Friday, November 16, 2007

Angelina Jolie Point/Counterpoint

Auntie Mame:

I hate Angelina Jolie.
For a myriad of reasons I am annoyed by her and the characters she chooses to portray on the 'big screen.' I'll even go so far as to say that I hate every movie she has been in; well, except for Girl, Interrupted, but to be fair, I hated her character in that movie (I suppose that was the point however). I mean, c'mon have you ever seen Gia? Oh or how about her playing Colin Farrell's mother in Alexander? Yeah, great accent. She should have just done the Kevin-Costner-in-Robin-Hood-Route and not used one at all. At least then I could have dealt with her piss-poor performance.

Oh and stop complaining about the paparazzi. I'm sick and tired about how she hates her father and never shuts up about it. No matter how she spins it, she has always led a life of luxury whether Daddy gave her enough hugs or not. I understand that Dad left and her mom had a hard time dealing with men, but calm down. You went to the best schools, lived in the best houses, you weren't exactly living in an apartment on the Delaware River, New Jersey side.

Oh and don't get me started about this, "I hate the media, but take my picture anyway" attitude of hers. She creates a media frenzy to promote her newest picture; fine, that's the business, but all her complaints piss me off. When you eat at places like Mr. Chow's in West Hollywood, you are going to be seen by the cameras; you know it, I know you know it, it's part of your job. If you don't want to be part of the "Hollywood Scene" and you don't want your children to grow up cross-eyed because of the flashbulbs then move your skinny ass out to Montanta like Demi and Bruce did. THAT'S RIGHT I just compared her to Demi Moore. That's how much I hate her. There are places in this country that you can live and not have US magazine going through your trash. Don't talk that you have to be in Hollywood for your job, you're big enough they will come to you.

"Oh, but Mame she does such good things for the world. Look at her Mia-Farrow-esque-Rainbow-Coalition of children." The world is starving, I know that. We all know that. But you know what else I know? I know that there are poor kids here in America that can use her help. I don't see a Brad and Angelina low-rent apartment complex going up in Harlem, do you? Sorry bitch, there are kids starving outside your door. Adopt one of them. Notice she's not running out and adopting a little crack-addicted, baby of a 13 year old mother from the US? Apparently she's all political now, so she should know how screwed up our system is. Use your money over here and help.

Ok, I'm done now. Let me sum it up: she's a piss poor actress, a photo-loving hypocrite, and someone who is blind to the needs of her own country, hell STATE, yet is willing to help overseas. Ugh, so whatever.

"Lady" Bea reacts and over-reacts (heh):

Ok, so, Mame and I were arguing over the awesomeness/suckiness of Angelina Jolie and I was like, "Dude. That's our next blog." And she was all, "DONE."

I like Angelina Jolie. I like her a lot. I wouldn't say she's one of my favorite actresses or anything; her mere presence in a movie does NOT make me run out and see it, but it doesn't deter me either. Although, as I was thinking about this blog entry and what I was going to write, I realized I haven't seen THAT many of her movies. Especially her "big" movies. I have NOT seen (and probably won't because my reasons for ignoring them are valid): Tomb Raider (although I did watch bits of Tomb Raider 2 because of certain Gerard Butler issues that I've mostly resolved), Pushing Tin, The Bone Collector, Gone in 60 Seconds (which I TRIED to watch for Christopher Eccleston, but I just couldn't do it. Sorry Chris!), Shark Tale, Sky Captain or Alexander. I also have NO intention of seeing Beowulf: 1. Because I fucking loath Beowulf. 2. Because the soulless, dead eyes of CGI people horrify me.

But, of the movies of hers I HAVE seen, I LOVE them. And I love her in them. For example:
  • Hackers; I know deep down that it's not really a good movie. I don't care. I bought it from the $5.99 Walmart bin and it's worth every penny. I probably would have gone up as far as $9.99 for it! Heh. Everyone in it is really cute and wearing tight, shiny clothes and doing weird shit with computers. It's a great hungover/home sick movie.
  • Girl, Interrupted; Angelina is AWESOME in this movie. God, the scene where she just takes that girl Daisy apart and the horrible look of triumph on her face...DAMN. And also the exchange where she's holding a pen to her throat and threatens to "jam it in [her] aorta" and is told that her aorta is in her chest. "Good to know!" Heh. Cracks me up.
  • Playing by Heart; I passionately love BITS of this movie. When I watch it, I fast-forward through any scenes (until the end) that aren't about these couples: Gillian Anderson/Jon Stewart, Gena Rowlands/Sean Connery and Angelina Jolie/Ryan Phillippe. I am brutally indifferent to all the other characters and storylines. But I ADORE Angelina's Joan. She's such a fun character and has such great lines. I love when she's melting down on the phone with one of her sisters and you only hear Joan's end of the conversation. At one point, Joan pulls the phone away and gives it this HILARIOUS, annoyed look and says, "I don't KNOW. Why is YOUR life so FUCKING SIMPLE?" HA. You wouldn't think that Angelina and Ryan Phillippe, of all people, would have such good chemistry, but they do. They're great together. And this bit of dialogue: Keegan (Ryan's character): What did I ever do to deserve you? Joan: Usually, that line is SCREAMED at me by someone running out the door, not by someone standing in front of me and staying. It makes for a nice change. Aw.
  • Mr. and Mrs. Smith; So many people hate this movie and I just don't know why. It's funny, good action, Vince Vaughn and Adam Brody are HILARIOUS in it and Angelina and Brad Pitt have smokin' chemistry. If you've not seen it because you've heard it sucks, give it a try. It's a good time.

So, yeah, I like her acting. Her personal life entertains me. Her daddy issues kind of delight me. And she always LOOKS GREAT. I've seriously never seen a bad picture of Angelina Jolie. Dressed up in formal wear? Gorgeous. Wearing jeans with 5 kids hanging off of her? Gorgeous. Wearing an eye patch? Still gorgeous. Bitch. Heh. You never seen her dragging into Starbucks looking like a homeless alcoholic. It always annoys the SHIT out of me when I see famous people doing that. Hey Olsen twins? Before I run to the grocery store, I brush my damn hair and wear clean clothes. And NO ONE is taking my picture. GOD. It's called "not being gross and/or unhygienic." Look into it. 'k?

And I don't care how many kids Angelina Jolie adopts and from where. She's talked very touchingly (I think) about her decision to adopt her first kid. She seems sincere to me. She's not OBVIOUSLY a bad mother. She and Brad look cute together. She had a really entertaining and interesting Inside the Actor's Studio, where she totally threw James Lipton for a loop a couple of times. Heh, he's such a pretentious ass, it was hilarious. Also, I've never liked Jennifer Aniston much. So, I'll be over here, wearing my Team Jolie shirt, watching Playing by Heart. Again.

1 comment:

EGT said...

You're right: Playing by Heart is a fabulous movie, but I HATED Mr. & Mrs. Smith. And I love action films. And Adam Brody. But I was like, "Um, could these characters take a second to THINK?" When told you have to kill your significant other, do you even pause for a heartbeat and think, "Gee...maybe not"? That movie was very, very violent, strained my credulity, and my major problem with Angelina Jolie is...I don't think she has a sense of humor. A failure I cannot forgive.