It's beginning to look a lot like...OH, WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!

[Written by the Christmas-loving Bea. Not the awesome, yet Scroogey, Mame.]

So, I love Christmas. No, for real. I do. I know lots of people are all "Blah, blah, blah consumerism" and "I hate my dysfunctional family!" and "It's not Jesus' REAL birthday" and "Fuck you and the sleigh you rode in on!" and all ironic cynicism. And usually, I'd be all about that too. I mean, yeah, it's expensive, some of the Christmas specials on tv are annoying (Seriously, ABC Family? Dial it down about 100 notches.) and so is some Christmas music (I'm looking at you, Paul McCartney and your assy "Wonderful Christmastime" shit. I hate that fucking song SO MUCH.) and egg nog totally blows. But I don't care. I LOVE this time of year.

I love giving presents. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not all selfless and shit. I LOVE getting presents. If someone who loves me wants to give me season 2 of "The Office" or "Alias," the complete box set (Rich friends or family, please apply!) or David Tennant* in a tuxedo (Be sure to poke holes in the box so he can breathe!), I'll be a happy girl. But, I like putting thought into gifts for my loved ones and then giving it to them and then they are all happy! (Of course, material things aren't the only path to happiness, blah blah. I know that. But presents are fun!)

I also love my dysfunctional family. They aren't really dysfunctional, just quirky. We have fun. I have great friends that I'm very thankful for. (Yeah, I know. Wrong holiday. I was supposed to be thankful last month. Deal.) Christmas doesn't make love them more, but the season is more conducive to expressing my affection for them. So, I love you guys! Here, have a cookie! No really, HAVE ONE.

I love wacky Santa hats, Red-Nosed Reindeer, "It's a Wonderful Life," sparkly red nail polish, threatening small children with phone calls to Santa (I'm mean.), bayberry-scented candles and fighting with my brother over the mouse calendar.

The Christmas story (Not the B.B. gun one. Although that rules too.) is my favorite aspect of the Christian religion. There's a mysticism and a magic to it that always gives me chills. And makes me believe. I sing "Silent Night" in church the night before Christmas and I raise my candle and I believe.

So, if Christmas isn't your bag, I respect that. But I'll be over here, wrapping Christmas gifts, addressing cards, watching "A Muppet Christmas Carol" (which is the finest adaptation yet) and humming carols under my breath. With tinsel in my hair.

*I'm not really suggesting that anyone shove David Tennant in a box and mail him to me. It's morally wrong and that would NEVER clear customs.