Tuesday, June 10, 2008

A Day in the Life of One of My Students (male, springtime)

  • Wake up
  • change boxers
  • put on gym shorts - pull them to waist and tie them tight to stay there.
  • Trip over various XBOX 360games and hundred dollar shoes. Pick up jeans from the floor. Pull them to just below the crack of ass (top of thigh); use belt with overly decorative buckle to secure them there.
  • Go to closet; look through hangers of plain, white, XXXXL tee shirts, and holler to mother, "Where is my new white tee?" When she explains that it's still in the trunk of her car, roll eyes and drop head dramatically. Decide to wear the plain, white, XXXXL tee on the hanger closest to the door because it is probably "the freshest."
  • Rummage under bed to find the left show of the white-on-white Air Force Ones with the sock in the toe so as to prevent any unseemly creases on the toe of the shoe.
  • Head to bus stop. Consider picking up one of the pens or pencils from the cup at the door, but ultimately decide against it because you don't feel like carrying it all day.
  • While at bus stop, have a lengthy discussion with peers about the merits/demerits of Lebron James vs. Kobe Bryant.
  • This argument lasts well through the bus ride, and on into the breakfast, wherein a dusty biscuit with a meat patty is joyfully referred to as a "sunrise sausage sandwich."
  • Continue debate over Kobe vs. Lebron.
  • Bell rings for first block. Consider putting trash into receptacle, but when KC makes a crack about Kobe's baby hook in the first quarter of last night's game, get distracted and leave trash on the table with everyone else's.
  • In hall walk with peers shoulder to shoulder, thus preventing anyone from passing by, and causing a huge 'traffic jam' in the hall by the men's bathroom where you all like to 'hang out.'
  • Be sure to join in on the jokes at the expense of the boy everyone agrees is homosexual, then laugh heartily when a peer slaps another in the groin and doubles over in pain. How fun!
  • Continue to play this 'tagging' game of grabbing each other's crotch until the bell sounds again and you all go your separate ways to class.
  • At various times through the day: make teachers give you a pencil, turn in your math homework (it's the sheet folded seven times in your pocket), reprise the 'tagging' game every time you see a peer in the hallway, complain about having to work with the smart boy in class, even if he is technically your cousin, hug random girls in the hall, text message your peers during the lecture of what will be on tomorrow's exam, continue the Kobe/Lebron discussion.
  • At lunch, reassure coach that you're doing dine -and no you don't know why your English teacher would tell him you were coming unprepared to class. You've been there everyday, haven't you?!
  • On the bus back to home, debrief with peers regarding what everyone heard happened in the club last night. This leads to a discussion of Kanye West vs. Usher. Agree that although Usher can move better, Kanye can dress! Oh, and make sure to make fun of that homosexual boy who quietly gets off at the next stop. Continue discussion of Kanye's 'style.'
  • Once at home, explain to mother that you don't have time to go and buy a notebook for English - and why is this teacher harassing you so much?! Agree that you'll try to do better next time.
  • Retire upstairs and play Xbox Live until you fall asleep some three hours later.

Repeat for next day!!


EGT said...

Interesting that boys so determined to make fun of another boy for being homosexual also take great pleasure in grabbing each other's crotches, which pretty much makes them borderline homosexual in their desire to intimately touch members of their own gender.

Auntie Mame said...

Why was I the only one to notice that?!