Snippets of Cell Phone Conversations Betwixt Mame and Bea

[hilarious, personalized cell phone ring tones.]

Mame: Hey.
Bea: Hey.

...

Bea: Well, Owen is totally the Wilson brother I'd sleep with so it's all very --
Mame: LUKE. It's all about LUKE! Even if he WAS in Homefries, which is the wo--
Bea: Worst movie you've ever seen EVER and you've seen a few.
Mame: --ORST MOVIE...yeah. How'd you know that?
Bea: Mame. Not that I MIND, because it's funny, but every time someone brings up Luke Wilson or Drew Barrymore, you mention Homefries and how it's such a TERRIBLE movie and every copy of it should be heaped onto a mighty bonfire and burned and then the earth salted.
Mame: Oh. Well. Yeah!
Bea: What's so bad about it? I'm never going to watch it; tell me everything.
Mame: [long description of horrible-sounding movie.]
Bea: Wow. That DOES sound bad.
Mame: IT IS.

Bea: I have revolutionalized snacking!!!
Mame: Have you now. How?
Bea: I made S'mores...with a SPECIAL DARK HERSHEY BAR. And it was EXCELLENT!
Mame: Huh, really?! That does sound pretty good...
Bea: Yeah, it cuts the sweetness! You should try it!
Mame: DONE.

Mame: My house smells like delicious cookies. What does YOUR house smell like?
Bea: Um...a vanilla caramel candle?
Mame: Does it? Is that what SHAME smells like?
Bea: Huh, I always thought shame smelled like tequila, latex and Axe body spray, but whatever.
Mame: Dude!

Bea's Sucky Cell Phone: One missed call from Mame. One new voicemail. [also, I hate you, Bea and want to give you brain cancer or drop your service during a 911 call while you're being chased by a serial killer dressed as a clown. you know. whatever.]
Bea: Hey! What's up?
Mame: Hey! Did you listen to my voicemail?
Bea: Oh, no, I didn't. I just called you right back.
Mame: I'm really proud of it!
Bea: ... Do you want me to go listen to it and call you back?
Mame: [sputters scornfully.] No! That would be...ridiculous. So silly! [hopeful pause.]
Bea: [sigh.] I'll call you right back. [click.]

[fin.]