You know what game I love? Marry, Cliff, Shag. Everyone should play this game. It is EXCELLENT for road trips, long lines at the grocery store (Hey, play it with people in line around you. Guaranteed good times!) and being stuck at the airport. For those who have never played (I'm so sad for you!), here are the rules: Of the three choices given, you must choose to marry one, shag one and toss the other off a cliff. Simple, easy, HOURS OF ENTERTAINMENT.
So, let's play! Let's get some Marry, Cliff, Shag up in this bitch! I'll call out a few regular blog readers with choices, but if you challenge me (Or Mame!) in the comments, we shall challenge back! You can use celebrities, fictional characters, politicians, historical figures, whatever you like! If it would be more fun, feel free to explain your reasoning. I once won a particularly memorable round with Mame and her husband Beau when I chose to shag Tucker Carlson, cliff Newt Gingrich and marry Bill O'Reilly so that I could make every day of his life a living hell. Now THAT was a good game!
Here we go:
Mame -- Marry, Cliff, Shag: John Travola, Leland Chapman, Paul Rudd
Two of Hearts -- Marry, Cliff, Shag: All V.C. Andrews "heroes:" Christopher from Flowers in the Attic, Jimmy from Dawn, Arden from My Sweet Audrina
Sorcha -- Marry, Cliff, Shag: Hugh Jackman, Ryan Reynolds, James Marsden (It's the all X-Men round!)
EGT -- Marry, Cliff, Shag: the Top Gear boys: Richard Hammond, Jeremy Clarkson, James May (With current hair, as that may influence your decision)
Anyone and everyone who wants to play, take it to the comments!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
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13 comments:
Why do you even ask? I'd marry Leland Chapman, Shag John Travolta (he's already been married, and the Scientology wedding doesn't fit my motif), and *sigh* I'd have to cliff Paul Rudd. But I'd fuck him first. HA!
You can't! If you cliff someone, you can't fuck them first! AGAINST THE RULES.
Sorry, Paul Rudd is dead and un-boned by you. Maybe Seth Rogen will catch him before he hits the ground...
I have thought longer and harder about this than I do about most of my major life decisions... I am doing it this way, and I will explain why:
Marry: Hammond
Shag: Clarkson
Cliff: May
Okay. Here's why. I was going to shag Hammond and marry May and cliff Clarkson, and then I started thinking. May is very SLOW. Can you imagine me married to a slow person? I WOULD KILL HIM. I would be like, "MOVE FASTER OMG DIE." So I couldn't marry May, so I had to marry Hammond (because marrying Clarkson? No). This works out, the Hamster and I are evenly matched. He's like a my-size David Tennant. He seems like a great dad. Except that that would mean I'd have to shag May if I cliff'd Clarkson. And, I'm just more attracted to Clarkson's charming bastard routine, because I have issues. Although now I'm thinking May's probably the guy who surprises you with how good he is in bed, just like he surprises you with how good his fish pie is...
Oh, and I had one to give you! I almost forgot!
Dean, Sam, Castiel
I fear this is actually an easy one for you. I FAIL AT THIS GAME.
Marry: Hugh Jackman b/c he's worth more than a shag and if we marry I get to shag & snog him anyways! Cliff: James Mardsen because while he is cute he always comes off short on screen and I don't dig that. Shag: Ryan Reynolds because he is HOT at present. HOWEVER, I will change it cliffing him if he screws up his part as the "Merc with the Mouth" in Wolverine's flick. I won't push him gently either. I will kick him in the nads, spit in his face then spin him around for a drop kick to the left buttock for a cliff diving exp he won't forget. Next!
EGT -- I can't BELIEVE you cliffed May! He's so sweet. And "surprise you with how good his fish pie is" should be a euphemism for something. Something dirty.
