So...How've You Guys Been?

Ok, so, we haven't posted in a couple of weeks. Sorry about that, for the four of you who care. We've been BUSY, OK. And seriously, pop culture-wise? This summer's been BORING. So, here's a brief update of what's been going on in Bea-and-Mame-ville...

• I had been visiting Sid and Andie, since Andie'd been having pregnancy complications. If you are so inclined, please keep good thoughts for Andie and little as-yet-un-pseudonymed-baby boy.
• Mame, Beau and Glowbug are moving, so she's been ripping her house apart, threatening people and tearing her hair out. No really, it's fine. She had too much hair anyway.
  
• I've seen The Incredible Hulk and the Sex and the City movie. The former was AWESOME and the latter was fine. (But that naked guy that you've probably heard about? Totally worth the ticket price. Heheheh.)
  
• I'm watching Numb3rs from Netflix. (You have no idea how it pains me to spell it like that. Ugh. Fuck it. I'm spelling it correctly from now on.) I may have a teensy obsession with the math geek brother. WHO KNEW THAT THE KID FROM ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES WOULD GROW UP HOT?!? WHO?!? No, really. It's a very fun show.
  
• Also? I watched The Mist, which is an adaptation of a Stephen King novella. I'd liked the novella, DID NOT LIKE THE MOVIE. But hey. Don't listen to me. If you want to watch a movie that's really boring, has stupid special effects and then has an ending that made me yelp, "Oh, FUCK YOU!" then by all means. Watch it. JUST DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. Mame, warn Beau. You know he'll try to watch it. Ugh.
• My reading of the Avonlea series is going...slowly. Mame's reading of the Little House series is going...less slowly. She's actually kicking ass with it. She'd like me to compliment her excessively and perhaps talk about how she's better than me. That's not going to happen. She should know that, frankly.
  

Book Review and Summer Reading Challenge Updates!

(For those who care.)

So, sorry guys. I totally failed on reading Danielle Steel's The Ring. It was SO FUCKING BORING. And I refuse to put that much energy into forcing myself to read a trashy, poorly-written romance novel. So, no detailed book review on that one. Just this: it sucks. People have "lavender" eyes. Um. If I every run across a person with lavender eyes? I'm running the other fucking way.

But! I have procured the first four Avonlea books. Bite me, Mame, that's what I'm calling them. So, I should have the first one reread pretty soon. Also, after perusing the back cover of the second one, I think I've read that one, too. Yay!

It's ANNE OF GREEN GABLES NOT AVONLEA BEA!! Or, Auntie Mame's book reviews of her favorite Canadian series

Lucy Maude Montgomery wrote A LOT. Probably her most famous books, however, are the Anne of Green Gables series. To quote myself from the aforementioned comment "Joan bought Dolly the "Little House" series and bought me car-seat covers. Wait, that may have been two different Christmas's. Oh well. I never read the Little House books, partially because they were boring as all get out and partially because Joan went on and on about how her grandmother was friends with Laura Ingles Wilder and mentioned in the book. Because of how famously Joan lied, I was immediately disillusioned with the books and used them as a book end for the same brown bookcase for many a year. When a friend of mine bought me the "Anne of Green Gables" books I read them almost in defiance of Joan wanting me to read the "Little House" books (they were Canadian and apple farmers, as opposed to American settlers). I may be a little long-winded about some of the better books, but you'll understand.

ANNE OF GREEN GABLES:
I think everyone in the world knows what this story is about; basically, it covers Anne's first 5 years in the town of Avonlea, Prince Edward Island, Canada (hehe, they call their island PEI and I think that is adorable). She’s about 11 at the beginning when she is sent from an orphanage to the “Green Gables Estate” to work as a farm hand. It turns out that brother and sister Marilla and Mathew (HELLO VC Andrews!!) Cuthbert own Green Gables and sent to the orphanage for a ‘farm boy’ to help now that they are older. At first, Marilla wants to send Anne back, but she wins her over and she can stay. Anne’s antics throughout the book include her rivalry with Gilbert Blythe, dyeing her hair, using liniment rather than vanilla in a cake, and falling off of Mrs. Barry's roof. We meet her friends, Diana, Jane and Ruby all of whom she calls her ‘kindred spirits,’ her rivalries with the Pye sisters (Gertie and Josie), and of course her antics with Gilbert as they vie to be the best in the class. So much stuff happens in this book it is impossible to explain in one short paragraph. Basically you need to know that Gilbert is a nice guy and does everything he can for his BFF, Anne.

