Thursday, August 7, 2008

Book Review (Sort Of): Breaking Dawn

AHAHAHAHAH! Ok, wait...HAAAAAAAAAAA. No, I'm ready now...HA HA HA!! Ok, sorry. I just...haven't stopped cracking up about Breaking Dawn, the latest in the Twilight SAGA.

I'm not actually going to write a whole review, because seriously. It's a teeny-bopper vampire romance novel. I should be ashamed of reading them, but I'm totally not. I picked up Twilight a couple of years ago to take to the shore for what ended up being the Best Vacation Ever. My mom and I went to the shore for a week and walked on the beach and read a huge stack of books and watched British television shows. And went out for seafood. Seriously, that was it. It ruled. So, anyway, I ate that book up like it was cake. Bella, our clumsy, AVERAGE heroine draws the attention of a sparkly vampire with a conscience, Edward. Yes, you heard me. Sparkly. Blah, blah, other vampires try to kill her, there's werewolves (who are the sworn enemy of vampires!), Edward leaves Bella so he won't eat her, comes back to her, more vampires try to kill all of them, blah, blah. I got my mom hooked on them and my boss. Heh, I'm a TOTAL enabler. (I tried to get EGT hooked but it didn't take or something. Apparently, she has taste. Whatever.)

So, we went to the midnight release of the newest novel, Breaking Dawn last week. You may remember my past success with midnight book releases and this was no different. I am FAR less invested in the Twilight series than I was in the Harry Potter* series, so I had more fun mocking the participants, which were most adolescent girls. We had a front row seat for a t-shirt contest that ended in tears and squealing. It was amazing.

The book itself? Eh. It had angsty, marital sex with vampires (because PREMARITAL SEX with the undead would be WRONG, OK), more gore than I'd been prepared to expect and and annoying ending. Ugh, Bella sucks.

But I HIGHLY recommend reading them so that we can all mock them and then get drunk and go see the movie and MOCK SOME MORE. COME ON!

*They do NOT compare. The Twilight series is nowhere NEAR as good as the Harry Potter series. And Stephenie Meyer is NO J.K. Rowling. No, really. Don't compare them.


EGT said...


Anonymous said...

It wasn't until I read your "review" that I realized reading and mocking bad writing is ALMOST as fun as enjoying a good book.


Anonymous said...

Time to write something new. We like the stories about Sid and Andie and Mothra!!! More of them...

"Lady" Bea said...


Oh, EGT, don't be such a drama queen, she isn't the WORST writer in the world. I could SHOW you the WORST writer in the world. I'm sure they're somewhere on the internets.

And yes, mocking bad books is SUCH fun. Nearly as much fun as mocking teenage girls who are swooning over bad books...