2 Jersey Girls

Back to Normal

2012-01-06T21:46:00.003-05:00

My 6 year-old is freaking obsessed with Jimmy Fallon's ap for my iPhone. Basically it's an alarm clock that wakes you up with a 'phone call' from Jimmy. You choose what silly message he'll say and what ringtone he'll use to call you. Little Man just likes to play the various choices while we drive places and cackle. He's also now asked that I only use Jimmy's voice to wake him up in the morning.
His favorite? Jimmy Fallon yelling, "IT'S TIME TO CHURN THE BUTTERMILK!!!" Yeah, he's definitely my kid.

The Rare Serious Post

2011-12-14T17:40:00.004-05:00

"One owes respect to the living. To the dead, one owes only the truth." -Voltaire

This is all true.

Several weeks ago, on a Tuesday, my father died. Before you get all sympathetic and kind and start making with the internet hugs, I was estranged from my father, who was an abusive alcoholic. I hadn't seen him in 15 years (not since I was 17) and hadn't spoken to him in more than 8 years.

See how I do that? I don't want your sympathy and kindness because I don't feel like I deserve it. I had to stop myself when dealing with the doctors at the hospital from telling them not to waste their time and bedside manner on me, I'm FINE. Just make with the end-of-life options and skip the hand-holding, ok? I'm not a daughter, grieving the loss of her father. I'm angry and beleagured and bitter, going through the motions and trying to make things as simple and straightforward as possible.

None of this is simple and straightforward though, is it? I'm both the grieving child AND the put-upon distant relative, aren't I? Maybe one more than the other. But the ratio of one to the other is constantly changing. Sometimes from minute to minute.

When nosy people would ask why I didn't see my father (And note to nosy people: unless you are very, very close to someone? This is none of your fucking business. It will probably become clear from the context at some point if you hang out with them long enough. And if you bug the person enough times, they'll probably stop hanging out with you at all because you're an asshole. And I know normal people reading this are like, "What are you talking about? Who would do that?" People do. Trust me), I would usually say, "Because he sucks" and change the subject. But that wasn't always the case.

When my brother and I were little, my father was an ok dad. At least, he seemed ok to his kids, who I don't think really analyze that kind of thing. He would play with us, read to us, make up stupid songs about poop to the tune of Christmas carols, build forts in the living room with cardboard boxes and blankets, let us eat candy bars for dinner when my mom wasn't home, let us sit in his lap and "help" him drive, and would play a much-loved game where he would swerve the car around all crazy called "Drunk Driver."

Oops. That's getting into the not-so-great stuff. But you know what? The bad stuff is easier to remember. It's the good stuff he did that I can't bear to think about. The fond memories, like when I was very little and we were walking around somewhere and I would hold his thumb because his hands were too big for me to comfortably hold them, that chew at me and make me incredibly angry. Because my father could never overcome his demons, stop drinking, stop abusing the people in his life, act like a productive human being. He might have tried, but it didn't seem like.

My father was not a man, apparently, who believed in sparing his children anything. In a lot of ways, his death was no different. It was messy and inconvenient and painful. My last duty as his daughter was to handle the disposal of his body, the donation of his organs, filling in the information on his death certificate. I wouldn't have necessarily called it ahead of time, but all of these final duties were incredibly painful. The kind of thing that while you're doing them, you're thinking, "Man. That's gonna leave a mark."

I hope he's at peace, finally. I really do. His life was not peaceful, both of his own doing and from circumstances outside of his control, much of it things that I will never know.

Almost a month has passed since all this happened. I wrote a lot of this blog entry the week he died, while this stuff was still fresh in my mind. As with anyone's life, a lot has happened since then. My anger and pain are starting to move into the background. My grief mostly consists of regret and wistfulness for things that, barring a time machine, will never be. My father's ashes are sitting in a green box in the laundry room until we decide what to do with them. (I don't think anyone would mistake them for Tide, so don't worry about that. We use high efficiency liquid detergents anyway.) He always liked this poem, so I guess that's as good an epitaph as any. I never cared for Emily Dickinson's poetry much, but hey. That seems appropriate too.

What Is Bea Watching This Television Season?

2011-11-07T18:18:00.006-05:00

...Because I know you were all wondering. It's the question on everyone's (no one's) minds! Believe it or not, I don't feel like I watch a lot of television. I despise having shows meted out to me on a weekly basis and then pulled for months at a time. IT ANNOYS ME A LOT. I really prefer to mainline a show on DVD, but then I miss out on discussing it with with everyone else and reading reviews and articles, etc.

Returning Shows

The Walking Dead. Dude. Zombies. Come on. I agree with everyone else who says that season one had an pretty awesome pilot and then the rest...kinda...sucked? It was very uneven. There were parts that were cool (the zombie attack on the camp, the showdown at the CDC) and parts that sucked (Um. The rest), but I was still curious enough to pop in for season two. It's better that the first season. I know that seems like faint praise, but it really is better. Some of the existing problems from season one are still around, like the pacing issues (Either kill Sophia off or fucking find her. LIKE, YESTERDAY), they still don't really know how to handle the Lori/Shane/Rick triangle (Lori and Shane need to come clean - they aren't really at fault, they truly thought Rick was dead and who could blame them - and then they have a threeway relationship. Shit. It's the zombie apocalypse. Have a threeway. Who cares?), and I still don't feel like they've really found their own internal logic and rules for their particular zombie apocalypse. They sure don't treat it like a biological contagion, what with everyone unconcernedly getting zombie goo on them all the time, but it's clearly communicable through bites, so what the fuck? SO. ANYWAY. The Walking Dead: better than last season, for real. The Shane twist was pretty great and I'm hoping it gets that character (who has potential and I like the actor) out of that rut (PUN SO INTENDED) that he's been in. The show needs to figure out some cool shit to do with Glenn, and either do something with Andrea or kill her off. While she's got a point re: Dale's paternalism, her incessant whinging about it drives me crazy. (The show, in general, kind of doesn't know what do with women. Are there any women on that writing staff? If not, fucking hire some.) Of course, I also watch The Talking Dead, because I love Chris Hardwick.
Criminal Minds. I slacked off last season because the firing of 66.6666667% of the female cast members REALLY pissed me off. And apparently it pissed everyone else off because, OH LOOK! They brought Emily and JJ back because the most important thing about this show is the chemistry of the cast! Imagine that! So, I'm back. Spencer Reid is still pretty.
Sons of Anarchy. Oh God, I hated the Ireland story last season SO MUCH. I, um, didn't watch the last three or so episodes because it was so painfully annoying. It's better this season. (Sensing a theme? Heh.)
Community. I'm not a regular watcher. I pop in from time to time, mostly to see if Joel McHale will take his shirt off or if a piano will fall on Chevy Chase. ...What?

New (To Me) Shows

Parks & Recreation. Oh, this is such a gem of a show, you guys. I love it! It's so...good-natured. Every time I wait for it to get awkward and cringe-inducing (like The Office), it almost never does! I love all the characters SO much. Leslie Knope! Is there another character like her on television? AND I LOVE RON SWANSON. RON. I AM DARK-HAIRED AND NOT-ENTIRELY-UNATTRACTIVE AND CAN PREPARE YOU BREAKFAST FOODS!!! MARRY ME.

New Shows

Homeland. This is a really, really great show. Damian Lewis and Claire Danes are AMAZING in their roles and the supporting cast is awesome too. I like how unflinching and harsh it is. I love that I'm never entirely sure what's going on, who I can believe, if I can ever accept what I see in flashbacks. So. Great.
American Horror Story. It's...just..so...INCREDIBLY BATSHIT B-A-N-A-N-A-S INDULGENTLY CRAZY. And I love that about it. I know a lot of people were put off by the pilot (and I don't entirely blame them) but I was strangely flattered by how over-the-top it was. "Aw, show! You really want me to like you! It's like a first date and you've brought flowers AND candy AND perfume! Aww. You've thrown dead babies, adultery, bare asses, a guy in a shiny gimp suit, Dead!Fake!Weasley twins, and Jessica Lange acting like she's a lost Tennessee Williams heroine. You get another episode!" I love Lange, Connie Britton, Taissa Farmiga and the kid who plays Tate. It's not...good, but BOY, is it entertaining. Do I think it's going to crash and burn? Probably. But it sure is fun while it lasts.
Revenge. I do really like Revenge but it's up against about a million other things. I usually catch up with it on Hulu. It's everything that Ringer SHOULD be, but isn't: super-fun and soapy and trashy.

Shows That I Have Broken Up With

Glee. I would probably keep watching Glee if they ONLY sang and danced. I realized that I found every character (Except for Kurt and Blaine) hugely annoying anytime they actually spoke.
Supernatural. This was awhile ago, but ugh. I just got sick of its bullshit.
True Blood. The show that I want it to be is not the show that it is. And the show that it is isn't one I'm really very interested in watching.
Dexter. I still really like this show, I just got too far behind (I missed all of last season). Maybe I'll catch up on DVD.
Ringer. I only lasted two episodes. Sorry, Sarah Michelle Gellar. I love you, but I kind of hated this show.

Shows I Intend To Keep Watching

The Wire. SOMEDAY, YOU GUYS. I have to get through seasons four and five.
Fringe. I tried to jump into season four, not having watched season three. And. Um. No. Not possible. I'm DVRing season four to watch after I grab the last season on DVD.
Sherlock. WHEN WILL I GET MORE? I neeeed it, you guys.
Game of Thrones. Though the second season should be called A Clash of Kings. /pedant
Breaking Bad. I'm hoping to use the year's hiatus before the final season to catch up on the whole thing.
Mad Men. Whenever it comes back.

What are you watching this season? What are you NOT watching?

The Annotated Sausage and Rice Soup Recipe

2011-09-24T23:57:00.004-05:00

I like food. I like to eat food. And sometimes, I like to make food. I can cook. I'm not a super-awesome cook (my mom is, though). I'm more of a baker than a cook, but cooking is more useful than baking. I mean, you CAN eat peanut butter cookies for dinner, but you SHOULDN'T. I'm always confused by people who say they can't cook. I'm one of those people who's like, "Um. Can you read? Because if you can read a recipe, you can follow it." Chances are, you'll turn out something eat-able.

I like soup. Especially in the fall and winter. You probably do, too. So, read this recipe that I mostly made up! I don't measure things, really, so don't expect me to tell you to add 1 cup or 1 tablespoon of something. It won't matter so if you like a lot of something, add more. If you don't like it, add less or not at all.

Ingredients:
1 quart of chicken stock
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can tomato sauce (not spaghetti sauce)
1 can white (cannelini) beans

Carrots
Celery
Onion
Minced garlic (I'm lazy and buy a jar of minced garlic. If you're a better person than me, mince some up fresh!)

Rice (I use those boil-in-a-bag-things. I find rice...challenging.)

4 (or however much) patties (or actual sausages, cut the casing and squeeze out the sausage. This is actually really fun!) of Italian sausage (I used sweet but it's entirely up to you. If you live on the wild side, use hot!)

All seasonings are subject to change. Add whatever sounds good.
Oregano
Seasoned salt
Black pepper
Bay leaf
Crushed red pepper
Fresh herbs would be really good. If you have some fresh basil or oregano, chop some up! Just not cilantro. I fucking hate cilantro.

Directions:
Brown sausage, breaking into teeny pieces

Chop vegetables, put a little water on them and toss in microwave for a few minutes to soften them up (this isn't required. It just makes it cook faster). Coat bottom of large pot with olive oil, add vegetables and some minced garlic. Cook until onions start to look translucent. Add stock, tomato sauce and a can or two of water. Rinse white beans and add. Add sausage. Add seasonings. (I don't measure, so add until it looks right.) Bring to a boil and then simmer for 45 minutes or so. Cook rice according to package instructions. Drain and add rice to soup. Simmer for awhile longer. Remove bay leaf.

Eat with grated cheese and bread.

If storing, cool for no more than two hours and then refrigerate or freeze.

The soup will be fairly zippy and spicy. The spiciness will mellow by the next day.
I cook the sausage and rice separately for the following reasons: 1. I'm too much of a food safety ninny to add raw meat to soup 2. Cooking the rice in the soup would sop up all the broth and make it taste all starchy.
This is a really good base for soups. You could add tortellinis and a handful of baby spinach for tortellini soup. You could add different vegetables for minestrone, or pasta for pasta fagioli.
If you're a vegetarian, you could certainly use vegetable broth and soy sausage (they have that, right?). Whatever. I'm not the boss of you.
I always, always, always forget to remove the bay leaf. I should start handing out a prize for whoever gets the bay leaf in their bowl of soup.

Yeah, About That...

2011-09-24T23:56:00.001-05:00

...Um. So, I didn't die in the hurricane. :D

Like Somefin' Is Brewin'...About to Begiiiin: Hurricane Irene Preparation

2011-08-27T15:58:00.003-05:00

Sooooo...I live in NJ. RIGHT IN THE PATH OF THE DEADLY HURRICANE IRENE.

I kid because I can, but I'm kind of scared. I will be more than happy to feel silly on Monday morning. Look. I'm a Nervous Nellie, you guys. Though, I am sick of being told my weather-type folks to "hunker down." Yeah. We get it. I will not be floating through the streets on a surf board. I will not be standing in my front yard, trying to fly a kite. I won't be going door-to-door, ringing doorbells and yelling, "LAND SHARK!!!"* I will be sitting in my living room, enjoying the electricity, air conditioning, running water, cable, and internet for as long as I have it. I've got packing to do, since I'm moving in a week. I've got knitting to work on. I've got books to read (Room by Emma Donoghue and The Magicians by Lev Grossman). Board games. Weather Channel personalities to mock.

I'm a busy lady, ok?

We've got a radio, flashlights, non-perishable foods, bottled water, a full tank of gas, and a bag packed in case we need to FLEE. I had to battle a Lord of the Flies-esque situation at the gas station last night in order to get that tank of gas. I fought the Beast, I blew on the conch shell (NOT a euphemism. Well. Not the one YOU'RE thinking of, dirty bird), and drove away victorious.

Aaaand now the cable is flickering. Stay safe, everyone. Not today, you guys. NOT TODAY. /drama

*Though this sounds HILARIOUS.

Family Visit

2011-08-15T20:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, so this is an old entry that I have had sitting in Drafts forever. I went to visit family recently and I haven't blogged in FOREVER and want to get back into it, so it's sort of appropriate? I guess? But I kind of like it anyway.

Your grandmother will announce that during your and your Mom's upcoming visit, she's arranging a "Girls' Dinner," consisting of relatives you haven't seen in years. You will be very excited. Until you find out that the dinner is taking place at Ponderosa. You consider calling Ponderosa and asking if they will allow BYOB. Eventually, you decide this is probably not a good idea.

You and Mom will make the long drive to the Bible-Beltish Town. The cd player in Mom's car does not accept your Super-Special Mix CDs. And this makes you sad. Mom rolls her eyes. But she does let you drive her car and this hasn't happened oh, since EVER.

You: What ever happened to your rule about no one who you gave birth to being allowed to drive your car?
Mom: I'm tired of driving, that's what.
You: Oh. Hey, your car goes way faster than my car!
Mom: Duh.

You will pass a scary little church along that way whose bulletin board informs you, "HELL IS NOT A PARTY. ITS [sic] TORTURE THAT NEVER ENDS." You and Mom will gape at it and then FALL OUT laughing. Also, you'll tell everyone you know because, hey, maybe they think that Hell is a good time and knowing is half the battle, all that. Also, you and your entire family will bellow that phrase whenever remotely appropriate.

When you and Mom arrive at the dinner, you will narrowly avoid a bare-knuckle brawl with a TOTAL BITCH in the Ponderosa parking lot.

You: Maybe our Jersey attitudes are a little out-of-place here?
Mom: Whatever. You should totally go kick her in the ass.

Your Gram has gotten a "private room" at the Ponderosa. You wonder if this means you'll all be snorting coke off of stripper's asses AND eating steak, but you decide to leave that one unvoiced. Your Aunt Tia, cousin Brianna and Great-Aunt May are all there, along with several other cousins. Everyone hugs and sits down to catch up.

MUCH LATER...other cousins arrive. You lean over and whisper to your grandmother, "Yeah, so timeliness doesn't so much run in our family, huh?" She swats at you, but gives you a conspiratorial smile. A cousin walks in who you are completely certain that you've never met before, but you recognize her immediately as family. She looks at your Mom and exclaims, "We all look like our mothers!" You really, really concur.

Drinks (sadly, nonalcoholic ones) arrive and everyone starts talking at once. Topics of conversation include: four-hour erections, things found up people's butts, weddings, babies, who's in college, and cooking. We pass around pictures and scrapbooks. A cousin informs the assembled party that she has a photograph of a two-year old you climbing a chair in a dress and no diaper. You flatly deny that such a picture exists and will continue to do so, thank you very much. We tell and retell old family stories. Brianna pulls you aside and hisses, "Ok, I don't know half the people in there. Who ARE they?" You crack up.

You eat. You sneer at each other's food choices. Cousins bond over seafood allergies. You look at your cousin's wedding pictures and coo over her upcoming baby. It is a really, really good time.

You are not a person who puts a whole lot of stock in blood. You love your family because you love them, not because you have to. You have friends that you love like family. There are family members that you haven't spoken to in years and probably never will again. But, you are lucky enough to have family that you actually like. However. There is something to be said for a room full of people that can totally donate a kidney or bone marrow or something. Heh.

Countdown to (Potential!) AWESOMENESS!

2011-04-17T18:59:00.002-05:00

Putting aside my prickliness and various complaints about jerks on the internets: LESS THAN ONE HOUR UNTIL GAME OF THRONES!!!!!

Sorsha and my Gentleman Caller are coming over to flail with me! Well. More likely, Sorsha and I will flail with glee while GC and my mom roll their eyes.

It's gonna be GREAT.

Do you have Game of Thrones plans?

An Open Letter To Certain Male Geeks

2011-04-13T22:26:00.009-05:00

Greetings, geeks! My name is Bea. I'm (as of last week-ish) 32 years old. I'm a college graduate. I work in social services. I bake. I knit. I read (a lot). I vote Democrat. I occasionally sparkle. I enjoy the works of Jane Austen, thunderstorms, the Oxford comma, and the laughter of children.

Oh, I'm also a geek. I've been a geek since I was a tiny little girl and I had a Dune coloring book. This Dune coloring book, actually. I also had a glow-in-the-dark He-Man sword when I was itty-bitty that I had to take in the bathroom to watch glow because I was never awake when it was dark outside. Because I was four. Later, I was a huge She-Ra fan and literally subscribed to her newsletter. I loved Star Wars, Blade Runner, The Terminator, Wonder Woman, The Incredible Hulk, The V miniseries (both of them!), Legend, The Dark Crystal, The NeverEnding Story, Dune (the Lynch version, NEVER the Sci-Fi version, though that was much later), Labyrinth, and Conan the Barbarian. The 80s were fun, weren't they?

I was a gamer girl in the late 80s and early 90s. Look. You think it's tough being a gamer girl now? (It is, I'm sure.) Try it then. I was LITERALLY the only girl I knew who played video games. Ever. I don't play anymore but I can still fuck you up at Super Mario Bros. 1-3. My parents took me and my brother to a Nintendo Convention in Valley Forge, PA as a birthday gift. I'm guessing it was 1990 or 1991. Whatever year Super Mario Bros. 3 came out. I remember because I smoked some dude at a demo of the game. He clearly wasn't expecting that from a little girl. It was AWESOME.

I've watched The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, Space: Above and Beyond, VR-5, Harsh Realm, Dead at 21, Love and Curses, Forever Knight, Beauty and the Beast, Dark Shadows (the old 60s soap AND the early 90s remake), Mystery Science Theater 3000, Twin Peaks, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Farscape, The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, Heroes, Roar, Dark Angel, Supernatural, Fringe, Roswell, Alias, Earth 2, Dark Skies, Millennium, Kindred: The Embraced, and SeaQuest DSV.

I've read Heinlein and Herbert. I've read all the Lord of the Rings books. I own the extended editions of all the movies AND the Trivial Pursuit game.

Sorsha and I have a zombie apocalypse plan and seriously. It's awesome. It's getting better by the day.

I read comic books. I go to cons. Got my picture taken with Michael Berryman. I saw The Dark Knight in the theater four times. I have the Iron Man Mr. Potato Head, Tony Starch sitting on top of my television. I have a Matchbox-sized replica of the Metallicar on my desk. My mousepad features a kingly Aragorn. I'm currently knitting a Gryffindor scarf.

As you can see from the above exhaustive list, I will watch/read/consume ANYTHING sci-fi/horror/fantasy-related. Regardless of quality as you can also see from the above list. Heh. I can authoritatively nerd out on a variety of subjects. And I do. Often. And I do all of these things despite the INCREDIBLE HANDICAP OF A PAIR OF BREASTS. SHOCKING, RIGHT?!

But seriously, you guys. (And not ALL geek guys, of course.) Can you please stop acting like you own the field of geekery all on your own? Aren't we past this? Seriously? Are we really still OMG STUNNED when a woman enjoys nerdy pursuits? I don't do these things because my boyfriend reads comics and I want him to like me.

For example, I listen to The Nerdist podcast every week. Twice a week if it's on twice. I love it. It's awesome. It's my favorite podcast. I love Chris Hardwick. He's hilarious. But Chris. Dude. I AM NOT THE ONLY WOMAN WHO LISTENS TO YOUR SHOW. THERE ARE FEMALE GEEKS. IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU'RE DATING ONE. So why do you keep making comments about how no women listen to your show or how your nerdiness is losing you female viewers. Um. We do and it's not. KNOCK IT OFF. My ovaries do not "dry up" when James Gunn and Jonah Ray get into a nerd fight over whether or not 28 Days Later qualifies as a zombie film. That was AWESOME. (My opinion: it does count as a zombie movie.)

I was listening today to a review of the Game of Thrones miniseries. (3 days, you guys!!!!) And the reviewer made a comment about it possibly being a turn-off for women because it's all male-dominated, bloody and full of ultra-violence. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Because Dany and Arya and Catelyn and Sansa are just standing around, looking pretty. (Well, ok, Sansa is.) Because women can't stand watching male characters. (If we felt that way, we wouldn't watch anything, ever.) Because women don't like to watch dudes with swords fuck shit up. Especially because women don't enjoy a complex, well-told story. Mmm-hmmm.

Oh for Christ's sake, Terrance Zdunich: YES. GIRLS DO READ COMIC BOOKS. I even bought your creepy comic book about cockroaches.

I guess I'm mostly just tired of being told I don't exist.

ETA: This. Thanks, Sorsha. WHATEVER.

YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

2011-03-03T19:52:00.003-05:00

So, I'm sitting at my desk this morning, sipping my coffee, listening to NPR, and organizing the day's events and I get a text from my most amiable geeky companion Sorsha: "JULY 12TH RELEASE FOR A DANCE WITH DRAGONS!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And then there were more texts and later, when I got home, tweets from Dan Mac and others and the entire internet was like, wall-to-wall GEORGE R. R. MARTIN. It was AWESOME.

I'm so excited! I did this and then this and then this is what my office looked like all day today. (Instead of Doctor Who geeks, picture me doing a happy dance and a lot of confused social service workers. Good times.) And I know, I don't deserve to be excited. I only just read A Game of Thrones and am only halfway through A Clash of Kings. I haven't SUFFERED like the rest of you. I am aware of my privilege, ok? But my wait for the last two books will be just as long as yours now. WE WILL PINE TOGETHER.

