Monday, December 8, 2008

Things I hate about holiday decorations

1. Blue Lights

Good Lord. I hate blue lights more than anything else at Christmas. I think they stopped making them in late 1977; however, some classy families have found enough of them on eBay to cover their entire house, rooftop and trees.

2. The Half Blink/Half Steady House

I imagine the conversation whilst decorating this home went something like:
“Hey Momma, this string blinks, should we put it up anyway?”
“Yeah, it don’t matter none.”

3. No Theme Houses

How horrible is this? Houses that have forty different items thrown about their yard for no discernable reason other than they are all ‘holiday’ related. “Yeah!! Let’s put up the manger scene next to the inflatable Santa and then we can use the Pooh Bear light up as the angel! Sweet!!”

4. Really faded

When your decorations go from red and white to orange and yellow, it’s time to either buy new ones or just throw them away. Or, when the face of Balthazar has been rubbed off, try and draw and new one or throw it away.

5. The highly inappropriate

This could be anything from using a blinking bulb to illuminate Jesus to the really scary Santa faces plastered on your tree. A neighbor of ours has an inflatable manger scene, but because of a recent spell of cold weather, one of the shepherds looks like he’s celebrating the coming of our Lord and Savior by taking advantage of one of the mules. You can’t tell me that, as owner of said nativity, that you don’t drive by it everyday and don’t see it. Everyone else does, trust me.


Anonymous said...

I am glad you did not mention the person that still has the Thanksgiving flag up on Dec 8th. Perhaps that person is just insanely busy OR just insane :)

Bea's mom

"Lady" Bea said...

I know that Thanksgiving flag person. That bitch is crazy. Just sayin'...

"Lady" Bea said...

Aw, Mame. The blinking baby Jesus! Your forgot to mention how one of our favorite pastimes when we were home from college for the holidays was to get coffee and donuts and drive around town, mocking all the Griswald-wannabees. HAHAHAHAH.

(Sorry I flaked out on you tonight. I came home and CRASHED for two hours. I blame the chiropractor. It's a handy excuse.)

Dr. Fabulous said...

GREAT rant! In line with the previous comments (that sounded a smidge personal, so forgive me if I rub salt in), I would also like to add the annoyance of Christmas decorations that are still up in March. Hell, let's say February. If you can't be responsible for taking all that shit DOWN, don't even put it up. Christmas decorations have their time, and time passes (insert "Sunrise, Sunset!" from Fiddler). Once their time is up, they become as offensive to the senses as Easter eggs that remain hidden well into July.