So. Um. Wow, Where Does The Time Go?

Oh, I'll TELL you where it goes...it goes into Facebook, the world's biggest time suck ever. Seriously, if there is an American Gods-ish Facebook god, I am keeping it very well-fed. I blame Mame for this. Apparently, everyone I've ever met in my life is on there. Good times.

Hmmm...what's been going on around here? Made it back from vacation with the family on the Outer Banks. Hey, did you know that the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel is 23 miles long? A little PSA from me to you. So that when you are driving across it, you won't look around to see your car entirely surrounded by water with no end in sight and ask your mother, "Uh...how long IS this thing*?" to have her airily say, "Oh, 20 miles?" You're welcome! Actually, it was sort of fun, like driving a roller coaster.

It's very pretty on the Outer Banks. A bit buggy this year. Everyone from the island seemed extremely apologetic about that fact. I was all, "Whatev, I'm from Jersey, as least these mosquitos doesn't give you mutant superpowers, AMIRITE?!"

I got a large proportion of my family watching True Blood. My mom brought her season 1 DVDs down and I hectored Bri into watching them because Bri, as she would say, "loves that hot vampire shit." Yeah, I don't want to know either. She loved it: predictable. Not so predictable? My uncles Claudius and Jazz and teenage cousin *** (Because I am TOTALLY blanking on a nome de blog for him right now. Someone help me out with that?) were all into it too. Heh.

We watched lots of movies too. The uncles were appalled that I'd never seen The Big Lebowski and set to remedy that straightaway. I liked it; it was very amusing and confounding. I'm not prepared to start a RELIGION around it the way some people seem to be, but it was fun. I brought The Midnight Meat Train with me, thinking it would be fun to watch with Uncle Jazz because he's a big horror movie buff like me. He'd already seen it but consented to watching it again with me and Bri. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! That movie is HILARIOUS. It's not good, but it's not terrible either. It's plenty gory and has some good kills and wacky camera angles. Bradley Cooper is SMOKIN' HOT as always. I recommend it but only if you are a hardcore horror fan. The story is ridiculous and the characters do things that make no sense and the ending -- AHAHAHAHAHA! Then we watched Slither, which Homer has been after me since forever to watch. It was pretty great. I love Nathan Fillion.

I've been going to the movies quite a bit this summer. It's one of my favorite things to do and there's been a pretty good selection this year. I've seen:

• Public Enemies with Sorcha. It was good times, Johnny Depp was MADE for that kind of period dress. See? The movie itself is overlong, but good. LOTS of gunfire. SO MANY BULLETS. Christian Bale was hot too, once you get past the fact that his character is named "Melvin Purvis." Was there ever an unsexier name? I think not.
  
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: It's a good movie and I liked it. I don't have a whole lot to say about it like I don't have a whole lot to say about the book. The book is sort of a place-holder and so is the movie. I will say that I continue to be sort of confused by the pacing of these movies. They leave out SO MUCH, which is understandable since the books are a million pages long. But then they make up stuff that wasn't in the books when they could just...use stuff that they left out. I don't know? And sometimes stuff they leave in doesn't seem nearly as important as what they leave out. Like, the whole Ron/Lavendar subplot goes on for WAY too long. I mean, yeah, it's amusing and gives Rupert Grint a chance to be goofy and Dumbledore a funny line, but really? And the half-blood prince thing is barely covered? Ok.
  
• (500) Days of Summer; I was totally psyched for this the first time I saw the preview. I adore Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. I love quirky romances. They played a couple in Manic, a film I adore and I was pleased to see them play one again. I love The Smiths. (Although, really. Who doesn't?) THEN, I FOUND OUT. SPENCER REID IS IN IT, YOU GUYS. DONE. It's a really cute movie, you should go see it. SPENCER REID!!! Ahem.
• The Hurt Locker: the best movie I've seen all year. Honestly, I can't imagine another movie being better. I DEMAND Academy Award nominations for Kathryn Bigelow, Anthony Mackie and most of all, Jeremy Renner. One one hand, it's an intense, suspenseful action movie where lots of shit gets blown up and hot men are being stoic and competent. (Seriously, Ralph Fiennes has a cameo and I've never seen him look hotter.) On the other hand, it's this heart-breaking look at the effects of war and its costs. These soldiers are in life-threatening situations at every moment. They literally have to kill or be killed. A split-second hesitation or minor misreading of a situation could cost them or their fellow soldiers their lives. Your son/daughter/brother/sister/whatever wants to join the military? Make them watch this movie first. The last ten minutes felt like a kick to the stomach.

*That's what she said!