ANNE OF AVONLEA
This book is about Anne’s time in Avonlea from when she is sixteen to eighteen. Title of the book is fitting, because Anne is no longer simply "of Green Gables" as she was in the previous book, but now takes her place among the "important" people of Avonlea society, as its only schoolteacher. She is also a founding member of the A.V.I.S. (the Avonlea Village Improvement Society), which tries to improve (with questionable results) the Avonlea landscape. Marilla adopts twins. Davy and Dora. They are the children of Marilla's third cousin and she adopts them when their mother dies. Dora is a nice well behaved girl, while Davy is a little more of a handful and gets into many scrapes. I’m only lukewarm to this book; I’m not sure why, but it serves to introduce us to some hilarious townsfolk.

ANNE OF THE ISLAND – or as I call it, my favorite book of this series. Seriously.
Anne attends Redmond College in Kingsport, where she is studying for her BA. At first, she lives in a boardinghouse, but later shares a house with her old friends from Queen's, Priscilla and Stella, her new friend Phil (short for Phillipa) and Stella's Aunt Jamesina, who takes care of the house for the girls. Oh, yeah they have these three cats, Rusty, Joseph and Sarah-Cat. Anne gets to visit the home of her birth parents and learns about who she ‘would have been’ if it weren’t for Marilla.
We learn just what a hottie Annie is – three men are vying for her love. She gets her first proposal. Anne refuses, amused at this very unromantic first proposal (he asks her through his sister who is kinda friends with Anne). Then Charlie Sloane also proposes to her, but she turns him down. Then (finally) Gilbert proposes to Anne, telling her he loves her more than anything. Anne turns him down, saying that she can never love him and wants to continue to be friends. Gilbert remarks how friendship will never satisfy him and leaves saying he was deceived into thinking she did care. I know this sounds like ‘the same old story’ but remember – this was the FIRST story to do it!! Any who she meets Roy Gardner, and they court, but when Roy proposes, Anne realizes she can't marry him; mainly because he doesn't have a sense of humor. She graduates and goes home to Avonlea only to learn that Gilbert is sick and possible dying. She rushes to him and nurses him back to health. As Gilbert recovers he constantly visits Anne. Though happy to be friends again, Anne is no longer just satisfied with Gilbert's friendship. She wants his love. On a walk Gilbert tells her of one of his unfulfilled dreams which involves her as his wife. He then proposes again, and Anne says yes – FINALLY!

ANNE OF WINDY POPLARS or ANNE OF WINDY WILLOWS (Depending on which version you buy)
Anne is engaged to Gilbert, she is a principal at Summerside High School where she has to deal with the Pringle clan, Katherine Brooke, and plenty of other interesting folks. The book is named after the boardinghouse she lives in called Windy Poplars with two elderly widows, Aunt Kate and Aunt Chatty, plus their housekeeper, Rebecca Dew, and their cat, Dusty Miller. At the end of the novel, Anne departs Summerside, returning to Green Gables and Avonlea for her wedding to Gilbert.

ANNE'S HOUSE OF DREAMS
The book starts with Anne's marriage with Gilbert, which is very small and happens in the Green Gables orchard. After the marriage, they move to a house that Anne calls her "house of dreams", in Four Winds Point. Anne and Gilbert meet many interesting people, such as the eccentric Captain Jim and the man-hater Miss Cornelia Bryant. Anne also meets Leslie Moore, who lost her beloved brother and her father, and then was forced to marry Dick Moore because of her mother. It’s this whole Titanic story and I could kind of care less about this character at first, but she’s fairly significant at the end. OK, then Anne gives birth to her first child, Joyce, who dies shortly afterwards. It’s this whole thing and now that I am a mother, I might need to read this again so I can cry a lot more.

