Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Better watch out, I keep a switchblade in my mouth!!

OK, not really. But when I tell people that I grew up in the Garden State, that is usually the stereotype they associate with it, so why not feed the fire? Now I live in white bread, buckle of the Bible Belt, America and it's important for people to realize I have a touch of crazy in me from where I grew up.
Flash forward to yesterday:
I'm on the phone with the cable company because for five years we have been on automatic payments, but this week we are switching banks and I have to cancel the payment scheduled for this week or else it will bounce and I'll get a fee. I call the little 800 # and spend about forty eight hours on hold or talking with the fun "Say your name" voice. Finally I get through to Carlos a man clearly not in love with his job, and angry at the world for his place in it. I explain the situation using my adorable "silly little girl" voice that usually works in these situations. Instead, when I finish my plight he responds with, "So what are you asking?" I clear my voice as it goes down an octave, "I need you to cancel the scheduled payment."
Carlos: I can't do that.
Me: Oh, well can you transfer me to someone who can?
Carlos: The payment is going to come out of your bank account no matter what. It's too late to stop it.
Me: (an octave lower and more pronounced) It's not scheduled to come out until Friday, today is Tuesday therefore it's not too late. Please transfer me to someone who can help me if you cannot.
Carlos: No one can help. We will be getting our payment on time.
Me: No, you won't I can call the bank and put a stop on the payment, however, if I have to call my bank I am going to make a second call to (fill in competitor's name). So you're telling me that there is no one in your office that can help me? I've been a good customer for five years and NO ONE can help?
Carlos: Hold on, I've got someone who can help you.
Me: I thought so.
Crappy music and intermittent ads for the cable company ensue
New Voice: This is Brian with disconnection services, how can I help you?
Me: Excuse me? What department is this?
Brian: This is where we schedule the appointments for our servicemen to come and disconnect your service.
Me: Oh HELL NO. GIVE ME A SUPERVISOR. NOW.
Brian: Um, OK.

Low and behold I speak to a supervisor using the following words: jack-hole, ignorant SOB, loyal customer of this fucking company, come down there and deal with this in his face, and you have no idea how many people you are dealing with by pissing me off!!!
The supervisor laughs at most of my colorful descriptions of the members of her staff, but in a very 'I'm with you' sort of way. By the time I'm done with my rant she has cancelled the payment, sent me an email to confirm it, and looked up Carlos' report of the incident. Apparently, I was talking for a very long time. The supervisor was excellent and tried to explain that disconnect's extension is 47 and hers is 74 so maybe Carlos was trying to transfer me to her and he inverted the numbers. I said disgruntledly, "maybe someone needs to invert his paycheck" (OK, I don't know what that was supposed to mean, but I was mad).
Between the CVS debacle's (see previous posts) and this I don't think I'm cut out for customer service. I need an assistant to deal with such things.

3 comments:

Tifffany said...

I do have to say that sometimes 3 days in advance isn't enough to stop an automatic withdrawal. I know it's not with the company I work for... the only thing we could do about it is refund payment after that. Kinda sucks, but whatchyagonnado

Lady Bea said...

And don't forget that along with the razor blade you keep hidden in your mouth, you have your Jersey strike team over here, practicing round-house kicks. Heee.

Bea's mom said...

Ah-living up to your blog title-Always a Jersey girl. Congrats on getting what you needed despite stupid customer service people.
FYI- I am still eagerly awaiting the weigh in results from your previous post....................