The Real World
Auntie Mame
You may find this hard to believe dear readers, but as a teenager your beloved Auntie Mame was, for all intents and purposes, was a whore. My sister (Dolly) will attest that I had what she liked to refer to as the "boy of the month" club; I had a new boyfriend that I fawned all over at the beginning of the month and then tossed aside and complained about by the month's end. I dated everyone from computer nerds to metal rockers with a few preps and jocks thrown in the mix for good measure. I didn't really develop a "type" until my senior year in high school when I realized I should be a little more selective with the boys I swapped saliva with.
"Lady" Bea
Any consistent readers of this blog will not be surprised to learn that dear Bea was a bit conservative* during our formative teenage years. It wasn't until college that all my corrupting finally sunk in and she began to even notice those once "icky" boys. Her relationships with the opposite sex are usually monogamous and lengthy - lasting well over my one month cap. She was picky and overly selective in who she shared a dinner table with.
Our Imaginary (and Far Better) World
Auntie Mame
I have been in love with John Travolta since I was only a few months old. Being born in late 1979 meant that reruns of the Emmy award winning (it won like nine right?) Welcome Back, Kotter had started to air nightly. Since my parents were Joan and what's-his-name I was put to bed after the rerun of Vinny Barbarino saying "Up your nose wit a rubba hose" was over. I've loved John Travolta with a very weird passion every since.
Then came the movie, Beetlejuice and with it a love for the quirky lead actor in his black and white, plaid, flannel shirt. This was right before my father, What's-His-Face, discovered a little movie called the Hunt for Red October and I was smacked in the face with a love for the classic good looks of one Alec Baldwin. He's the kind of crazy that reminds me of my extended family, and there's something cozy and familiar about that.
As time grew on, my love for John never wained.
Yes, even when he gave us this
When I feel the need to get away from it all, it is to one of these two men whose arms I run (figuratively speaking). When I'm in a dramatic, angry mood: I like to pretend that Alec and I have explosive, public arguements and then explosive, public sex to make up. When I'm feeling sad and down on myself: I pretend that John is there being the sweet and comforting man he's known to be. Anyway, that's the way it's always been: me and John, or me and Alec, depending on my mood. Yes, occasionally there have been other actors that have caught my attention, but never in the same way. I've seen every movie John has ever made, and if they are available on DVD, I own it (including the made-for-TV-movie, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble), and every Thursday I obsess over my darling Alec in 30 Rock.
"Lady" Bea
She's as loose in her Hollywood life as she is reserved and scared in her real life. Bea changes her pretend love life as often as I changed my real one (back in the day of course, I'm a happily married woman now). Despite what she'd like us all to believe, she's not overly particular in her Hollywood adorations - she once told me about a dirty crush on Billy Bob Thorton - and she spends her nights doing what it took me a lifetime to do: watching every movie, TV show, and B-rated musical they had ever been in. It's hard for me to keep track of who's who honestly; Is Jensen Ackles the guy from Doctor Who? Is David Tennet the comic book writer? I can't keep them straight. If she were better on the computer, I'm sure she'd create a flow chart to explain all this to me, but, well, you know.
read : prude
2 comments:
Sadly, it's all true. Every word of it. Mame, you whore. ;)
Imaginary worlds are fun! I'm understanding, thoughtful and caring in public life. I'm glibe (Yes Tom Cruise! Bite me!), annoyed, angered, snarky and inappropriately amused in any other world I join briefly. Oh what fun it is!
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