Phase IV - It's Home

It's been over a month now since we moved here, and I must say, it's been a lot easier than I ever could have thought. Lord bought himself a flat screen, hang on the wall, TV and gave Beau and I his 56" flat screen, not hang on the wall TV as a welcoming present. It's pretty damn cool, except for the fact that Lord doesn't have cable. Seriously. Well, almost seriously. The company he's with now only carries about 50 channels including all the bonus packages because the land that Lord built his house is out in the country, so the company never laid wires out there. We don't get Comedy Central, The Food Network, the Biography channel, nuthin. Lord has been complaining about it, but has done nothing. Now that I'm here and complain openly about it, he's in talks with Beau to get a satellite dish because he's mad "with the service he gets now. "

Glow Bug has adjusted nicely. We set his bed up here and he really began to realize that this was home now. He's fully potty trained now (even at night!!), and except for getting into bed with Beau and I rather than his own bed when he gets up in the middle of the night, it's been a huge blessing. Glow loves his new school. The women there are all wonderful and are there all day, so they can talk about anything that happens in his day. At the other school they changed shifts about three times during the course of the day and a lot of times they missed messages between the shifts so Glow would come home in a different outfit and no one could tell me if it was because he had an accident, got dirty, or had boric acid thrown on him. Now when I drop him off and pick him up it's the same two faces and they are full of stories for me. Also, they do their classes by half year, so he's in the "upper two" room now, and after his birthday he will be in the "new 3" room. I think that makes a lot of sense; it keeps the classes low and keeps all the same skill levels together: there is a BIG difference between a just turned two year-old, and an about to turn three year-old.

My new school is amazing. I love it. I love getting up in the morning and I don't even mind the twenty minute drive to work. It's been SUCH a long time since I've felt this way. I get up earlier than I have ever had to, and I drive a lot further than I've ever had to, but I don't mind it one bit.*

Beau is starting to get his footing with his new job. It's a lot more money, but a lot more work, too. He says he likes it, and he knows almost everyone around, so selling is going to be easier once he gets word out.

I've been thinking lately how really blessed I've been recently. It's weird, even the most tiny inconveniences have had such a good turnout. For instance: we have VERY limited closet space here, so I've had to match up outfits on hangers thus saving me time in the mornings, and making it so much easier to dress Glow Bug for Beau. I had to leave my favorite morning radio show in North Carolina, but they've just come out with online streaming, so I can listen at work. I have morning planning, so I can listen to almost the entire show.

Lord and Lady built their house in the middle of the country and it was so annoying to have to drive so far to go anywhere. Now we've saved money because we aren't going out places, and we've become a closer family because we're doing more 'hands-on' things. Beau built a fire pit and the entire family spent an hour or so the other night making S'mores and singing. Or how it takes three people to mow the lawn to get it done in a reasonable time, and Glow has a little play mower so he pretends to help too. It's been adorable. Every morning there are deer and rabbits running around as I leave the house, and I can't wait for the leaves to start to change.

You know, I've just reread this, and it's totally different then what I usually write. I hope you readers will still like it.

More later!!

*I've got some kick butt tunes to listen to now as well - thanks Bea!!

Phase III - Getting Ready

I got a job! Hallelujah ~ I got a job!! The town/school shares its name with a major weather disaster (West Virginia has: Tornado, Hurricane, Flood, etc.), but the school itself is adorable! I'll be teaching middle school for the first time; the students are either on grade level reading-wise or above, and it's the town that my late grandmother-in-law helped to develop so my name is very well known in the area. I'm looking forward to being pleasantly at ease for the first time ever at the start of the school year.

However, I have had this conversation with Bea:
Bea: How are you going to adjust going from an inner-city high school to a small town, middle school?
Me: Easily! I am so excited.
Bea: Or...
Me: Or I'll end up pinning some kid to the wall by October going, "Call me Bitch dammit!!"

So, it could go either way.

We have also found a school/daycare for Glow Bug. He is quickly becoming the outdoors man. He goes for walks with Duke by the river (or 'moat' as I call it), he's learning how to chase grasshoppers with the four-year old across the street, he prefers to pee outside, and has learned to outsmart Dame's mother to open the doors and get outside when she isn't looking. It will be good for him to get back to school and into a routine. As a mom, I am terrified for him to be the "new kid" although 2.5 year-olds generally get used to each other quickly. In my head I know that I've met his new teacher and she's adorable, I know that he is verbal and will tell us of any problems, and I know there won't be any. In my heart I see my little boy sad that we've dropped him off somewhere that he isn't used to, and not knowing anyone. I guess my worry makes me a good mother. Or an obsessive mother, either way.