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. I just went looking for the new trailer for the miniseries that went live during the Academy Awards and found a NEW NEW TRAILER! Holy shit, you guys! It's like today is GEEK CHRISTMAS. The Wall! A glimpse of the Others! MORE JAIME. Um. Soooo...Robb? Kind of hot, yeah?

I can't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!!!

Television Review: "Fringe," Season One

2011-02-16T20:00:00.000-05:00

I've been sick all week. Missed three days of work because my doctor put me out due to "an upper respiratory infection and possible strep." WebMD said that I may have anthrax. AWESOME, RIGHT? Anyway, I felt like doody and had a lot of time on my hands.

Luckily, my boss Snowflower had just lent me her season one DVD of Fringe. I'd tried watching Fringe when the pilot originally aired and I didn't care for it and I haaaated the second episode so much that I gave up and never watched it again. (The second episode featured icky violence against women and notably, one of the few things I full-stop cannot watch: violence against a pregnant woman. Out like shout.) Also, I kept thinking, "You know, I saw this show the FIRST time, when they called it The X-Files" and that show broke my heart. In short, Fringe just didn't "take." But I am notoriously finicky about television shows. Catch me in the wrong mood and try to show me The Wire and I might tell it to piss off. Catch me in the RIGHT mood and I'll love the show and probably yell at you for not telling me about it sooner.

It's very difficult being me, ok?

ANYWAY. All my favorite geeks watch this show and I don't really HAVE a favorite show right now. At least, not until A Game of Thrones airs. THEN IT'S ON, BABIES.

**Possible spoilers through the beginning of season 2 of Fringe**

So, for three days, I sat/laid in bed watching the entire first season, only getting up to make more tea and change DVDs. (Makers of the Fringe DVD sets: put more episodes per disc. Two episodes per disc is BULLSHIT.) I still didn't like the pilot all that much and I liberally fast-forwarded through the bits of episode two I didn't like. I'm perusing through the episode guide trying to see the episode that really GOT me. Because I liked it enough to keep watching (Though, really, I had nothing better to do) but wasn't really WILD about. I liked the characters, particularly Walter and Astrid but, you know. Whatever. And it was episodes ten and eleven, "Safe" and "Bound." The one where the guy gets stuck through a wall while trying to rob a bank and the one where Olivia is kidnapped by mad scientists and IS TOTALLY AWESOME AND KICKS FUCKING ASS. Ahem. Excuse me.

So, yeah. That took awhile. But the second half of the season is WAY better than the first. Once they get started on their whole mytharc and the characters really take shape, it ROCKS. And all the actors are great. John Noble (I remember him mostly as the drive-mad-by-Sauron King Denethor from The Return of the King) is SO awesome as Walter, a loopy yet brilliant scientist loosed from a mental institution to help the FBI. I love Walter very, very much. Jonathan Jackson is surprisingly good as Peter Bishop, Walter's underachieving genius rascal son. I, sadly, remember him from Dawson's Creek. Don't look at me like that. I was in college in the late 90s. We all watched that shit. He's much better here, I promise. And Astrid! Astrid is so great and sometimes I think she deserves better coworkers (They're always abandoning her and leaving her to Walter-sit!), but then I wouldn't have the delight of her many WTF faces. And I love those.

Olivia Dunham, you guys. I wasn't sure about her at first, but I LOVE HER. She is so badass. Tough and smart and warm and just AWESOME. There's a storyline where this asshole from Homeland Security who Olivia had previously put away for rape is trying to shut down the Fringe Division (They did a great job casting this character. I hated his face INSTANTLY). And he's trying to be all looming and intimidating and she's just looking at him like, "Whatev." And then I said aloud, "Dude. You will NEVER break her." And then I realized I must be in love with her. Heh. Plus, she has REALLY great hair. No, really. Look how pretty.

And Lance Reddick! From The Wire! LOVE that guy! Daniels was one of my favorites on that show! (And Kima and Lester!) I was dubious about Broyles at first because he's kind of a jerk, but he turns that around. He has such a great voice. He should narrate things. Also? He should take his shirt off more often. I know, I know, he's a serious actor. He's excellent. But Lance also has a smokin' hot body under those trench coats. I know this from The Wire, OK. So my integrity is in place. (Sort of.) I tried to find you a picture, Dear Readers, but alas. I turned up shirtless pictures of Gerard Butler and that politician who just resigned for taking camera phone pictures of himself.

I like Kirk Acevedo and I liked him as Charlie but I thought his character was sort of superfluous, so I wasn't surprised that he was killed off. Though the manner in which he was offed surprised me. I thought it would be a whole huge drama with him dying in Olivia's arms or something, not secretly killed and incinerated by a shape-shifter. I was sorry to see him go, but that was pretty awesome.

And I loooooove Nina Sharp. I don't trust her at ALL, but I find her delightfully cagey and I love her robot arm. And I'm obsessed with finding The Observer in every episode. This website was helpful in enabling me. I really like Michael Cerveris; I saw him a few years ago in Sweeney Todd and he was GREAT. I'm always weirdly proprietary with actors I've seen in plays. Heh.

I DON'T like the storyline with Olivia's sister and niece. BORING. Also, it never works out well for the heroine's sister, ok? Just ask Melissa Scully, Nadia Santos, Maddy Ferguson (Ok, she was a cousin. An IDENTICAL cousin, though), and Beth March. Just, no. I like the actress who plays Rachel, Ari Graynor. She's hilarious in general, though toned down on Fringe. I adore her in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. (P.S. If you ever wanted to know what I was like in high school and college - and of course you do! - watch this movie. I was totally Norah. Mame pointed this out to me and made me watch it and wow.)

The finale! OMG! Leonard Nimoy! Alternate worlds! David Robert Jones! Craziness!

So, you know, Fringe. Good stuff! Instead of being an X-Files rip-off, it's more like a cross between Alias and The X-Files, with most of the good things of both and less of the bad. I've been supplied with season two and I've started DVRing season three so I can catch up.

Prepping For The Oscars!

2011-02-07T20:00:00.005-05:00

My mom, brother and I have been trying to watch as many Oscar-nominated movies as possible before the ceremony. I think I've mentioned before in this space that I LOVE the Academy Awards. Yes, they're stupid and lame and the right people never win. (I'm still lookin' at YOU, Julia Roberts.) But still. We have a party every year with snacks and voting and we start with bitchy, red carpet dress mocking. I have SUCH high hopes for Helena Bonham Carter's dress. Maybe it will rival Bjork's crazy swan thing! ::fingers crossed::

Here's the scorecard so far (List stolen from Sars at Tomato Nation):

127 Hours (There's no fucking way I'm going to see this movie.)
Alice in Wonderland (It was fine. I mostly went for the Michael Sheen.)
Animal Kingdom (I would LOVE to see this. I'll probably try to grab it from the Redbox this weekend.)
Another Year
Barney's Version
Biutiful
Black Swan (I really loved this movie until the last 20 minutes where I feel like it went off the rails a bit. Well. A lot. Natalie Portman was really great. The scene where she calls her mother from the bathroom stall brought tears to my eyes AND a chill up my spine.)
Blue Valentine (Haven't gotten around to this one yet. I'm not sure I'll be able to before the ceremony. It's...probably not a date movie, right?)
The Confession
Country Strong (Yeah, no.)
The Crush
Day & Night
Dogtooth (I'm really morbidly curious about this one.)
Exit Through the Gift Shop
The Fighter (Meh. I hate boxing.)
Gasland
God of Love
The Gruffalo
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, pt. 1 (Of course I saw this one. Loved it. I'm sure it won't win anything. Heh.)
Hereafter (I'm curious about this movie. I like things to with with the afterlife, etc. but it's hard to do well.)
How to Train Your Dragon (I think the next time we keep my nephew overnight, we'll rent this.)
I Am Love
The Illusionist
In A Better World
Incendies
Inception (LOVED this movie. My second favorite of 2010. My Gentleman Caller and I watched it with the Rifftrax commentary and it was HILARIOUS.)
Inside Job
Iron Man 2 (Mmm...Downey...)
The Kids Are All Right (I liked this movie quite a bit. The dialogue was great; it felt very natural and more like how real people talk. They really seemed like a family.)
Killing In The Name
The King's Speech (LovedlovedLOVED it. Much funnier than I expected. Lovely and touching and everyone in it is great.)
Let's Pollute
The Lost Thing
Madagascar, A Journey Diary
Na Wewe
Outside The Law
Poster Girl
Rabbit Hole (I saw the play during its original Broadway run and adored it. I'd like to see the movie. I'm not notably a Nicole Kidman fan, but she can be excellent when she puts her mind to it. And when her forehead moves.)
Restrepo (Documentaries aren't usually my thing, but I'd like to see this.)
Salt (...No.)
The Social Network (I liked this fine, but wasn't as impressed with it as many seemed to be. Andrew Garfield is ADORABLE. I disagreed with the last line. Mark Zuckerberg, as portrayed in this film, is a giant asshole. Don't try to tell me differently, Rashida Jones.)
Strangers No More
Sun Come Up
Tangled (I will SO see this. Someday.)
The Tempest (Helen Mirren is hot.)
The Town (It was fine. Whatever. Jeremy Renner was great. I really liked Rebecca Hall. Blake Lively was woefully miscast and WAY too young for the role. PEOPLE WHO MAKE MOVIES. STOP DOING THAT. Don't try to tell me that Blake Lively and Ben Affleck could have had a years-long relationship in any way other than statutory rape. Ugh.)
Toy Story 3 (Sobbed off and on for the whole movie. It's wonderful.)
Tron: Legacy (My Gentleman Caller dragged me to this one. Well. I went willingly because of Michael Sheen [Seeing a pattern here?] and the Daft Punk score. It was fine. I despised Garrett Hedlund in the main role, but Jeff Bridges and Olivia Wilde were fine. Sheen was hilarious and, I'm sure, took home massive amounts of money for his 15 minutes of screentime.)
True Grit (GAH. I HAVE to see this before the Oscars!)
Unstoppable (I do not have to see this one, ever.)
The Warriors of Quigang
Waste Land
The Way Back
Winter's Bone (I adored this film. Best movie of the year, hands down. Everyone in it is wonderful and perfect, but John Hawkes and Jennifer Lawrence are SO excellent. I can't say enough good things about this film.)
Wish 143
Wolfman (I would watch this with friends to mock it. We should get on that.)

Looks like I've got some work to do! What Oscar movies have you seen?

Rants of Ice and Fire: Oh, HELL No

2011-01-25T18:15:00.008-05:00

Hey Sorsha, remember when I recommended that podcast to you, Podcast of Ice and Fire? Yeah, well, I'm rescinding my recommendation. I enjoyed the first episode and part of the second one I listened to (I texted you a quote) but immediately after that, one of the women on the 'cast treated the listeners to a lecture about Catelyn Stark and how she's not a strong character because she's a wife and mother.

...No, really. That was it. I'm on record as not being a huge Catelyn fan. Mostly because I find her boring and think she was a bitch to Jon Snow, whom I adore. (Though I can sort of understand her reasoning. Well. As much as I can understand why anyone would be mean to a little kid, even if he IS your husband's illegitimate kid of TOP SECRET maternity.) But I certainly don't think she's weak. And I think she left "traditional" femininity behind when she hopped on her horse to go rally the Tullys and gather evidence against the Lannisters for booting her son out the window. And then arresting Tyrion. And the way she handled the arrest was pretty fucking masterful. And she seems extra tough when you compare her to her miserable sister. Ugh.

Yeah, she raised five kids. Hell, six, if you count Jon Snow. (Are we to think she completely ignored him? I'm unclear on this. I guess it doesn't matter much.) She was a dutiful and loving wife to Ned and mistress of Winterfell. None of these things make her weak. Motherhood's a fucking tough job, I'm pretty sure. Especially when you don't have things like, you know, epidurals, antibiotics, diapers, pacifiers and soap. And unlike that gorgon Cersei (To whom she was being compared unfavorably), she doesn't: 1. Fuck her brother 2. Murder her husband 3. Have any Damien-Omen kids.

I'm mostly just really offended by the notion that if you don't try to act like a man, you're weak. Like I said in my ridiculously impassioned defense of Sansa: not everyone can be Arya or Dany. If you put a sword in my hand, I'd probably be all, "Um. This is heavy. I'm just gonna put this down over here before I drop it on my foot" and then I'd go read a book. Or knit something. Or bake something. In fact, I'm looking up brownie recipes as we speak. ...Type. And I'd (GASP!) like to get married and have babies someday. !!!!!!!!! Whatever. I GUESS I'M JUST TOO WEAK/BORING/USELESS TO LIVE.

So, back to the podcast...I'll be unsubscribing. Which sucks because I loved being able to listen to something Westeros-related at work. It's the NEXT BEST THING to reading the novels. But I don't need that kind of misogynistic bullshit.

AND NO BROWNIES FOR YOU, PODCAST OF ICE AND FIRE.

ETA: Oh, there was other stuff, too. This was just the bit I was ranty about.

Well, There Goes the Rest of My Spare Time For the Forseeable Future...

2011-01-23T19:50:00.005-05:00

I visited my local used book store yesterday to see if they had book two of A Song of Ice and Fire in stock and guess what?! They had all three! The bookseller was quite delighted with my purchases; he seemed to be a big fan of the series. He warned me ominously that it's been years since the last book came out and that No One Knows when book five will be out. I assured him that I was aware of the risk and was willing to fling myself headlong into book-related heartbreak.* The best part is that they only cost me $10! YAAAY! (All three at Amazon was going to set me back $30, which had me squawking in indignation, but I was still totally going to pay it.)

Also, Sorcha and I may need to have a mild throwdown over Sansa Stark. Only mild because I can see her point of view, but I have all this empathy for Sansa.

*Hey, it was, like, twelve years between the releases of the fourth and fifth Earth's Children novels. Wait. Bad example. Book Five of that series, Shelters of Stone, suuuuuucked. Like, a lot.

Mini Review of Book-In-Progress: "A Game of Thrones"

2011-01-22T10:44:00.005-05:00

Sorsha has been after me for months in her gentle way (No, really. She doesn't pressure. She knows better. Almost no one manipulates me better than her) to start reading the first book in A Song of Ice and Fire series, A Game of Thrones.

I've had the damn book for over a year. I bought it at a used book store when she first started talking about it and I'd heard about the series from my fellow geeks online. Mostly, they were bitching about the next book not being out. And then Neil Gaiman told them to shut up about it and that was fun. So, I picked up the book, took one look at all the characters with the crazy names and put it back down. I'd look at it longingly on occasion, but went on to other things. But I really wanted to get it read before the HBO miniseries with the AWESOME cast came on. In April. I think I've got time. But you know. Time gets away from you. And then there was this preview.

Yeah. I need to get on that.

So, I started it this week. DETERMINED.

After numerous texts to Sorsha (And pouncing on her at work), visits to the IMDB page (Sometimes it helps if I can get mental pictures of the characters in my mind) and the Wikipedia page (Careful there if you're spoiler-averse) and I've mostly got my brain wrapped around the thirty or so primary and secondary characters and the "rules" of the world they live in.

And it's so fucking awesome. It's like a really mean, dirty (Both in sexual terms and like, grime) Middle Earth. Everyone is complex and layered and morally ambiguous. My favorite character is still Daenerys, nicknamed Dany, a thirteen-year-old deposed princess married off by her asshole brother to a warlord so he (The asshole brother) can build his army and get his throne back. She's terrified (And who wouldn't be?) but eventually comes to like her scary husband (Jason Momoa is playing him in the mini, if that tells you anything) and, more importantly, realizes that she needs to toughen the fuck up if she's going to survive. And she DOES and it's AWESOME. Also, that picture of her from IMDB immediately made me think of the Jungle Queen from The Maxx. 90s nostalgia!

So, reading continues and I need to order the next three books off of Amazon. WOOOO!!!

P.S. Three guesses as to why I used the Flowers in the Attic tag. Hee.

Christmas, Christmas Time Is Here!

2010-12-11T22:05:00.007-05:00

Ah, a December Saturday evening...I'm tucked up in my warmest jimjams with a cup of tea and an English muffin preparing to do one of my favorite lame seasonal activities: watching Christmas episodes of television shows on DVD. And if you think I'm SUPER lame for doing this...well. Sustained, I guess. But I AM super lame and this blog generally documents my lamitudes and you find that delightful, DON'T YOU? Ahem.

ANYWAY.

I'm starting with My So-Called Life,"So-Called Angels." I'm about 30 seconds in and oh, Ricky. I started here because I've been listening to the Extra Hot Great podcast (And if you're not, you should be. And the Pop Culture Happy Hour. Seriously. They both bring me much glee at work. And really, who couldn't use more glee at work? You could. I know you could) and they were talking about MSCL and it made me remember how much I love that show. (Also, 10 minutes in and I remember how much I loathe Angela's sister Danielle. Shut UP, Danielle, GOD.)

So here's what I've got on deck (Literally, I have a pile of DVDs sitting next to me):

Gilmore Girls, "Forgiveness and Stuff," season 1, episode 10. Everyone is still mad at everyone after Rory and Dean stayed out all night after her first dance. The Richard goes to the hospital with chest pains and they get over it. Oh, season one Gilmore Girls. How much you did not suck! Remember when I you didn't want to slap Rory?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Amends," season 3, episode 10. The one where The First Evil makes its, um, first appearance and tries to corrupt Angel. And Willow tries to seduce Oz in an adorable fashion. I know most people don't like this episode but it's full of angst delicious angst and I love it.
Joan of Arcadia, "The Uncertainty Principle," season 1 episode 11. This one fudging a little because it's not a terribly Christmasy episode but it revolves around the winter dance. God tells Joan to go to the dance with a troubled boy (Who played Andrew Schillinger on Oz and it weirded me out to see him here) and things get all dramatic. I always get the chills during the last five minutes of this episode.
Veronica Mars, "An Echolls Family Christmas," season 1, episode 10. Veronica is hired to find out who stole the winnings from a 09er poker game and Keith investigates a famous actor's stalking. There's a shanking. It's pretty awesome.
Doctor Who, "The Christmas Invasion," series 2, episode 1. God, I love this episode. David Tennant's first episode as the Tenth Doctor and he totally kicks ass. I got annoyed with Ten toward the end (SHUT UP WITH YOUR EMO MAN PAIN, FOR REAL!) but I adored him when he first started.
The West Wing, "In Excelsis Deo," season 1, episode 20 and "Noel," season 2, episode 10. The first is when a homeless veteran dies wearing a coat that Toby donated to Goodwill and Toby arranges a military funeral for him. The second is the one where Josh has PTSD and is my second favorite episode of TWW EVER (My first favorite, like everyone else ever, is "Two Cathedrals").
The Office, "Christmas Party, season 2, episode 16. Yaaaankee swap and Jim gets Pam a teapot. (I also hate Michael Scott.)
Scrubs, "My Own Personal Jesus," season 1, episode 11. The gang deliver a baby in a park. Dr. Cox is grinchy.

So...what's YOUR favorite Christmas episode? Something I didn't mention? Do you hate Danielle Chase as much as I do?

ALSO.

2010-11-22T23:33:00.002-05:00

I need to talk about Sherlock. DON'T THINK I WON'T. But I'm tired right now. But it is SO. AWESOME. If you haven't watched it, you need to. If you have, tell me in the comments how it is your favorite thing ever.

I'll write a full review soon. VERY. SOON.

But for you ladies (and gents!), a round of Marry, Cliff, Shag from Sherlock!

Marry, Cliff, Shag: Sherlock, John, Lestrade. GO!

A Conversation With the Guy at Target Concerning My Chemical Romance

2010-11-22T22:47:00.004-05:00

Today was the release date for the new My Chemical Romance CD, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys. Of course I went out on my lunch break and bought it. And very happily danced my way back to work. Yes, I can dance and drive at the same time. I'm special that way. VERY. SPECIAL.

Now, if you clicked that Target link -- and I doubt you did -- you'll see that it says that the CD is available online but not in stores. Since today was the release date, this confused me. And I'd be damned if I'd waste precious minutes of my lunch break on a failed visit to Target. So, I called the store.

I knew I would regret this.

The Target near my work is not a good Target. It's poorly stocked and staffed. I routinely want to slap people in the makeup aisles. But, whatever, it's two seconds away from my work; it's convenient. So, this happened:

Target Guy: Hellothankyouforcallingtargetthisiselectronicshowmayihelpyou.

Me: Hi! Do you have My Chemical Romance's new CD in stock today?

Target Guy: ...What is it called?

Me: Danger Days.

Target Guy: [dubiously] What's the name of the band?

Me: [sigh] My Chemical Romance.

Target Guy: [suspiciously] And what's the name of the CD again?

Me: Danger. Days.

Target Guys: Danger Days...Danger Days...huh. And what genre of music is that?

Me: Rock.

Target Guy: ...Huh. Yeah, we have it. It's $8.99.

Me: Cool! Thanks!

fin.

I enjoyed how he clearly had no idea what I was talking about and thought I was just making shit up. Which is not outside the realm of possibility, but not today. Whatever, he probably just has better taste in music than I do. WHATEVER, DON'T JUDGE ME.

IT'S REALLY AWESOME! :DDDDDDDDD

Bad Day Rehab: Celebrity Boyfriends

2010-09-29T18:44:00.004-05:00

Hmmm...rough day at work today, babies. Well. Let's be honest, it's been a rough MONTH at work, babies. I try not to talk about my job on my blog because I don't want to get FIRED or otherwise compromised. But I don't think the little fact that it's been a suck-ass month will be too problematical. But whatev, let's talk about something that will cheer me up: my ever-revolving parade of celebrity boyfriends. I know, Gentle Readers, that you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and gasp, "WHO IS IN BEA'S TOP 5 LIST OF CELEBRITY BOYFRIENDS THIS WEEK!?!?!?" Well, in the interests of everyone getting a proper night's rest, I'll tell you. I'm a humanitarian.

Robert Downey Jr. Neither I nor EGT understand Tumblr, but that site makes me laugh. A lot. Mame and I are eagerly anticipating Due Date. During my studies of Downey's career, I've found this to be a very useful resource. For each film of his they ask "Dies/Gay/Villain?" My favorite answer is for Sherlock Holmes: "No/Vaguely/No." HA!
Dr. Spencer Reid. He may be fictional, but he still the prettiest.
Benedict Cumberbatch. Yes. I still think his name sounds like a gay porn star. Or, as the Nerdist dude pointed out, like a teacher from Hogwarts. But he's super hot. And he has a damn fine coat. And a sexy voice. So...SOLD. Also, he may not be human but I'm not letting that get in my way.
Michael Sheen. He's adorable and sometimes makes good movies: The Queen, Frost/Nixon, and The Damned United. And not-so-good movies: Twilight: New Moon, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, and Tron: Legacy. (Damn you, Michael. Now I have to see that piece of shit. But the Daft Punk soundtrack does make me feel a bit better about the whole thing.) Also, why all the colons, Michael? And he surprise!presented at the Oscars, thrilling me (and EGT) beyond belief. That was a pretty bad day for me, so I choose to think it was a special gift from him. Shhhhh...don't try to reason with me. He's a really, really good actor and also does music videos. I like that in a celebrity boyfriend.
Terrance Zdunich. Seriously. Have you not seen Repo! The Genetic Opera yet? Get on that, will you? (If you don't like camp and gore, you'll hate it. Luckily, I love both.) This dude emailed me. Because I ordered a comic book from his website. The fit I threw could not be documented. Lucky Sorsha was there to witness it! I'm a challenging friend. (P.S. The comic was really good! I haven't gotten around to ordering the rest of the series, but I did like it. Despite the fucking cockroaches.)

