Thursday, January 18, 2007


Every now and then, just to keep things fresh, I will be making my random lists. I like to list things, keeps 'em in order in my head. Perhaps writing them down from time to time will clear up some of the space in my noggin and allow me to think bigger and better thoughts. For instance, just by writing this list down I was able to hear the song "So Much For My Happy Ending" and think, "Man, that song sounds like it's about a disgruntled john and his hooker." See, I need that space.

So here goes, list #1...
Top Five People I Hate on the Food Network
Oh, and I love the Food Network, by the way. I love it; I watch it often and have been known to download recipes, but frankly, there are some 'characters' who need to go. And for good reason.
1. Bobby Flay, him and his fucked up BBQ can kiss my not red-haired ass
2. Mario Batali, yeah, I get it, you're Italian now put on some long pants, Reebok sneakers, and stop saying "Bon Appetito" like you're a writer for an Olive Garden menu
3. Tyler Floren, there is a reason you are doing ads for Applebees. It's because no one likes you and you've got to pay the rent on that big apartment you bought when you thought you hit it big on Food TV but then your show only aired at 2AM. Whenever he would help someone on Food 911, he would make them eat his dish and then say something like, "Isn't that delicious? It's the best you've ever had isn't it?" I would loose it, like "Shut UP!! Let the damn person have an opinion, ass."
4. Al Roker. Why is he even on Food TV? Didn't he get his stomach stapled a few years back? When he did that he quit my game, so get off the field! Go report on the weather.
5. Giada Delarentis or whatever that blow-pop body woman's name is. She's too thin to be a chef. If I'm going to believe food is edible, it needs to come from a fat (chubby will do, Rachel Ray, calm down) bubbly person who enjoys eating his or her own cooking. Not from some anorexic, way too happy to making a pesto, Julia Roberts smile, fifteen year old. I don't approve.

No comments: