatening illness but yearns to escape. There's an awesome drug dealer, GraveRobber, who is my new movie boyfriend, I don't care HOW grody he might be. Paris Hilton plays a spoiled, plastic-surgery addicted tramp. And she's really good in the role, make of that what you will... Sarah Brightman of Phantom of the Opera fame plays a blind opera singer. And it all comes to a wonderfully bloody conclusion!

So, yeah, eclectic cast. And it's GORY. DELIGHTFULLY GORY. I LOVE IT SO. And funny! And LUDICROUS. And hilariously goth and aware of its own ridiculousness but fully embracing it. The music is rockin', I downloaded the soundtrack and listen to it constantly. Heh. So, I appreciate it on a camp level but I also love it unironically. I enjoy what I see as the film's criticism of large corporations and the need for healthcare reform. I am moved by Shilo's feminist awakening in her realization that she needs to make her own way in the world and her overprotective father is keeping her down. The lyrics of her last song in the film "Genetic Emancipation" almost bring me to tears: "I've mistaken for destiny/but the truth is my legacy is not up to my genes/Though the imprint is deep in me/It will always be up to me." *sob*

So, yeah. Good stuff. Highly recommended!

Really, Elisabeth Hasselback, REALLY?

I do not watch "The View." I liked the concept of the show when it began some 10 years ago: women of varied backgrounds getting together to discuss "hot topics" and take a fresh approach to interviews. In those years a lot has changed and I haven't watched since its premiere season.
One of the main reasons I abhor this show in recent years is the introduction of one Elisabeth Hasselback - a woman who rose to fame A) by being on Survivor and B) for marrying a semi-famous, not very good, pro-football player. She has a degree in Fine Arts and is about 33 years old.

Now that you know the background, let me tell you what I just read that absolutely floored me:

"Host Elisabeth Hasselbeck criticized Andrews — who has faced two separate stalking incidents in the past year — for dressing inappropriately on Dancing [with the Stars].
“In light of what happened and as a legal [matter] — and as inexcusable as it was for that horrific guy to go in and try to peep on her in her hotel room,” Hasselbeck said. “I mean, in some way if I’m him, I’m like, ‘Man! I just could’ve waited 12 weeks and seen this — a little bit less — without the prison time!’”

Really? Let's break this down.

1) The outfits worn on dancing shows (like Dancing with the Stars) are always skimpy -I'm not sure why. LONG before DWTS Two of Hearts and I would watch hours of competitive ballroom dancing and no matter the age, the dance, or the ethnicity of the couple, the female outfits were short, had cutouts, and very skimpy. Another point about the actual outfits: they are approved by the channel's standards guy - that's his job.

2) "...try to peep on her hotel room" isn't accurate. The man charged with stalking Erin Andrews figured out her hotel room, adjusted the peep hole on her room door, set up cameras through said peep hole, recorded her changing, and then posted them on the Internet. He didn't "try to peep" he DID and quite a bit more.

3) Hasselback is clearly blaming the victim here. She is trying to say that because Erin Andrews is wearing a certain outfit she is inviting men to stalk her. Erin is one of five (I think, I don't watch DWTS) women who wear skimpy outfits and dance around. Are they inviting people to hurt them? If I wear a miniskirt and get raped, was I "asking for it"?

Book/Movie Review: "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

I kept hearing about this book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, on NPR, in Entertainment Weekly, pretty much anywhere that might conceivably talk about books. So, I hopped onto my local library's website and reserved it. ...And was like, #74 in line for it. I think I waited two months!

I finally got my grubby little hands on the book, started it...and was promptly bored senseless. The first three to four chapters of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo are really kinda boring. IT GETS A LOT BETTER, FOR REAL. Once you meet the titular tattooed girl, Lisbeth Salander, you're hooked. The book starts with several chapters about the libel trial of journalist Mikael Blomkvist. He's going down in a pretty big way, but it's also pretty boring because you don't know shit about him to start and also. Libel? Unless it's scandalous (and this isn't, it's like corporate financial shit), it's pretty fucking dull. So, whatever. He's a decent guy though and needs to find a new job because he's lost about all his journalistic cred. When he gets out of prison, a rich man, Henrik Vanger (And yes, I totally had to use my copy of the book to correctly spell all these names, ok?) hires Blomkvist to look into the disappearance and probable murder of his beloved niece Harriet 40 years ago. At first, Blomkvist is like, "...No," but then figures he really doesn't have anything better to do and takes the job. And starts digging into the past and trying to unravel the mystery of Harriet's disappearance and along the way, learning just how FUCKED UP the Vanger family is. 'Cause...damn.

So, ok, that's the A storyline, for the most part. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT LISBETH SALANDER. SHE IS SO GREAT. She is tiny and mean and brilliant and pierced and tattooed and fierce and utterly vicious when crossed. She is a great character. As soon as she showed up, I was like, "HELLO. NOW WE'RE TALKING." Salandar is an awesome ass-kicking heroine and I am a girl who appreciates such things. NOW. NO MORE ABOUT THE PLOT. THERE ARE TWISTS AND MYSTERIES AND I SHAN'T GIVE THEM AWAY.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is part of the Millenium trilogy. The second book The Girl Who Played with Fire is already out and has been devoured by me. (I liked it, but I liked the first one better!) And the third book The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest will be out in May. (ALREADY OUT IN OTHER COUNTRIES INCLUDING BRITAIN. AND IF YOU THINK I DIDN'T CONSIDER ORDERING IT FROM AMAZON UK, YOU ARE SORELY MISTAKEN. Ahem.) The author Stieg Larsson apparently had plans for a 10-book epic series but died of Mysterious Circumstances after finishing book three. HMMMM. "Mysterious Circumstances" because he was a journalist who did a lot of investigating and writing into asshole neo-Nazi groups and was a relatively young man who randomly dropped dead. Draw your own conclusions there, people.

Mom and I both really enjoyed the books so when we heard there was a well-received film make of the first book, we were so there!

Ok, allow me to rant: The ONLY reason that I heard about the film adaptation was because I listen to BBC radio. It has not been advertised at ALL in the U.S. and barely talked about by film reviewers here. Ebert reviewed it, the print version of Entertainment Weekly did not (though I just cancelled my subscription because that magazine is total bullshit and has been for years now), my beloved Peter Travers of Rolling Stone did (I can't link it because the website is being weird) and I saw no previews for it on television. Not even on BBC America. This is total bullshit. I know there's an American remake in the works but I have no interest in it. This original Swedish version is so awesome. I know, I sound like an Annoying Douchebag Hipster who's all, "Welll, I like the FOREIGN FILM BETTER, YOU PLEBE. You just don't appreciate REAL CINEMA." But the assumption that people from the U.S. don't want to watch foreign/subtitled films BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. With a good subtitled film, you totally forget that it's subtitled. Your brain starts to put the dialogue and subtitles together and you don't even notice it after awhile. And The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is very, very good. It gets all the important elements of the book*, condenses the rest and the performances are AWESOME.

*However, be warned: both the book AND the movie contain some pretty graphic scenes of sexual violence. In the film, it goes on so long I started looking off to the side of the screen and hoping for a fade-to-black. If that kind of things upsets you, take a bathroom break, for real.

I *heart* Tina Fey

For absolutely no reason at all (other than the fact that I am bored at work and this makes me smile no matter what), I present to you my favorite Tina Fey quote.

"I hate to judge a person's character based on appearance, but when your body looks like a dirt bag's binder cover from high school metal shop, it doesn't bode well for you." on alleged Jesse James mistress, Michelle "Bombshell" McGhee

IT'S THE SNOWMAGEDDON!!!11!!

Today was the second (or was it third?) HUGE snow storm that we've gotten here in NJ. Gotta love global warming, right?

I did not go to work because there weather dot com told me I would be in "life-threatening peril" if I left my house. No doubt from polar bears and walruses and ice weasels. I spent the day downloading music and watching the first two Underworld movies. With commentary. Come, let me tell you about the HUGE, WEIRD CRUSH I have on Michael Sheen. Or as Sorsha calls it, my "Michael Sheen Pathology." And she's a mental health professional. She would know.

The first and third Underworld movies are delightfully terrible, just the thing to watch with friends and mock. The second one: Underworld: Evolution? Was an absolute TRIAL to get through and Sheen in in the damn thing for LITERALLY 10 seconds. Awesome. It's a dreadful movie. And I like Scott Speedman as much as the next heterosexual woman with a working optic nerve (TEAM BEN ALL THE WAY!!!), but even his sex scene was lousy. I'm sure glad that the director mentioned in the commentary that the latex suit Kate Beckinsale was wearing smelled like a giant condom. Because that's all I could think of. GREAT.

While I wouldn't exactly call the Underworld franchise a feat of feminist filmmaking, I do enjoy that no one seems to bat an eye at Beckinsale's Selene kicking ass and taking names AND being a girl. They never even mention it. I mean, she's not a human woman, she's a vampire so it's not like she's striking a blow for the average woman. And she's wearing a shiny catsuit that looks like they spraypainted it on her, but still. I'll take my tiny victories where I can get them.

My Obsession With "The Terminator" Series or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned To Love The Robot

HA! I started this back when Terminator: Salvation was in the theaters. I suck. Sorry! Mame and I will try to get back to regular posting again soon. We've both been so busy! SORRY.