Well. That was fun, wasn't it? Tell me about YOUR celebrity boyfriends/girlfriends! There's no shame (or dignity!) here.

A PSA From Me To You...

2010-09-23T19:30:00.005-05:00

So, I got yet another text from Mame demanding that I back her up on the two things that Jersey kids were warned against in a most dire and repetitive fashion. I immediately texted back "Escalators. Railroad tracks." Because it is true.

When I saw Mallrats for the first time, I laughed until I cried at Brodie's rant about fearing and respecting the escalator. When I was little, my father had me convinced that if I didn't hold onto my parent with one hand and have the other on the railing, my shoes tightly tied and my Cabbage Patch kid held high above the platform, the escalator would eat me. And then spit out one pigtail and a Punky Brewster hightop sneaker. And then belch and laugh like Pennywise the Clown. (By the way, googling "escalator accidents" brings up some really awesome stuff. If I ever do a sequel to this post, which is sadly likely, I'll be sure to mention escalator accidents. I'm so sorry.) I still check to make sure my shoes are tied before I step on an escalator. YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL, OK?

Mame and I (and probably Sorsha, a fellow Jersey girl) sat through SO MANY assemblies about the dangers of playing on railroad tracks. A particularly memorable one showed us goggle-eyed 7-year-olds what would happen if you stood too close to a train going past. You know what happens? Your head comes off. Then there was the terrifying one I saw when I was a teenager with a lady who got stuck on the tracks when her car stalled and her baby was in the backseat. Yeah. The baby didn't make it. TRAUMA. OK? I am SO careful on railroad tracks, you have no idea.

Escalators. Railroad tracks. What are your PSA-related childhood traumas?

"Iron Man" vs. "The Dark Knight" or Bea Is An Embarrassingly Huge Geek, Feel Free To Mock Her

2010-09-22T17:00:00.002-05:00

I was listening to the Culturetopia podcast at work today. Culturetopia's Pop Culture Happy Hour is one of my favorites, it's kind of hysterical. Anyway. One of the...podcasters? whatever was talking about comic book movies and said that they thought that Iron Man was as good, if not better than, The Dark Knight. Of course, I squawked in indignation. But, then I thought about it.

...Huh. Is Iron Man as good a movie as The Dark Knight? And why has this geek Thunderdome question never occurred to me before? I'm frankly disappointed in myself. Whatever. So, let's lay out the facts here...First, let me say that I am not a superhero comic book geek. I'm more a graphic novel kind of girl and I don't really read superhero comics at all. Except for the odd Batman book here and there. Secondly, I have a giant crush on Robert Downey Jr. right now and that could bias my answers just a taaad.

Best Superhero: Hmm. I like Batman better. Iron Man is fine and all but basically, he's a dude in a suit. I mean, he's smart and good with, you know, physics and stuff, but he's a spoiled playboy in a big metal suit. Batman? TRAINED BY NINJAS. You can't beat that with an M.I.T. degree. No way.
Best Alter Ego: Oh my God, Tony Stark all the way. SHUT UP, BRUCE WAYNE. NO, SHUT UP SOME MORE. GO GET SOME THERAPY. Tony Stark has daddy issues, but does he whinge about them all the time and fantasize about bats? No. No, he does not. I mean, sure, he sluts it up and drinks like a fish but he doesn't WHINE. And then he gets kidnapped and tortured and he turns his PTSD into something positive! So there. Sure, Bruce Wayne fakes the whole spoiled and slutty playboy thing, but Tony? Not faking. And he's hilaarious.
Best Special Lady Friend: Pepper Potts is so much awesomer than anyone but she is particularly awesomer than Rachel Dawes, who kind of sucks. There is no character in the Marvel 'verse that is more important to me than Pepper Potts. (Seriously, if she's not in the Avengers movie, I'll cut someone. Not kidding. [Kidding. I'm a Quaker. No cutting.]) Pepper is smart, ladylike, competent but doesn't take any bullshit. Particularly from Tony. She'll reach into his chest and change his glowy-heart-thing (Yes, I know what it's called) and dismiss his one night stands in the morning for him, but she is not going to let him talk dirty at her or put up with any nonsense. Can you tell that I'm a HUGE Tony/Pepper fan? Heh. Ugh, Rachel Dawes. I went on at some length in my review of The Dark Knight concerning the problems I have with Ms. Dawes. Seriously, a girl doesn't have to have superpowers or be ass kickin' or a villain or hero to be awesome. She can just be...awesome. See also: Ross, Betty or if we're talkin' books, Everdeen, Katniss.
Best Villains: The Dark Knight, no question. Can you get better villains that Heath Ledger's Joker and Aaron Eckhart's Two-Face? And I think Iron Man villains tend to be kind of weak. Obadiah Stane was pretty meh. I mean, he had a good scene with Gwyneth Paltrow when she's trying to get the files off of Tony's computer and he's subtly menacing her but whatever. One scene. Heath Ledger basically OWNED The Dark Knight.
Best Sidekicks/Friends: This also goes to The Dark Knight. I think Lucius, Alfred and Gordon are much more awesome than Happy and Rhodey. Though Tony Stark has some cool robots.
Lead Actors: I really love both Christian Bale and Robert Downey Jr. They're two of my favorite actors. I much prefer what Downey does with Tony Stark to what Bale does with Bruce Wayne/Batman. I find Downey more nuanced. I'm not entirely wild about Bale's gravelly Batman voice. The way Downey interacts with Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper and how he quietly plays Tony's return after his kidnapping is really excellent. I can name a dozen little things that Downey does that makes his performance as Tony memorable but I can't name a single one that Bale does besides being looming and muscley.
Miscellaneous: I prefer the look of The Dark Knight and the grim, goth vibe. I really like the music in The Dark Knight. Though I know a lot of people haaaaated it, I LOVED the use of the Black Sabbath song "Iron Man" over the end credits of that movie. I laaaaughed.

Man. Even after laying it out like that, I'm still not sure! I think I enjoy Iron Man more. It's definitely more fun. When I have a bad day, I'm going to come home and watch Iron Man. But I think The Dark Knight is a better film.

Oh, It's ON...

2010-08-06T23:00:00.005-05:00

I think Sorsha and I are going to have an epic throwdown over the superior Sherlock Holmes portrayer: Jeremy Brett or Basil Rathbone. Watch this space for VICTORIAN THUNDERDOME. (I should have Six the Laptop back from my computer-fixer-guy next week!)

Chime in, Dear Readers...who's your favorite Holmes? You know I LOVE Robert Downey Jr. but he's my #2 Holmes. BRETT ALL THE WAY. HE IS THE DEFINITIVE HOLMES.

I can't speak to the quality of the new guy in the BBC series Sherlock (Because it doesn't air in the U.S. until FREAKIN' OCTOBER), but he does have the gay porniest name in all the land: Benedict Cumberbatch. Yeah.

A Study In Our Friendship...

2010-07-23T09:17:00.010-05:00

Welcome friends and readers to part one of what I believe will end up being an eight part series that examines the complexities that exist in Bea and my friendship. In today's entry I will be showing the odd differences between our real-world love life versus the far more interesting and (don't tell Bea) imaginary love life.

The Real World

Auntie Mame

You may find this hard to believe dear readers, but as a teenager your beloved Auntie Mame was, for all intents and purposes, was a whore. My sister (Dolly) will attest that I had what she liked to refer to as the "boy of the month" club; I had a new boyfriend that I fawned all over at the beginning of the month and then tossed aside and complained about by the month's end. I dated everyone from computer nerds to metal rockers with a few preps and jocks thrown in the mix for good measure. I didn't really develop a "type" until my senior year in high school when I realized I should be a little more selective with the boys I swapped saliva with.

"Lady" Bea

Any consistent readers of this blog will not be surprised to learn that dear Bea was a bit conservative* during our formative teenage years. It wasn't until college that all my corrupting finally sunk in and she began to even notice those once "icky" boys. Her relationships with the opposite sex are usually monogamous and lengthy - lasting well over my one month cap. She was picky and overly selective in who she shared a dinner table with.

Our Imaginary (and Far Better) World

Auntie Mame

I have been in love with John Travolta since I was only a few months old. Being born in late 1979 meant that reruns of the Emmy award winning (it won like nine right?) Welcome Back, Kotter had started to air nightly. Since my parents were Joan and what's-his-name I was put to bed after the rerun of Vinny Barbarino saying "Up your nose wit a rubba hose" was over. I've loved John Travolta with a very weird passion every since.

Then came the movie, Beetlejuice and with it a love for the quirky lead actor in his black and white, plaid, flannel shirt. This was right before my father, What's-His-Face, discovered a little movie called the Hunt for Red October and I was smacked in the face with a love for the classic good looks of one Alec Baldwin. He's the kind of crazy that reminds me of my extended family, and there's something cozy and familiar about that.

As time grew on, my love for John never wained.

Yes, even when he gave us this

When I feel the need to get away from it all, it is to one of these two men whose arms I run (figuratively speaking). When I'm in a dramatic, angry mood: I like to pretend that Alec and I have explosive, public arguements and then explosive, public sex to make up. When I'm feeling sad and down on myself: I pretend that John is there being the sweet and comforting man he's known to be. Anyway, that's the way it's always been: me and John, or me and Alec, depending on my mood. Yes, occasionally there have been other actors that have caught my attention, but never in the same way. I've seen every movie John has ever made, and if they are available on DVD, I own it (including the made-for-TV-movie, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble), and every Thursday I obsess over my darling Alec in 30 Rock.

"Lady" Bea

She's as loose in her Hollywood life as she is reserved and scared in her real life. Bea changes her pretend love life as often as I changed my real one (back in the day of course, I'm a happily married woman now). Despite what she'd like us all to believe, she's not overly particular in her Hollywood adorations - she once told me about a dirty crush on Billy Bob Thorton - and she spends her nights doing what it took me a lifetime to do: watching every movie, TV show, and B-rated musical they had ever been in. It's hard for me to keep track of who's who honestly; Is Jensen Ackles the guy from Doctor Who? Is David Tennet the comic book writer? I can't keep them straight. If she were better on the computer, I'm sure she'd create a flow chart to explain all this to me, but, well, you know.

read : prude

My Recent Trip Down Robert Downey Jr. Lane

2010-07-20T17:40:00.004-05:00

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me In Real Life or is a reader of this blog that I go through celebrity boyfriends like most people change their sheets. You know, a new one every week or so, a little longer if I get lazy. I mean, this summer alone, I've gone through like, four. Whatever, I like variety. Because what I do is, I find someone to obsess over and then I rent every one of their movies I can find and watch them all. And then when I've viewed all the media I can find concerning them, I get bored and move on. I mean, by the time I got sick of Christopher Eccleston, I'd watched his entire season of Doctor Who AND all the DVD extras and every one of his movies. Including Jude. Which made me suicidal. Goddamn, that movie is depressing.

Hey, a girl has to have a hobby, right? So, this summer the lucky new obsessee seems to be...Robert Downey Jr. I know, I know. That's almost...normal, right? He's like, traditionally handsome and an actual movie star! I know. I'm disappointed too. But whatever. At least he's got lots of movies to choose from, many of which I've already seen and liked. Here's what I've watched so far:

Iron Man and Iron Man 2: Duh. Any self-respecting geek has already seen and loved these. They're really great adaptations and Downey is great in them. And I think I love Iron Man 2 even more because I have a SEVERE hate-on for Terrance Howard. I hated Hustle & Flow and I resent everyone who was involved with that shit-ass movie. HATE. So, the fact that he was replaced by Don Cheadle, whom I ADORE, just made it all the better. Love Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper and I LOVE Pepper and Tony. They are so cute.
Sherlock Holmes: Saw it when it came out, of course. Loved it then. Dragged EGT to see when she came to visit. Still loved it. I just watched it recently and aside from the actual DVD refusing to play on my PS2 (Fuck you, Warner Bros copy guard), I loved it even more upon rewatching. Downey is really great as Holmes, smart and bitchy and funny. One of the best things about Downey as an actor is that he's always thinking, always doing something interesting, even when not much is going on. I LOVE the scene at the end on the scaffolding with Holmes, Irene Adler (The lovely Rachel McAdam) and the bad guy, Blackwhatever. And Blackwhatever is about to push Irene off the edge and Downey does this subtle, begging headshake and bad guy shoves her off the edge and twirls his mustache and Downey shouts a clipped, "NO!" before he can stop himself. It's SO GREAT. And I love Jude Law as Watson. I am not notably a Law fan, but boy, was he fun in this movie.
Chaplin: Ugh, sorry guys. I thought this was really boring. I don't usually like biopics because they usually suuuuuck. Downey was good in this and so was Kevin Kline (He's ALWAYS good) but ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
A Scanner Darkly: I have this from the library and am watching it now. Hee. This shit is crazy.

And the movie that prompted this post was Less Than Zero, which the lovely Sorsha loaned to me and also blogged about. She is such a shameless enabler. I didn't really like the movie. I'd heard it wasn't very good but that RDJ was fantastic in it. I mostly agree with this statement. My first problem: I don't usually like movies about drug addicts. Second problem? I don't give a shit about rich people and how miserable they all are. Seriously, go dry your tears on your money. (Class issues? Me? NO. SURELY NOT.) Third problem? I hate Andrew McCarthy. I didn't like him in Pretty in Pink. I didn't like him in Mannequin. I do not like him in a house, I do not like him with a mouse. He has a high voice. It weirds me out.

So, with all these strikes against it, I watched the damn movie. Ugh. Whatever. It was ok. I think McCarthy and Jami Gertz are both pretty bad in it. I liked Gertz fine in both Lost Boys and Solarbabies (WHAT? I LIKE THAT MOVIE. IT'S NOT A CRIME, OK?) [It sort of is] but I didn't think she was too great here. Probably they just both looked really bad next to really fabulous performances by Robert Downey Jr. and James Spader.

McCarthy plays Clay, who has just come home from college at Christmas to see his ex-girlfriend Blair (I think it's Blair. Maybe it's Blake. Whatever, I'm not looking it up, I just won't mention her name again. PROBLEM SOLVED) whom he'd dumped at Thanksgiving because he caught her and his best friend Julian boning. Whatever. I can't fault her taste. It's all very dramatic, with a bouquet of flowers being pegged at their post-coital heads. HA. Downey plays Julian, the wacky best friend who's become seriously addicted to drugs. Cocaine, I think. I don't know, something snorty. Like any addict, Julian is, by turns, charming, needy, aggressive, affectionate, nasty and desperate. Downey is really great at switching him back and forth. It's a really painful performance to watch especially when you know that later it mirrored real life. Sometimes Julian is so vulnerable you can barely stand to look at him (Something I also noticed with Downey's performance in Chaplin) and other times he's so cocky, you just want to bitch-slap him. The scene with Julian and his dad sort-of reconciling had me in tears. I texted Sorsha and she laughed at me. NICE, RIGHT?

James Spader, my favorite douchebag, plays Rip (No, I'm not kidding you with that name), the drug dealer who convinces Julian that the best way to work off his debt is as a rentboy. Spader is really nasty and sleazy and great in his manipulation of the increasingly stupid Julian. It's pretty masterful. God, I love James Spader. Heh. I'm sure the sight of Downey on his knees in a day-glo hotel room was pretty shocking for the 80s but I wasn't very impressed. And I could have done without all the puking, thanks. And memo to 80s Downey: It's called Chapstick. Get you some.

Also, Mame would like you all to know that she had a crush on Robert Downey Jr. in the late 90s when she made me watch Two Girls and a Guy. I bitched the entire time. TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE movie. But Mame was right. That guy is hot. (Um, I urge you all to head over to the IMDB entry for that movie. Look at the plot keywords. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

ETA: DUDE. I forgot Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang, basically the BEST MOVIE EVER. Ugh, I fail at my own blog. It's a great movie, Downey is great in it and so is Val Kilmer. Yes, THAT Val Kilmer. He's awesome. And it's written by Shane Black, who writes great action movies. Go rent it.

Our New Addition!

2010-07-17T18:59:00.003-05:00

I've been so busy! We got a new dog!!!! She's a six year-old, Border Collie, rescue named Pebbles. She's so well trained and adorable!

Also, we had a baby :-) May 19 - 8lbs, 8 oz 21.5 inches long. For the purposes of this blog, he shall be called Spike.

More later loves!

Wherein the Reader Learns That the Narrator is Batshit Crazy or Disasters I've Obsessed Over and Related Media

2010-07-07T20:08:00.007-05:00

So, I'm pretty neurotic, right? Given toward anxiety and borderline OCD-ish tendencies. Not quite diagnosable for either Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (I looked it up in the DSM-IV. At work. Several times), but close. I'm a lot better than I used to be, actually. I spend fewer nights in a tangle of panic-ridden insomnia. I don't have actual panic attacks. Pong used to call me a "ninny" when we were dating and I'd spin off on some tangent about how the bus driver on my route would think I'd cheated him because he'd let me on the bus without paying because I'd told him I was going to buy a monthly bus pass but then the store was SOLD OUT of bus passes and it's not like I'd ASKED him to let me on the bus for free! He offered! I couldn't help it!

See? That's how I am. A ninny.

But you know what doesn't help my ninny-like nature? My attraction to media involving disasters and disastrous things. If it could conceivably send a tickle of pure horror down my spine, I'M THERE. I WANT TO READ ABOUT IT/WATCH THAT DOCUMENTARY, ETC. This is not good. This is not conducive to my mental health/serenity/zen whatever. IT GENERALLY REALLY DAMAGES MY CALM. But I am powerless to stop. I totally get this from my mother, who also loves hearing about a good disaster. The woman lulls herself to sleep with forensic shows, ok? But the thing is, she doesn't freak out! I DO. You know who is my co-pilot on this trip to Panicville, Population: 2? Sorsha. You know who constantly is trying to stop me from boarding the S.S. Freakout? Mame. And EGT.

Mame and I have been friends for like, 17 years? Something like that? Our friendship is a high school student, at any rate. She has always tried to stop me when my obsessions reach peak levels. She tries to grab books about disasters out of my hands. She tells me I'm not allowed to watch anymore documentaries about Mt. Everest. If EGT could, she would break into my house and install internet controls on my laptop. Not to keep me from reading porn, she's fine with that. No, to keep me from reading about school shootings. Or extinction level events (PRIONS! ASTEROIDS! CLIMATE CHANGE! KRAKENS!). Or watching British Cold War PSAs. (NO, SERIOUSLY. DON'T WATCH THOSE.) I don't listen to them, but I appreciate their efforts. It makes me feel loved.

Ah, but Sorsha. I met Sorsha at work and we had a lot in common right away. We both are snarky and excitable and have a wide streak of geekiness. You know how the first time you hang out with someone from work, it's a delicate dance, almost like a date? You know, you have to sort of feel them out for how weird you can reveal yourself to be? Or...is that just me? 'K, then. The first time Sorsha and I hung out, we talked for 6 hours about: Lord of the Rings, Buffy, Doctor Who and all kinds of other geeky things. Then somehow, we turned to...disasters. And how we both LOVE READING ABOUT THEM. I told her about crowd crushing. She told me about rogue waves. I told her about Mt. Everest and how it wants to kill you for climbing it. She told me about how the Canary Islands might fall into the ocean and cause a mega-tsunami. Then we talked about serial killers. It was SO much fun. Her poor sainted husband sat and listened for awhile, eyebrows raised. And then he said, and I quote, "Dear God, there's another one of you" and stomped off to do something useful. Sorsha's and my bonding over disasters makes me feel accepted.

Here is a by-no-means-complete list of some of the horrible things I've obsessed about and related media:

Anthrax and smallpox: The Demon in the Freezer, Richard Preston (I also read The Hot Zone by the same author.)
Rogue waves/mega-tsunamis (There is an alarming lack of media about this sort of thing!)
Crowd crushing (ALSO an alarming lack! This is a public safety issue! If you really want to freak out, read about the Hillsborough Stadium Disaster. *shudder*)
People who leave their kids in hot cars: hyperthermia
Various man-made disasters
The Boston Molasses Disaster (No, that's not an experimental 80s band.)
The Dyatlov Pass Incident (This one FREAKS ME OUT! It's like an X-Files episode!)
Too many true crime novels to count

Yeah. So...click on any of those links and never sleep again. I know this isn't good for me and it will make me anxious and sad. And yet. If I know you in real life, I'm sure I have accosted you at some point and detailed some terrifying incident in excited yet wary tones. And I'm sorry for that. But hey, you did learn that four people per square meter is minimum safe distance in a crowd, right? IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Music Review: Godspeed You! Black Emperor, "f#a# (infinity symbol)"

2010-06-16T19:18:00.004-05:00

So. One of my favorite movies EVER is 28 Days Later. It scared the shit out of me in the theater, great storyline, great performances, Christopher Eccleston AND Cillian Murphy, an awesome heroine in Selena, post-apocalyptic zombies...I mean, really. That's like catnip for me. Anyway, for some reason, I've been really into the soundtrack lately. I own it and haven't listened to it in years, but dug it out the other day. But then I remembered that my favorite musical interlude from the film isn't on the official soundtrack and I didn't know why. And if there's thing I love to do, it's unraveling bullshit trivia like that.

My favorite bit is the music that plays over the scene where Jim is wandering around the deserted city. It's from the Canadian band Godspeed You! Black Emperor's album "f#a# (infinity symbol)" [Ed. Actual infinity symbol. I just don't know how to do that. And don't care that much.] from the second...movement, I guess you'd call it, "East Hastings." Huh. I had never, ever heard of that band. And of course, when I check on the dark mother iTunes, each track is "album only." Same situation on Amazon. Grrrr. I posted about it on Facebook all, "Uh, anyone every heard of this band? Do the suck? WTF?" and as I was hoping, one of my much-hipper-than-me, musically inclined friends answered and made some suggestions.

So, I headed to Youtube where I listened to the entire album.

...Whoa. The album consists of three long, instrumental sections: "The Dead Flag Blues," "East Hastings" and "Providence." The first track opens with a long, ominous tone and a spoken word monologue about...I don't know. The end of the world or something. IT'S REALLY FUCKING CREEPY. But also incredibly compelling. Each section sort of builds on itself. I could hear echoes of the section I liked so much from "East Hastings" in the earlier track. Throughout the album is the use of ambient noises and spoken word and many different musical influences from a country/bluegrass twang to straight up rock and a smoother, more classical sound.

It was, oddly, a really emotionally visceral experience. I was creeped out and sort of felt like I was going to cry at several points. Not because the music was sad. I guess because it was so complex and evoked so many contradictory emotions. I don't know, I think I'm sounding really pretentious here and not meaning to. Heh.

When I got to "East Hastings," I was all psyched because I'd found the first section so interesting. It was aaaaawesome. (Except for the end. I hated that part, but more on that later.) That rock bit is just so slammin' it's like I can't hold my body still when I hear it. I have to MOVE. Though the section ended with a long section of static. I hate that. The sound of static just really, really wigs me out. I think I blame The Ring, but whatever.

I know nothing about the culture surrounding this band, I don't know if they're like, a pretentious hipster band or whatever. But I really liked this album. Yaaaaay!

Movie Review: "Repo! The Genetic Opera"

2010-05-30T19:57:00.004-05:00

So. It's probably well-known 'round these parts that I develop these single-minded obsessions about movies, books, tv shows, bands and then devour them and drive everyone around me crazy nattering on and on about them.

Yeah. Sorry about that. Whatever. Look, I'm annoying, but I'm self-aware. At least I don't do drugs, right? RIGHT?!

