Movie Review: "300" and "Blades of Glory"

My dad, Homer, and I went to see "300" a couple of weeks ago. (I always want to put a "the" in front of that title. I love grammar.) Homer and I always go see comic book adaptations. I was psyched about this one because I dig historical epics and Gerard Butler. It was pretty good. Seriously, they should show it in anatomy classes, it was such a tribute to the human form. I'm fairly sure I saw muscles that I didn't even know existed. Hey, I love to learn! I have no inkling of it's historical accuracy and frankly, don't care. I dunno, something about the Spartans and how tough they are and fighting against Persian hordes. Whatever. There were oracles, massive battles, unbeatable odds, more facial piercings than a gang of goth kids and everyone was scantily clad. I just can't stress enough just how close to naked EVERYONE is in this movie.

I've heard a lot of bitching about how "300" is some kind of ra-ra for the Iraq war. And...I'd be totally dense if I didn't admit to seeing some resemblances. You can't say the phrase "freedom isn't free" or any variations of it, without calling up Bush flashbacks and also making me giggle madly while singing songs from "Team America." But that's me. I'm 12. But it's not really a thinly-veiled metaphor or anything. Am I missing throngs of Iraquis trying to take over the country, kill our mostly naked menfold and enslave us American women and children? Yeah, didn't think so. Are there many naked, stoned girls foretelling the future in the U.S. Senate? (Wait, don't answer that.) It's an entertaining movie. Chill. Gerard Butler is really good in it and nice to look at. David Wenham (Who played my favorite character from the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy -- Faramir) gives a good performance and does a nice job narrating. Dominic West gets to be British for once and play a total sleazeball. And thanks to my BrotherWDWMTTAHOMB, I have a WHOLE NEW AND GROSS interpretation of one of the sex scenes. Thanks, bro. And I spent a good chunk of the movie DYING TO KNOW who was playing Stelios (the crazy Spartan. Yeah, THAT narrows it down.) and I finally got home and IMDB'd him. Hee. He played Azazeal on "Hex," a crappy British "Buffy" knock-off that I had a brief fling with over the summer. He's cute, in a dirty, psycho way. Mame would like him. Hon, go look him up. His real name is Michael Fassbender. Have fun!

And THEN. Mame came to visit (cue choir of angels...) for the Easter holiday and we hauled ass to go see "Blades of Glory," starring the incomparable Will Farrell and Jon Heder. It was HILAAARIOUS. I'm pretty sure I will never be able to watch figure skating with a straight face EVER again. People, this movie is so fucking funny. GO SEE IT NOW. You won't regret it. As hysterical as Farrell and Heder are, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett STEAL the whole show as a brother/sister pairs skating team with creepy (but funny!) incestuous undertones. And for old school V.C. Andrews readers like Mame and I, this was especially delightful. It's even funnier if you know that Arnett and Poehler are married in real life. And we DO know that. Obviously. We laughed so hard that we almost aspirated our popcorn and pretzel bits lunch. Almost. It has so many quotable lines that we will be repeating FOR YEARS. I'm sure those in our everyday lives are grateful!

Also, a shout-out to Mame's sister Dolly for sending me an order of Happy Face cookies from Eat'N'Park for my birthday. SHE ROCKS!! Thanks, Dolly! Although, signing the enclosed note might have alleviated my momentary freak-out when I received anonymous cookies. Hee hee hee. I'm paranoid and have watched too many episodes of "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit." But, the "My GOD, you are a FREAK" look that Mame gave me when I asked her about it was pretty priceless. It's a look I'm used to, trust me.