So, there's a new Terminator movie out! Yay! I am a total FREAK for the Terminator movies (Well, for the first two movies, anyway). The way some people are about Star Trek? I'm that way about The Terminator. I first saw The Terminator when I was about 6 years old. It made quite an impression on me and remains to this day, my favorite movie. Unfortunately, I am ridiculously geeky about it and am fiercely protective of the characters. I managed about half of one episode of The Sarah Connor Chronicles because turning it off because it didn't fit into my view of that particular fictional universe. I know, I know. (But...BUT!!! John Connor is NOT a whiny little bitch! Kyle Reese did NOT have a BROTHER. Sarah Connor would NOT shack up with Ryan O'Reily, OK.)

Sorry about that. Anyway, The Terminator is a sci-fi action film set in the early 80s. Linda Hamilton plays Sarah Connor, a regular girl with a crappy waitressing job and a jerk boyfriend. (Later in the series, it's stated that Sarah is 19 years old. Which I'll go with that since the movie tells me so, but Hamilton was a good 10 years older than that when they made the film. Just sayin'.) She's not especially tough or ass-kicking. She's cute and funny and nice and has a hilarious 80s shag haircut. But that's about it. But there are two men looking for her, one a giant Austrian bodybuilder (Played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) and the other an intense blond guy a trench coat and messy hair (Paging EGT! More about him later, I promise). Both men are dodgy and heavily armed. We see that the enormous Austrian is killing all the ladies in the phone book named Sarah Connor. This is not looking good for our girl.

So, after many bullets fly and several women mistaken for Sarah Connor are dead, the hot blond guy (Did I forget to mention that he is HOT?) finds Sarah and saves her life. His name is Kyle Reese and he's a soldier sent from the future to protect her. The guy trying to kill her is a Terminator, a metal robot wearing a person suit, also sent from the future. She has been "targeted for termination" because she will give birth to John Connor who will lead the human revolution in the war against the machines. Sarah is understandably dubious regarding this turn of events. But Kyle convinces her and they go on to kick ass, our girl Sarah finding all sorts of reserves of strength and awesomeness that she didn't know she had.

It's SUCH a great movie; tightly plotted, action-packed, well-written and suspenseful. There is not an ounce of fat on this screenplay, everything that is in it is there for a reason. It handles the time travel aspect extremely well and in an innovative way. Also, there is quite a bit of exposition that has to be delivered and I feel like it's done really well. There's tons of information that the viewer needs to know about this particular apocalyptic future and that could get boring fast and it doesn't. As for the Terminator effects...well. It WAS made 25 years ago (DAMN. 25 YEARS AGO?!) and you kind of have to make allowances for that. But the Terminator endoskeleton is still TERRIFYING.

Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese are great characters. Kyle Reese was my first love, seriously, when I was a little girl. He's tough, hot, smart, TOTALLY BADASS and not afraid to defer to a woman or allow her to take charge. (I appreciated similar qualities in another character that Michael Biehn played, Cpl. Hicks in Aliens. Call me, Michael Biehn*!) Kyle protects Sarah and teaches her how to blow shit up, but never condescends to her. It's awesome.

And Sarah Connor. Oh, Sarah Connor, you have been the pinnacle of badass women for over 25 years. You have shown sexually confused girls the way toward happy bisexualism (...so I've heard). You are the perfect balance of mother/warrior. That's one of the best things about Sarah. She's not just famous for giving birth to The Legend John Connor. She didn't just gestate him and then hand him over to like, a team of ninjas. She raised him and taught him all his badass robot-destroying skills. And she was just a regular girl before the Terminator showed up on her doorstep. She didn't now how to load a gun or blow up a warehouse or steal a credit card. She learned, taught her son and then he will save the world.

Now, I know some people will insist that Terminator 2 is the superior movie. To those people, I say, "BAH." The effects are superior and they are still pretty damned astonishing. But there're some plot holes there and too much Arnold and it's just, to me, not as good at the first. The third movie was...better than I expected. It's not awesome, but it's not terrible either. There's a really interesting story there about John Connor living off the grid, as a homeless dude because he's totally adrift that his life's mission has been averted. Unfortunately, that's not the story the filmmaker wanted to tell. Alas.

I can't wait for Terminator: Salvation to come out on DVD! Christian Bale and Sam Worthington! WOOOO!

*I met Michael Biehn at a horror con over the summer. I know, I'm a total nerd. It was pretty great. He was really nice and I managed not to be creepy at him. Success!

It's Banned Books Week -- Go Piss Someone Off With A Book!

Hey babies, it's Banned Books Week! I LOVE Banned Books Week! Because I can feel like a revolutionary just by curling up with a cup of tea and a copy of Harry Potter. HAHAHA! Plus, this blog is named after a flagship banned book Flowers in the Attic. So, naturally, the topic is dear to my and Mame's hearts.

I just don't understand the mentality of banning books. It's a BOOK. It already exists. Banning it doesn't poof it into the ether. If you don't want your kid to read it, TELL your kid he or she can't read it. If you don't want anyone else to read it, fuck you. We grown-ups can all decide for ourselves what we can and can't read.