Anyway, Pong has been spamming me for weeks with clips from some movie he wants me to watch. And I've been sort of ignoring him because I'm a bitch, whatever. But he IMs me a clip one night and says, "Look! It's Giles from Buffy singing!" and I'm like, "*sigh* Fiiiiiiiiiine. I'll watch it" and it was the song "Night Surgeon" from the movie Repo! The Genetic Opera.

WHERE HAS THIS MOVIE BEEN ALL MY LIFE?

Honestly, I can't figure out why I hadn't heard of it until now! It's a HORROR MOVIE MUSICAL starring Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, only my favorite show EVER. Let me say that again: A HORROR MOVIE MUSICAL. I love horror movies! I love musicals! I turned Sorcha on to it because I knew it was her kind of thing. Actually, I watched the movie when I was home sick with a really bad cold. I lost my voice and this didn't stop me. I stalked Sorcha at work (we work together) and handed her a note that said, "Repo! The Genetic Opera. Seen it?" and that was all it took!

So, Repo! is a total cult film sent in a Blade Runner-esque future where massive organ failures have decimated the human race. A company, GeneCo, offers organ transplants but if you miss too many payment, they send a Repo Man to take back their property. Probably killing you dead. One of our main characters is a young girl named Shilo (Yes, that is the little girl from Spy Kids). Her father, played by Giles, is the aforementioned Repo Man, but she doesn't know this, of course. Shilo is sheltered due to a vague but apparently life-threatening illness but yearns to escape. There's an awesome drug dealer, GraveRobber, who is my new movie boyfriend, I don't care HOW grody he might be. Paris Hilton plays a spoiled, plastic-surgery addicted tramp. And she's really good in the role, make of that what you will... Sarah Brightman of Phantom of the Opera fame plays a blind opera singer. And it all comes to a wonderfully bloody conclusion!

So, yeah, eclectic cast. And it's GORY. DELIGHTFULLY GORY. I LOVE IT SO. And funny! And LUDICROUS. And hilariously goth and aware of its own ridiculousness but fully embracing it. The music is rockin', I downloaded the soundtrack and listen to it constantly. Heh. So, I appreciate it on a camp level but I also love it unironically. I enjoy what I see as the film's criticism of large corporations and the need for healthcare reform. I am moved by Shilo's feminist awakening in her realization that she needs to make her own way in the world and her overprotective father is keeping her down. The lyrics of her last song in the film "Genetic Emancipation" almost bring me to tears: "I've mistaken for destiny/but the truth is my legacy is not up to my genes/Though the imprint is deep in me/It will always be up to me." *sob*

So, yeah. Good stuff. Highly recommended!

So...What Have You Been Up To Lately?

2010-05-30T19:33:00.005-05:00

Who, me? Well, lately I've been a bit busy. Sid and Andie had their third child at the end of last month! Another boy who we will call New Baby because that is what his older brothers Conan and Mothra call him. And I find that HILARIOUS. So, I was out there visiting them. We had fun playing Wii late at night. As ever, both Sid and Andie TROUNCED me at Tetris. But I railed them both at Mario Bros. so that was a good time. And they made me watch several episodes of Blackadder and I fell in LOVE with the show and um...Rowan Atkinson. No one told me that he is stone-cold foxy in the second series of that show. It was quite shocking!

Mame has some delightful news for you all, but I'll let her tell you when she gets a chance!

I've been devouring movies, television and books lately. Here's a quick round-up (Another blog post concerning my most recent obsession will follow shortly):

Iron Man 2: loved it. I thought it was better than the first film! I'm not notably a Scarlet Johansson fan but that scene where she walks down that hallway, KICKING ASS almost had me in tears at it's awesomeness.
The Ghost Writer: it was fine. A nifty, well-crafted little thriller. Ewan McGregor showed his ass, AS USUAL. If you can square it with your conscience to go see a Roman Polanksi film, check it out.
Twilight and New Moon with the RiffTrax commentary. OH MY GOD. HILARITY. I highly, highly recommend them. I watched it with Sorcha and a bunch of friends and my stomach hurt from laughing.
Just read the latest Sookie Stackhouse book, Dead in the Family and it was awesome as usual. Could have been filthier though. Alas. I can't wait for the next season of the show.
I'm currently reading an awesome zombie book called Feed by Mira Grant. Love, love, LOVE it. I'm about halfway through and if you like zombies, and really. Who doesn't? Check it out.
Treme, Justified and Doctor Who continue to be great.
Michael Sheen continues to be hot.

What have you been watching/reading/devouring lately?

Really, Elisabeth Hasselback, REALLY?

2010-05-05T09:37:00.004-05:00

I do not watch "The View." I liked the concept of the show when it began some 10 years ago: women of varied backgrounds getting together to discuss "hot topics" and take a fresh approach to interviews. In those years a lot has changed and I haven't watched since its premiere season.
One of the main reasons I abhor this show in recent years is the introduction of one Elisabeth Hasselback - a woman who rose to fame A) by being on Survivor and B) for marrying a semi-famous, not very good, pro-football player. She has a degree in Fine Arts and is about 33 years old.

Now that you know the background, let me tell you what I just read that absolutely floored me:

"Host Elisabeth Hasselbeck criticized Andrews — who has faced two separate stalking incidents in the past year — for dressing inappropriately on Dancing [with the Stars].
“In light of what happened and as a legal [matter] — and as inexcusable as it was for that horrific guy to go in and try to peep on her in her hotel room,” Hasselbeck said. “I mean, in some way if I’m him, I’m like, ‘Man! I just could’ve waited 12 weeks and seen this — a little bit less — without the prison time!’”

Really? Let's break this down.

1) The outfits worn on dancing shows (like Dancing with the Stars) are always skimpy -I'm not sure why. LONG before DWTS Two of Hearts and I would watch hours of competitive ballroom dancing and no matter the age, the dance, or the ethnicity of the couple, the female outfits were short, had cutouts, and very skimpy. Another point about the actual outfits: they are approved by the channel's standards guy - that's his job.

2) "...try to peep on her hotel room" isn't accurate. The man charged with stalking Erin Andrews figured out her hotel room, adjusted the peep hole on her room door, set up cameras through said peep hole, recorded her changing, and then posted them on the Internet. He didn't "try to peep" he DID and quite a bit more.

3) Hasselback is clearly blaming the victim here. She is trying to say that because Erin Andrews is wearing a certain outfit she is inviting men to stalk her. Erin is one of five (I think, I don't watch DWTS) women who wear skimpy outfits and dance around. Are they inviting people to hurt them? If I wear a miniskirt and get raped, was I "asking for it"?

You Know You're Getting Old When...

2010-05-03T09:36:00.011-05:00

As the title of this blog stipulates, I have now officially noticed I am getting older.

Is it that I'm in my 9th month of my 2nd pregnancy? No.
Is it my impending 8 year wedding anniversary? No.
Is it my new 30 year mortgage?

No. It's this:

"Witty, insightful, and full of random allusions to their varied interests, "Two Jersey Girls" is an award-winning blog about everything and nothing. Two twenty-something women write about what's in the news, movies, television, and their lives. An entertaining read, updated regularly, and quoted often."

That's right - the header of this very blog. Notice why I'm old? It needs to be updated. No longer can it read, "Two twenty-something women..." because we're both over 30 now. OVER 30!!

It seems like just yesterday Bea and I decided to start this thing. It was long before Twitter, back when MySpace was the cool networking-site, (back when Bea flat-out refused to use said MySpace), back when I was celebrating my first son's first birthday. It was before the insane move that ended up taking two years, before we had a black president, before we realized just how parallel the war in the Middle East is with the Vietnam "Conflict." So much has changed. I wonder where we'll be when I have to change the header to "Two forty-something women..."

Hang on...I'm getting dizzy...

Book/Movie Review: "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

2010-04-18T19:51:00.000-05:00

I kept hearing about this book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, on NPR, in Entertainment Weekly, pretty much anywhere that might conceivably talk about books. So, I hopped onto my local library's website and reserved it. ...And was like, #74 in line for it. I think I waited two months!

I finally got my grubby little hands on the book, started it...and was promptly bored senseless. The first three to four chapters of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo are really kinda boring. IT GETS A LOT BETTER, FOR REAL. Once you meet the titular tattooed girl, Lisbeth Salander, you're hooked. The book starts with several chapters about the libel trial of journalist Mikael Blomkvist. He's going down in a pretty big way, but it's also pretty boring because you don't know shit about him to start and also. Libel? Unless it's scandalous (and this isn't, it's like corporate financial shit), it's pretty fucking dull. So, whatever. He's a decent guy though and needs to find a new job because he's lost about all his journalistic cred. When he gets out of prison, a rich man, Henrik Vanger (And yes, I totally had to use my copy of the book to correctly spell all these names, ok?) hires Blomkvist to look into the disappearance and probable murder of his beloved niece Harriet 40 years ago. At first, Blomkvist is like, "...No," but then figures he really doesn't have anything better to do and takes the job. And starts digging into the past and trying to unravel the mystery of Harriet's disappearance and along the way, learning just how FUCKED UP the Vanger family is. 'Cause...damn.

So, ok, that's the A storyline, for the most part. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT LISBETH SALANDER. SHE IS SO GREAT. She is tiny and mean and brilliant and pierced and tattooed and fierce and utterly vicious when crossed. She is a great character. As soon as she showed up, I was like, "HELLO. NOW WE'RE TALKING." Salandar is an awesome ass-kicking heroine and I am a girl who appreciates such things. NOW. NO MORE ABOUT THE PLOT. THERE ARE TWISTS AND MYSTERIES AND I SHAN'T GIVE THEM AWAY.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is part of the Millenium trilogy. The second book The Girl Who Played with Fire is already out and has been devoured by me. (I liked it, but I liked the first one better!) And the third book The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest will be out in May. (ALREADY OUT IN OTHER COUNTRIES INCLUDING BRITAIN. AND IF YOU THINK I DIDN'T CONSIDER ORDERING IT FROM AMAZON UK, YOU ARE SORELY MISTAKEN. Ahem.) The author Stieg Larsson apparently had plans for a 10-book epic series but died of Mysterious Circumstances after finishing book three. HMMMM. "Mysterious Circumstances" because he was a journalist who did a lot of investigating and writing into asshole neo-Nazi groups and was a relatively young man who randomly dropped dead. Draw your own conclusions there, people.

Mom and I both really enjoyed the books so when we heard there was a well-received film make of the first book, we were so there!

Ok, allow me to rant: The ONLY reason that I heard about the film adaptation was because I listen to BBC radio. It has not been advertised at ALL in the U.S. and barely talked about by film reviewers here. Ebert reviewed it, the print version of Entertainment Weekly did not (though I just cancelled my subscription because that magazine is total bullshit and has been for years now), my beloved Peter Travers of Rolling Stone did (I can't link it because the website is being weird) and I saw no previews for it on television. Not even on BBC America. This is total bullshit. I know there's an American remake in the works but I have no interest in it. This original Swedish version is so awesome. I know, I sound like an Annoying Douchebag Hipster who's all, "Welll, I like the FOREIGN FILM BETTER, YOU PLEBE. You just don't appreciate REAL CINEMA." But the assumption that people from the U.S. don't want to watch foreign/subtitled films BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. With a good subtitled film, you totally forget that it's subtitled. Your brain starts to put the dialogue and subtitles together and you don't even notice it after awhile. And The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is very, very good. It gets all the important elements of the book*, condenses the rest and the performances are AWESOME.

*However, be warned: both the book AND the movie contain some pretty graphic scenes of sexual violence. In the film, it goes on so long I started looking off to the side of the screen and hoping for a fade-to-black. If that kind of things upsets you, take a bathroom break, for real.

I heart Tina Fey

2010-04-14T08:36:00.003-05:00

For absolutely no reason at all (other than the fact that I am bored at work and this makes me smile no matter what), I present to you my favorite Tina Fey quote.

"I hate to judge a person's character based on appearance, but when your body looks like a dirt bag's binder cover from high school metal shop, it doesn't bode well for you." on alleged Jesse James mistress, Michelle "Bombshell" McGhee

Mini-Television Review: "Treme"

2010-04-11T23:08:00.003-05:00

I watched Treme, the new David Simon show about post-Katrina New Orleans. IT WAS MOST EXCELLENT. I was pretty sure it would be, of course, since Simon did The Wire and that's the best show in the history of ever.

It's got a great cast: John Goodman, Kim Dickens, Khandi Alexander, Melissa Leo, Steve Zahn and from The Wire, Wendell Pierce (Bunk) and my favorite, Clarke Peters (Freamon). And! AND! If you saw Spike Lee's documentary, When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts (And if you haven't, you SHOULD. It's a fantastic film. I am not a huge Lee fan but this is superb), remember that awesome lady, Phyllis Montana-LeBlanc? She's in the show! I was THRILLED to discover that when I was listening to an NPR interview last week.

Anyway, I really, really liked it and can't wait to see more. Great music! Snappy dialogue! Sad in an understated way that brought tears to my eyes! As you can tell from all the exclamation points, I am very excited about this show.

Living in West Virginia During the Mine Tragedy...again...

2010-04-07T07:33:00.006-05:00

Be forewarned: this is a rambling rant, but I'm angry and this is what happens when I get angry. You may not like me when I'm angry. I don't care.

As if you couldn't tell from the title of this blog, I'm a Jersey girl; however, my beloved is a West Virginian and we all now live here; I love this state and the people here. All that being said, I'd like to give you, dear readers, a glimpse into just why the coal mining tragedy is such a huge deal to every person here.

Being from NJ, when I tell you that I'm from a working-class family I mean that I am from a family of postal workers, school teachers, and engineers; you know - Bruce Springsteen song kinda stuff. My Beau is from WV. Although his family is now considered 'well-off' (hello - a moat!!), he too is from a working class family. But in WV a working class family is something totally different from (quite literally) anywhere else in America. Beau is from coal miners and farmers as is everyone else; every person whose family has lived in WV for more than two generations is tied to coal somehow. Beau's grandmother, although in no way related to any of the persons affected by the recent tragedy was devastated by the events because her husband, seventy years ago, was a miner. Her father was a miner and she proudly has the hard hat and headlamp he used. These deaths brought back the fears and worry that she had daily; her heart was broken for these women and children whose worst fears came true.

It took about two hours from the announcement of the mine explosion before I witnessed the two churches visible from my front porch to start gathering in order to organize their collecting of food and money for the people affected; two hours and we live 90 minutes away! People are running to their churches and other nonprofit organizations to donate what they can for these people because everyone in some way, is tied to the coal industry here.

I am continually amazed at how many people are tied to the coal industry and despite how dangerous the working conditions and the job's history of violence, these people are proud of their job and the people they work with. I'm not even a native here, but my blood boils when people in DC and the entertainment industry try to step in to our state and tell us how we're doing things wrong.

People are quick to make fun of and criticize West Virgina, but the reality is that 8 out of 1o Americans don't use their minds enough to realize that West Virginia is a state, not just western Virginia.

In Response to "A Short Play Concerning Motherhood, Woes and WebMD"

2010-03-27T08:07:00.007-05:00

As proof that I'm not the lone craze in this tangeld web of friendship, I offer the following story:

About six months ago I was a [relatively] normal and would make [slightly] rational decisions. That all changed the day that Lady Bea called me up using her hyper-excited voice and told me to turn on "Criminal Minds" a show that I don't usually watch. Despite my groanings that the only TV I watch is stupid comedies, I was convinced to turn it on with promises of "Jaaaammmeessss Vaaaannn Der Beeeeeeek" - done; I started to watch.

The episode (well, episodes because it was a two-parter) was about a computer tech (James VanDerBeek) who would help people with computer issues and then start watching them via their webcam and, of course, go and murder them when they did something "ungodly".

Flashforward about four months to me sending help-request emails to the makers of LeapFrog because Glow Bug's Leapster 2 isn't working. It took about a week, but the helpdesk discovered that the toy had a defective part. It was at this point that I received this email:

Ms. Dennis:

In response to your problem, our analysis confirms that the SD card on your Leapster2 is not formatted correctly. Please provide your mailing address and a replacement will be shipped to you immediately.

Beau was excited: what great customer service! They identified the problem and were willing to fix it for free. I, however, had the realization that this was a bit too much like a certain episdode of Criminal Minds and therefore had a much different reaction.

Beau: Well, that's pretty cool. Now we don't have to buy anything.

ME: Yeah, but....they want our home address.

Beau: Yeah, that's generally how how the postal service works.

ME: But...

Beau: But what?

ME: What if this is some sort of creep who's going to take our addess and then stalk and kill us?

Beau: ...

ME: Omigod, we have a webcam! BEAU!! (at this point I disappear to the tool closet to get electric tape)

Beau: Babe, what the hell are you doing?

ME: Covering up the webcam lens!! Oh my God! He could be watching us right now!!

Beau (mutes the TV and turns to face me): Seriously?

ME: Look, Bea and I watched this show...

Beau: Oh, here it comes...

ME: ...and this computer help desk guy would get customer's information and then KILL THEM

Beau: Oh that's realistic

ME: It was!!!! I'm putting down your mother's address.

Beau: No you're not. Put down ours, but use my name rather than yours. Did the boogie man on TV kill men, too?

ME: I don't remember. Probably. Did I mention that this killer was played by Dawson?

Beau: ....

ME: James VanDerBeek!!

Beau: Yeah, I got that. I'm just waiting for you to hear yourself.

Long story short (too late!) I used Beau's name and in 7-10 business days the package came. The killer, however, did not. Yet.

A Short Play Concerning Motherhood, Woes and WebMD

2010-03-18T19:20:00.004-05:00

Bea: Oh, look. A missed call from Mame. [redials.] Hey!

Mame: I'd about given up on you.

Bea: Um...

Mame: I need you to do something for me.

Bea: Ok...

Mame: I need you to look up my symptoms on WedMD because I'm too scared.

Bea: No. I'm not doing that. That way lies madness. What's wrong?

Mame: I'm having these pains above my left hip. It REALLY hurts.

Bea: Uh-huh...like between your belly and your hip?

Mame: Yes!

Bea: Yeah, that's your whatchamacallits stretching. Because you're like, a million months pregnant. You know...those things...they start with an "L..."

Mame: Ligaments?

Bea: Yeah, those. Andie* was just complaining to me about that. You're fine. If it's still bothering you tomorrow, call your doctor.

Mame: But what if it's my appendix? And I have appendicitis? And me AND the baby die of sepsis? HUH? WHAT. THEN.

Bea: Your appendix is on your right side.

Mame: ...Oh. Well, what if it's my gall bladder?

Bea: [quick Google search] Your gall bladder is also on your right side.

Mame: YOU JUST LOOKED THAT UP.

Bea: Yes. Yes, I did. But it's on your RIGHT side.

Mame: What if it's my kidneys?

Bea: Your kidneys are in your back. You're fine. You're pregnant. Go to bed.

Mame: FINE. I HATE YOU.

Bea: I know you do.

Fin.

*Andie is also pregnant! She and Mame are due within weeks of each other! It's a very exciting time!

The Olympics: 2010 and 2008

2010-02-26T22:42:00.006-05:00

Ok, I am a lifelong sports hater. Hate. Hate. HATE. I am actively hostile to sports*, all sporting events and most fans when they try to talk to me about sports. Sports fans are almost as bad as fans of The Family Guy for how much they try to talk to you, the uninterested party, about their favored topic. (Sorry, guys. I dislike The Family Guy. No, I don't think it's offensive. I just don't find it funny. You can describe scenes from it, many have tried: Mame, Beau, BW, Homer, my friend from work Vett...it just doesn't work for me. That's not quite true. It'll SOUND funny to me when you tell me about it, but then I go to watch it and...Zzzzzzz...)

BUT I LOVE THE OLYMPICS. Particularly the Winter Olympics! Figure skating! Speed skating! Skiing! Snowboarding! Sports I don't understand like curling and bobsledding (EGT and I can't comprehend how this is a sport. Is it a sport of...leaning?) and...skeleton? What the hell is skeleton? BOB COSTAS. I don't have a crush on him but I do enjoy him!

Speaking of crushes...do you know who I DO have a crush on? That mean Russian figure skater. Evgeni Plushenko! The meaner and crankier he is, the more I adore him. Do yourself a favor...go to Youtube and type in his name and "sex bomb." You won't regret it. (Sorsha sure didn't!) Or maybe you will but it's HILARIOUS. I won't link to it because the discovery is half the joy. He sort of reminds me of Maureen in one of my very favorite guilty pleasure movies, Center Stage. "I am the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy! Who the hell are you? Nobody!" HA.

I've always loved the Olympics, but this year, especially while watching the Opening Ceremonies, I was reminded of the last time I watched the Olympics. It was (...obviously) in 2008 when Conan was first born. He came home from the hospital the first time right around the Summer Games. I'd come out for a few days to visit and help out and see everyone. We had a whole system. Conan had to get several medications at different intervals, something like every 4 and 6 hours. Andie would do his evening meds and then go to bed. Sid and I would stay up until 2 am or so and do that round of medication. Then Andie would get up and do the next round. (And when I say "Sid and I," I mean, "I would HOLD the baby and Sid would actually dose and administer the medication." He's no fool, ok.) And while Sid and I would sit up late, we'd watch the Olympics! We'd trade Conan back and forth, cuddling him and talking to him. We watched Michael Phelps kick Olympic ass and make history. I...might have had a teeeeny crush on him around the time of those games. Whatever, who didn't? It was a scary time because Conan was on a heart monitor that sounded like a smoke detector to alert his parents to his heart rate. But it was a sweet time, too. Because Conan was home where he belonged, with his family and we were so, so grateful.

This year, when I call Sid and Andie to talk about the Games, I hear Mothra and Conan in the background yelling at each other. Running around. Breaking things. Andie says things like, "Mothra! Don't put that up your nose!" and "Conan! STOP CLIMBING THAT."

*This does not include going to actual baseball games. I like to go to baseball games. It's fun. But watching it on tv is...not fun. For me.

Look What I Found...

2010-02-23T13:53:00.001-05:00

The following was the first poem I ever had published. *sigh* It was waaay back in 2002. Enjoy, loves!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who the hell do you think you are?
Good Question.
I am something, or possibly nothing …depending on who you ask.
I am a sister
In more than one sense of the word
I am a daughter
No matter what I say
I am a friend
A girlfriend
A best friend
But oh I am so much more.
I stand before the ocean,
And feel so small.
And I realize that there are,
Or might be,
100.000 other people who feel the same way.
But not all of them are standing before an ocean.

I look up at the sky at night
And ask the stars what they are up to
Because
Well, no one else ever does.
And I know that Maria will call me from 400 miles northeast
And ask me if I saw that shooting star
And sometimes I can say,
“Yeah, I did”
And I know my nephew will call me from 500 miles southwest
And ask me if I saw the robin that was in his backyard yesterday.
And I tell him I did
Because I saw a robin today
And well, who knows?

“Lei non lo sa, ma penso di lei proprio ora”

And I realize that I am content just to be near you.
I like all your schemes and ideas.
Because I remember once holding out an empty hand.
And I remember when I was nothing more than
First mate of
Or cabin boy to
A shipwreck on the sea of Quiddity.

I am going to close the book now-
And then you turn off the set –
Give me the keys and let’s drive –
Let’s sit down in front of the ocean
Where you can quote Thoreau and I can reason like Whitman
“Ruminating of the frustrating dilemma of our existence…”
But OH!
There are still places in this world
I may have only seen in my dreams
Or in one of those 400 books that woman left me
Long before I could read.
I like books
The leather of the shell that protects
The slivers of the once proud sequoias
I don’t think the trees mind.
Rather killed for words than a paper towel.

What is writing?
Nothing more than a thousand useless letters on a paper
Formed and borrowed,
Pulled together,
Or pulled apart…
Maybe that’s why I enjoy it so.

I like the ocean.
I like the idea of the waves…
Where no one is in contol
I used to think that the waves were the earth
Waving to me to say Hi.
So I stood there…and listened to what it had to say.
A philosopher at age 6.

I saw a bird making a nest in a fallen tree
All I could think of was the irony.
I touch the pages of my notebook…
And think of what birds knew it first
Maybe that bird…
That bird with its home in a dead tree –
Maybe this isn’t its first
What kind of doomed existence?
Poor thing.

I am going down the ocean now.
Just so I can say hi
Maybe I’ll go at night
So I can talk to the stars too
I think they miss their 6 year-old Socratic friend.
Maybe I’ll go and tell them I’m still here.

I've Got Nothing to Blog About...

2010-02-20T21:02:00.003-05:00

I'm bored. I've got nothing to blog about, but it's been a few days since I've posted so I figured it was a good thing to do. Snowmaggedon didn't quite happen here; living in chemical valley has its upsides! Glow Bug has taken to spending entire weekends with his grandparents (who only live about 2 miles away) so my weekends have become pretty boring - it's not like I can go out drinking and whoring. Well I suppose I could, but then I would be nothing more than a sad, sad stereotype of pregnant women in West Virginia wouldn't I?

Being pregnant is not fun. Don't get me wrong, the end product (by which I mean baby) is worth it, but for the 10 months that I've become a human-incubator it's just no fun. I tried to watch Labyrinth yesterday and was crying hysterically within the first seven minutes. In case you don't remember, the whole plot starts with her infant brother crying in his crib and the lead girl basically yelling at him as she tells a story. The idea of a baby crying and not being comforted hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to turn it off.

I find myself crying a lot. Sometimes I cry because I can't pick up my four year-old and carry him around anymore. This may be because he's getting bigger, but I swear it's because of the beach ball belly and then I guilt trip myself because Glow Bug won't be 'carrying' size for much longer and then I get all emotional. Writing all this down I see how crazy it is, but it's the hormones. I also found my first few grey* hairs the other day and realized that I can't just dye my hair to get rid of them. Well, not for the next three months at least. I've seen What's Love Got to Do With It? when Tina Turner's hair falls out because she dyes her hair while pregnant. Not gonna happen to this chunky monkey. Hells no.

Well, as I stated in the first sentence, I don't have anything to discuss/write here, so I'll end this now. I'll write more when I'm more inspired. Hopefully the inspiration comes sooner rather than later.

*for all you Brit loving readers out there: notice that I spelled this color using the Queen's English.

Worst. Date. (Movie.) Ever.

2010-02-11T20:02:00.003-05:00

So, I read this article about the worst date movies of all time and oh, it reminded me of a story. Ok, we're back in time to this era. I'd started seeing a very nice guy, Pong. Pong had the stupendous luck to be the first guy I dated after Ex and boy, was I a treat.

Anyway, he and I had just started hanging out and I was desperately trying to appear, you know, NORMAL and not batshit crazy. A losing game all around, really. One night, Pong came over to my apartment to watch a movie. Now, you may have noticed about me that I like movies. I have a lot of them. Also, I was managing a video store at the time so there were always tons of screeners and rentals hanging about. So, I told Pong to pick one of my movies.

The movie he chooses? Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. I KNOW, RIGHT? (If you've never seen the film, it's the prequel to the television series. It's a David Lynch film. 'Nuff said, right? It's full of freakishness, violence and sex. Lots and lots of really weird, kinky, rapey sex.) I froze and said, "Uh, are you sure?" and Pong was like, "Yep!" and I was like, "Have you SEEN that movie before?" and he was like, "No, but I've heard it's good. It's good, right?" and I had to be all, "...Yes" becaues it's true. It IS good. It's just...disturbing. REALLY, REALLY DISTURBING.

Cut to 45 or so minutes later...

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY LIFE. I'm scrunched in the corner of the couch with my hand half covering my face. Pong is very pointedly not looking at me. I think I cracked around the time we got to the scenes of father/daughter incest and just yelped, "CAN WE PLEASE WATCH SOMETHING ELSE?!" and Pong said, "DEAR GOD, YES." So much for appearing "normal." I owned the damn movie. Heh.

Awkward.

IT'S THE SNOWMAGEDDON!!!11!!

2010-02-10T23:35:00.003-05:00

Today was the second (or was it third?) HUGE snow storm that we've gotten here in NJ. Gotta love global warming, right?

I did not go to work because there weather dot com told me I would be in "life-threatening peril" if I left my house. No doubt from polar bears and walruses and ice weasels. I spent the day downloading music and watching the first two Underworld movies. With commentary. Come, let me tell you about the HUGE, WEIRD CRUSH I have on Michael Sheen. Or as Sorsha calls it, my "Michael Sheen Pathology." And she's a mental health professional. She would know.

The first and third Underworld movies are delightfully terrible, just the thing to watch with friends and mock. The second one: Underworld: Evolution? Was an absolute TRIAL to get through and Sheen in in the damn thing for LITERALLY 10 seconds. Awesome. It's a dreadful movie. And I like Scott Speedman as much as the next heterosexual woman with a working optic nerve (TEAM BEN ALL THE WAY!!!), but even his sex scene was lousy. I'm sure glad that the director mentioned in the commentary that the latex suit Kate Beckinsale was wearing smelled like a giant condom. Because that's all I could think of. GREAT.

While I wouldn't exactly call the Underworld franchise a feat of feminist filmmaking, I do enjoy that no one seems to bat an eye at Beckinsale's Selene kicking ass and taking names AND being a girl. They never even mention it. I mean, she's not a human woman, she's a vampire so it's not like she's striking a blow for the average woman. And she's wearing a shiny catsuit that looks like they spraypainted it on her, but still. I'll take my tiny victories where I can get them.

Why I'm on "Team CoCo" and You Should Be, Too

2010-01-24T21:46:00.006-05:00

Unless you've been living under the rock that I usually live under, you have heard about the fiasco at NBC over the late night shake up. I should preface this entry by explaining that I love Conan O'Brien. He first came on the air in 1993 as the host of NBC's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien." It was around 1995 that I met this weird, hippie chick in the guidance department of our high school (we call her Bea), and we became immediate BFF. Bea has always been an insane night owl, and she introduced me to the tall redhead whose quirky sense of humor was right up our alley. I've watched him ever since; well, I've watched him every time I can stay up that late. I'm not much of a night owl, nor am I a morning person; I am what I like to call a bed person. All bed, all the time.

Any who, I fell in love with Conan because he is very relate-able: he has always behaved the way any of us would when in front of some of Hollywood's most famous: both awed and respectful with a hint of humor, enough to make the star smile genuinely and relax. He treats his audience like friends, allowing us to see into some of the most personal moments of his life (the show he taped the day his son was born, was probably the most hilarious I've ever seen). As much as I want to say, "Well, Jay Leno just isn't funny" I realize that funny is subjective; while I don't find him funny, I realize others do. So I'll put it to you like this: whenever I had watched Jay Leno, it was obvious he was more of a kiss ass than anything else. His questions seemed to have been written by the stars' PR people and he was just totally fine with it. Even Dave Letterman, who I do enjoy from time to time, isn't as easy to watch as Conan was. With Dave it seems he's having a private conversation with his buddies, their conversations peppered with private jokes and giggles like school girls. Sure that can be amusing, but it gets old very quickly.

I think the reason the public became so obsessed with Conan being 'laid off' so to speak was that he came off as a 'working class guy.' In this economy so many of us could relate to his situation. Sure he was offered a show at a later time, but we've all been there: your job offers to give you a different shift, a lower pay, etc. in order for you to keep your job. It didn't make sense that he would accept that deal. As for the 30 million he received: if I were a smarter woman, or one that wasn't so lazy, I could explain the economics of his pay over the seven year term of his contract, or I could explain the sociological mind of a man, a father, that even with enough money most men have a need to work to provide. Seeing as how I'm not that smart and I am that lazy, I won't go into all that. Instead I'll simply say that entertainers, comedians especially, have a need to perform, to write, to work. Look at Bob Hope. He was probably the richest man in entertainment (thanks, Orange trees) and he worked endlessly, not because he needed to, because he wanted to. Steve Allen, who we all forget was the original host of "The Tonight Show”, worked every day until his untimely death. Think of the myriad of movies, TV shows, hell even Broadway plays about old performers who don't want to "take the money and retire." They want to, maybe they have a need to, perform.

There is also I sense, throughout this whole ordeal, how out of touch "the man" is to us plebes. Conan didn't have the ratings, I'll give you that. But he also didn't have a great lead-in. Even the local news suffered in their ratings because of the "Jay Leno Show." The usual practice in broadcasting, when I typically popular show suffers a ratings set back is to A) change the lead-in show, or B) change the air time to a more "viewer friendly" time (ala "Law & Order"). Conan had a loyal following of viewers and decent ratings during his 16 years hosting "Late Night with Conan O'Brien."

It all boils down, I feel, to the fact that Conan is just a good guy. He showed this time and time again on-air (when Andy left, during Katrina, etc), through the reactions of his peers and colleagues (check out Inside the Actor's studio when Conan was the guest) and especially during his explanation for choosing not to allow the move to past midnight:

"...if I accept this move I will be knocking the “Late Night” show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy. "

Then there is his sign off, which summed up his personality exactly: classy, honest, funny, and true to his emotions. I look forward to September and seeing where my beloved late night host will end up.

These are a few of my favorite things...

2010-01-19T09:54:00.005-05:00

2009 was a year of ups and downs for me and my family. In an effort to focus on the positive, I've compiled a list of things that I've discovered during 2009 that quickly became some of my most favorite things. Hope you check them out and enjoy them as much as I did/do:

The BBC television series, "The IT Crowd" a sitcom about a woman (Jen) who lies hopelessly on her resume in order to get a great job, only to fool the boss so much that he makes her manager of the IT department. The IT "department" consists of two guys, Moss and Roy who quickly discover how hopeless Jen is about computers. The show continues when Moss and Roy allow Jen to stay because she can act as a "Relationship Manager" and help them interact with the upper floors. I wish I could explain in detail how funny this show is, but honestly it would take the entire blog, not just this entry. Each episode is consistently hilarious and very, very witty. The DVDs are available on Netflix and Netflix on demand (you can watch via the Internet or even Xbox Live) and they are shown on the Independent Film Channel.

"Words 4 Free" app on iPhone and iTouch. It's Scrabble that you can play with anyone who has an iPhone or iTouch. Dolly and I have epic battles that last for days until someone wins and then we start again. It's a totally free app (there are some ads between turns that you have to deal with) but other than that it's a free way to entertain yourself when you're bored at work (like I am right now).
This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Trooper. It's a novel about a man whose father dies just as his entire life falls apart. To honor his father's last wish, the family agrees to sit Shiva - a Jewish tradition where the immediate family of the deceased stay together for seven days and accept visitors every night. What sounds like a sad, depressing romp through a fictional characters midlife crisis is actually pretty damn hilarious with the family is as dysfunctional as it gets and the main character a guy who doesn't take himself or any of them too seriously. It's a quick read and worth the buy.
Mint flavored, chocolate coated Oreos. O.M.G. These are only available until the end of January so stock up. I usually don't go for flavors with my chocolate, but I'll make an exception this time. If you don't either, just take the pregnant woman's advice and try them. So good you guys. So Good.
My new "Green Canteen" water bottle. So apparently I missed the episode of Oprah when Dr. Oz told everyone that drinking out of plastic water bottles isn't healthy and these metal cylinders were the way to go, but he did and this was the 'hot item' of our family for Christmas. Again, I usually turn away from fads like this, but we have three of them so I figured I'd give it a shot. They are amazing. First, your water stays cold all day; second, it reminds me of drinking out of a canteen like I'm some big camper; third it really is better for the budget...er...the environment. We have a big water pitcher at our house and use that to fill up the bottles so it's much more cost effective then buying plastic bottles to take to work, etc.
The movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. This was one of my favorite books as a child, so I did not go and see it when it came to the theater because there was no way it could follow the storyline of the book. My mother (Joan) bought the DVD for Glow bug and I watched it grudgingly. It's really very, very cute. Nothing like the book, well, except that huge food falls from the sky, but it's so funny and really easy to watch as a grown up.
Glow Bug's new Leapster 2. It's a handheld game (much like the Gameboy of my youth) that they can play educational games on. Best of all, ALL LEAPFROG GAMES work with ALL LEAPFROG systems so there are a TON of games to choose from! When he outgrows the Leapster 2 (it's for ages 4-8) he can use the games in whatever other Leapfrog system he gets. Glow bug loves Spiderman and the comic heroes currently and sure enough there is a math game with them. Beau and I go out with friends for dinner a lot and this is a great way to keep him occupied while we wait for a seat, or on long car trips. You can recharge the battery pack, and you can plug the system into the computer and track your child's progress and what games he or she likes best. I love this game.

Ah January

2010-01-19T09:38:00.003-05:00

So I've been MIA for awhile, and for that I apologize.* It's been a crazy few weeks (or months...wait, has it been that long?) as I get adjust to people calling me "30" and the basketball that is my stomach getting in the way of just about everything I do.
Quick recap of my start of 2010:

We're having another Boy! Glow Bug will have a brother; I have decided that we'll refer to him as "Spike" on this blog. So far Spike is progressing well: kicking and spinning regularly and causing me only minor discomfort. Although my stomach has taken on a basketball quality that I don't remember happening with Glow Bug, but then again that was four years ago so I maybe just don't remember.
The Mame family is happily living in our own condo after 17 months of living with my in-laws. It's a quaint little place, and will do for the time being.

So that's about it. I guess it's not that much to write about, but it's been busy nevertheless. OK, I'm going to write a separate entry about my favorite things from 2009 because I like to be like Oprah and because my students are testing today and I have a ton of time on my hands. More later!!

*is it just me, or do most of my posts begin with apologies for not being more consistent in my blogging? Huh.

Happy Holidays, Y'all!

2009-12-29T20:45:00.003-05:00

I hope all our readers who haven't fled out of disinterest had a wonderful holiday season! If you did flee out of disinterest, well, you aren't reading this anyway, so who cares?

Things I've been doing lately:

Baking many, many cookies, especially snickerdoodles. Snickerdoodles are the BEST.
Watching lots of British televison, particularly North and South (No, not the awful Civil War one. The U.K. one with the delectable Richard Armitage. If you like swoony period dramas, this is TOTALLY for you!) and MI-5, a twisty spy show. Which will soon star the delectable Richard Armitage but I'm not up to his season yet. But I can console myself with Matthew MacFadyen and Rupert Penry-J0nes.
Reading The Hunger Games trilogy. Like dystopian science fiction aimed at young adult readers? No? Read this anyway. You won't be sorry.
Reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire. Just like with The Hunger Games, it's a trilogy of which the first two books are available. AWESOME.
Listening to Adam Lambert and Lady GaGa. I KNOW. When did I turn into like, a 14-year-old raver? Or whatever the kids are calling it these days. I don't even know!
Just saw Sherlock Holmes. Loved it to little pieces. Mark Strong: super hot or superDUPER hot?

Things have been busy, but fun. Mostly, with some noteable exceptions. I promise, one of my New Year's resolutions will be to blog more often! Also, Mame has some big news and I'm sure she'll be about to share it!

A Most Important Query.

2009-11-29T01:08:00.004-05:00

My fellow bloggers/readers, please help settle a disagreement between Sorsha and myself. What is the funniest movie ever: Airplane! or Spaceballs?

Now, I understand you may have another movie that is not one of the two aformentioned films that you (incorrectly!) deem Funniest. Movie. Ever. I ask that you please refrain from choosing one of those. I will put up a post for that later, I promise. For now, I want to settle the Airplane! vs. Spaceballs Death Match. Thank you for your time.

If you read this blog, please ring in with your vote. This is perhaps the first major disagreement that Sorsha and I have had! Oh, and I won't mention just yet who prefers which movie as I don't want to inappropriately influence your vote. (Though if you know me reasonably well, you probably already know where my loyalty lies!)

Moving: A Timeline

2009-11-24T09:30:00.002-05:00

I wish I had time today to write the lengthy article, in the great detail needed, to explain how the move from my in-laws to my own condo went. Alas, I do not have the time to write such an article today, nor may I ever because its content would be both histrionic and loquacious. So, gentle readers I present to you a timeline of events:

Thursday: Joan arrives to help with the move. I stay at the hotel that night just to get away because I've been stressed about packing and moving. We have fun; there is an indoor pool and a terrific continental breakfast. Beau and his friend, Spider, have a fit moving and putting together Glowbug's massive new bed.
Friday: I take the day off work so Joan and I can get some errands done before the big move. Beau rents a moving van, and he and Spider move what little furniture we have at the in laws into the van. Glowbug stays with Joan overnight at the hotel, I stay with Beau.
Saturday (morning): Everyone at storage (except Joan who keeps Glowbug at the hotel so he's not in the way). I start to help pull boxes out of the storage and within fifteen minutes I'm in the bushes throwing up. During this time, Lord and Lady discover that a family of field mice have been living in our storage unit. Also, at some point there was a massive leak and most of our furniture and anything not in hard plastic is molded.
Saturday (mid morning): At the new house, we pull everything off the moving van and lay it in our new yard where we pour bleach on mattresses, couches, etc. and wipe down everything else. Once things are dry and clean we move them into the house. Not much is destroyed by the holes the mice chewed into things, but everything has mouse poop in it. Joan is concerned about toxoplasmosis, the fact that I haven't eaten anything that has stayed down, and now I'm getting this weird cramp in my right side. Joan, Glowbug, and myself, go to a restaurant for lunch and then to the mattress store to buy (very) expensive mattress covers and a new mattress for Glowbug.
Saturday (night): Furniture is set up and we're starting to unpack. The new place is smaller and older than our previously owned home, but it's cozy and we're (very) slowly finding a place for everything. There is an attic, so we can put tons of stuff that we don't need immediately up there.
Sunday (3AM) I wake up to go the bathroom and fear that I'm having a nightmare. Every where I turn I hear scratching, scraping, and weird noises. I start to panic. Wait, no need. We have a squirrel's nest in our attic. Great.
Sunday: Nothing too big to report, we clean and unpack, Spider comes over and hooks up my washer and dryer and I get started on the insane amount of laundry that needs to be done. The TVs are hooked up and I'm so happy to finally have my favorite channels back: Comedy Central, Bravo, Food Network.
Monday: I can leave almost a full half hour later for work and still get there early! Beau and Glowbug are adorable, helping each other get ready as I leave. I spend the day at work thinking about the big meal I'm going to cook at my own house. I create a "To Do" list of things left to be done, and am actually excited to get cracking on it. I pick up Glowbug from daycare and he's so happy to be at the 'new house' because there are some neighbor kids just his age and they can run around the courtyard without me hovering.
Monday 4PM: I begin laundry, and the washer isn't working. I go to the faucet and there is nothing happening. I call Lord (who is technically the landlord of the house) and ask him if he had some people over to work on the toilet that wasn't working properly. "Nope" he tells me, then has to go because Beau is beeping in. Turns out Lord forgot to have the water switched to his name so when the sale of the house went through the water company they turned it off. The water company closes at 4:30 and there isn't anything we can do until Tuesday. Lord says, "Oops! Sorry guys!" and we pack up an overnight bag and stay at their house again. Glowbug is soooo confused because he thinks we're going to live there again. The weird pain in my right side comes back.

Mini-Review: "Twilight Saga: New Moon"

2009-11-21T23:55:00.002-05:00

When the credits rolled, I curled up in a ball in my seat and laughed until I cried. Twilight Saga: New Moon* is the best comedy of the year! Well done! I haven't laughed so hard in years!

*What a pretentious title, you douchebags.

My Obsession With "The Terminator" Series or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned To Love The Robot

2009-11-18T18:55:00.000-05:00

HA! I started this back when Terminator: Salvation was in the theaters. I suck. Sorry! Mame and I will try to get back to regular posting again soon. We've both been so busy! SORRY.

So, there's a new Terminator movie out! Yay! I am a total FREAK for the Terminator movies (Well, for the first two movies, anyway). The way some people are about Star Trek? I'm that way about The Terminator. I first saw The Terminator when I was about 6 years old. It made quite an impression on me and remains to this day, my favorite movie. Unfortunately, I am ridiculously geeky about it and am fiercely protective of the characters. I managed about half of one episode of The Sarah Connor Chronicles because turning it off because it didn't fit into my view of that particular fictional universe. I know, I know. (But...BUT!!! John Connor is NOT a whiny little bitch! Kyle Reese did NOT have a BROTHER. Sarah Connor would NOT shack up with Ryan O'Reily, OK.)

Sorry about that. Anyway, The Terminator is a sci-fi action film set in the early 80s. Linda Hamilton plays Sarah Connor, a regular girl with a crappy waitressing job and a jerk boyfriend. (Later in the series, it's stated that Sarah is 19 years old. Which I'll go with that since the movie tells me so, but Hamilton was a good 10 years older than that when they made the film. Just sayin'.) She's not especially tough or ass-kicking. She's cute and funny and nice and has a hilarious 80s shag haircut. But that's about it. But there are two men looking for her, one a giant Austrian bodybuilder (Played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) and the other an intense blond guy a trench coat and messy hair (Paging EGT! More about him later, I promise). Both men are dodgy and heavily armed. We see that the enormous Austrian is killing all the ladies in the phone book named Sarah Connor. This is not looking good for our girl.

So, after many bullets fly and several women mistaken for Sarah Connor are dead, the hot blond guy (Did I forget to mention that he is HOT?) finds Sarah and saves her life. His name is Kyle Reese and he's a soldier sent from the future to protect her. The guy trying to kill her is a Terminator, a metal robot wearing a person suit, also sent from the future. She has been "targeted for termination" because she will give birth to John Connor who will lead the human revolution in the war against the machines. Sarah is understandably dubious regarding this turn of events. But Kyle convinces her and they go on to kick ass, our girl Sarah finding all sorts of reserves of strength and awesomeness that she didn't know she had.

It's SUCH a great movie; tightly plotted, action-packed, well-written and suspenseful. There is not an ounce of fat on this screenplay, everything that is in it is there for a reason. It handles the time travel aspect extremely well and in an innovative way. Also, there is quite a bit of exposition that has to be delivered and I feel like it's done really well. There's tons of information that the viewer needs to know about this particular apocalyptic future and that could get boring fast and it doesn't. As for the Terminator effects...well. It WAS made 25 years ago (DAMN. 25 YEARS AGO?!) and you kind of have to make allowances for that. But the Terminator endoskeleton is still TERRIFYING.

Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese are great characters. Kyle Reese was my first love, seriously, when I was a little girl. He's tough, hot, smart, TOTALLY BADASS and not afraid to defer to a woman or allow her to take charge. (I appreciated similar qualities in another character that Michael Biehn played, Cpl. Hicks in Aliens. Call me, Michael Biehn*!) Kyle protects Sarah and teaches her how to blow shit up, but never condescends to her. It's awesome.

And Sarah Connor. Oh, Sarah Connor, you have been the pinnacle of badass women for over 25 years. You have shown sexually confused girls the way toward happy bisexualism (...so I've heard). You are the perfect balance of mother/warrior. That's one of the best things about Sarah. She's not just famous for giving birth to The Legend John Connor. She didn't just gestate him and then hand him over to like, a team of ninjas. She raised him and taught him all his badass robot-destroying skills. And she was just a regular girl before the Terminator showed up on her doorstep. She didn't now how to load a gun or blow up a warehouse or steal a credit card. She learned, taught her son and then he will save the world.