As for my challenge, it is rather difficult! I can't shag or marry Castiel because I have the same consent issues with him as I did with Sam/Ruby. Castiel is only inhabiting that hot body. That's not HIS body. And I don't want to shag/marry Sam because that's the kiss of death right there. And Dean, while hot and awesome and badass is kind of an emo whiner. And who wants to put up with that for life? And I can't cliff either Winchester brother, the other would kill me for it. (Now I sound like Vizzini from "The Princess Bride.") Ok, here goes:
Cliff: Castiel. I can't, in good conscience, shag or marry him. Plus, he's an angel. He has wings, he'll be fine.
Shag: Dean. Duh. Have you SEEN that guy? DONE AND DONE.
Marry: Sam. (Surprise! I KNOW!) Maybe you have to marry Sam to not die when you sleep with him? Also, Dean would totally protect me so that Sam doesn't have to lose yet another special lady.
Excellent choices, Sorcha! Maybe Wolverine can loan you some adamantium and help you with your hand injury. Hee! (I think Reynolds will do a fine job, but it's good to know you are prepared to dole out consequences of a bad performance!)
Got a challenge for me or Mame?
Challenge to the Queens:
Jasper, Emmett & Edward. The Twilight blood sucking Cullen boys round has begun!
When done that one...
Aragorn, Legolas & Boromir. I'm geeking out LOTR style and hope you are on the same geek level or embarassment will surely be the end result!
Ok, I'm taking the LotR ones and leaving Mame the Twilight one (Since she and I had an exhaustive discussion about how one has sex with a vampire just last night. HA!)
Marry: ARAGORN. Come ON. Hail to the King, baby. /Ash
Cliff: Boromir, Ring-stealing bastard.
Shag: Legolas, have you LOOKED at that guy?
Jasper: Cliff. Easily. Then go and sleep soundly every night from then on.
Emmett: I'd shag him; mainly because he's "my type" as in "jock with a wired sense of humor" but I couldn't marry him because of those reasons.
Edward: So marry. He's well read, loves music, and is eternally 17 - hello peak of sexual drive!! I have a thing for guys that are 'stalker-ish'
Also, I'll have you know that the girl at Hot Topic would be ashamed of this conversation. In her words (completely serious I might add) "Um, Edward is with BELLA now"
Bea: I found the LOTR harder than the Twilight one.
Legolas: Marry him so I can live in the shiney trees and change my hair to platinum blonde.
Aragorn: Shag him BEFORE they clean him up to be king. I want the scruffy, 5'0clock shadowed, horse smelling ruffian in my sack!
Boromir: Alas, I would cliff him but only because he is fated to die anyway. Poor guy.
Mame:
Twilight boys are creepy hot and my answers may surprise you.
Emmett: Marry because I could use a uncomplicated life mate in my fantasy world. He's a hot jock with little excessive need for thought. He would not get in my way of world domination. And naked arm wrestling would be fun!
Jasper: Shag the one from the movie, NOT the book. Now hear me out! I have a theory that the crazier one is (or looks) the better sex one has (ever hear the song "Crazy Bitch" from Buck Cherry?). In the movie he looked astoundingly INSANE and I need further research on that theory...
Edward: Cliff. While he is soo hot and intellectual he is too high maintainence. I have no time for his angsty pain. And that chick at Hot Topic was right...lol
I haven't been told to stop this round yet, so I challenge the queens again! Here's some old school and new stuff.
The Three Muskateers (A. Dumas): Athos, Aramis and Porthos (we are ignoring D'Artagnan here b/c he's annoying to me)
then...
Gilmore Girls young dudes who want in Rory's knickers: Dean, Jess and Logan. (I feel a throw down coming on with Bea here!)
Oh, it is ON, SORCHA.
Cliff: Oh, I'm gonna cliff the SHIT out of Logan. God, I HATED him. Arrogant, preppy, smug, rich little bastard. With stupid hair. HAAAAAAATE.
Shag: It's fine, I'd toss Jess a shag. You know, if he could find time for it in between brooding, whinging and reading fucking Kerouac.
Marry: Well, duh. Dean. You totally marry Dean. He's ADORABLE with those dimples. And have you SEEN that guy lately? Yeah. Good stuff.
You know what? I think we need a new entry before this gets too unwieldy...
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