I can think of exactly three books that my mother told me I wasn't allowed to read when I was a kid: The World According to Garp, the uncut version of The Stand and My Sweet Audrina. She told me I would be allowed to read them when I was 13 or so. I did read them when I was 13. She was right. They were above my maturity level, even then. You know what? The parts that I didn't understand went riiiight over my sweet little head. When I reread them as an adult, I kind of went, "Oh. OHHH. WOW. OK."

So, I pulled up the list of the 100 Most Frequently "Challenged" Books from 1990-1999, the era when I was pretty much under my own supervision as far as books went. My mom wasn't at all into censoring my reading but once I hit my teens, I could read whatever. And did! Here are some of my favorites from the list:

• Earth's Children (series) by Jean M. Auel; You know, The Clan of the Cave Bear, etc. Heh, I love these books. Except for the last one, Shelters of Stone. That one kind of sucked. I remember the conversation thread about these books on the sadly defunct yet fondly remembered Fametracker forums. Someone made the comment that these books could "provide QUITE the sexual education." HA. SO. TRUE. I guess that's why they're frequently banned!
  
• A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. I...have no idea why this book would be banned. It's a story about how love and friendship can overcome any obstacle. That's bad because...why? I may be a bit biased because it's one of my favorite books EVER, but I just don't get it.
• Go Ask Alice by "Anonymous." AHAHAHAHA. This terrible book! I can't believe it gets banned. Doesn't this seem like EXACTLY the kind of book that people who ban books would want kids to read? All about the evils of sex, drugs, rock and/or roll music and not listening to your parents! Plus, it's a total fake.
• The Bluest Eye and Beloved by Toni Morrison. Riiight. Because these aren't important works of literature or anything. One is a book about child abuse and racism and the other is about slavery. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DISTURBING.
  
• Ordinary People by Judith Guest. Uh, do kids read that book? Seriously?
• Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. Yes, God forbid that young girls be aware of what's going on with their bodies. SHOCKING.
  
• The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Yeah, everyone needs to read this book. No one should ever watch the movie. But the book? Totally.
• The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Ok, this book isn't literature or anything. But it's very readable and still connects with kids today. It was written in 1967! Now THAT'S longevity and it obviously still has something to say. Plus, the movie is a total gift to the Kevin Bacon Game. (Tom Cruise was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. You're welcome.)

So, tell us about your favorite banned books!

Movie Review: "Jennifer's Body"

S0, I said to Sorsha one day last week, "Um...you wouldn't want to go see that movie Jennifer's Body, by any chance, would you?" and her response was, "YES." We were all set for mockery and derision! What's more fun than a bad horror movie at almost-Halloween? But, you guys! It's actually a really good movie! We were stunned!

I don't like Diablo Cody much. I pretty much disliked Juno and don't watch her show. I find her column in Entertainment Weekly annoying. But I really liked Jennifer's Body and her script is a large part of why. Some of her pop culture references grated like they did in Juno but not as badly. I found the movie to be an interesting somewhat-deconstruction of horror movies with a feminist bent. Seriously, they should show Jennifer' Body in a double feature with Teeth for cautionary tales of what happens when you fuck with girls.

My only opinion of Megan Fox going into the movie was 1. She's very pretty 2. Shut the fuck up about her. I despised the first Transformers movie and obviously wasn't going to bother with the sequel. Which, from what I heard, was right choice. (19%? Ouch!) But Fox is really good in Jennifer's Body! Her character, the titular Jennifer (See what I did there?) is possibly a demon or something. She hits just the right balance between vapid teenage girl and you know, boy-eating demon. (I'm not spoiling you for anything that wasn't in the trailer, calm down.) It's a very fun performance. And my GOD, is she pretty. Like, stupidly pretty.

I already adored Amanda Seyfried. She was Lilly Kane! She's very, very good as Jennifer's geeky, put-upon best friend, Needy. She suspects something's...amiss with her best friend early on in the game but doesn't fly into action until her cute boyfriend Chip* is threatened. To either be eaten or stolen. You know, either way. Seyfriend is also extremely pretty. Though that raspberry-colored prom dress HAS to go, ok?

But my very, very favorite performance in the movie? Comes from Adam Brody as the douchebag, wanna-be rock star who starts all this shit. He was HILARIOUS. Why doesn't he get more roles? He's very likeable. And looks hot in eyeliner.

Anyway, Jennifer's Body isn't really that scary. It's got a few creepy moments and jump-out-at-you scares and it's plenty gory. But it's really more funny. Sorsha and I laughed hysterically for most of the movie and I almost spit out my Coke at one point. I wish IMDB had more memorable quotes listed because there were PLENTY and I'd like to giggle at them at my leisure. Though there is one scene with Jennifer flashing a slow, creepy smile right into the camera that had me flinching back. Well done, Ms. Fox. Well done!