Now, I know some people will insist that Terminator 2 is the superior movie. To those people, I say, "BAH." The effects are superior and they are still pretty damned astonishing. But there're some plot holes there and too much Arnold and it's just, to me, not as good at the first. The third movie was...better than I expected. It's not awesome, but it's not terrible either. There's a really interesting story there about John Connor living off the grid, as a homeless dude because he's totally adrift that his life's mission has been averted. Unfortunately, that's not the story the filmmaker wanted to tell. Alas.

I can't wait for Terminator: Salvation to come out on DVD! Christian Bale and Sam Worthington! WOOOO!

*I met Michael Biehn at a horror con over the summer. I know, I'm a total nerd. It was pretty great. He was really nice and I managed not to be creepy at him. Success!

Big News, Ya'll

2009-10-13T19:45:00.003-05:00

It's been 17 long months, but I am so excited to say that Beau and I (and Glow Bug) are moving out! It's been quite the adventure, but Lord and Lady have bought some townhouses, and Beau and I are moving in to one of them while we save up some extra money for a down payment on an even bigger house than we had planned.
Why do you need a bigger house, Mame? Oh yeah, 'cuz I'm pregnant :-) So uber excited! Just like with Glow Bug I didn't even realize I was preggo until I started to get all weepy for no reason. And, just like with Glow Bug, my morning sickness reserves itself for only one day a week (Thursdays with G.B., Tuesdays with this one).
I've been staying in a lot more and getting caught up on my shows. I've been kicking myself because I missed the last season of The Office, but I got to watch Jim and Pam's wedding! I cried like the fat, pregnant lady I am the entire time. There was the perfect amount of cringe-worthy-ness, coupled with a wedding fit for the insanity that is Michael Scott's office.
Is it weird that I'm announcing such life changing events alongside a television show? huh. Whatev.

It's Banned Books Week -- Go Piss Someone Off With A Book!

2009-10-01T18:22:00.005-05:00

Hey babies, it's Banned Books Week! I LOVE Banned Books Week! Because I can feel like a revolutionary just by curling up with a cup of tea and a copy of Harry Potter. HAHAHA! Plus, this blog is named after a flagship banned book Flowers in the Attic. So, naturally, the topic is dear to my and Mame's hearts.

I just don't understand the mentality of banning books. It's a BOOK. It already exists. Banning it doesn't poof it into the ether. If you don't want your kid to read it, TELL your kid he or she can't read it. If you don't want anyone else to read it, fuck you. We grown-ups can all decide for ourselves what we can and can't read.

I can think of exactly three books that my mother told me I wasn't allowed to read when I was a kid: The World According to Garp, the uncut version of The Stand and My Sweet Audrina. She told me I would be allowed to read them when I was 13 or so. I did read them when I was 13. She was right. They were above my maturity level, even then. You know what? The parts that I didn't understand went riiiight over my sweet little head. When I reread them as an adult, I kind of went, "Oh. OHHH. WOW. OK."

So, I pulled up the list of the 100 Most Frequently "Challenged" Books from 1990-1999, the era when I was pretty much under my own supervision as far as books went. My mom wasn't at all into censoring my reading but once I hit my teens, I could read whatever. And did! Here are some of my favorites from the list:

Earth's Children (series) by Jean M. Auel; You know, The Clan of the Cave Bear, etc. Heh, I love these books. Except for the last one, Shelters of Stone. That one kind of sucked. I remember the conversation thread about these books on the sadly defunct yet fondly remembered Fametracker forums. Someone made the comment that these books could "provide QUITE the sexual education." HA. SO. TRUE. I guess that's why they're frequently banned!
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. I...have no idea why this book would be banned. It's a story about how love and friendship can overcome any obstacle. That's bad because...why? I may be a bit biased because it's one of my favorite books EVER, but I just don't get it.
Go Ask Alice by "Anonymous." AHAHAHAHA. This terrible book! I can't believe it gets banned. Doesn't this seem like EXACTLY the kind of book that people who ban books would want kids to read? All about the evils of sex, drugs, rock and/or roll music and not listening to your parents! Plus, it's a total fake.
The Bluest Eye and Beloved by Toni Morrison. Riiight. Because these aren't important works of literature or anything. One is a book about child abuse and racism and the other is about slavery. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DISTURBING.
Ordinary People by Judith Guest. Uh, do kids read that book? Seriously?
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. Yes, God forbid that young girls be aware of what's going on with their bodies. SHOCKING.
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Yeah, everyone needs to read this book. No one should ever watch the movie. But the book? Totally.
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Ok, this book isn't literature or anything. But it's very readable and still connects with kids today. It was written in 1967! Now THAT'S longevity and it obviously still has something to say. Plus, the movie is a total gift to the Kevin Bacon Game. (Tom Cruise was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. You're welcome.)

So, tell us about your favorite banned books!

Movie Review: "Jennifer's Body"

2009-09-28T20:51:00.004-05:00

S0, I said to Sorsha one day last week, "Um...you wouldn't want to go see that movie Jennifer's Body, by any chance, would you?" and her response was, "YES." We were all set for mockery and derision! What's more fun than a bad horror movie at almost-Halloween? But, you guys! It's actually a really good movie! We were stunned!

I don't like Diablo Cody much. I pretty much disliked Juno and don't watch her show. I find her column in Entertainment Weekly annoying. But I really liked Jennifer's Body and her script is a large part of why. Some of her pop culture references grated like they did in Juno but not as badly. I found the movie to be an interesting somewhat-deconstruction of horror movies with a feminist bent. Seriously, they should show Jennifer' Body in a double feature with Teeth for cautionary tales of what happens when you fuck with girls.

My only opinion of Megan Fox going into the movie was 1. She's very pretty 2. Shut the fuck up about her. I despised the first Transformers movie and obviously wasn't going to bother with the sequel. Which, from what I heard, was right choice. (19%? Ouch!) But Fox is really good in Jennifer's Body! Her character, the titular Jennifer (See what I did there?) is possibly a demon or something. She hits just the right balance between vapid teenage girl and you know, boy-eating demon. (I'm not spoiling you for anything that wasn't in the trailer, calm down.) It's a very fun performance. And my GOD, is she pretty. Like, stupidly pretty.

I already adored Amanda Seyfried. She was Lilly Kane! She's very, very good as Jennifer's geeky, put-upon best friend, Needy. She suspects something's...amiss with her best friend early on in the game but doesn't fly into action until her cute boyfriend Chip* is threatened. To either be eaten or stolen. You know, either way. Seyfriend is also extremely pretty. Though that raspberry-colored prom dress HAS to go, ok?

But my very, very favorite performance in the movie? Comes from Adam Brody as the douchebag, wanna-be rock star who starts all this shit. He was HILARIOUS. Why doesn't he get more roles? He's very likeable. And looks hot in eyeliner.

Anyway, Jennifer's Body isn't really that scary. It's got a few creepy moments and jump-out-at-you scares and it's plenty gory. But it's really more funny. Sorsha and I laughed hysterically for most of the movie and I almost spit out my Coke at one point. I wish IMDB had more memorable quotes listed because there were PLENTY and I'd like to giggle at them at my leisure. Though there is one scene with Jennifer flashing a slow, creepy smile right into the camera that had me flinching back. Well done, Ms. Fox. Well done!

The negative reviews that the movie is recieving are pissing me off. Most of them seem to totally miss the point of the movie and to be like, offended by its existence. Which, ok, way to overreact. I think the problem is partially Cody and Fox, two over-exposed personalities, to be sure. But they're really good here! Give them a chance! Also, sorry, but I chalk a lot of it up to sexism. Sexist assholes who just want to dismiss any work by women. And this is a movie written, directed and mostly starring women. Oh, I'm sorry. Are women talking here? Are we BOTHERING YOU? Are we getting our GIRLINESS all over your HORROR MOVIES? SORRY. Except not really.

Ahem. That was a bit tedious. Anyway, go see Jennifer's Body. It's a good time.

*Ha, I was reading Roger Ebert's review of the movie and he was all, "Of course Chip's a good guy. His name is Chip Dove. Who would name a bad guy Chip Dove?" HA. Um, John Irving would. And did. That made me giggle.

Brief Thoughts Upon Viewing the Season Premiere of "Dexter"

2009-09-28T00:25:00.001-05:00

Uh, a dude who will uncomplainingly get up in the middle of the night with the crying baby? I don't care if he IS a serial killer. Fucking sold!

Mini-Television Review: "Flashforward"

2009-09-24T19:12:00.001-05:00

Well, Flashforward, you've got my attention. At the very least.

John Cho and Joseph Fiennes -- you are both so, so pretty. But Joseph! WHY WON'T THEY LET YOU BE BRITISH? It makes me sad when hot British men are not allowed to be their hot British selves.

Mini-Television Review: "Sons of Anarchy"

2009-09-12T00:35:00.007-05:00

Why did none of you tell me that I needed to watch Sons of Anarchy*? WHYYY? BW alerted me to the fact that Henry Rollins** has joined the cast. So, naturally, I tuned into the season premiere reairing tonight. Oh, Henry. Another role where you play a rapist? Why? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? AND TO MAME? AND YOU'RE A WHITE SUPREMACIST TOO? WHYYYYYY!?

Ahem.

So, it seems like a decent show. Damn, Katey Sagal looks good for her age. Go Katey! And hellooo, Charlie Hunnam and Charlie Hunnam's ass! What a great cast! I think I'll tentatively pick this show up for the season.

*I'm fully aware of the fact that my brother, my dad, possibly my Uncle V, Dan Mac (I think? Didn't you?) and the guy I chat with at the library about movies have all told me that I really should watch Sons of Anarchy and I ignored them for a year. Bygones.

**Mame and I have a long-standing crush on Henry Rollins. We looooooooove him. We want to maaaaarry him. We want to have 10,000 of his baaaaaaaabies. We've sat through Johnny Mnemonic, Morgan's Ferry and many tapes of his spoken word shows (But those are actually GOOD). Our love is pure, ok? But he was in Lost Highway and that makes up for a lot.

Thursday Night TV...WOOO!

2009-09-10T19:26:00.004-05:00

A brief conversation between my and my brother, BW:

BW: Dude. You aren't watching The Vampire Diaries, are you?
Me: Yes! HAHAHA! I hope it's terrible!
BW: Yeah, I think you'll get your wish...

(So far, it's pretty bad and bearing almost NO resemblance to the books. Bah. Blatant Twilight rip-off, which is just...sad. And I think I despise the girl playing Elena.)

Also, tonight is the season premiere of Supernatural! I stumbled over this Open Letter to Eric Kripke last night and...OH MY GOD, DO I AGREE. Seriously, Supernatural writers, try to be less douchy. I love your show but I'm tired of feeling guilty about it because of the consistent racism and misogyny. Enough already. I know you all aren't stupid and you really can't pretend that you don't KNOW that you're doing it. And even if you weren't aware, more discerning fans have been pointing it out for years. STOP. REALLY. I'd like my eye candy and my horror homages and my dark plot twists to be less RAGE-INDUCING. Thanks!

Also, how much am I going to go see Fame? HA. SO MUCH. I absolutely adore a good peforming arts high school drama! I even rented that one with Hillary Duff...which lasted about 10 minutes because it was TERRIBLE. And Center Stage is one of my favorite movies! HA.

MY MORTGAGE WILL GET APPROVED!!!!!!

2009-09-10T17:47:00.005-05:00

Robert Frost once said, "In three words I can sum up what I've learned about life: it goes on." Well I've got a little something to say to you, Mr. Robert-two-roads-diverged-gold-can't-stay-Frost: no it doesn't.

It's been 15 months now: fifteen months and not a damn thing in my life has changed except my patience with it. I'm still living with my in-laws in a one-room loft over their three car garage. I'm still having to put my makeup on in my car because of the un-Godly amount of traffic I encounter at 7 in the morning. My grandmother is still sick and frequenting the hospital without getting much better because of it.

I got all excited awhile ago because we found a great house and the owners accepted our low-ball offer. Just before my eyes could barely view the glimmer of silver lining, Beau and I were turned down for a mortgage: twice. Because of my insane up-bringing and readiness to take on unbelievable amounts of bullshit, we were not swayed and therefore applied to another institution. The representative was all nice and said, "We usually hear back in around 24 hours." Really? Do you? Because that was 72 hours ago, and all we've heard was you telling us that you haven't heard anything. If they turn us down I'm going to sue them to pay for all the stool softeners I've been taking because I'm so backed up with worry. Maybe that was TMI, whatever, get over it, I have a lot of stress, I have no poo, therefore I have no internal filter.

I read "The Secret" and they say that if you focus all your energies on something than nothing is impossible. Like being positive and saying (or writing on your blog), "OUR MORTGAGE WILL GET APPROVED!!" I've even written "Mortgage Application: Approved" down, and I chant it to myself over and over. Still nothing except for a grumbling in my stomach and a neck so stiff you could play racquetball off it.

In a violent act of defiance against the beloved 80's 'sitcom' my life hasn't gone on.

*Wow, this ended up not being what the titled foreshadowed at all. Huh.

Yet Another Catch-Up Post

2009-09-03T20:34:00.006-05:00

Hi everyone! Mame and I have been fairly busy lately! She's trying to buy a house and not lose her damn mind, both of which are full time jobs. I've been trying to be supportive by finding new and interesting ways to call her a whore on her voicemail. Don't you wish I was your best friend? I bet you do!

I've been travelling all over the place! Well, up and down the east coast. Sort of. Mom and I went to my baby cousin Brianna's baby shower at the beginning of the month. Ah, family. That's all I really need to say about that, isn't it? Also, I will never again set foot in a church with a house band. Ok? Ok.

Then I spent an AWESOME weekend in Boston, visiting EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. The planets aligned and allowed for all the Email Girls to converge in the city for a brief window of time. There was like, fairy dust and shit. So, The World Traveller, Chicklet and Agent Mascara joined us and a good time was had by all. And I really mean it! We had a BLAST. There was boozing, cake-eating, Criminal Minds, Doctor Who and Blackpool-watching (EGT: "The scene where David Tennant sings 'Should I Stay' is the best scene ever committed to film." Email Girls: "AGREED."). Action figures of the Master and the Tenth Doctor went to the prom together. It was very touching. Cardboard!David Tennant ate some cake. Season 4 of Doctor Who was compared to lupus. Dr. Smarty-Pants made commemorative buttons that we all wore with pride. In other news, we are giant dorks, but we have fun. Agent Mascara and I were loosed, unsupervised, in Boston, where we did not get lost or trip over something and then die. If you know Agent Mascara or me, you know this was quite the accomplishment. We were quite proud.

Next, I'm heading to Pittsburgh to visit Sid, Andie, Mothra and Conan, who is now ONE YEAR OLD. WOOOOO!!!! I'll also meet up with Dr. Fabulous.

My life is rather full just now and I'm feeling quite content!

Also, enjoy these brief reviews of the following media I've consumed recently:

District 9: I'm not as in love with it as everyone else seemed to be. It was interesting and smart, which is a nice change for a summer movie. But the depiction of the Nigerian drug lords made me rather uncomfortable, especially in a film that is ostensibly about racism. Hmm. It is nice to see an indie film rake in the bank. However, please do not make a sequel. PLEASE.
The Time Traveler's Wife: No, seriously. Read the book.
The Inglorious Bastards: I refuse to misspell the title. Anyway...OH MY GOD! LOVED IT! Quentin Tarantino is one of my very favorite filmmakers and I adored this movie. I'd see it again immediately. Also, Eli Roth? Call me. You are hot.
Into The Wild (book): Very good book. Didn't do much to change my opinion of Christopher McCandless, but I don't really want to speak ill of the dead. I actually enjoyed Jon Krakauer's digressions and I seem to be in the minority about that. You should probably go read it and Into Thin Air, also by Krakauer. Now I want to see the film version. Has anyone else checked it out and can give it a yay or nay?
And I Don't Want To Live This Life: Ok, it's a biography of Nancy Spungen, girlfriend of Sid Vicious who was murdered by him in 1978. My grandmother used to have quite the selection of pulpy trash novels from the 1970s and I read this one when I was 12 or 13. I'd never even heard of the Sex Pistols when I first read it, so I decided to snag it from the library and give it another go. The book is written by her mother and while I'm not sure I'm buying everything she's selling, it's appalling how Spungen is still vilified. Um, everyone in the punk scene was an asshole, not just her. That's the POINT of the punk scene. I'd recommend it if you are interested in that particular scene or era.
Being Human: a Brit import about a werewolf, a ghost and a vampire sharing a flat and struggling with their various supernatural issues. It sounds sort of stupid, but it's very funny and cute and smartly written. And let me introduce you to Mitchell, the vampire and my new boyfriend. Behold. He often wears fingerless gloves. For some reason, I find this insanely hot.
System Of A Down: Um. Where have I been? These guys are awesome and, as usual, I am the last to know. See, what happens, if you're me, is that you watch a documentary on the Armenian Genocide (Don't ask.) and they're all over it! They you're frantically downloading their music and moping over the fact that you will never seem them perform live. GRRR.
Mad Men: Are you still not watching it? Get on that, would you? "I'm Peggy Olson and I want to smoke some marijuana." HA!

HEE! This post was repeatedly kicked back by Blogger for having too many tags!

"It's been awhile..."

2009-08-20T14:14:00.003-05:00

Sorry I've been MIA as of late; I've been in a foul mood recently and nobody wants to read my rants about my in-laws, et. al.

But, finally, some good news!! Beau and I, after selling our house back in June, have put an offer on a house here in WV!! After some negotiating, we came to an agreement! If all goes well, we're looking at moving in around October!

Also I've rented "The State" from Netflix and have never been so happy; my favorite show on DVD and a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a very good day....

A Haiku About The Film Adaptation of One of My Favorite Books: "The Time Traveler's Wife"

2009-08-16T01:16:00.003-05:00

Rachel McAdam's
Pretty. You see Eric Bana's ass.
Read the book instead.

Foiled Again! (No, I Haven't Been Fencing.)

2009-08-04T23:31:00.005-05:00

I am a huge music fan. I buy a lot of music, mainly from iTunes. Unless I want the whole CD, then I'll buy the whole thing. But I am a huge addict for buying a song here and there from iTunes. But sometimes, just sometimes, the songs I WANT aren't AVAILABLE. Then I have a tantrum. Here are the top 5 songs that I want to download that iTunes doesn't have:

"Backwater" by The Meat Puppets. There's a bunch of OTHER Meat Puppets stuff on iTunes. But not "Too High To Die," the album with this song. Come on! It takes me straight back to early high school! But in a good way!
"The Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel. Oh sure, it's available for download on iTunes...if you want to pay $9.99 and get the whole "Shall We Dance" soundtrack. And I sure don't. Grrr. This song was used to lovely effect on the Scrubs finale. I linked it there. Mame will weep. Don't worry, dear Mame. It made me cry too.
"Ruins" by George Is Jones. This song was used on the Everwood* finale, oh so many years ago. I've never been able to find it, nor heard much from that band. All I could find was an emo fanvid about Amy Abbott. So...enjoy that.
"Safe and Sound," Kyosuke Himuro featuring Gerard Way. Yes, Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance, otherwise known as my favorite band that I take no ending of mockery for. Whatever, can't get the song. Himuro's website says that I can but this is a lie. A vicious lie.
"Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want," by The Dream Academy. It's an instrumental cover of The Smiths' song. It's the song playing in Ferris Bueller's Day Off when they're in the museum. Gorgeous rendition of an already awesome song.

If any of our devoted readers do know where I can get any of these songs (Legally!), feel free to let me know!
*Shut it, Andie. Everwood was an awesome show and you just don't GET IT. Neener.

So. Um. Wow, Where Does The Time Go?

2009-08-02T14:48:00.006-05:00

Oh, I'll TELL you where it goes...it goes into Facebook, the world's biggest time suck ever. Seriously, if there is an American Gods-ish Facebook god, I am keeping it very well-fed. I blame Mame for this. Apparently, everyone I've ever met in my life is on there. Good times.

Hmmm...what's been going on around here? Made it back from vacation with the family on the Outer Banks. Hey, did you know that the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel is 23 miles long? A little PSA from me to you. So that when you are driving across it, you won't look around to see your car entirely surrounded by water with no end in sight and ask your mother, "Uh...how long IS this thing*?" to have her airily say, "Oh, 20 miles?" You're welcome! Actually, it was sort of fun, like driving a roller coaster.

It's very pretty on the Outer Banks. A bit buggy this year. Everyone from the island seemed extremely apologetic about that fact. I was all, "Whatev, I'm from Jersey, as least these mosquitos doesn't give you mutant superpowers, AMIRITE?!"

I got a large proportion of my family watching True Blood. My mom brought her season 1 DVDs down and I hectored Bri into watching them because Bri, as she would say, "loves that hot vampire shit." Yeah, I don't want to know either. She loved it: predictable. Not so predictable? My uncles Claudius and Jazz and teenage cousin *** (Because I am TOTALLY blanking on a nome de blog for him right now. Someone help me out with that?) were all into it too. Heh.

We watched lots of movies too. The uncles were appalled that I'd never seen The Big Lebowski and set to remedy that straightaway. I liked it; it was very amusing and confounding. I'm not prepared to start a RELIGION around it the way some people seem to be, but it was fun. I brought The Midnight Meat Train with me, thinking it would be fun to watch with Uncle Jazz because he's a big horror movie buff like me. He'd already seen it but consented to watching it again with me and Bri. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! That movie is HILARIOUS. It's not good, but it's not terrible either. It's plenty gory and has some good kills and wacky camera angles. Bradley Cooper is SMOKIN' HOT as always. I recommend it but only if you are a hardcore horror fan. The story is ridiculous and the characters do things that make no sense and the ending -- AHAHAHAHAHA! Then we watched Slither, which Homer has been after me since forever to watch. It was pretty great. I love Nathan Fillion.

I've been going to the movies quite a bit this summer. It's one of my favorite things to do and there's been a pretty good selection this year. I've seen:

Public Enemies with Sorcha. It was good times, Johnny Depp was MADE for that kind of period dress. See? The movie itself is overlong, but good. LOTS of gunfire. SO MANY BULLETS. Christian Bale was hot too, once you get past the fact that his character is named "Melvin Purvis." Was there ever an unsexier name? I think not.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: It's a good movie and I liked it. I don't have a whole lot to say about it like I don't have a whole lot to say about the book. The book is sort of a place-holder and so is the movie. I will say that I continue to be sort of confused by the pacing of these movies. They leave out SO MUCH, which is understandable since the books are a million pages long. But then they make up stuff that wasn't in the books when they could just...use stuff that they left out. I don't know? And sometimes stuff they leave in doesn't seem nearly as important as what they leave out. Like, the whole Ron/Lavendar subplot goes on for WAY too long. I mean, yeah, it's amusing and gives Rupert Grint a chance to be goofy and Dumbledore a funny line, but really? And the half-blood prince thing is barely covered? Ok.
(500) Days of Summer; I was totally psyched for this the first time I saw the preview. I adore Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. I love quirky romances. They played a couple in Manic, a film I adore and I was pleased to see them play one again. I love The Smiths. (Although, really. Who doesn't?) THEN, I FOUND OUT. SPENCER REID IS IN IT, YOU GUYS. DONE. It's a really cute movie, you should go see it. SPENCER REID!!! Ahem.
The Hurt Locker: the best movie I've seen all year. Honestly, I can't imagine another movie being better. I DEMAND Academy Award nominations for Kathryn Bigelow, Anthony Mackie and most of all, Jeremy Renner. One one hand, it's an intense, suspenseful action movie where lots of shit gets blown up and hot men are being stoic and competent. (Seriously, Ralph Fiennes has a cameo and I've never seen him look hotter.) On the other hand, it's this heart-breaking look at the effects of war and its costs. These soldiers are in life-threatening situations at every moment. They literally have to kill or be killed. A split-second hesitation or minor misreading of a situation could cost them or their fellow soldiers their lives. Your son/daughter/brother/sister/whatever wants to join the military? Make them watch this movie first. The last ten minutes felt like a kick to the stomach.

*That's what she said!

Brief, Flammable Dispatch From Vacation

2009-07-11T01:09:00.005-05:00

So, I'm currently on vacation with some of my family in North Carolina. It's going great, we're all having fun and getting along (Not that I really expected an issue there, though we miss you, uncle V!). I finally saw The Big Lebowski. It was pretty great. And I've pretty much gotten my entire family to watch True Blood. SCORE.

One of the things that we traditionally do on vacation is take turns cooking dinner each night and making a themed cocktail for each meal. It saves money because there are too many of us to reasonably eat in a restaurant and many members of my family enjoy cooking. We all get into it and have fun with it. My cousin Brianna and I were on dinner duty on Wednesday night. We were making this recipe with some alterations (We added chicken and omitted pine nuts. And doubled the recipe. And forgot the parsley.). Bri and I are not really cooks (Clearly!), we're both more bakers, but we were game to try. So, it all went well at first; Bri cooked the chicken, I made a giant salad. Then I put a huge pot of water on the boil for the orzo and sat down to read my book and wait. Then the following happens:

Bri: [in a bored tone] Fire. On the stove. Fire.

I look up, sure there can't be an actual fire because wouldn't that call for like, a sense of urgency? Or alarm? But sure enough, there are FLAMES coming up from under the pot. I RUN over and turn off the burner. Doesn't help. My mom comes sauntering in calmly, because she heard Bri and doesn't think there's a fire either. I'm all, "!!!" and my mom's all, "PUT A POT LID ON THE FIRE!" and I do and it works and everything's fine. Also, Bri's in the background calmly telling us, "I don't know how to work a fire extinguisher. Sorry."

So, that's how Bri and I burned water.

The Last Supper

2009-07-04T21:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, first off, I got an iPhone and it's orgasmic, I'm not kidding. I named him Lafeyette Fortenbrau III (I have a weird obsession with naming all my electronic devices, my old iPod was named Peter Isensee).
Secondly, I am currently blogging at while at a diner with Bea and the fact that I can do that is amazing. Sadly, this is our last diner supper of this trip.
Having said all that, here's Bea:

We have had a great time! I am actually plotting ways to keep her here. Sadly, I am not an evil genius. Anyone have any ideas? Though she dragged me kicking and screaming into "Bones." I hate her for that.

ps - she loved "Bones"

-- Post From My iPhone

Marry, Cliff, Shag -- The "Star Trek" Edition

2009-07-03T23:37:00.004-05:00

Ok, you guys, I just saw Star Trek for the second time. Whatever, I'm a geek, this isn't exactly news. But goddamn is everyone hot in that movie! So, let's play another rousing edition of Marry, Cliff, Shag. All of these choices are, of course, the incarnations from the new movie. (If there's interest, we can, of course, do a round from the original series. Or The Next Generation. Seriously, this game. It just keeps on giving!) Aaaaaand...GO!

Round One: James T. Kirk, Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Hikaru Sulu

Round Two: Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy, George Kirk (Jim's hot, self-sacrificing dad)

Round Three (For the straight gentlemen and any secret lesbian readers we may have. Also, welcome!): Uhura, her green roomate Gaila, James T. Kirk* (Whatever, everyone should get a shot at Kirk!)

*Clearly, not enough women in Star Trek. If you can't even have a respectable straight guy/lesbian round of Marry, Cliff, Shag, more female characters are needed. Get on that, JJ. You can do better.

What is WRONG with me?!

2009-07-02T21:55:00.004-05:00

Today I gave my coworker Corey a tutorial of which Jonas brother is which and how old they are. While holding up the copy of Seventeen* magazine that features them on the cover.

I...WHY DO I KNOW THIS? WHYYYYYYY?!?!? I feel like I can somehow blame Perez Hilton for this.

I feel sure of it.

*We get it at the office. I don't have a subscription, I swear. Seventeen used to be a great magazine for teenage girls. You know, back when I was a teenager. I remember they used to have great articles about things like abortion rights, sexual harassment and drugs. They used to have that great "Sex and Your Body" column. Yeah, not so much anymore. It's all Jonas brothers and makeup tips. And New and Different Ways to Hate Your Body. Sorry, current teenage girls. Sucks to be you.

Dude.

2009-06-25T23:22:00.004-05:00

Mame and I are on the phone, watching Conan O'Brien and giggling together. You know. As you do. And Stephen Moyer from our very favoritest show ever True Blood is on. (Bill! He plays Bill!)

He's BRITISH in real life, people. Which we knew. But we'd never heard him speak. It's...disconcerting, to say the least. Also, hot. And he's ridiculously charming. And then he started morphing back and forth into different kinds of British accents and then to his southern Bill voice. Weird!

EGT! It was like that time that we discovered that Chuck Bass was really British In Real Life and I dug up that Youtube clip of him just being English at everyone. And we were like o_O.

Who else is Secretly British In Real Life? Because it just makes them more attractive.

Summer Movie Round-Up

2009-06-22T18:54:00.006-05:00

I've been inspired by the lovely, ginger and only occasionally rude Sorcha's driveby post of summer movie reviews. This has been a great summer for movies! I've seen a million already!

Star Trek: LOVED IT. I was never a huge fan of the television show, I liked The Next Generation but that was it. More of a Battlestar Galactica girl over here, you know? But this is a terrific movie. Awesome cast, great script, fun storyline. The "twist" they use to differentiate this iteration of films from the original series is nothing short of brilliant. If this ends up being Leonard Nimoy's final appearance as Spock, I think that's ok. It's a lovely, intelligent, dignified performance. (I know people were bummed about Shatner not having a role in the new film, but seriously. I don't see him showing up and being dignified. Do you?) I plan to drag Mame and BW to see it this weekend even though neither of them like sci fi. Also, I wept through the first 10 minutes. For the next movie, however? MORE SIMON PEGG. ALWAYS MORE SIMON PEGG.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine: A decent movie. Good action sequences, fun performances from everyone. I didn't expect a whole lot and was pleasantly surprised. I loved Ryan Reynolds, but then I ALWAYS love his smartass schtick. And Hugh Jackman is truly a humanitarian. These are troubled times and the only way he can help is by removing his shirt. And he does. A lot. And the slightest provocation. And the world is a better place for it. Thanks, Hugh!
Terminator Salvation: Loved it. Saw it twice. Apparently, I'm the only one, but that's ok. Christian Bale was pretty great and a total BAD ASS. And I loved Bryce Dallas Howard's steely Earth mama routine. And helloooo Sam Worthington. I didn't think anyone was allowed to be hotter than Christian Bale but I stand corrected! And I adored Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese and that's no small feat. Kyle Reese was my first love and I am VERY protective of him. And Yelchin was pretty great in Star Trek as well. Good for him! (My epic Terminator post is still in the works, I promise!)
Drag Me To Hell: HA! This was a ton of fun. It was pure, old school Sam Raimi and I loved every second. It was completely disgusting and hilarious and made me jump out of my seat and screech more times that I can count.
Up: I think I've made my thoughts on this movie clear. The most wonderful movie ever.
The Hangover: SO. GODDAMN. FUNNY. Zach Galifinakis is practically a national treasure* and Bradley Cooper needs to show up to decorate every movie. Mame, BW and I have been quoting this movie at each other for weeks now.
Away We Go: Lovely, lovely movie. Funny and sweet and full of great performances. I want you all to know that Mame cried. (Mame! The dad with all the adopted kids was played by the same guy who played Lawyer Ted on Six Feet Under. That's where we knew him from!)

What movies have you seen so far this summer?

*Why isn't "Between Two Ferns" a real show? I'd watch it every week! Though Mame will be amused to know that I still found the one with Michael Cera too uncomfortable to watch a second time. I tried! I couldn't do it! STOP TICKLING HIM.

Day Five

2009-06-14T21:36:00.002-05:00

It's been five days since my soiree back to New Jersey, and I must say it's been enjoyable. Floppy (being 13 and related to me) has been bored during the down times, but we've had a lot of fun. Bea will eventually fill you all in about what happened last night, but besides that it's been routine and fun catching up with old friends. Rather than talking, Joan and I are watching the first season of the TV show Bones. I so love David Boreanaz and Joan is starting to as well. Talking about bugs and corpses is so much better than trying to carry on a conversation with her.
Tomorrow we're scheduled to go with mi padre to a family reunion of sorts (don't think BBQ with matching t-shirts, it's more like cucumber sandwiches and chips on shoulders). Joan is having her house sided so she won't be there, and Glowbug will be excited to see so many crazy old folks, but I'll be there as a driver who will have to remind most of my kin what my name is. We're so close.
On a side note, I miss Beau. I wake up spooning Joan's American Stratfordshire Terrier but it just isn't the same.
More later.

Day Three (or is it four?)

2009-06-14T10:03:00.002-05:00

I think it might be best to let our Lady of Bea write about my third day/fourth night. It involves a bar crawl, a scary ex-boyfriend, a naked tattoo (of me?!), and of course iced tea.
Bea - you up to the challenge of describing this?

Day Two

2009-06-12T23:11:00.002-05:00

I'm finding that this trip was totally worth it. I don't have much time to explain things that went on today, but here is the summary:

Went to the aquarium with Floppy, Glowbug, Joan, and the Periodic Table* (my sister/aunt)
Went to see The Hangover with Bea and her bro - this was by far the BEST MOVIE I've seen this summer. Between this movie and Pineapple Express I'm all set.
Had the first of many screaming fights with Joan over an incident in my childhood that she doesn't recall but I, as the rest of the world, do.
I tried to take a nap, and because I'm a snorer (I admit it!) Floppy found it endlessly funny. I think he video taped me

Now I'm off to bed to snuggle up with a 75 lb. pit bull because Beau isn't here.

Day One

2009-06-12T08:48:00.003-05:00

This is going to be a boring post, but you'll deal with that, I'm sure.

Yesterday was my first full day in my childhood home. We didn't do much, the weather was lousy so we couldn't take advantage of the pool that Joan brought, and we had so much random little things to do that the day go away from us before we had the time to do anything.

Floppy and I went to my Gparents house to help them with little things like laundry and dishes. I should explain that this is a bigger chore than you'd imagine. The Gparents live in a three-story museum-like house and they are in their nineties, so a simple task like bringing laundry up the stairs is a big deal. Floppy was really sweet and came with me and didn't complain once. I sent him up to the third floor to help Gpop bring things down (he's cleaning out his workspace) and before I know it, Floppy is running outside. I follow him out to yell at him, but I find him yelling up to the window where the aforementioned ninety-something Gpop is leaning precariously out, lowering random bits of metal and pipe out the window to Floppy waiting below. I realize at this moment that my summer is going to be a sitcom.

I go back inside and help Gmom fold laundry and cook lunch. They like to follow a strict schedule of lunch at noon sharp and supper at 6 sharp. The time is punctuated with random clangs outside. We took Gmom grocery shopping and to run errands and as a thank you I took Floppy to my favorite pizza place and bought him a slice and listened to him tell me about his school year.

I called Bea when we got home, but she didn't answer so naturally I just showed up at her doorstep. I believe I reminded her that I was here to spend the damn summer with her so I was going to force myself on her like the athletic boyfriend in a Lifetime special. We went to a diner and flipped through our elementary school yearbooks that we dug out of storage. We were loud and sat next to each other so I'm sure everyone thought we were life partners. Then we drove around the town we grew up in and acted like seventy year olds noting how things have changed.

Today we're scheduled to take the train to the aquarium and then Joan is taking the boys to Chuck E. Cheese while Bea and Bea's Mom go to see The Hangover. It's going to be a fun day.

IIIIIII'MMMMMM BAAAAAACCCKKK!!

2009-06-10T21:17:00.003-05:00

OK y'all, I am officially here in Jersey.
Even though my childhood was the pits (Dolly will so back me up on that), there is something peaceful in coming home after so long. Nothing changes in this house: not the furniture, not the people, not the hate. My mornings are going to be filled with doing touristy things with the family, my afternoons over at the G-parents helping them with chores and stuff, and my nights will be spent with Bea. Oh, that sounds dirty. Well, maybe it will be.
My nephew (hereto known as Floppy) is here and getting to spend time with him is going to be great. Glowbug is like Floppy's shadow, he's so excited to have him around. Joan got herself a pool for the boys and after one day isn't driving me up a wall.
Meanwhile, back in WV: Beau and I are selling our house on the 16th and because the market is in such a shit-spiral, the buyer is being a pain in the ass about it: very nit-picky about everything and basically driving Beau up a wall. Lord and Lady are not being too helpful in dealing with his frustration and they're all at each other's throats. And it's only been two days since I've been gone. Heh.
More later, once a full day has passed.

Waiting For Godot. Or Mame. You Know. Whoever Shows Up First.

2009-06-09T19:14:00.006-05:00

Mame will be here in Jersey tomorrow! Yaay! She called me earlier today to ask me an iPod-related question and to let me know that she and Glowbug are on their way. So I'm waiting for her. In an empty room. Sitting on the floor, flicking the light on and off. With an old rotary phone sitting next to me. (I'm Fatal Attraction AND Audition. Why am I still single?) I WON'T BE IGNORED, MAME.

Ok, I'm kidding. I'm really knitting and watching Wendy and Lucy and sipping the Victorian Rose tea that EGT sent me. I'm still working on my stripey scarf. Since I have crafting ADD, I started another scarf, a grey one, but I ripped it apart when I hopelessly lost count of my knitting and purling. That is Very Bad and makes things ugly. In other news, I am 85 years old.

That's the truth. But I think the other story is more interesting. Don't you?

Mini Movie Review: Up

2009-06-06T21:05:00.006-05:00

Go see Up. Go see it tomorrow or better yet, tonight. Find a small child or an elderly person and take them. It is a most excellent movie for children and the elderly. It is also a most excellent movie for people who have pulses. If you don't have a pulse, well, sorry about that.

Seriously, it is the best movie EVER. It made me laugh and cry. I cried 15 times, at least. I am a huge baby*. Up is the kind of movie that exhilarates you and reminds you of why movies are made in the first place**.

*Why do I cry at EVERYTHING lately? Is this something that happens when you turn 30?

**I want a talking dog. One who tells stupid jokes about squirrels. The talking dogs were my favorite. And I am not generally a talking animal kind of person. Up melted my cynical, hates-talking-animals-and-joy heart. It's just THAT good.

Books, Books and More Books!

2009-06-06T12:47:00.004-05:00

I am currently swarmed with books. And that is just the way I like it! I have, after 25 years of borrowing from the library, just recently figured out how to go online and renew and reserve books. Yes, I really am that stupid. So, every week of so, I get a phone call from the robot at the library telling me that they have my book. Yaaay!

Books I have from the library:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies -- I have been waiting for this book for at least a month. I'm SO excited! Two of my favorite things: Jane Austen and zombies! Also, ninjas! Excerpt: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession brains must be in want of more brains. HA!
Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer and The Climb by Anatoli Boukreev, dueling accounts of the same disastrous expedition to Mt. Everest. I've started Into Thin Air and it's very good. I know nothing about Mt. Everest or climbing it, so I'm learning all sorts of things.
Patient Zero by Jonathan Maberry, a novel about terrorism and zombism. Uncle V, you should probably check this one out!
Coraline by Neil Gaiman since I loved the movie so much. And I just sort of adore Neil Gaiman generally.
Stargazer by Claudia Gray. It's a teen-y vampire series, MUCH better than Twilight, not that that is a ringing endorsement or anything. If you like that sort of thing, I recommend this series.

My lovely co-blogger Mame sent me a delightful care package for my birthday! (A month and a half late, inspiring this conversation:
Mame: I just mailed your birthday package!
Bea: Ha ha ha, dude, why didn't you just wait to bring it with you when you come out in June?
Mame: Because then it would be TWO months late and that's just tacky.) She sent me The Friday Night Knitting Club, The Little House Guidebook (!!!) and How To Survive A Horror Movie (Useful!).

And THEN, the faithful EGT mailed me The Complete Sherlock Holmes after I'd mentioned in an email that the trailer for the new Holmes movie made me curious about other Holmes stories. Since I'd only read The Hound of the Baskervilles and that was in high school. Yaaay!

Comic-wise, I've got Maus I & II on deck and the next installments in Gerard Way's Umbrella Academy series.

And THEN, my email girls and I were tossing around the idea of doing a Harry Potter re-read this summer.

Most excellent!

Well I Never Thought I'd Be Saying This Part Two...or, Thank You, Joan

2009-06-02T21:09:00.003-05:00

Just like the title indicated I never in my life thought I would be saying (read: writing) what I am about to. I'm pretty thankful that I grew up in the insanity that is my mother, Joan. I'm glad that she flew off the handle like a drag queen that's just had her wig ripped off about everything. I'm glad that when there was a little issue, she dug down to make not a mountain out of a mole hill, but more like a universe out of a piece of sand. Joan would flip out over anything to anybody at anytime, and although horribly embarrassing, wrong, and dysfunctional, I'm now at a point in my life that I'm a little bit thankful.

See, today I was flipped out on, much in the same manner I had been everyday of my young life living with Joan, and I handled it with such grace and poise that it was almost like the woman flipping out was making a rational thought. I didn't try to do it; it just came naturally: the shields went up, I remained calm, praised her for her insight, thanked her for her criticism, and defended her insane accusations without ever admitting fault or making her feel like she gained the edge.

See, most adults don't know how to handle shit like that. I do. There is no trial and error when dealing with over-protective nitwits who live in their own world of self-importance and over-inflated egos. I know this. I've had YEARS of DAILY tries to know what works and what doesn't. I've had YEARS OF WEEKLY therapy to help me realize that this is a skill, and today I wielded it like a master.

So, thank you Joan.

Same ole FITA project - New Look

2009-06-01T12:35:00.003-05:00

Heh, it was brought to my attention that some of our loyal readers were worried that they had come upon the wrong site recently. No fears, gentle readers, we've updated our look and are continuing to 'tweak' it as we go. Or for as long as I have to sit around babysitting preteens while in front of a computer. Hope you like :-)

Mtv Movie Awards....or God I'm Old...or Twilight Fandom Part Two

2009-06-01T07:59:00.004-05:00

I stayed in last night (I'll wait while your surprise wears off) and watched the last half hour of the Mtv Movie Awards. I used to live for this show, but as I watched this year I found myself confused and realized that I just don't get it. I don't get the cool 'inside jokes' featured. OK, Sacha Baron Cohen dropping out of the sky and landing on Emenim was hilarious, Forrest Whittaker singing "Dick in Box" like "La Bohem" was very original, and the girls from My Sister's Keeper referring to Cameron Diaz's work as "Adult Films" made me chuckle (PS...wasn't there some controversy a few years back because Diaz WAS in an adult film? I know I'm not making that up). But the musical acts were good, but I'm not all to familiar with them, and the quips that the stars shared with each other and their fans I didn't get.

When did I get so old? I remember rolling my eyes when my mom didn't get Fartman, or when Jim Carrey donned a ZZ Top-esque wig and beard and announced that there needed to be more Foghat. It made me a little sad. I liked Twilight (kinda), so I was excited by the premiere of the New Moon preview, and I *heart* Andy Samburg, so his little digital spoofs made me happy. But I don't get the Miley Cyrus thing, or the High School Musical thing. I don't think I ever will. I thought that just meant that I had taste, but it's an apparent sign that I'm getting older.

I got a little teary when Denzel Washington came out with his daughter to announce an award because his costar (my beloved, John) just couldn't do it. I was more upset by his absence than whoever won that award. I'm definitely loosing touch with the cool side of me.

I guess I could always don my emo-goth look and go with Bea to a My Chemical Romance concert to get in touch with my youth, but like I said "I have taste" and I'm fairly certain that concert would do more to throw me back to my rock 'n roll and 80's ballads more than anything else. Any ideas?

OMG

2009-05-28T08:45:00.003-05:00

I've never in my life been so excited about a piece of technology, and I am including the invention of the iPod and my Nick Manning replica.

This is the most amazing idea that I have ever seen. It's being called an ATM for books, and it makes me all tingly. Much like the aforementioned Nick Manning replica. It's not just an idea either, it is a working machine that has been installed at Blackwell's bookstore on London's Charing Cross Road, perhaps the bookiest corner of one of the world's bookiest cities.

Dolly has a Kindle (named Sookie) and loves it. I love the idea - being able to access any book I want at any time without having to go to the store or library, but I love my books. I love the feel of the worn cover of my copy of The Handmaid's Tale or the copious underlines and notes I wrote in Tuesdays with Morrie; those are things that I can't have with a Kindle. Don't get me wrong, Kindles have their place. When I get money I'll buy the new one that will read to me whenever I want (hello car trips!!), because I don't keep every book I've read. Some of my trashy beach novels (of which I am writing one) don't need to be kept and put in my collection next to my 150 year-old copies of Dickens. But the peace I feel when I am sitting in my own little library reading a book that will one day go on my shelf, or rereading a favorite that smells of my old house and memories can't be put on a computer chip.

Granted, the books spit out of the book ATM machine won't have the beautiful covers and cover art of the originals (shout out to Two of Hearts!). But for a hard to find book, or even an out of print work, it's a gem. And don't get me started on not having to wait a week because the bookstore sold its last copy of something I want. I'm so excited!! Seriously, this is the BEST!!

So I've Decided

2009-05-28T07:25:00.002-05:00

OK, because I'm currently babysitting 13 year-olds I've been doing a lot of self-reflection and I've come to the painful conclusion that I have no life. I really don't. To demonstrate:

Alarm goes off at 6:15
Get out of bed at 7
Dressed, prep and in the car by 7:15
Drive to work that should take 20 minutes takes about 30-40 because of traffic.
The traffic is where I do my hair and makeup - yeah I'm THAT girl.

GOD HELP the person who disrupts my morning routine. God Lord. It happened once when my neighbor stopped by because she saw me getting into my car and no one has heard from her since. Even I don't remember what happened to her.

Work by 7:50 or such, wherein I eat breakfast and begin to rant about the day ahead with my fellow teachers.
8:15-3:30 I should be teaching, but lately we aren't able because testing is over and therefore we are just overseeing the kids while they pretty much go crazy. During this time I play on the computer.
3:30-4ish is mostly a blur because I've zoned out to the drive home. Then I pick up Glow Bug, listen to the iPod for the rest of the drive, and talk with him about his day.
Whenever we get home, Glow Bug either A) strips down to only his pants and runs around outside or B) watches TV. During this time I go upstairs and nap.
The rest of the night is spent in front of the TV or on the laptop, with maybe a sprinkling of cleaning/housework thrown in. Before bed I prep my morning so I can get the maximum amount of sleep in the morning as humanly possible.

See y'all, I sleep way too much! My whole routine is dictated by the fact that I want to sleep in in the morning.

Yuck, seeing it all typed out like that annoys me. I want to be the girl who meditates (we have so much beautiful land where we live) when she gets home, and works out in the morning, and is talented at something other than applying the perfect liquid line during stop and go traffic. Although, let's be honest that is a talent. I should be on that show. Oh well, this rant was brought to you by the fact that it is 9 AM and I'm sitting in front of the computer because the students are writing newspapers (see above schedule). *sigh*

Farewell, Whore...

