Three Television (Sort Of) Reviews -- Two Short, One Long (ish)

**Oh, mild spoilers for True Blood and spoilers for season one of Mad Men. Don't say I never warned you. **

I really love True Blood. Like. It's currently my favorite show. Ok, I don't love it more than Supernatural. It's one of those shows that's awesome but when you try to describe it to people, you sound like a moron. Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Battlestar Galactica. Or The West Wing. You know? "So yeah, True Blood is about the Louisiana waitress named Sookie -- yes, that's her name -- who can hear people's thoughts. And vampires are real and live amongst humans. But Sookie, she can't hear VAMPIRES' thoughts so she falls in love with this vampire named Bill. And she's a virgin, but they have sex and he totally bites her too. And also, there's a serial killer and shape shifters and werewolves and the Japanese invented a drink called 'True Blood' so vampires don't have to kill people and -- WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" But seriously, it's so great. Funny and dramatic and well-acted. All the secondary characters are fascinating. I don't want it to end!

I don't care how many teenage girls it spontaneously knocks up, I love Gossip Girl. I am completely unrepentant about this. I love Chuck Bass. I want him to have his own show. I don't care that it's trashy and shallow and it's probably rotting my brain. IT'S FUN.

Ok, so, Mad Men. The show is so good, so well-made, so attentive to detail, magnificently acted, but it makes me feel so BAD. I'm watching season one from Netflix and there's seriously a two-episode limit before I want to kill myself. I just watched "5G," the episode where Don Draper's long-lost baby brother finds him and the poor kid just wants a connection with him and Don basically tells him to fuck off. I wept, ok? I WEPT.

Everyone on the show is SO miserable and trying to force themselves into roles that they don't fit. Except Joan. Joan is not miserable. She is awesome. I adore her interactions with Peggy, who is perhaps the only truly decent character on the show. It's so difficult to like these characters because every one of them has pretty much all the characteristics that would make someone a giant asshole today -- racist, sexist, classist, hypocritical.

I do giggle every time I see that pregnant character smoking and drinking a martini, which would be every time she's onscreen. And I loved when when Betty Draper was driving around with her two small children rolling around the car and climbing over seats. HA! Also, when she visits her shrink, she actually lies on a couch.

And Don Draper. What is his DEAL? Why is he so...so...LIKE THAT? Jon Hamm is great in the role. And handsome. Also great and handsome? John Slattery as Roger. He's such a smartass. I also have affection for him because I saw him be awesome in the play Rabbit Hole a few years ago and he was brilliant and cute. Even from the back row.

So, I like Mad Men a lot, but it makes me very sad. But when that happens, I can just watch clips from when Jon Hamm BRILLIANTLY and HILARIOUSLY hosted Saturday Night Live:

• Vincent Price's Halloween Special*
• Don Draper's Guide To Picking Up Women**
• Jon Hamm's John Ham***

Any thoughts on my favorite shows? Be warned, if you are going to tell me to elevate my sights and stop watching shows about vampires and werewolves and zombies, oh my! I will ignore you. Fair warning.

*"Where are the whores?"
**"Drink and some constantly."
***"Feel like a dummy yet?"