The negative reviews that the movie is recieving are pissing me off. Most of them seem to totally miss the point of the movie and to be like, offended by its existence. Which, ok, way to overreact. I think the problem is partially Cody and Fox, two over-exposed personalities, to be sure. But they're really good here! Give them a chance! Also, sorry, but I chalk a lot of it up to sexism. Sexist assholes who just want to dismiss any work by women. And this is a movie written, directed and mostly starring women. Oh, I'm sorry. Are women talking here? Are we BOTHERING YOU? Are we getting our GIRLINESS all over your HORROR MOVIES? SORRY. Except not really.

Ahem. That was a bit tedious. Anyway, go see Jennifer's Body. It's a good time.

*Ha, I was reading Roger Ebert's review of the movie and he was all, "Of course Chip's a good guy. His name is Chip Dove. Who would name a bad guy Chip Dove?" HA. Um, John Irving would. And did. That made me giggle.

Thursday Night TV...WOOO!

A brief conversation between my and my brother, BW:

BW: Dude. You aren't watching The Vampire Diaries, are you?
Me: Yes! HAHAHA! I hope it's terrible!
BW: Yeah, I think you'll get your wish...

(So far, it's pretty bad and bearing almost NO resemblance to the books. Bah. Blatant Twilight rip-off, which is just...sad. And I think I despise the girl playing Elena.)

Also, tonight is the season premiere of Supernatural! I stumbled over this Open Letter to Eric Kripke last night and...OH MY GOD, DO I AGREE. Seriously, Supernatural writers, try to be less douchy. I love your show but I'm tired of feeling guilty about it because of the consistent racism and misogyny. Enough already. I know you all aren't stupid and you really can't pretend that you don't KNOW that you're doing it. And even if you weren't aware, more discerning fans have been pointing it out for years. STOP. REALLY. I'd like my eye candy and my horror homages and my dark plot twists to be less RAGE-INDUCING. Thanks!

Also, how much am I going to go see Fame? HA. SO MUCH. I absolutely adore a good peforming arts high school drama! I even rented that one with Hillary Duff...which lasted about 10 minutes because it was TERRIBLE. And Center Stage is one of my favorite movies! HA.

What is WRONG with me?!

Today I gave my coworker Corey a tutorial of which Jonas brother is which and how old they are. While holding up the copy of Seventeen* magazine that features them on the cover.

I...WHY DO I KNOW THIS? WHYYYYYYY?!?!? I feel like I can somehow blame Perez Hilton for this.

I feel sure of it.

*We get it at the office. I don't have a subscription, I swear. Seventeen used to be a great magazine for teenage girls. You know, back when I was a teenager. I remember they used to have great articles about things like abortion rights, sexual harassment and drugs. They used to have that great "Sex and Your Body" column. Yeah, not so much anymore. It's all Jonas brothers and makeup tips. And New and Different Ways to Hate Your Body. Sorry, current teenage girls. Sucks to be you.

Summer Movie Round-Up

I've been inspired by the lovely, ginger and only occasionally rude Sorcha's driveby post of summer movie reviews. This has been a great summer for movies! I've seen a million already!

• Star Trek: LOVED IT. I was never a huge fan of the television show, I liked The Next Generation but that was it. More of a Battlestar Galactica girl over here, you know? But this is a terrific movie. Awesome cast, great script, fun storyline. The "twist" they use to differentiate this iteration of films from the original series is nothing short of brilliant. If this ends up being Leonard Nimoy's final appearance as Spock, I think that's ok. It's a lovely, intelligent, dignified performance. (I know people were bummed about Shatner not having a role in the new film, but seriously. I don't see him showing up and being dignified. Do you?) I plan to drag Mame and BW to see it this weekend even though neither of them like sci fi. Also, I wept through the first 10 minutes. For the next movie, however? MORE SIMON PEGG. ALWAYS MORE SIMON PEGG.
  
• X-Men Origins: Wolverine: A decent movie. Good action sequences, fun performances from everyone. I didn't expect a whole lot and was pleasantly surprised. I loved Ryan Reynolds, but then I ALWAYS love his smartass schtick. And Hugh Jackman is truly a humanitarian. These are troubled times and the only way he can help is by removing his shirt. And he does. A lot. And the slightest provocation. And the world is a better place for it. Thanks, Hugh!
• Terminator Salvation: Loved it. Saw it twice. Apparently, I'm the only one, but that's ok. Christian Bale was pretty great and a total BAD ASS. And I loved Bryce Dallas Howard's steely Earth mama routine. And helloooo Sam Worthington. I didn't think anyone was allowed to be hotter than Christian Bale but I stand corrected! And I adored Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese and that's no small feat. Kyle Reese was my first love and I am VERY protective of him. And Yelchin was pretty great in Star Trek as well. Good for him! (My epic Terminator post is still in the works, I promise!)
  
• Drag Me To Hell: HA! This was a ton of fun. It was pure, old school Sam Raimi and I loved every second. It was completely disgusting and hilarious and made me jump out of my seat and screech more times that I can count.
  