2009-05-27T22:22:00.006-05:00

Attention, 2 Jersey Girls readers:

Mame and I would like you to know that we are retiring the "whore" tag. Because we were just now talking about which tags we've used the most and I was looking at the stats and we have used "whore"...

Wait for it...

69 times. And there is really nowhere else to go with that, is there? I don't even know why we started using it, except that it's one of our favorite insults. (And no, we don't mean it in the slut-shaming sense. We're reclaiming the term, ok?) Here are all the posts tagged "whore." They...really have nothing to do with each other. HA!

Also, we'll probably totally forget and use it anyway. We just wanted to commemorate this special time. We are all class around here, let me tell you.

Things That Are Awesome: The Wire: Season 4

2009-05-27T21:34:00.005-05:00

My brother BW and I are currently embroiled in season 4 of The Wire. IT'S SO GOOD, YOU GUYS. I think this one might be my favorite so far. Each season has focused on different aspects of the drug trade. Season 1 was mostly about the cops and the dealers and their various machinations. (Here, have this video of one of my very favorite S.1 scenes as D'Angelo Barkesdale lays out the game.) Season 2 featured, you know, more drugs but also the stevedores at the harbor and how their jobs are falling off and life sucks for everyone. (At one point, I said to BW, "Um. Will I *CARE* about Polish dockworkers at some point?" Cue to 10 episodes later when I'm weeping over Polish dockworkers.) Season 3 was more drugs and the mayoral campaign. (Season 3 was probably my least favorite season so far. But that's like choosing my least favorite kind of chocolate. No such thing!)

But, oh, Season 4, with your focus on the crumbling school districts of Baltimore. YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART. BW assures me that I'll be weeping by the end. Gee, can't wait!

Seriously, everyone should watch this show. Volstaag, you would totally like it. Dan Mac, are you still watching?

Confidential to the email girls: Ring, ring!

Damn You, Journey!!!

2009-05-26T22:06:00.004-05:00

Ha ha ha, sick of us yet? TODAY IS THE DAY WE POST LOTS. Enjoy that.

Anyway, I had an appointment with my chiropractor today because my back was kind of sore and I'm trying to avoid the thing where my back locks up and I walk around like Quasimodo. I mean, it's fun for everyone else, but I don't enjoy it. Plus, ow.

So, I'm lying on my stomach on the table while some...ultrasound thing is working its magic on my back. And over the radio? Comes "Don't Stop Believin'!" THIS SONG IS STALKING ME. I start giggling. The nurse pokes her head in, "Um...everything ok in here?" Because generally, chiropractics do not inspire giggles. I tell the nurse that it would be torture for me if someone played this song and told me I couldn't sing along. So, I sang along for the variously injured and their caretakers. It was fun.

Seriously, I hear that song everywhere I go. Mame and I heard it when she was visiting over Easter and we were standing in line at the Salad Works. I'm sure the crew there will never forget our rendition...

Never Thought I'd Say This

2009-05-26T18:55:00.002-05:00

Good job, Iowa.
Way to go, old-money, blue-blood, Maine, Massachusetts, and Vermont.
But really California? REALLY? Home of San Francisco, the porn industry, and Liberace? REALLY?

Hey California!

2009-05-26T18:23:00.001-05:00

Fuck. You.

These are a few of my favorite things....

2009-05-26T09:33:00.003-05:00

Stepping in line with Bea, I'm writing about my top five favorite things as of this moment. I would do top five songs I've downloaded from iTunes, but I don't use it often enough. I prefer other methods of downloading my music. So instead I've decided to just begin a list of my favorite things: that's right, consider me the white, younger, far less famous, Oprah, but we're both sassy and have big butts. My favorite things vary day to day it seems, but for today, May 26 (8 days left of school!), here they are:

"Candle on the Water" by Helen Reddy. It's the theme song from Pete's Dragon and it's amazing. Glow Bug has become obsessed with dragons recently, so Beau and I decided he needed to see this movie. Unfortunately, it's not easily available, but this song is!!
Glow Bug's playlist on my iPod. It has: Stevie Wonder's version of Seasons of Love; Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond, the chorus of which he sings AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS; Sing by the Carpenters; Puff the Magic Dragon by Peter, Paul and Mary; and Solisbury Hill by Peter Gabriel that he affectionately calls the Boom Boom song.
The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel. I didn't watch Scrubs at all the last two years; the idea of JD having a baby was weird to me. But I did devote a lot of my time to that show in the past, so I watched the series finale that featured this song. I was in tears and immediately downloaded it. It's fantastic!! Also, on a side note: apparently this wasn't the series finale as advertised. Apparently CBS just signed it for another year, but without most of the original cast. Zach Braff is making too much money as the voice of the Charmin dog.
Salad Toppers by Sargento. Holy crap this stuff is good. They also make a potato toppers, but I can't account for them.
Dirt (the hair product) by Jonathan Anton. It gives fresh washed hair that day-after manageability without the stink. It's awesome (Volstaag I know you're interested!!)

Guilty Pleasures: The Last 5 Songs You Downloaded

2009-05-25T23:40:00.002-05:00

I thought another fun series might be the various guilty pleasures that Mame and I indulge in. (Ew, get your minds out of the gutter. Not like THAT!) One of my main vices is iTunes. I can't. Stop. Downloading. Music. And podcasts. I don't do tv shows or movies, but that's mostly because I don't have that kind of space on Frank the iPod. So, for fun, here are 5 of my most recent downloads:

"Don't Stop Believin'" by the cast of Glee (I think I made my fondness for this show evident and I was delighted to find that I could get their version. Yay!)
"Jai Ho" from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack; I recently saw this movie and only thought it was ok. Dev Patel was adorable, Freida Pinto was beautiful and the music was awesome. I found the dance sequence to this song over the credits particularly delightful.
"Iowa" by Dar Williams. Beautiful voice, beautiful song.
"Mad World" by Adam Lambert. (Whatever, don't judge me. I think he's great. And I love this song like, down to my DNA.)
"Great Expectations," The Gaslight Anthem; I downloaded this one on a recommendation from EGT. She rarely steers me wrong when it comes to music and television.

What have you downloaded recently? Care to harass me for my choices? (You can try, I'm pretty unrepentant!)

*And in case anyone is concerned (Doubtful!), I'm still working on my Terminator entry. It's rather...epic.

Summer Film Series...GO!

2009-05-22T18:33:00.006-05:00

So, Mame and I decided a fun thing to do this summer in between us hanging out for many, many hours and creating havoc on our hometown (Can't wait until you get here!!!) would be to have a Summer Film Series on the blog. Doesn't that sound awesome and pretentious?! What it really means is that we are going to do a bunch of movie-related posts. For my part, I'm planning the following:

My Obsession With "The Terminator" Series (I'm going to work on this one tonight!)
My 5 Favorite Indie Movies
Why Fairuza Balk Is Awesome And How You Should Love Her
Movies That I Hate And Why

Sounds fun, right? Last year's Summer Reading Challenge was a success, so we figured we'd try something new this year. (For the record, Mame finished all 9 Little House books and I only made it through book 3 of the Avonlea series. So I guess she wins that one. Whatever.)

Well I've Done It

2009-05-20T21:41:00.002-05:00

Follow the link to view my novel. It's not complete, but it's long enough for me to keep ahead of you. I DARE YOU. Wow, that got creepy.
Leave feedback and find any errors (they are the main reasons I've done this). Love to all!!

http://7cyns-mywritings.blogspot.com/2009/05/chapter-one.html

Oh Auntie Mame, Where've You Been? Or, why this is so NOT a knitting blog...

2009-05-20T13:03:00.004-05:00

Yeah, I've been MIA for awhile. Sorry.
But I'm here now! Isn't that good enough for you?! OMG!!

Now that I'm back from my hiatus of under a rock, I've realized that I've missed the entire season of The Office, 30 Rock, and SNL. I should kill myself. I like to think I've kept the TV off because I'm waiting for Conan's triumphant induction as the Tonight Show host, and Jimmy Fallon's take on the old Conan show. I have loved Conan O'Brien since he first started out with Andy Richter, and his taking the helm of that God-awful Jay Leno P.O.S. marks a personal victory for me. And Jimmy Fallon - don't get me started. Yes, he laughs at his own jokes. Yes, he looked at the camera way too much on SNL. Yes, he has weird hair. But guess what? I DON'T CARE! I love him and I even own his CD. He's fucking hilarious; give him a chance.

I've been doing a lot of writing for my great American Novel (I was an English Major in college, we all have one) and am thinking of starting a separate blog to publish it. It's very fan-fiction-y (is that a word?) so it's not all that amazing, but it's been fun to write and has been kicking around in my head for a long time.

I've also decided that during my downtime - AKA summer - I am going to Jersey to spend time with Joan. I'll take Glow Bug with me and we'll just visit for an indeterminate amount of time. Joan will love that, and I'll get to bother Lady Bea ALL THE TIME!! BONUS!! I'm devoting this summer to finishing the aforementioned novel and getting down to my goal weight before I turn 30. Therefore my days will be spent running the blocks of my hometown, sweating through layers of clothes, and sitting in front of my laptop developing carpel tunnel.

More later, I'm busy babysitting my students while they watch Alice in Wonderland. It's the 1985 version with Telly Savalas as the Cheshire cat: anyone remember it? It's my favorite version!!

TV Review: Glee

2009-05-19T21:04:00.002-05:00

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. You all have to watch this show. I might have been watching American Idol (Don't judge me!) and then there was this show about a high school glee club. It is HILARIOUS. I called Mame halfway through and DEMANDED that she watch as well and she flipped it on, missed the beginning and STILL fell in love with it. Glee is going to be Our Show.

First, a bit about me: I was a HUGE choir nerd from elementary school through college. I have a CD from my college choir where we toured and wore robes. AND DICKEYS. I loved choir, it was awesome but also completely dorky.

So, this show absolutely KNOWS choir kids. My favorite part was the girl who ALWAYS sings "On My Own." HA! Every choir has at least one girl who will sing that song obsessively at auditions. There's usually another who sings "I Dreamed A Dream." Fucking Les Miz.

ALSO. Jane Lynch! I love her SO much; she's completely hilarious. Every word out of her mouth in Role Models had Mame and I in tears of laughter. Plus, she's Spencer Reid's mom and who doesn't love that?

And then! AND THEN. The choir performs "Don't Stop Believin'!" At this point, Mame and I were like, "Best. Show. Ever." I think you can see the pilot episode on the Fox website like, all summer. And you should. It's awesome.

Geeky Movies, More Knitting and How I Broke My Own Face

2009-05-13T19:13:00.003-05:00

Well. THAT was dramatic, wasn't it? I'm probably done being cranky and yelling at...no one. (YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN! AND TURN DOWN THAT MUSIC.)

So, what's happened lately? Well...I'm making a stripey scarf! It's going...hmmm. It's going, at any rate. It's going to be dark purple, medium purple and light blue. (I laid the colors out on the floor at the yarn store to make sure it looked ok. They love me there.) I'm sure I'm making a million beginning knitter mistakes, but it's fun and it doesn't look terrible. I say "beginning knitter mistakes" because every time I google some problem I'm having (e.g. WHY ARE MY STITCHES SO TIGHT? WHY DO I HAVE AN EXTRA STITCH? WHY DO I SUCK AT THIS?!), the answer always starts with, "This is a common knitting mistake for beginners..." Whatever, don't condescend to me, maaan.

On Sunday, I ran into a truck. With my face. Yeah, it would have more dignity if I'd hit it with my car. But no. I was walking along and walked into the open window of the cap of my stepdad's pickup truck. I have a bruise on my forehead and a little cut on the bridge of my nose. I'm awesome.

And I've seen Star Trek and the Wolverine movie. (What the hell is it called? Origins: Wolverine or something?) Both were AWESOME. I'll get reviews up soon, I know you can't wait. Since many of the characters in Star Trek spend a goodly bit of the movie with bruises on their faces, I felt a kinship with them...

I Firmly Believe In A Ruling Class...

2009-05-09T22:05:00.004-05:00

...Especially since I rule. Just a quick note for those who are poorly socialized -- rude comments do not get posted on this blog. We have comment moderation for a reason. (Mostly, it's so Mame or I don't miss comments on older entries. But it becomes handy when people are douches.) The only rude comments that get posted are from me and Auntie Mame. Anyone else? They get rejected and we tell all our friends and we all laugh about it.

Particularly if they are anonymous. Don't like it? Go fucking read something else.

Got it?

This Is Turning Into A Knitting Blog, Isn't It?

2009-05-07T19:33:00.006-05:00

...Maybe. Ok, not really. I'm supposed to go the movies this weekend and see Wolverine AND Star Trek, so you know, it'll be all geeky movie reviews pretty soon. And surely there will be something new for me to whine about. And I have an entry cooking about terrible American remakes of awesome British shows and I need to hassle you all about how you should watch Criminal Minds and how it hurts me in my heart when you don't.

So, back to knitting. I've mastered casting on and the knit stitch. And I know how to purl. FUCK YOU, PURL STITCH. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU. You are the evil twin of the perfectly fun knit stitch!!! HAAAAAAATE.

And I've switched knitting books. I was using Knitting for Dummies, but I was finding it frustrating. Not enough pictures of what things should look like, directions that weren't terribly clear, boring patterns. It got some bad reviews on Amazon and my friend The World Traveller recommended Stitch 'N Bitch*. So I got that and like it much better. It has some SUPER CUTE patterns, including two very easy-looking (easy to make, not slutty) scarves that I am going to attempt as soon as I learn that binding off step and buy the yarn.

YARN. WHY IS YARN SO EXPENSIVE AND WEIRD? Ok, there are no craft stores that are very close to me. They are all out-of-the-way and inconvenient. (You get totally spoiled living in N.J. because everything is really close to you. If a store is 10 miles away, it's unbearably inconvenient. Or maybe that's just me.) Walmart, aside from being soul-sucking and evil, has really ugly colors of yarn. And damn it, if I'm going to fuck up some yarn with my bad stitching, at least it can be PRETTY when I do it. And there is a really cute privately-owned yarn store near my work, but I went in there today and DAMN. I can't afford that! I would love to patronize an independent store but I can't be paying $8 a skein. (It's not that I don't appreciate quality, I totally do. But my knitting is not up to quality yarn. I'd rather make some practice projects that won't cost a ton of money while I learn, you know?) And the knitter ladies all hanging around in a circle eating butter cookies and knitting impossibly complicated projects intimidated me, I'm sorry to say. So, it's back to the craft store for me, I guess. Grrr. Anyone have any secrets for cheap, non-ugly yarn?

*HA. So, I got the Stitch 'N Bitch book from the library. I'd requested it a few days ago and went to pick it up, along with a freakisly eclectic selection of other books. I go to the sweet, prim little librarian and tell her that they are holding a book for me but I'm not sure which one. (True, at any given time, I have 4-5 holds going. I'm greedy.) The sweet, prim little librarian looks in the system and her face tightens and she says, "Yes, it's...a book on knitting." (Usually the tell you the title.) I start giggling on the inside and consider trying to make her say the title out loud by asking, "Which one?" but that's probably mean. She hands it to me, "Interesting title, " she sniffs disapprovingly.

Heh. Who says knitting isn't scandalous?

So...I Thought The Internet Was For Porn?

2009-04-30T18:52:00.004-05:00

I'm...watching knitting videos on Youtube. This one, to be exact. Can anyone tell me why as soon as I actually start knitting that my stitches get too tight for me to do more than like, three? WHY? And then I start shrieking. Clearly, I'm doing something wrong.

E.T.A.: AHA! Ok, like, 25 minutes later, I think I've figured it out! Mostly by doing what I was pretty sure was the WRONG way to do it. I was bringing the right-hand needle through the wrong way. Knitting the George Costanza way! If it feels wrong, it's right!

Postscript To My Boston, Um, Post

2009-04-26T00:38:00.005-05:00

I forgot! Dr. Smarty-Pants started teaching me how to knit! One of my New Year's Resolutions this year was to learn how to knit. It seems fun and productive and I'd like to have a useful skill for when the zombie apocalypse comes. I could knit scarves and hats for the humans who remain and also fight off zombies with my knitting needles! It's a completely brilliant plan!

So far, knitting is fun and Dr. Smarty-Pants was VERY patient in teaching me. But I totally suck at it. I got Knitting For Dummies out of the library and it's been somewhat helpful. But I have little-to-no spatial relation skills, so reading how to knit doesn't always work. I need someone to show me. Over and over and over. Until the light over my head flickers for awhile and then goes on. I finally figured out how to transfer my knitting from one needle to the other...and then promptly dropped like, a million stitches and then yelped, "OH FUCK!!!" Then I switched from metal needles to bamboo ones. It's been much better since then. One might also debate the wisdom of giving me too many sharp, pointy objects...

Maybe in ten years, I can make all you guys hats or something! Stay tuned for more of my Thrilling Adventures In Knitting!

Boston, Genre Novels and This American Life

2009-04-25T22:06:00.008-05:00

Since I've received reports that my repeated rounds of Marry, Cliff, Shag are appalling my Uncle Volstaag (I didn't even know that was possible!), let's talk about something else, shall we?

I just got back from a rockin' trip to Boston to visit EGT and Dr. Smarty-Pants. (Not to be confused with Dr. Fabulous. I know lots of doctors, ok?) I'd never been to Boston before, so I was quite excited. Of course, I hurt my back again right before the trip and spent the days before in a flurry of muscle relaxers and chiropractics. I was taking the train and it's a 6-hour ride. I wasn't sure how well this would go, as sitting is especially uncomfortable. But it turned out ok, I could walk up and down the aisles when my back got too stiff. The people in the car with me probably thought I was really weird, but whatever. I am really weird and it's not like I'd ever see them again. Generally, I love taking the train; it's my favorite way to travel. I read and listened to NPR podcasts on Frank the iPod. I discovered that if it appears that you are reading gay porn no one will sit next to you. Even on a crowded train car. HA!

So, I got to Boston and EGT and I attend a very elegant cocktail party that Dr. Smarty-Pants is hosting. (Martinis with marshmallow Peeps in them. I must get the recipe) It was SO much fun. I can be fairly reserved around people I don't know, but everyone at this party was so awesome and smart and funny and welcoming and I had a great time. In spite of a near-death experience with a flying champagne cork and getting my ass kicked at Wii Tetris, a good time was had by all.

EGT, Dr. Smarty-Pants and I went on a tour of Boston the next day. I saw Harvard! And other stuff! I bought my mother a postcard of whatever stadium the Red Sox play in just to annoy her. (It worked!) EGT pointed out various historical sites. Either she is very well-versed on her local history or she is very gifted at making up plausible-sounding historical lies. Probably the former. She also pointed out every alley that we saw because I made her watch one episode of Criminal Minds because it was set in Boston and she was appalled by the lack of locational accuracy, particularly the oversized alleys.

Then we watched hours and hours of Doctor Who and geeked out about it the way only DW fans can. Well, maybe Buffy or Veronica Mars fans. They can get pretty enthusiatic. And then we made the folly of ignoring warnings from The Gods of Takeout Food and ended up ordering Chinese food from three different places, only to be foiled twice and then end up with the Worst. Chinese. Food. Ever. And no fortune cookies! (Says EGT the next morning: "Why didn't we just eat cereal?" Bea & Dr. Smarty-Pants: "...") I made them watch the season four finale of DW, "Journey's End" because I hadn't seen it and I thought there was no way it could be as bad as they'd said it was. OH MY GOD, IT WAS. I felt guilty for inflicting it on them. They were very forgiving and we cleansed our palates with John Simm's turn as The Master. (I can't stop watching either of those clips. They crack me up. I...may have problems)

It was a really fun trip. (Still sorry about "Journey's End," you guys!)

So, Mame has been devouring the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Mom and I already burned our way through them, so I've been enjoying her up-to-the-minute text messages, phone calls and IMs as she progresses through the series. HA. Examples: "OH MY GOD, ERIC!!!" "BILL, WTF?!?!" "QUIIIIIINNN!!" "I LOVE SOOKIE!!11" The next book is out in May and we are eagerly anticipating it. You guys, the show and the books are awesome and you should check out both of them. Join us in the insanity! It's fun over here and we have cookies!

I've just started the Harry Dresden series and I like it quite a bit. I'm only on book two, but it's pretty great. Anyone else read them? (My, I'm linky in this post!)

The book I was reading on the train that was possibly gay porn was Corambis, book four on the Doctrine of Labyrinth series. I blogged awhile ago about my adoration of the first two books in the series, Melusine and The Virtu. The third book, The Mirador, was pretty good. But I LOVED Corambis. It's probably my favorite of the series. It's not nearly as tawdry as the cover would suggest, but really well-written and Monette even manages to introduce a new character (The guy in chains on the cover) and get me invested in and care about him. That's no mean feat as I was really desparate to know what was going to happen to Felix and Mildmay. I zipped through it in three days and can't wait for it to come out in paperback so I can buy it. (I hate buying hardcovers and I want my books in the series to "match." I know, I know, I'm weird)

Mom and I recently attended the live show of This American Life and it was AWESOME. They filmed it, I think, in New York City and beamed it to movie theaters. Ira Glass is so cute, you guys. Mike Birbiglia (Who I LOVE) gave one of his funny/cringey routines about a car accident, Starlee Kines did a bit about therapy and killing your parents (...figuratively!) and Dan Savage talked about his mom's death and his quasi-return to Catholicism. It was really funny and touching and might have made me cry. I'm hot/cold on his sex column, but his writing is pretty excellent. There was a very strange cartoon about a cat head and an abusive mouse and Joss Whedon sang a song from the musical commentary of Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. I quashed the urge the yell, "WHY DOES DOLLHOUSE SUCK?!?" but his performance was very fun. I think they're doing a second airing in early May and I HIGHLY recommend going.

So, that was really long. What have you been up to? Mame, any news you want to share?

Marry, Cliff, Shag -- Part Two

2009-04-16T23:36:00.003-05:00

Well. This has been bracing, hasn't it? Since the comments on the last entry are still going and who reads comments on old entries (Um, besides me), I thought we'd have another round.

The lovely Sorcha hit us up with:

Challenge #1: The Three Musketeers (A. Dumas): Athos, Aramis and Porthos (We are ignoring D'Artagnan here b/c he's annoying to me) [Bea: Mame, didn't you have A Thing for this movie when we were teenagers?]

Challenge #2: Gilmore Girls Young Dudes Who Want In Rory's Knickers: Dean, Jess and Logan. (I feel a throw down coming on with Bea here!) [Bea: You're so right! Ugh, Jess.]

I took on Challenge #2 and answered thusly: Cliff: Oh, I'm gonna cliff the SHIT out of Logan. God, I HATED him. Arrogant, preppy, smug, rich little bastard. With stupid hair. HAAAAAAATE.

Shag: It's fine, I'd toss Jess a shag. You know, if he could find time for it in between brooding, whinging and reading fucking Kerouac.

Marry: Well, duh. Dean. You totally marry Dean. He's ADORABLE with those dimples. And have you SEEN that guy lately? Yeah. Good stuff.

Sorcha, my dear, I offer you this challege:

Challenge # 3: Geeky Men Of A Certain Age Who Fight Crime: Gil Grissom (C.S.I: Original Recipe), Jason Gideon (Criminal Miiiinds) and Keith Mars (Veronica Mars)

Challenge #4: For my dear EGT: Men of The West Wing: Josh Lyman, Sam Seaborn and Charlie Young

Anyone else who wants to play, join in! It's a great time!