I've forgotten how much I love the stillness here. It was one of the things I loved more than anything about going to college in West Virginia: at night, even during a crazy party, there was a stillness to the sky and world around you that I just can't describe. I love it here.

Again (partially because it worked last time), in honor of The Secret:
MY HOUSE WILL SELL BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!

Phase I - The Beginning

The first phase of our move has gone well. On Friday, July 25 Glow Bug, Agnes, and I loaded up our cars and headed out for West Virginia. Agnes in her car created played show tunes and sang loudly; Glow Bug and I wore headphones and listened to Veggie Tales and Raw Dog comedy, respectively.

My in laws' house (from here on known to all as Duke and Dame) is large and so peaceful. It is located on a lot of land and surrounded by a lake (I call it a 'moat'), so there is a lot of space for Glow Bug to run and play rather than sit in front of the TV. Dame's mother, the Lady, also lives here in her own space and has been watching Glow Bug during the day while Agnes and I drive around trying to find jobs.

Finding the jobs has, of course, been the hard part. My teaching license will transfer to West Virginia, but only after some paperwork, running around the state, calling North Carolina half a dozen times, and paying what seems to be, a lot of money.

It's a crazy long process, but I'm crazy and am used to waiting, so I'll make do. In the meantime, I am also looking in the good ole newspaper just in case. Agnes has become my personal assistant: riding in the car with me, helping me stuff envelopes, etc.

It's been a good move so far. Well, there is ONE bad side, but it is a major downside: there is no comedy central here. The only channel that I watch all the time, and it's gone. I may go crazy in a couple of more days.

Stay tuned.

A Day in the Life of One of My Students (male, springtime)

• Wake up
• change boxers
• put on gym shorts - pull them to waist and tie them tight to stay there.
• Trip over various XBOX 360games and hundred dollar shoes. Pick up jeans from the floor. Pull them to just below the crack of ass (top of thigh); use belt with overly decorative buckle to secure them there.
• Go to closet; look through hangers of plain, white, XXXXL tee shirts, and holler to mother, "Where is my new white tee?" When she explains that it's still in the trunk of her car, roll eyes and drop head dramatically. Decide to wear the plain, white, XXXXL tee on the hanger closest to the door because it is probably "the freshest."
• Rummage under bed to find the left show of the white-on-white Air Force Ones with the sock in the toe so as to prevent any unseemly creases on the toe of the shoe.
• Head to bus stop. Consider picking up one of the pens or pencils from the cup at the door, but ultimately decide against it because you don't feel like carrying it all day.
• While at bus stop, have a lengthy discussion with peers about the merits/demerits of Lebron James vs. Kobe Bryant.
• This argument lasts well through the bus ride, and on into the breakfast, wherein a dusty biscuit with a meat patty is joyfully referred to as a "sunrise sausage sandwich."
• Continue debate over Kobe vs. Lebron.
• Bell rings for first block. Consider putting trash into receptacle, but when KC makes a crack about Kobe's baby hook in the first quarter of last night's game, get distracted and leave trash on the table with everyone else's.
• In hall walk with peers shoulder to shoulder, thus preventing anyone from passing by, and causing a huge 'traffic jam' in the hall by the men's bathroom where you all like to 'hang out.'
• Be sure to join in on the jokes at the expense of the boy everyone agrees is homosexual, then laugh heartily when a peer slaps another in the groin and doubles over in pain. How fun!
• Continue to play this 'tagging' game of grabbing each other's crotch until the bell sounds again and you all go your separate ways to class.
• At various times through the day: make teachers give you a pencil, turn in your math homework (it's the sheet folded seven times in your pocket), reprise the 'tagging' game every time you see a peer in the hallway, complain about having to work with the smart boy in class, even if he is technically your cousin, hug random girls in the hall, text message your peers during the lecture of what will be on tomorrow's exam, continue the Kobe/Lebron discussion.
• At lunch, reassure coach that you're doing dine -and no you don't know why your English teacher would tell him you were coming unprepared to class. You've been there everyday, haven't you?!
• On the bus back to home, debrief with peers regarding what everyone heard happened in the club last night. This leads to a discussion of Kanye West vs. Usher. Agree that although Usher can move better, Kanye can dress! Oh, and make sure to make fun of that homosexual boy who quietly gets off at the next stop. Continue discussion of Kanye's 'style.'
• Once at home, explain to mother that you don't have time to go and buy a notebook for English - and why is this teacher harassing you so much?! Agree that you'll try to do better next time.
• Retire upstairs and play Xbox Live until you fall asleep some three hours later.

Repeat for next day!!

My Horrible Morning...or "Already?!"