• Up: I think I've made my thoughts on this movie clear. The most wonderful movie ever.
• The Hangover: SO. GODDAMN. FUNNY. Zach Galifinakis is practically a national treasure* and Bradley Cooper needs to show up to decorate every movie. Mame, BW and I have been quoting this movie at each other for weeks now.
  
• Away We Go: Lovely, lovely movie. Funny and sweet and full of great performances. I want you all to know that Mame cried. (Mame! The dad with all the adopted kids was played by the same guy who played Lawyer Ted on Six Feet Under. That's where we knew him from!)

What movies have you seen so far this summer?

*Why isn't "Between Two Ferns" a real show? I'd watch it every week! Though Mame will be amused to know that I still found the one with Michael Cera too uncomfortable to watch a second time. I tried! I couldn't do it! STOP TICKLING HIM.

Geeky Movies, More Knitting and How I Broke My Own Face

Well. THAT was dramatic, wasn't it? I'm probably done being cranky and yelling at...no one. (YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN! AND TURN DOWN THAT MUSIC.)

So, what's happened lately? Well...I'm making a stripey scarf! It's going...hmmm. It's going, at any rate. It's going to be dark purple, medium purple and light blue. (I laid the colors out on the floor at the yarn store to make sure it looked ok. They love me there.) I'm sure I'm making a million beginning knitter mistakes, but it's fun and it doesn't look terrible. I say "beginning knitter mistakes" because every time I google some problem I'm having (e.g. WHY ARE MY STITCHES SO TIGHT? WHY DO I HAVE AN EXTRA STITCH? WHY DO I SUCK AT THIS?!), the answer always starts with, "This is a common knitting mistake for beginners..." Whatever, don't condescend to me, maaan.

On Sunday, I ran into a truck. With my face. Yeah, it would have more dignity if I'd hit it with my car. But no. I was walking along and walked into the open window of the cap of my stepdad's pickup truck. I have a bruise on my forehead and a little cut on the bridge of my nose. I'm awesome.

And I've seen Star Trek and the Wolverine movie. (What the hell is it called? Origins: Wolverine or something?) Both were AWESOME. I'll get reviews up soon, I know you can't wait. Since many of the characters in Star Trek spend a goodly bit of the movie with bruises on their faces, I felt a kinship with them...

Postscript To My Boston, Um, Post

I forgot! Dr. Smarty-Pants started teaching me how to knit! One of my New Year's Resolutions this year was to learn how to knit. It seems fun and productive and I'd like to have a useful skill for when the zombie apocalypse comes. I could knit scarves and hats for the humans who remain and also fight off zombies with my knitting needles! It's a completely brilliant plan!

So far, knitting is fun and Dr. Smarty-Pants was VERY patient in teaching me. But I totally suck at it. I got Knitting For Dummies out of the library and it's been somewhat helpful. But I have little-to-no spatial relation skills, so reading how to knit doesn't always work. I need someone to show me. Over and over and over. Until the light over my head flickers for awhile and then goes on. I finally figured out how to transfer my knitting from one needle to the other...and then promptly dropped like, a million stitches and then yelped, "OH FUCK!!!" Then I switched from metal needles to bamboo ones. It's been much better since then. One might also debate the wisdom of giving me too many sharp, pointy objects...

Maybe in ten years, I can make all you guys hats or something! Stay tuned for more of my Thrilling Adventures In Knitting!

It's My Birthday And Apparently, I *Will* Cry If I Want To.

So, my 30th birthday is fast approaching. I'm not a big birthday person, I'm of the Patton Oswalt "We need to conserve cake and paper" opinion about them. I don't really care about turning 30 either. I'm pretty sure I'll be the same geeky weirdo who enjoys age-inappropriate pop culture who went to bed 29 years old and woke up 30. Still a Twilight fan? Check. Still rockin' out to My Chemical Romance? Check. Reading comics? Yup. Powerpuff Girls? Uh-huh. Watching "Gossip Girl?" You betcha. Fuck putting away childish things. What fun would that be? I still want that tattoo and nose piercing and maybe this is the year I'll woman up and do it!

The past few years as my birthday approaches, I always remember a birthday that was especially significant for me. No, not my 18th. I don't even remember that one, really. (No, I wasn't drunk. I just don't remember how I celebrated it) Not my 19th, which I would still rate as my best birthday. And definitely not my 21st, which was, of course, spent in a bar. There was that momentary thrill of "Oooh, now I can drink LEGALLY!" but that passed and drinking lost most of its already limited appeal once it was no big thing. For me, the most important birthday (so far!) was my 23rd. I know, right? Who gives a shit about 23 years old?

Lemme 'splain...no, no, there's too much. Lemme sum up.

I was living in Grim City the year after I graduated from college. I'd had the bright idea that it would be SUPER AWESOME to move in with my college boyfriend and live in this city and go to grad school. Well, grad school plans fell through (Due to poor planning on my part and lack of funds) and I had a shitty job that I hated. Well, I had two jobs, one shitty that I hated where my boss couldn't stand me and treated me poorly but worked me like crazy and one that was totally fun but paid very little. The awesome job was working nights and weekends in an indie video store. Seriously, that job and the people I worked with there kept me smiling. That, and the Powerpuff Girl puppets that I made. (No, really, they were adorable) At this particular time, Mame and I were not on speaking terms, which totally blew. (Clearly, we got over that. Yay!) [We do not SPEAK of that time, BEA! -Mame] I haaaaaated Grim City. I missed my family and my college friends. And my relationship went south in a really long, drawn-out and miserable fashion. Oh, but the best part? We still had to live together. Yeah, that ruled. GREAT PLANNING, BEA. I was the Dramatic Girl Who Is In A Bad Relationship. I cried a lot and pretty much everyone in my life was sick to death of hearing about it. I was sick to death of it and I knew I had to get over myself but I had very little idea of how to do that.

Now that we're all caught up...it was my birthday. I was hundreds of miles away from my family and most of my friends. My closest Grim City friends, Josephine and Sweet were out of town. I couldn't be in the same room as Ex, let alone expect any kind of birthday wishes from him. (Seriously, if he'd gotten me a cake or something, I would have had had it tested for poison and/or bodily fluids)

So, I'm trudging home from work, miserable and self-pitying and griping to myself about none of my friends being around and blah blah, being a huge baby. And then I had an epiphany. IT WAS NO ONE'S RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE ME HAPPY BUT MY OWN. It wasn't Sweet's or Josie's job to make sure I was entertained on my birthday nor was it anyone else's. If I was miserable, that was my own fault. So, I sat down for a bit and thought about what I would like to do with my evening. Sadly, this took some thinking. Most of my time lately had been spent at work, on my way to or from work, crying, complaining or having pointless, painful conversations with Ex. I decided I wanted to go to the library and then get takeout from this awesome Mexican restaurant that was around the block from my apartment. (I'd been avoiding that place because Ex and I used to like to go there. Yeah, really.) And that's what I did. Then I came home, watched some tv, messed around with my scrapbooking stuff and read. It was a good night.

Don't get me wrong, I was still a fucking wreck for a long while after that. But that was an important lesson. Even though I look back at that particular time in my life and cringe until I almost break my spine, I probably wouldn't change a thing. If I could hop in the Tardis, I'd leave it all the same. Because I learned. I always thought that Eleanor Roosevelt quote about no one being able to make you feel inferior without your consent was victim-blaming. I still kind of do. Sometimes people are just dicks and being around people who are dicks makes you feel like shit. (There's a Team America: World Police joke here, but I can't quite get to it...) But there's some truth to it. If you let people treat you badly, that's what they'll do. If you define yourself by someone else's reactions to or feelings about, you, well. There you go.

These days, I have a quietly pleasant life. I have an awesome family and great friends. I have a job that I like and find satisfying. I have hobbies and things I like to do and I mostly don't care what anyone thinks about it. I haven't had a screaming fight that ended with me throwing a chair in years.

So, hey. Happy fucking birthday to me, right? (Seriously, though. We don't want to run out of cake and paper!)

Movie Review: Watchmen

**Mildly spoily. I won't reveal the central mystery or endgame or anything but smaller plot points are fair game**

Months ago, I was at a movie with my brother, BW. I think it might have been The Dark Knight, but I'm not sure. Anyway, they showed the awesome original trailer for Watchmen. I'd seen it online of course, because I'm a geek, but seeing it on the big screen was SO cool. And I'm bouncing in my seat with glee. BW looks over at me and says, "You know, if you got pregnant TOMORROW, you'd have the baby before that movie comes out. I'm just sayin'." I glared at him and told him to shut it. Then we saw the preview for Terminator: Salvation and I bounce with glee some more. (I LOVE the Terminator series) And BW says, "Hey look! Another movie you can bring your newborn to!" I threw popcorn at him. (Also, I think someone really wants to be an uncle. Whatever, you'll have to keep waiting, dude!)

So, fast-forward the average gestational period of a human being, and I'm sitting in a theater with my mom and BW. I've been looking forward to this for MONTHS. EGT can vouch that whenever we've watched tv together over IM and saw a Watchmen preview, I'd scream-type "WATCHMEN!!!111!!!" She's very patient. So, the movie...LOVED IT! I mean really, there wasn't much chance that I wouldn't. But yeah, it pretty much lived up to all my expectations and then some.

Watchmen, as you know unless you've been living in a hole or aren't a geek or loved one of a geek, is the long-awaited film adaptation of a much-beloved graphic novel. The graphic novel is SO awesome. As great as the movie is, it really can't touch the muti-layered brilliance of the novel. Seriously, go read it. The movie opens with the murder of the Comedian/Edward Blake played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan who also was Daddy Winchester on Supernatural. Yeah, he's not as nice here. He gets his ass kicked and then tossed out a window and you can't say he didn't have it coming. Blake used to be part of a few crimefighting teams of masked avengers until they were outlawed some time ago.