ANNE OF INGLESIDE
This book is more about Anne's children than Anne herself. The story starts nine years after where "Anne's House of Dreams" left us, when Anne is making a visit to Avonlea. Apparently Anne and Gilbert did love each other a whole lot because they have A LOT of children. When she returns home to the old Morgan house, now named '"Ingleside", we are introduced to her five children (I stole a lot of this from my online sources as I don’t remember each child that clearly):

• James Matthew "Jem" Blythe: Jem is named for Captain Jim and Anne's foster parent Matthew Cuthbert, or as Anne puts it, "The two finest gentlemen, [she knows]" from Anne's house of dreams. The only one of Anne's children born in the House of Dreams, Jem has curly red hair, hazel eyes, his mother's nose and his father's mouth.
• Walter Cuthbert Blythe: Walter is named after Anne's birth father and adoptive family, (Cuthbert), and is quite the handsomest of the children. He has straight black hair and finely modeled features. Walter is thought of by the Glen St. Mary boys as girly, because he never fights and rarely plays sports, preferring to read books alone.
• Anne "Nan" Blythe: One of the Ingleside twins, Nan is Blythe by name and blithe by nature, being a dainty little maiden with velvety nut-brown eyes and silky nut-brown hair. Her complexion is almost flawless, and she has been well aware of this since she was very young. "Nan" is named for her mother.
• Diana "Di" Blythe: Diana is the other Ingleside twin, named after Anne's childhood friend, Diana Barry Wright. She looks a lot like her mother, with red hair and gray-green eyes. She is special chums with Walter, who tells her his secrets and lets her read his verses. Di is also her father's favorite, because of her similarity with Anne and because she is very much like him in qualities and personality, having his practical bent and common sense and his twinkling sense of humor.
• Shirley Blythe (this is a boy): Anne was very sick after giving birth to Shirley, so the Blythe housekeeper, Susan Baker, had to take care of him, and the baby soon became her favorite out of the Ingleside children. Shirley calls Susan 'Mother Susan', and goes to her to have his bruises kissed and his cuts washed. Shirley is quiet and doesn't like to be forced to talk, liking to play on his own. He is known as the little brown boy, because he has brown eyes, hair and skin, he is also remarked as taking after Gilbert's father, John. Shirley was named for Anne's maiden family name.
• Bertha Marilla "Rilla" Blythe: The youngest of the Ingleside children, Rilla is named after Anne's birth mother and adoptive "mother", Marilla. She was born a roly-poly plump baby, and remained so until she was seven. She had red hair, which later turned a ruddy-brown color, and brown eyes.

If you really enjoyed those books, there are two more “official” Lucy Maude Montgomery “Anne” books. I’ve never read them, but they are Rainbow Valley and Rilla of Ingleside about the aforementioned youngest daughter. Rainbow Valley takes place in WWI and is apparently the only Canadian WWI book told from a woman's point of view.

Summer Reading Challenge: The Little House Series

I mentioned before that Mame and I are going to be embarking on our Summer Reading Challenge of 2008. I'm going to read the Avonlea series and she is going to read the Little House series. Full disclosure: I read the first Avonlea book, Anne of Green Gables, liked it and didn't pursue the rest of the series. Mame has (she claims*) read none of the Little House books. It's all very exciting!

Ok, a little history about me and Laura Ingalls Wilder. OH MY GOD, I LOVE HER. AND HER BOOKS. I think she is the pinnacle of awesomeness and I have since I was a little girl. My mom gave me her box set of Little House books; they came in a blue cardboard box and all had pale blue covers. I don't remember reading the first one, I was probably around 7 or 8. But I LOVED them. I dressed up as Laura Ingalls for a school report. My mom made me corn meal mush and stacked pancakes for breakfast. I bought a teacup and saucer at Starbucks specifically because it was red and white with a strawberry pattern that looked like something Laura Ingalls would have liked. And that box set? Literally got read to rags. They are no more. We started repurchasing the series a few years ago and I just completed it recently.

The Little House series is endlessly useful! They are entertaining! And full of old songs! You could learn those songs and sing them at parties! But mostly? If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I'm using the Little House series as reference material for survival! There's all sorts of dead useful information about making food and shelter! You could learn how to churn butter and make muslin sheets!

But do NOT take this to mean that since I adore the books that I liked the show. I DO NOT. I used to watch the show when I was a little girl, but would get SO OFFENDED by the digression from the source material, that I would THROW FITS. (I am not much different now than I was at age 7. Just taller.) Laura's lame, adopted brother Albert would draw cries of, "BOYS? There were no BOYS in the BOOK! MOMMMMMM!" I think my mom just stopped letting me watch it. Of course, now it's occasionally fun for a chuckle at its badness or cringing at its FUCKING CREEPINESS. Like, the episode where Albert's girlfriend gets raped by a guy dressed as a clown? Yeah, wholesome. Or the episode where Mary's baby dies in a housefire because SHE ABANDONED him. Lovely! Of the episode where Ma gets all cracked out and feverish and tries to cut her leg off. Mmm, wonderful! I won't even get into the Shannen Doherty era. Yeah, you heard me.

Ok, Mame, you are about to read my favorite books in the world. Here is the order in which you should approach them. Also, it's totally spoilery, but dude. It's historical record. Have at it:

1. Little House in the Big Woods. The Ingalls family's early life in Wisconsin. There is nothing I can say about this book that is not said better here. Ha ha ha, a pig's bladder.

2. Little House on the Prairie. Ah, the titular novel. (Heh.) The Ingalls family: Ma, Pa, Mary, Laura and Baby Carrie travel West! Holy shit, people would just pack up their belongings and children, thrown them in a wagon and leave. Maybe they'd DIE! Maybe their families would never see/hear from them again! Maybe the West would SUCK. I watched Deadwood, it DID suck. That is CRAZY. These people are brave. The depiction of Native Americans (as well as African-Americans and gender issues, later.) will make any decent person uncomfortable, but you have to chalk it up to the time period, I guess.

3. On the Banks of Plum Creek. My favorite of the early novels! (Of course, picking my favorite of this series is like picking my favorite of my CHILDREN. Which I don't have.) The Ingalls family in Minnesota, after literally getting booted out of Indian Territory. They lived in an underground house! Laura and Mary go to school for the first time! They meet the odious Nellie Oleson! There is literally a plague of locusts!

4. By the Shores of Silver Lake. The one where Mary goes blind.

5. The Long Winter. My absolute, hands-down favorite. LOVE this one. I can reread this novel hundreds of times and probably have. The Ingalls family lives through an INSANE winter that last for about 7 months. Of blizzards. There's not much food. They're burning hay. Laura's future husband Almanzo Wilder and his friend Cap Garland risk their lives to bring back wheat for the town! It's all EXTREMELY dramatic and awesome! Everyone keeps their spirits up!

6. Farmer Boy: Almanzo's boyhood in New York. You should read The Long Winter first, so you have an idea of who this Almanzo boy is and why you should care about him. And seriously, this book is total food porn. Almanzo likes to eat. Don't read this book hungry, for real.

7. Little Town on the Prairie: Laura keeps going to school and is growing up. They send Mary to a college for the blind and Laura has to become a school teacher to earn money for her sister's education. She really doesn't want to. It's a whole thing. Also, it's pretty fun because Laura is a teenager here and you hear a lot about her dresses and stuff. Hoop skirts! Corsets!

8. These Happy Golden Years: In which we learn of Laura's first teaching job, which sucks. And she starts "dating" Almanzo Wilder. He takes her for drives and stuff. It's all very restrained. She lets him hold her hand AFTER they're engaged. They get married and it's awesome. This is probably my second favorite.

9. The First Four Years: So, Laura and Almanzo are married and have their daughter, Rose. And are visited by the plagues of Job. Seriously, their house burns down, they lose money, they have a son who dies, it's heart-wrenching. But they persevere! Really, all the Little House books are like that. There is tragedy! But they persevere! And there's fiddle-playing! This novel? Not my favorite. It was published after her death and was in rough-draft format. It's not much like the others. It's fine, whatever. It's really short.

Mame, I can't wait for you to get all involved in this series. Laura is so great. I need to read them all over again, too!

*It's not that I think she's lying. I just can't conceive of not having read them! Really, what was your mother thinking?