If you look at the time/date stamp on this post you will notice that it is 9:27 AM on Tuesday (or thereabouts because of how long it's going to take me to rant and rave about this). Every day I take the highway to work - it's fast and efficient; however, today I decided to take the back road so that I could stop at McDonalds for a sweet tea and parfait (shut up). I'm cruising along, laughing to my morning radio show when I notice the familiar blue lights behind me. It has been a long time since I've been pulled over, so I paniked and pulled over. The police officer was on a motorcycle and was SO NICE. I handed him a handful of papers that included my registration, my license, my insurance cards, my old registration, my old insurance cards, my employee ID, and apparently some reciepts. He laughed and said, "You don't get pulled over much do you? That's a good thing. Don't worry about it, I'll sort through all this." As I apologized and tried to take the stack of goods back.

He explained that they are trying to crack down on speeders in a rural area because they've had some neighborhoods complain. MY NEIGHBORHOOD WAS THE ONE TO COMPLAIN!! I *practically* SPEARHEADED THAT CAMPAIGN!! Beau and I are always complaining about speeders in that area, and I'm the one that gets caught! Whatev. He was very nice and gave me a ticket and alluded to the fact that someone at my workplace might be able to help me out *wink*wink* He praised me on my clean record and that I could always ask for a 'prayer of judgement' and the court would give it to me no problem. Basically, it means that I won't get a ticket again for two years or else I will pay for that ticket AND this one AND any interest, etc. I'll see what I can do about that.

Then I get to work, late. Whatever it's excused because I show them my ticket. I get laughed at. Screw you. I get to my room, log on to the computer and get set up for the day. When I check my email I notice that I have a message to fill out a survey for my exit interview with the county. Whaaa? In case you didn't know, I am leaving my current post as head guard, I mean teacher of innercity youth and transferring to a new post of an actual TEACHER. I'm not leaving the county, I'm just transferring to a new school. It's going to be the same employer. So I call the person who sent me the email and she says, "Oh, did you fill out form E44 by accident?" I tell her that no, I did not fill out any forms except for the transfer form that was approved of by my boss and my new boss. She says, "Huh, I wonder why you got that email then? It's just computer generated." I tell her that makes me nervous, that the computer thinks I am resigning. She replys with, "Yeah, that is weird. Let me check on it and I'll get back to you. What's your name again?" She could care less. I give her my name and after a few minutes of back and forth between how to spell my name and which of the two people with my last name I am exactly, she hangs up. I email my new boss and his assistant, assuring them that I am still gung-ho for my new position, but I recieved this weird email and yadda yadda yadda.

Now I'm sitting here sweating and still paniking. I've got a nervous twitch about my future job, a speeding ticket in my back pocket, and I never got my sweet tea!!! I'm loosing my damn mind.

Happy Mother's Day, Ya'll....or how Mame is probably going to offend Beau in this post...

Happy Mother's Day! Even if you aren't a mother, I hope you had an enjoyable Sunday and remembered to call your mother or your mother-like friend. I had the best Mother's day ever. Granted, this is only my second Mother's day, but still it really trumped last year.
I love my husband, I really do. If there is anything you want, he'll get it for you - hands down. That being said, if left to his own devices, he isn't the best gift-giver. He's just a man that way. If I give him a list for my birthday or Christmas, he will buy everything on that list; however, if I say, "You know what I like, just get me anything." He will freeze up, and the male instinct will kick in and the rest is history.
So this year, I told Beau not to buy anything. I don't need a gift. Instead he and Glow Bug made me a breakfast and gave me cards (so cute, BTW), Agnes came over to babysit, and Beau and I had a day to ourselves. We went to see IRON MAN which was fantastic!! I love comic book movies. I'm so picky about my movies, and I don't like many of them, but I'll go and see a comic book movie in a heartbeat. Add to that the hottness which is Robert Downey, Jr. and I'm happy. Then Beau took me to get a pedicure and he waited in line to get a manicure (it didn't happen) and we spent the whole evening together as a family. It was such a great day.
I mean anyone can buy some flowers and have someone else make a cake, etc. but if you really know your mother or the mother of your children, don't buy anything. Seriously. This is how all Mother's days should be spent - doing exactly what will make the mother happy even if its not something you would like to do.

Vote DAMMIT!!

"It's the day of the primary ya'll!!"
I live in North Carolina, and today is our day to vote in the primary. This is a big deal. VOTE.
I took my two year old with me this morning. He was very quiet, but squealed with delight when I let him press the "VOTE" button and he watched the screen melt away and a happy face pop up confirming that I have utilized my voice as an American citizen. Did he have any idea what was going on? No, he's two. Am I going to instill in him the fact that this is a very important part of his life? Yes. Keep tuned in for updates as to who wins.