My Recent Trip Down Robert Downey Jr. Lane

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me In Real Life or is a reader of this blog that I go through celebrity boyfriends like most people change their sheets. You know, a new one every week or so, a little longer if I get lazy. I mean, this summer alone, I've gone through like, four. Whatever, I like variety. Because what I do is, I find someone to obsess over and then I rent every one of their movies I can find and watch them all. And then when I've viewed all the media I can find concerning them, I get bored and move on. I mean, by the time I got sick of Christopher Eccleston, I'd watched his entire season of Doctor Who AND all the DVD extras and every one of his movies. Including Jude. Which made me suicidal. Goddamn, that movie is depressing.

Hey, a girl has to have a hobby, right? So, this summer the lucky new obsessee seems to be...Robert Downey Jr. I know, I know. That's almost...normal, right? He's like, traditionally handsome and an actual movie star! I know. I'm disappointed too. But whatever. At least he's got lots of movies to choose from, many of which I've already seen and liked. Here's what I've watched so far:

• Iron Man and Iron Man 2: Duh. Any self-respecting geek has already seen and loved these. They're really great adaptations and Downey is great in them. And I think I love Iron Man 2 even more because I have a SEVERE hate-on for Terrance Howard. I hated Hustle & Flow and I resent everyone who was involved with that shit-ass movie. HATE. So, the fact that he was replaced by Don Cheadle, whom I ADORE, just made it all the better. Love Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper and I LOVE Pepper and Tony. They are so cute.
• Sherlock Holmes: Saw it when it came out, of course. Loved it then. Dragged EGT to see when she came to visit. Still loved it. I just watched it recently and aside from the actual DVD refusing to play on my PS2 (Fuck you, Warner Bros copy guard), I loved it even more upon rewatching. Downey is really great as Holmes, smart and bitchy and funny. One of the best things about Downey as an actor is that he's always thinking, always doing something interesting, even when not much is going on. I LOVE the scene at the end on the scaffolding with Holmes, Irene Adler (The lovely Rachel McAdam) and the bad guy, Blackwhatever. And Blackwhatever is about to push Irene off the edge and Downey does this subtle, begging headshake and bad guy shoves her off the edge and twirls his mustache and Downey shouts a clipped, "NO!" before he can stop himself. It's SO GREAT. And I love Jude Law as Watson. I am not notably a Law fan, but boy, was he fun in this movie.
• Chaplin: Ugh, sorry guys. I thought this was really boring. I don't usually like biopics because they usually suuuuuck. Downey was good in this and so was Kevin Kline (He's ALWAYS good) but ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
• A Scanner Darkly: I have this from the library and am watching it now. Hee. This shit is crazy.
  

And the movie that prompted this post was Less Than Zero, which the lovely Sorsha loaned to me and also blogged about. She is such a shameless enabler. I didn't really like the movie. I'd heard it wasn't very good but that RDJ was fantastic in it. I mostly agree with this statement. My first problem: I don't usually like movies about drug addicts. Second problem? I don't give a shit about rich people and how miserable they all are. Seriously, go dry your tears on your money. (Class issues? Me? NO. SURELY NOT.) Third problem? I hate Andrew McCarthy. I didn't like him in Pretty in Pink. I didn't like him in Mannequin. I do not like him in a house, I do not like him with a mouse. He has a high voice. It weirds me out.

So, with all these strikes against it, I watched the damn movie. Ugh. Whatever. It was ok. I think McCarthy and Jami Gertz are both pretty bad in it. I liked Gertz fine in both Lost Boys and Solarbabies (WHAT? I LIKE THAT MOVIE. IT'S NOT A CRIME, OK?) [It sort of is] but I didn't think she was too great here. Probably they just both looked really bad next to really fabulous performances by Robert Downey Jr. and James Spader.

McCarthy plays Clay, who has just come home from college at Christmas to see his ex-girlfriend Blair (I think it's Blair. Maybe it's Blake. Whatever, I'm not looking it up, I just won't mention her name again. PROBLEM SOLVED) whom he'd dumped at Thanksgiving because he caught her and his best friend Julian boning. Whatever. I can't fault her taste. It's all very dramatic, with a bouquet of flowers being pegged at their post-coital heads. HA. Downey plays Julian, the wacky best friend who's become seriously addicted to drugs. Cocaine, I think. I don't know, something snorty. Like any addict, Julian is, by turns, charming, needy, aggressive, affectionate, nasty and desperate. Downey is really great at switching him back and forth. It's a really painful performance to watch especially when you know that later it mirrored real life. Sometimes Julian is so vulnerable you can barely stand to look at him (Something I also noticed with Downey's performance in Chaplin) and other times he's so cocky, you just want to bitch-slap him. The scene with Julian and his dad sort-of reconciling had me in tears. I texted Sorsha and she laughed at me. NICE, RIGHT?

James Spader, my favorite douchebag, plays Rip (No, I'm not kidding you with that name), the drug dealer who convinces Julian that the best way to work off his debt is as a rentboy. Spader is really nasty and sleazy and great in his manipulation of the increasingly stupid Julian. It's pretty masterful. God, I love James Spader. Heh. I'm sure the sight of Downey on his knees in a day-glo hotel room was pretty shocking for the 80s but I wasn't very impressed. And I could have done without all the puking, thanks. And memo to 80s Downey: It's called Chapstick. Get you some.

Also, Mame would like you all to know that she had a crush on Robert Downey Jr. in the late 90s when she made me watch Two Girls and a Guy. I bitched the entire time. TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE movie. But Mame was right. That guy is hot. (Um, I urge you all to head over to the IMDB entry for that movie. Look at the plot keywords. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

ETA: DUDE. I forgot Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang, basically the BEST MOVIE EVER. Ugh, I fail at my own blog. It's a great movie, Downey is great in it and so is Val Kilmer. Yes, THAT Val Kilmer. He's awesome. And it's written by Shane Black, who writes great action movies. Go rent it.