The world of Watchmen is an alternate universe in which the U.S. won in Vietnam and is still embroiled in a bitter nuclear arms race with Russia. Richard Nixon is on his 5th term in office and the Doomsday Clock is set at five minutes to midnight...like it is in our current world. (I read a review that talked about how unrealistic and unrelatable Watchmen is because it's nothing like our current world and we don't even fight with Russia anymore and no one worries about nuclear war, anyway! Um. It's nice in that guy's world, isn't it? Why do idiots get to review movies...says the girl writing a movie review. QUIET, YOU.) Former masked heroes Dr. Manhattan/Jon Osterman and Ozymandias/Adrian Veidt are working together to develop an alternate energy source and make everyone with nuclear weapons chill the hell out.

Arriving stealthily under the cover of darkness to investigate the Comedian's death is Rorschach/Walter Kovachs, a former...coworker? I guess? of his. RORSCHACH IS MY VERY FAVORITE. And that was my favorite sequence in the graphic novel. He's one of those fictional characters that I want to follow around, eating popcorn and giggling in horrified delight at all the awful things he says. (Gene Hunt from the U.K. version of Life on Mars is another) Seriously, he's awesome. Uncompromising, right-wing, rigid, equally judgmental of the people who saves and who he saves them from; he really doesn't like anyone. He dislikes slightly less some of his fellow crime fighters, as long as they still fight crime. Rorschach is totally paranoid, possibly a sociopath and wears a creepy black and white mask. He partially narrates the film with raspy entries from his journal. Jackie Earle Haley does a PHENOMENAL job with the role. His is probably my favorite performance in the film.

Rorschach tries to round up all the remaining former heroes, but they aren't having it. He goes to Dr. Manhattan, the giant naked blue guy and his former (very!) jailbait girlfriend Silk Spectre II/Laurie Jupiter. Doc was on the wrong end of a scientific experiment and now he's pretty much omnipotent and can see his past, present and future at once. (Like the Doctor!) Billy Crudup plays him and does a brilliant job. And I hate saying that about him. YOU KNOW WHY, BILLY. In spite of the C.G.I. all over him, Crudup still manages a surprising nuance of expression and a soft, semi-bored voice. Well, who wouldn't find omniscience boring? Rorschach manages to, well, I'd say "piss off" but really "mildly annoys" Dr. Manhattan, who then teleports his pissy little ass on out of his giant government facility lab.

Anyway, plot plot plot, who's killing former masked avengers, who has a secret agenda, who doesn't, why is everyone such an asshole, when will the world end, fight fight fight. It's a very good time. All the actors are really great and I have to mention Patrick Wilson as Nite Owl II/Dan Dreiberg, kind of a dorky but nice guy, sort of still longing for the good old crimefighting days. Wilson gives him an interesting vulnerability. I am SUCH a huge Patrick Wilson fan, loved him in Angels in America, Hard Candy and God help me, Phantom of the Opera. (...Shut up) He's awesome here and you know, naked a lot. Have fun with that, kids!

Speaking of kids, OH MY GOD, WATCHMEN IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE FILM FOR CHILDREN UNDER 5 YEARS OLD. NO. And also, I just want to let anyone who hasn't seen the movie who is still reading this thing (thanks for that!) know, there is a very nasty attempted rape scene in the movie. (It's as well-done as it could be and actually integral to the plot and not really cheap exploitation) If that kind of thing bothers you, take a bathroom break. You'll need it, the movie's a fucking million years long. You'll see it coming, take a powder. Shakesville points out that very few film reviews have mentioned it; most are too busy talking about Dr. Manhattan's blue penis. Hey, a rape scene is nothing, but a dude seeing another dude's dick? NO, THANK YOU. Ugh, whatever.

The music in the film is a bit of a mixed bag. "Hallelujah," though it's one of my favorite songs, made me wince. I just don't think you can use it anymore in films or tv, really. The title sequence set to "The Times, They Are A-Changing" is a thing of BEAUTY. Seriously, it's amazing and does a lovely job of showing you the world that you are about the spend time in. And of course, My Chemical Romance's cover of "Desolation Row" plays over the closing credits and YOU KNOW I was bouncing in my chair. It's pretty great.

Watchmen is visually stunning and features some awesome, gory, bone-crunching fight scenes. Some of the fights are a little over-the-top; these guys, with the exception of Dr. Manhattan, DON'T have superpowers. But I'm totally willing to overlook that because it was so fun to watch. It's full of little details and treats for readers of the graphic novel, but I think it's accessible enough those who didn't read it. But if you saw the movie and enjoyed it? Read the book. Seriously. I'll loan you my copy! (Maybe)